Forever and Always
Title: Forever and Always
Chapter: Oneshot
Pairing : JongKey, MinKey, JongKyung
Rating: PG-13 (for language, I think..)
Disclaimer: I only own them in my own fantasy-like mind - meaning they are not mine really..
SPECIAL DEDICATION(s) :
For kheey who is in love with JongKey, I didn't break 'em up.. so don't hate me sweetiey.. I still have a problem writing a PURE JongKey.. OTL
ayamelockett and a_life_defiant : my awesome C-DAM and my crazy non-blood related sister of some sort a.k.a. My Co-CEO of SIEFA.. and for being crazy fans of MinKey. (wuuv you guys.. ^.^)
kirie46 for always entertaining my crazy ramblings and babblings and all that jazz. *wink*
aelisilea another MinKey lover.. XD
and for all MinKey AND JongKey lover out there.
A NOTE OF GRATITUDE : Inspired by Jigsaw Puzzle from vipjuly - an amazing writer - love her fics to bits.
.. 26 December 2010 ..
"No!! You CANNOT love two people! That's just impossible!"
"Listen, baby~"
"You have to choose, JongHyun! It's either me or HIM!"
BANG! The door was slammed right in front of his face. Frustrated, the said man walked away from the house where his lover resided and made his way back to his own refuge.
.. Present ..
The memory of what happened 5 days ago is still fresh in Jonghyun's mind. The lead singer of SHINee can still taste the pungent punch of anger, sour bit of frustration, numbing sensation of sadness and traces of betrayal as he walks down alone on the streets in Seoul. More than anything else, he actually feels drained - tired of having to pretend, exhausted of trying to make up for things he never thought as wrong.
He remembers the pain he felt when his heart constricted as he watched the man that he loves was making out with another man. He remembers the red he saw when that man held the man he loves so much in his arms. He remembers how green his vision was when the man he loves gave that man a smile he used to flash to him, and only him. He remembers the sickening sensation he felt in his gut as the man he loves let go of his hand to grab that man's arms and intertwine their fingers together - much like they had done. Most of all, he feels the pain of loneliness as it clenches his heart again and again upon remembering all these.
His lover's words resounds in his head like a broken record. The voice that asks him to choose one or the other keeps ringing in his ear like a mantra, driving him crazy with its persistence and insistence. As he contemplates his choices, he keeps asking himself, 'How the fuck do you choose between two people that you love so bloody fucking much that you'd die without either of them?!!'
Call him selfish. Call him a bastard.. But he doesn't want to have to choose. There has got to be a way he can be with both of them. He loves them. There has got to be a way where he doesn't need to let go of one or the other. There has got to be.. The brunette stops when he realizes he has already arrived at the promised place. He glances at his watch, he realizes he is 5 minutes early. He sits on the bench and waits for the man he loves, and hopes that he will hold his end of the bargain anyway. But 15 minutes afterwards, doubt starts to fill his mind, poisoning his already tired faith and further killing his weakened hope.
'Do you remember the promise we made in Thailand? The one after we've shared the pocky?' He smiles at the memory - the one where the fans turned wild and cheered them on loudly as they shared one pocky.
'Why aren't you here?' He thinks to himself sadly.
He conjures up the picture of them both in his mind, their pinkies entwined when they made the promise years ago.. 'You promised.. forever and always, right?'
'What am I saying? You might have forgotten all about that silly promise since you're with him now..' He lets out a sad chuckle as he stands up and straightens his sweater. He turns around and starts to walk, almost giving up on the love he holds for the man he was waiting for.. but he stops dead in his tracks.
Jonghyun's POV
My eyes widen as I take in the picture before me - “You came..”
“Of course I came, you silly dino.. I promised~”
He just stares at me when I did not reply and his eyes widen in realization as he sees the despaired look on my face.
“What? You didn't think I forgot, did you?”
I keep my mouth shut, not wanting to say anything, but he knows me better than I know myself and he knows I'm guilty as charged as I look away from him.
“Jjong! You're my bestfriend. You know I don't ditch promises I make.”
“Yeah.. sorry..” I whisper, guilt filling my aching heart.
I see him raise his hand, ready to hit me, but he immediately refrains himself from doing anything when I suddenly call out to him, "Kibummie.. I.."
I want to confess to him, right there and then but the words are stuck in my throat.
“What's wrong, Jjongie?” I already am on the verge of losing my lover, am I sure I can say this to Kibum? 'What if he doesn't love me back? What if he hates me after?'
I let out a heavy sigh to which earns a reassurance statement from this beautiful rapper of ours, "You know you can always tell me, Jjong.. We're not bestfriends for nothing.."
Still, I don't say anything.
"What's bothering you?" he asks, his right hand reaching out to me.
I look away from his worried face and say, "I.. I feel like I'm losing you.. and I don't like that.."
Silence.
He just stands there blinking, the hand that tries to reach out to me stops in midair before landing on my left bicep.
"What are you talking about?"
I muster every single courage I have to finally disclose to him of my fears, "I feel like we're growing apart.. you know.. after that incident.." at the confused look Kibum gives me, I continue, "aish.. Afteryou'refinallywithMinHoandyou'respendingtimewithhimmoreandmorethatIfeelsoleftoutandsadand-" the words escape my lips so fast but I stop and know he gets it because he suddenly laughs.
"Don't laugh at me! I'm telling you my fear and worries here and you.. aargh!!" I stomp my feet like a 5 year old which makes him laugh even harder now as he holds his stomach - I bet he's really tempted to roll on the floor, but since it is covered in snow, I doubt he will. Great, now he's slapping his thighs while laughing..
"Kibummie!!!" I scream my frustrations out with that single word.
"Okay.. okay.. I'll stop laughing.. you're just so funny, Jjongie.." I puff out my cheeks and sighs loudly while he calms his hysterical fits of laughter.
Silence engulfs the two of us and beforeI can stop myself, I blurt out, "I know I'm with that person and you're with Minho now.. but I love you, Bummie.. I really do.. and I don't want to lose you.. I-"
"I love you too.. "
At that I blink once. Twice.
I just stare at him and asks, "You love me..?"
"Yeah. I love you."
I can feel my lips spread in an earsplitting grin as I am feeling incredibly happy to find the man I love loves me too. However, that joy is shortlived as a frown makes way to erase my smile, "But.. MinHo..?"
"What about him?" My eyes widen in disbelief. I can't believe Kibum takes this so lightly.
"Well, wouldn't he be mad or something..?"
He merely rolls his eyes at this and retorts with, "What about that person?"
I feel perplexed for a moment but I answer him anyway, "Well, I love that person.. but I love you too."
"Exactly. MinHo knows.. and he understands. Why do you think he never says a word when we do all those crazy skinships together? And remember that photoshoot? He included you too.. You think he hates you if he puts his arms around you like that? Sheesh, Jjong. I was the one who was green with envy during the whole bloody photoshoot. Don't get me wrong. I love him and all.. and I love you, but that tall keroro boyfriend of mine seriously needs to keep his hands to himself, or better yet, on me and only me or Imma cut something so bad which I might regret later since he is extremely good - if you know what I mean.. Anyway, everything's cool. Plus-"
"Wait.. wait. wait.. hold up. He's not mad?! I almost break up with that person when I told that person about this, Bummie.. It's not fair.. and eww.. too much info..?" I cut him off not wanting to listen to any other weird info regarding their bed activities. A pout makes way to my lips and Kibum chuckles at the sight - I know I'm cute and irresistible with my pout and puppy dog-eyes (and don't you dare contradict me because I've got thousands of fangirls who will gladly testify for me.. ^^).
Kibum smiles and continues, "I have an amazing and understanding boyfriend with mad skills in bed - I guess all those workouts and sports reaaaally pay off."
My eyes narrow in annoyance and all he says is, "Deal with it" before breaking into another fit of laughter.
I sigh quietly but my ears perk up when he utters his next words, "Plus.. You're my best friend, my soulmate. You're the other part of me. Minho is the love of my life.. Both of you complete me - without him, my heart is empty and without you, apart of me is missing. I love you both..on different levels.."
'I love you both.. on different levels.' - that sounds good. And it kinda makes sense. I can't really say whom I love more, but I guess that statement just explains it all. Still, I have my doubts and worries.
"Is it really possible?" I ask, looking at him for confirmation and reassurance.
"Yeah.. "
"Wouldn't it be complicated?"
"No. Not really."
"Why?"
"Do you feel anything when I touch you?" Kibum answers my question with another question of his own.
"Comfortable.."
"Does your heart skip a beat when you see me naked or half-naked?"
Okay.. weird much? But I answer him anyway, "No... Why?"
"Have you ever fantasized about us having sex?"
"What?! NO! I'm straight, Kibum.. what-"
"Have you ever felt sexually aroused when you're with me..? or when you think of me?"
"No! You're my bestfriend for God's sake!! Why would I-"
"Are you sure you're saying it because you are not attracted to me sexually or are you just saying it because you don't know it yet?"
"I'm sure I'm NOT sexually attracted to you, Kibum. I love you and I love doing skinships with you but I've never desired you in that way.. and why the hell did you ask me all those questions? I don't see the point-"
"Exactly the point. You love me, but you don't feel the sexual pull.. because though I may be your soulmate, I'm not what your earthly spirit wants.."
This is confusing as hell. All I can say is, "What..?"
"Are you sure you don't want some of this?" he asks again, gesturing towards his finely sculpted body.
"Tempting.. really, Kibum." I say sarcastically and I let my eyes roam over his torso for awhile - just for the heck of it. I lick my lips and confess, "You're sexy.. beautiful even.. and I know you're gonna be good in bed since you're undeniably flexible - if the moves you use on the dancefloor is any indicator.. I might take you up on your offer.. but.." I look straight into his eyes as I declare my decision with a tone that signals finality, "No."
I wait for the diva's wrath upon my rejection, but none came. Instead, the corners of his lips curve up into a smile. I raise my eyebrow - a clear sign of confusion.
"You love me, but you are not in love with me," he says in a matter-of-fact tone but a smile still decorating his lips.
It takes me a moment to collect my thoughts.. and then I finally understand - He is not what I want, he's what I need - the other half of me.. and though love is an overrated word, his words make sense - I love him, but my heart screams for another kind of love - the one I share with that person. As understanding dawns on me, I return his smile.
"How do you know all this? And don't even pull that 'because I'm almighty' string on me because I won't believe you.." he just puts an innocent facade and a look that says 'whaaa~?'.
I raise my left eyebrow as I continue, "You know I know you and I know you know I know you didn't think of all that on your own.. so spill!”
He grins and confesses, "Okay.. fine. I've met this one lady by the name of Solace. She-"
"Who? and how do you know her words are true? She's not some weird fortuneteller is she..? Because I won't-"
"Do you wanna hear this or not?" he snaps and I gesture for him to continue.
"She said there are two possibilities when it comes to your lovelife and soulmate ; The first being the love of your life is your soulmate. Whereas the second is the love of your life is a different person than your soulmate.. like we are.. In which most think that they need to choose.. but they don't have to, really.. That is, of course, if they are lucky enough to have an understanding and accepting lover - like I do..”
As I open my mouth to form a question, Kibum merely motions me to be silent and he continues, anticipating the questions I want to ask, “Can I trust her? Yes. Why? Because she has been through what we are going through. And those questions I asked you about sex thing and all? Those are the exact same questions she asked me and Minho. That's why Minho is as agreeable as he is right now because he knows that though I love you with all my heart, I would never cheat on him with you because the pull and love we feel and share are more of the spiritual ones whereas what he and I share are more of the emotional and of course, physical attraction and completion." He pauses for a moment, allowing me to absorb all this spiritual, emotional -or whateverthehellitis- connection or something and try to make sense of it.
As I force my brain to process the information, Kibum suddenly apologizes under his breath, but since the place is extremely quiet, save for the sounds of our breaths, I can hear him clearly, "I'm sorry, Jjong.. I didn't mean to make your lovelife a mess.. If only we didn't meet each-"
"NO!! What the hell are you saying?!!"
Silence.
I can feel fear clawing its way into my heart but before it can hold me permanently, I put up a fight - a fight to make him stay, a fight to not succumb to the fear of losing him.
"Bummie, I don't know how I'll live without you.. I don't think I can because I love you too much.. So don't say craps like that because I know even if we were to be born again, we will still meet each other.”
Still silence.
“Don't you want to? or.. are you regretting that you met me?" I can't even control the quiver in my voice as sadness takes over because I suddenly realize that 'forever and always' we promised from when we first debuted means only something to me.. and none to him.
"No. Of course I don't regret meeting you. Knowing you is one of the best things that ever happened in my life, Jjong.. but that person.."
He doesn't even need to finish his sentence as I perfectly understand what he's trying to tell me. I sigh again for only God know's how many time for the past half hour. Silly of me.. I know Kibum would never leave me and he would never do anything to hurt my feelings. He said all that because he's afraid that I'll be losing that person if he stays - true that, but he doesn't need to know.
"I'll deal with it later.."
I guess he's had had enough of the emotional turbulence (from me) for the night because all he says is, "Okay.. can we go now?"
"Go? Where?"
"Jjong. seriously.." His eyes meet my confused gaze.
"Aish.. You forgot, didn't you?!! We promised to meet here at the park an hour before the clock strikes twelve.. and then we'll go to City Square together to celebrate New Year. Seriously. Why do I even put up with a short-termed memory puppysaurus like you?"
"Because you wuuuuuv me~" I smile innocently.
"That I do.. what are you gonna do without me?"
"Nothing. Because that's never going to happen." He lets out a breath and shakes his head.
"C'mon Bummie.. We're going to be late~!!" I say while pulling his hand.
"So.. who do you love more?" I ask as he falls into step beside me.
"Shut up, Jjongie."
"I know you love me more. I know you do.. Come on! Say it!! Say IT!!" I insist while tickling him everywhere and he starts laughing uncontrollably.
"Stop!! STOP!!! HAHAHHAAA!! JJONG!! STOP IT!!!"
"Not until you say it. SAY IT!! Say you love me more than that alien!!!"
"No! Bye Jjong!!" He screams as he runs away from my tickling fingers and I call out for him to wait for me. We look at each other with smiles on our faces. His face is slightly flushed under the cold waft and his breath slightly hitched from his previous laughter.
"I love you," I whisper to him softly. He leans forward and places his forehead on mine, both of his hands cover either sides of my face and he breathes, "and I love you."
Both of us close our eyes and bask ourselves in the sweet moment.. breathing the same air, feeling him close to me makes me feel complete.. and knowing he loves me too just makes my day.. but there is still one slight tug of loneliness on my heart. I decide to deal with that later. For now, I'm happy that I found and able to be with my bestfriend, my soulmate.
We let out a chuckle together after awhile and he pulls away, but not before I press a kiss to each of his closed lids. He smiles but when he opens his eyes, his beautiful feline eyes suddenly twinkle with mischief - you could almost see how his irises dilate and the corner of his eyes crinkle as a mischievous grin stretch across his beautiful feature.
He tightens his hold on my face and I know I should be running now but before I could do or even say anything, he suddenly leans forward and showers my face with loud smacking pecks and I can't help but laugh at his antics. I twist and turn, trying to get away from his puckered lips, but of course to no avail.. You'd think I'm stronger because I got loads of muscles on me, but Key isn't called almighty for nothing either.
"Okay. Okay. hahaha.. okay.. okay.. KEY!!! okay!! stop.. hahaha.." I guffaw out loud and shouts breathless pleas but it all falls onto deaf ears. After one particularly long press of his lips on my right cheek, he finally pulls away with a loud smacking sound and breaks his hold on me.
"Revenge is sweet~" he singsongs.
"Eww.. eww. eww.. KEY!!! you got saliva all over my face!" I claim and I wipe my whole face vigorously with the sleeves of my sweater. He just rolls his eyes dramatically and grins as he looks at my (I'm sure of this) red face.
"Ready to go now?" he asks and I nod as an answer. We reach out for each other's hand simultaneously and we lace our fingers together. Even in this cold weather, I can still feel the warmth of his gloved hand in mine.
The walk to the City Square is a silent one, but both of us are wearing an identical happy smile on our face. I see a twin -but separate- silhouettes from afar - one is leaning on a tree while the other one is standing in front of the previous, talking.. How do I know? puffs of air appear in front of the latter's face and that person's hands are motioning in some sort of explaining gestures or something..
There is something oddly familiar about those two silhouettes.. 'Whatever...' is all I think of. Kibum tugs my hand and leads me to the silhouettes. I give him a questioning look, but he just walks toward them and as we approach the silhouettes closer, I can see that one of them is extremely tall - though his stance is currently hunched with one of his knees bent forward signaling his foot is resting against the tree trunk, while another is shorter than the rest of us with a slim figure. The tall figure suddenly turns his head towards us and pushes himself away from the tree with a light push from his leg. 'Damn. I hope they're not vampires or something.'
He straightens himself to his full height and begins to stride in our direction, accompanied by the slim one. 'Oh crap. Here they come.. Should we run? No. vamps are faster than us humans... ho shit. holy crap. What should I do?' There isn't much light in the route we are walking on, there are only several lamp-posts and they are pretty much far apart from one another.. 'Chill, Jonghyun. This is earth. Reality. We don't have vampires here... I hope..' My pitiful attempt of calming myself, my train of thoughts and plans of escaping the supposedly night creatures are interrupted when the two figures suddenly halt their steps from proceeding under a lamp-post.
I turn my head slightly and look at Kibum. Right then I see the subtle change in my bestfriend's expression - his face which was glowing with happiness now radiant with love and eyes that twinkled with mischief and joy previously are now soft with admiration and content - as he walks, his hand still holding mine, towards the man whom now I can see clearly as the light from the lamp-post he currently stands under illuminates his tall, tanned, athletic features - Minho. 'Well, not a vamp - thank God.. but still..'
I wait for the clench in my heart - the one I usually get whenever I see Kibum and Minho together.. but surprisingly, there is none. So I direct my confused gaze to that tall rapper of ours and all I see is that his eyes shine with obvious love and his lips stretch into a grin to unveil a row of white teeth as he stares at Kibum.
He opens his arms wide and Kibum gives my hand a light assuring squeeze before letting go and flies into Minho's waiting arms who closes his arms around Kibum immediately -the force is so strong that they would have stumbled to the ground if that tall bug-eyed alien my bestfriend loves so much isn't so strong.. so instead, they twirl around with Kibum's feet lifted off of the ground and they both let out series of laughter over nothing at all. I see them lean in and share a quick kiss before Minho puts Kibum down on the ground, arms still enclose his lover to his torso.
"Jonghyun.." I hear a voice that I know so well, the voice that I love so I turn to my right to see that person stepping into the halo of light made by the lamp-post, revealing glassy teary eyes and quivering lips.
"I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry.. I shouldn't have made you choose between me and Key.. I should have-" I cut the ramblings by wrapping my arms around that person, burying my face into the silky smooth hair and inhale the sweet scent that is that person's alone.
"Shh.. it's okay.." I whisper and kiss my beloved's temple softly.
I feel my lover embraces me tight and I can hear the voice I missed quivers and mutters words of "I love you.. I love you so much.. I'm sorry.. please don't leave me.." over and over again and it breaks my heart. I tighten my hold around my lover and whisper sweet nothings to console my beloved as the slim body wrecks with muffled sobs..
I pull my beloved away but still keeps a hand on the fragile shoulder while I lift the small chin up with another. I look straight into the red tear-rimmed eyes and say the words I need my lover to hear and understand, "I love you. I really do.. Kibum is my bestfriend and with fate being a bitch she has always been, he is my soulmate too - and I love him. I love him. But I need you to know and understand this : I love Kibum, but I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU. It's you whom I want to have children with and it's you who I think of whenever I hear a love song. I need Kibum because he is my air and we are two halves of one whole," I turn to look at Kibum who is smiling in Minho's arms, whose smile never falters since he saw Kibum, "we are after all, the perfect combination.."
I turn to stare into the eyes I love, begging to be understood, "and I need you because you are the light of my life.. I can't ever be complete without him and I will never be complete without you as well. I'm sorry I can't say that I love you and only you because that will be a lie. However, I can promise you this, it's only you and only you I have my eyes on and I want to have family with.. I am in love with you, Se Kyung. I really do. I love you.. I need you to believe that.. and me.."
She looks into my eyes deeply, possibly searching for any hint of lies and after awhile, she finally lifts her right hand and place it on my cheek, whispering, "I believe you. And I know now.. I understand.. and I love you too, JongHyun." She hugs me and rests her head on my chest - I exhale the breath I didn't realize I was holding, relief washes over me as SeKyung and I turn to look at the couple standing four feet away from us, the same couple that have been watching our own little drama.
I know everything is okay now as I look at Minho looking at me, smiling sincerely and inclines his head a bit - acknowledging me and SeKyung and his understanding of the whole situation. It amazes me that he did not flip even once although another guy is confessing his love for his lover - but because of that, I finally return his smile with the utmost sincerity, something I haven't been able to do for the past few weeks. SeKyung reaches out to Kibum, as a sign of apology and truce, who takes her hand and gives a light squeeze and smiles reassuringly.
Suddenly the nightsky is filled with various sparks of beautifully patterned colours as the sounds of the fireworks booming loudly from afar. I turn to SeKyung and lean in to brush her lips against mine gently, slowly deepening our kiss.. and she throws her arms around my neck. We pull apart just to wish
"Happy New Year" to each other and we kiss again - this time, it is just to enjoy the feeling of being close to one another.
We break the kiss and turn to wish the other couple - but they are currently preoccupied, busy showering each other's face with heated kisses, hands roaming against the other's body, and I feel a blush creeps up to taint my cheeks. I finally clear my throat and SeKyung lets out a soft giggle upon seeing the flustered couple in front of us.
"Happy New Year~" we wish each other and exchange friendly hugs.. but when I get to Kibum, I fumble a bit before smiling widely and wish him, "Happy New Year, Kibummie" "Happy New Year, Jjongie." We lean in close at the same time and give each other a light peck on the lips.
“Forever and always?” I ask, holding out my pinky to him like I did years ago.
“Forever and always.” He answers while entwining his small finger around mine.
We smile while looking into each other's eyes and break into laughter as we hear a deep chuckle - from MinHo, no doubt, and a soft giggle from my lover - SeKyung.
My heart swells with happiness and pride as I finally figure out the final piece of the puzzle - the one about spiritual and emotional crap. You see, although I feel complete whenever Kibum is with me, I still feel empty in my heart when SeKyung is not around - that's why I still lonely though I was with Kibum just now, because the part that was missing is the one that belongs to her and only her. Kibum completes me spiritually - why do you think he understands me so much? - whereas SeKyung completes my emotional needs and other needs. ^^
Well, everything is alright now. We never really got to City Square, but that's okay because tonight I found acceptance and completion from the love of my life and my soulmate. The ending to my dilemma is perfect and I'm happy.. and Carrie was right, "Each happy ending has a brand new beginning"..
I'm with Se Kyung and Kibum ends up with MinHo, but that's just really the beginning of our own relationship. Who knows what holds for us in the future? It is, afterall, just the beginning~
.. Flashback ..
SHINee was preparing for the debut stage in a training room. Minho, Taemin and Jinki were all practicing their dance moves in front of the gigantic mirror on one side of the walls, whereas the vocalist and the other rapper were sitting on the floor, trying to catch their breaths before continuing their practice.
“Hey, Kibummie.. let's make a promise..”
“What promise?”
“That we'll forever and always be best friends even when we're old.. when we are no longer idols and when we have our own families.”
“Of course, Jjong.”
“And we are still going to be together no matter who our lovers are.. Nobody gets left behind.. Nobody will be forgotten,” the slightly shorter boy added for good measure.
“As if I will let you forget me..” he huffed mightily and smirked at the other boy good-naturedly.
“Forever and always?” the raptor-like lead singer held out his pinky with a huge grin on his face.
“Forever and always.” the beautiful diamond-eyed rapper tugged at the offered finger and answered with a stunning smile of his own.
A/N : This is an original fic by me, fused by my own version and interpretation of soulmates and lovers, and everything that others before me might have written or portrayed or filmed.
A/N 2 : Carrie is Carrie Underwood.. the line is from the song “Ever Ever After”.. ;)
ps : Sorry if it disappoints you.. but I hope you guys enjoyed~ leave a comment.. ^.^
written by solace@fantasydesire. 30122010.
Chapter: Oneshot
Pairing : JongKey, MinKey, JongKyung
Rating: PG-13 (for language, I think..)
Disclaimer: I only own them in my own fantasy-like mind - meaning they are not mine really..
SPECIAL DEDICATION(s) :
For kheey who is in love with JongKey, I didn't break 'em up.. so don't hate me sweetiey.. I still have a problem writing a PURE JongKey.. OTL
ayamelockett and a_life_defiant : my awesome C-DAM and my crazy non-blood related sister of some sort a.k.a. My Co-CEO of SIEFA.. and for being crazy fans of MinKey. (wuuv you guys.. ^.^)
kirie46 for always entertaining my crazy ramblings and babblings and all that jazz. *wink*
aelisilea another MinKey lover.. XD
and for all MinKey AND JongKey lover out there.
A NOTE OF GRATITUDE : Inspired by Jigsaw Puzzle from vipjuly - an amazing writer - love her fics to bits.
.. 26 December 2010 ..
"No!! You CANNOT love two people! That's just impossible!"
"Listen, baby~"
"You have to choose, JongHyun! It's either me or HIM!"
BANG! The door was slammed right in front of his face. Frustrated, the said man walked away from the house where his lover resided and made his way back to his own refuge.
.. Present ..
The memory of what happened 5 days ago is still fresh in Jonghyun's mind. The lead singer of SHINee can still taste the pungent punch of anger, sour bit of frustration, numbing sensation of sadness and traces of betrayal as he walks down alone on the streets in Seoul. More than anything else, he actually feels drained - tired of having to pretend, exhausted of trying to make up for things he never thought as wrong.
He remembers the pain he felt when his heart constricted as he watched the man that he loves was making out with another man. He remembers the red he saw when that man held the man he loves so much in his arms. He remembers how green his vision was when the man he loves gave that man a smile he used to flash to him, and only him. He remembers the sickening sensation he felt in his gut as the man he loves let go of his hand to grab that man's arms and intertwine their fingers together - much like they had done. Most of all, he feels the pain of loneliness as it clenches his heart again and again upon remembering all these.
His lover's words resounds in his head like a broken record. The voice that asks him to choose one or the other keeps ringing in his ear like a mantra, driving him crazy with its persistence and insistence. As he contemplates his choices, he keeps asking himself, 'How the fuck do you choose between two people that you love so bloody fucking much that you'd die without either of them?!!'
Call him selfish. Call him a bastard.. But he doesn't want to have to choose. There has got to be a way he can be with both of them. He loves them. There has got to be a way where he doesn't need to let go of one or the other. There has got to be.. The brunette stops when he realizes he has already arrived at the promised place. He glances at his watch, he realizes he is 5 minutes early. He sits on the bench and waits for the man he loves, and hopes that he will hold his end of the bargain anyway. But 15 minutes afterwards, doubt starts to fill his mind, poisoning his already tired faith and further killing his weakened hope.
'Do you remember the promise we made in Thailand? The one after we've shared the pocky?' He smiles at the memory - the one where the fans turned wild and cheered them on loudly as they shared one pocky.
'Why aren't you here?' He thinks to himself sadly.
He conjures up the picture of them both in his mind, their pinkies entwined when they made the promise years ago.. 'You promised.. forever and always, right?'
'What am I saying? You might have forgotten all about that silly promise since you're with him now..' He lets out a sad chuckle as he stands up and straightens his sweater. He turns around and starts to walk, almost giving up on the love he holds for the man he was waiting for.. but he stops dead in his tracks.
Jonghyun's POV
My eyes widen as I take in the picture before me - “You came..”
“Of course I came, you silly dino.. I promised~”
He just stares at me when I did not reply and his eyes widen in realization as he sees the despaired look on my face.
“What? You didn't think I forgot, did you?”
I keep my mouth shut, not wanting to say anything, but he knows me better than I know myself and he knows I'm guilty as charged as I look away from him.
“Jjong! You're my bestfriend. You know I don't ditch promises I make.”
“Yeah.. sorry..” I whisper, guilt filling my aching heart.
I see him raise his hand, ready to hit me, but he immediately refrains himself from doing anything when I suddenly call out to him, "Kibummie.. I.."
I want to confess to him, right there and then but the words are stuck in my throat.
“What's wrong, Jjongie?” I already am on the verge of losing my lover, am I sure I can say this to Kibum? 'What if he doesn't love me back? What if he hates me after?'
I let out a heavy sigh to which earns a reassurance statement from this beautiful rapper of ours, "You know you can always tell me, Jjong.. We're not bestfriends for nothing.."
Still, I don't say anything.
"What's bothering you?" he asks, his right hand reaching out to me.
I look away from his worried face and say, "I.. I feel like I'm losing you.. and I don't like that.."
Silence.
He just stands there blinking, the hand that tries to reach out to me stops in midair before landing on my left bicep.
"What are you talking about?"
I muster every single courage I have to finally disclose to him of my fears, "I feel like we're growing apart.. you know.. after that incident.." at the confused look Kibum gives me, I continue, "aish.. Afteryou'refinallywithMinHoandyou'respendingtimewithhimmoreandmorethatIfeelsoleftoutandsadand-" the words escape my lips so fast but I stop and know he gets it because he suddenly laughs.
"Don't laugh at me! I'm telling you my fear and worries here and you.. aargh!!" I stomp my feet like a 5 year old which makes him laugh even harder now as he holds his stomach - I bet he's really tempted to roll on the floor, but since it is covered in snow, I doubt he will. Great, now he's slapping his thighs while laughing..
"Kibummie!!!" I scream my frustrations out with that single word.
"Okay.. okay.. I'll stop laughing.. you're just so funny, Jjongie.." I puff out my cheeks and sighs loudly while he calms his hysterical fits of laughter.
Silence engulfs the two of us and beforeI can stop myself, I blurt out, "I know I'm with that person and you're with Minho now.. but I love you, Bummie.. I really do.. and I don't want to lose you.. I-"
"I love you too.. "
At that I blink once. Twice.
I just stare at him and asks, "You love me..?"
"Yeah. I love you."
I can feel my lips spread in an earsplitting grin as I am feeling incredibly happy to find the man I love loves me too. However, that joy is shortlived as a frown makes way to erase my smile, "But.. MinHo..?"
"What about him?" My eyes widen in disbelief. I can't believe Kibum takes this so lightly.
"Well, wouldn't he be mad or something..?"
He merely rolls his eyes at this and retorts with, "What about that person?"
I feel perplexed for a moment but I answer him anyway, "Well, I love that person.. but I love you too."
"Exactly. MinHo knows.. and he understands. Why do you think he never says a word when we do all those crazy skinships together? And remember that photoshoot? He included you too.. You think he hates you if he puts his arms around you like that? Sheesh, Jjong. I was the one who was green with envy during the whole bloody photoshoot. Don't get me wrong. I love him and all.. and I love you, but that tall keroro boyfriend of mine seriously needs to keep his hands to himself, or better yet, on me and only me or Imma cut something so bad which I might regret later since he is extremely good - if you know what I mean.. Anyway, everything's cool. Plus-"
"Wait.. wait. wait.. hold up. He's not mad?! I almost break up with that person when I told that person about this, Bummie.. It's not fair.. and eww.. too much info..?" I cut him off not wanting to listen to any other weird info regarding their bed activities. A pout makes way to my lips and Kibum chuckles at the sight - I know I'm cute and irresistible with my pout and puppy dog-eyes (and don't you dare contradict me because I've got thousands of fangirls who will gladly testify for me.. ^^).
Kibum smiles and continues, "I have an amazing and understanding boyfriend with mad skills in bed - I guess all those workouts and sports reaaaally pay off."
My eyes narrow in annoyance and all he says is, "Deal with it" before breaking into another fit of laughter.
I sigh quietly but my ears perk up when he utters his next words, "Plus.. You're my best friend, my soulmate. You're the other part of me. Minho is the love of my life.. Both of you complete me - without him, my heart is empty and without you, apart of me is missing. I love you both..on different levels.."
'I love you both.. on different levels.' - that sounds good. And it kinda makes sense. I can't really say whom I love more, but I guess that statement just explains it all. Still, I have my doubts and worries.
"Is it really possible?" I ask, looking at him for confirmation and reassurance.
"Yeah.. "
"Wouldn't it be complicated?"
"No. Not really."
"Why?"
"Do you feel anything when I touch you?" Kibum answers my question with another question of his own.
"Comfortable.."
"Does your heart skip a beat when you see me naked or half-naked?"
Okay.. weird much? But I answer him anyway, "No... Why?"
"Have you ever fantasized about us having sex?"
"What?! NO! I'm straight, Kibum.. what-"
"Have you ever felt sexually aroused when you're with me..? or when you think of me?"
"No! You're my bestfriend for God's sake!! Why would I-"
"Are you sure you're saying it because you are not attracted to me sexually or are you just saying it because you don't know it yet?"
"I'm sure I'm NOT sexually attracted to you, Kibum. I love you and I love doing skinships with you but I've never desired you in that way.. and why the hell did you ask me all those questions? I don't see the point-"
"Exactly the point. You love me, but you don't feel the sexual pull.. because though I may be your soulmate, I'm not what your earthly spirit wants.."
This is confusing as hell. All I can say is, "What..?"
"Are you sure you don't want some of this?" he asks again, gesturing towards his finely sculpted body.
"Tempting.. really, Kibum." I say sarcastically and I let my eyes roam over his torso for awhile - just for the heck of it. I lick my lips and confess, "You're sexy.. beautiful even.. and I know you're gonna be good in bed since you're undeniably flexible - if the moves you use on the dancefloor is any indicator.. I might take you up on your offer.. but.." I look straight into his eyes as I declare my decision with a tone that signals finality, "No."
I wait for the diva's wrath upon my rejection, but none came. Instead, the corners of his lips curve up into a smile. I raise my eyebrow - a clear sign of confusion.
"You love me, but you are not in love with me," he says in a matter-of-fact tone but a smile still decorating his lips.
It takes me a moment to collect my thoughts.. and then I finally understand - He is not what I want, he's what I need - the other half of me.. and though love is an overrated word, his words make sense - I love him, but my heart screams for another kind of love - the one I share with that person. As understanding dawns on me, I return his smile.
"How do you know all this? And don't even pull that 'because I'm almighty' string on me because I won't believe you.." he just puts an innocent facade and a look that says 'whaaa~?'.
I raise my left eyebrow as I continue, "You know I know you and I know you know I know you didn't think of all that on your own.. so spill!”
He grins and confesses, "Okay.. fine. I've met this one lady by the name of Solace. She-"
"Who? and how do you know her words are true? She's not some weird fortuneteller is she..? Because I won't-"
"Do you wanna hear this or not?" he snaps and I gesture for him to continue.
"She said there are two possibilities when it comes to your lovelife and soulmate ; The first being the love of your life is your soulmate. Whereas the second is the love of your life is a different person than your soulmate.. like we are.. In which most think that they need to choose.. but they don't have to, really.. That is, of course, if they are lucky enough to have an understanding and accepting lover - like I do..”
As I open my mouth to form a question, Kibum merely motions me to be silent and he continues, anticipating the questions I want to ask, “Can I trust her? Yes. Why? Because she has been through what we are going through. And those questions I asked you about sex thing and all? Those are the exact same questions she asked me and Minho. That's why Minho is as agreeable as he is right now because he knows that though I love you with all my heart, I would never cheat on him with you because the pull and love we feel and share are more of the spiritual ones whereas what he and I share are more of the emotional and of course, physical attraction and completion." He pauses for a moment, allowing me to absorb all this spiritual, emotional -or whateverthehellitis- connection or something and try to make sense of it.
As I force my brain to process the information, Kibum suddenly apologizes under his breath, but since the place is extremely quiet, save for the sounds of our breaths, I can hear him clearly, "I'm sorry, Jjong.. I didn't mean to make your lovelife a mess.. If only we didn't meet each-"
"NO!! What the hell are you saying?!!"
Silence.
I can feel fear clawing its way into my heart but before it can hold me permanently, I put up a fight - a fight to make him stay, a fight to not succumb to the fear of losing him.
"Bummie, I don't know how I'll live without you.. I don't think I can because I love you too much.. So don't say craps like that because I know even if we were to be born again, we will still meet each other.”
Still silence.
“Don't you want to? or.. are you regretting that you met me?" I can't even control the quiver in my voice as sadness takes over because I suddenly realize that 'forever and always' we promised from when we first debuted means only something to me.. and none to him.
"No. Of course I don't regret meeting you. Knowing you is one of the best things that ever happened in my life, Jjong.. but that person.."
He doesn't even need to finish his sentence as I perfectly understand what he's trying to tell me. I sigh again for only God know's how many time for the past half hour. Silly of me.. I know Kibum would never leave me and he would never do anything to hurt my feelings. He said all that because he's afraid that I'll be losing that person if he stays - true that, but he doesn't need to know.
"I'll deal with it later.."
I guess he's had had enough of the emotional turbulence (from me) for the night because all he says is, "Okay.. can we go now?"
"Go? Where?"
"Jjong. seriously.." His eyes meet my confused gaze.
"Aish.. You forgot, didn't you?!! We promised to meet here at the park an hour before the clock strikes twelve.. and then we'll go to City Square together to celebrate New Year. Seriously. Why do I even put up with a short-termed memory puppysaurus like you?"
"Because you wuuuuuv me~" I smile innocently.
"That I do.. what are you gonna do without me?"
"Nothing. Because that's never going to happen." He lets out a breath and shakes his head.
"C'mon Bummie.. We're going to be late~!!" I say while pulling his hand.
"So.. who do you love more?" I ask as he falls into step beside me.
"Shut up, Jjongie."
"I know you love me more. I know you do.. Come on! Say it!! Say IT!!" I insist while tickling him everywhere and he starts laughing uncontrollably.
"Stop!! STOP!!! HAHAHHAAA!! JJONG!! STOP IT!!!"
"Not until you say it. SAY IT!! Say you love me more than that alien!!!"
"No! Bye Jjong!!" He screams as he runs away from my tickling fingers and I call out for him to wait for me. We look at each other with smiles on our faces. His face is slightly flushed under the cold waft and his breath slightly hitched from his previous laughter.
"I love you," I whisper to him softly. He leans forward and places his forehead on mine, both of his hands cover either sides of my face and he breathes, "and I love you."
Both of us close our eyes and bask ourselves in the sweet moment.. breathing the same air, feeling him close to me makes me feel complete.. and knowing he loves me too just makes my day.. but there is still one slight tug of loneliness on my heart. I decide to deal with that later. For now, I'm happy that I found and able to be with my bestfriend, my soulmate.
We let out a chuckle together after awhile and he pulls away, but not before I press a kiss to each of his closed lids. He smiles but when he opens his eyes, his beautiful feline eyes suddenly twinkle with mischief - you could almost see how his irises dilate and the corner of his eyes crinkle as a mischievous grin stretch across his beautiful feature.
He tightens his hold on my face and I know I should be running now but before I could do or even say anything, he suddenly leans forward and showers my face with loud smacking pecks and I can't help but laugh at his antics. I twist and turn, trying to get away from his puckered lips, but of course to no avail.. You'd think I'm stronger because I got loads of muscles on me, but Key isn't called almighty for nothing either.
"Okay. Okay. hahaha.. okay.. okay.. KEY!!! okay!! stop.. hahaha.." I guffaw out loud and shouts breathless pleas but it all falls onto deaf ears. After one particularly long press of his lips on my right cheek, he finally pulls away with a loud smacking sound and breaks his hold on me.
"Revenge is sweet~" he singsongs.
"Eww.. eww. eww.. KEY!!! you got saliva all over my face!" I claim and I wipe my whole face vigorously with the sleeves of my sweater. He just rolls his eyes dramatically and grins as he looks at my (I'm sure of this) red face.
"Ready to go now?" he asks and I nod as an answer. We reach out for each other's hand simultaneously and we lace our fingers together. Even in this cold weather, I can still feel the warmth of his gloved hand in mine.
The walk to the City Square is a silent one, but both of us are wearing an identical happy smile on our face. I see a twin -but separate- silhouettes from afar - one is leaning on a tree while the other one is standing in front of the previous, talking.. How do I know? puffs of air appear in front of the latter's face and that person's hands are motioning in some sort of explaining gestures or something..
There is something oddly familiar about those two silhouettes.. 'Whatever...' is all I think of. Kibum tugs my hand and leads me to the silhouettes. I give him a questioning look, but he just walks toward them and as we approach the silhouettes closer, I can see that one of them is extremely tall - though his stance is currently hunched with one of his knees bent forward signaling his foot is resting against the tree trunk, while another is shorter than the rest of us with a slim figure. The tall figure suddenly turns his head towards us and pushes himself away from the tree with a light push from his leg. 'Damn. I hope they're not vampires or something.'
He straightens himself to his full height and begins to stride in our direction, accompanied by the slim one. 'Oh crap. Here they come.. Should we run? No. vamps are faster than us humans... ho shit. holy crap. What should I do?' There isn't much light in the route we are walking on, there are only several lamp-posts and they are pretty much far apart from one another.. 'Chill, Jonghyun. This is earth. Reality. We don't have vampires here... I hope..' My pitiful attempt of calming myself, my train of thoughts and plans of escaping the supposedly night creatures are interrupted when the two figures suddenly halt their steps from proceeding under a lamp-post.
I turn my head slightly and look at Kibum. Right then I see the subtle change in my bestfriend's expression - his face which was glowing with happiness now radiant with love and eyes that twinkled with mischief and joy previously are now soft with admiration and content - as he walks, his hand still holding mine, towards the man whom now I can see clearly as the light from the lamp-post he currently stands under illuminates his tall, tanned, athletic features - Minho. 'Well, not a vamp - thank God.. but still..'
I wait for the clench in my heart - the one I usually get whenever I see Kibum and Minho together.. but surprisingly, there is none. So I direct my confused gaze to that tall rapper of ours and all I see is that his eyes shine with obvious love and his lips stretch into a grin to unveil a row of white teeth as he stares at Kibum.
He opens his arms wide and Kibum gives my hand a light assuring squeeze before letting go and flies into Minho's waiting arms who closes his arms around Kibum immediately -the force is so strong that they would have stumbled to the ground if that tall bug-eyed alien my bestfriend loves so much isn't so strong.. so instead, they twirl around with Kibum's feet lifted off of the ground and they both let out series of laughter over nothing at all. I see them lean in and share a quick kiss before Minho puts Kibum down on the ground, arms still enclose his lover to his torso.
"Jonghyun.." I hear a voice that I know so well, the voice that I love so I turn to my right to see that person stepping into the halo of light made by the lamp-post, revealing glassy teary eyes and quivering lips.
"I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry.. I shouldn't have made you choose between me and Key.. I should have-" I cut the ramblings by wrapping my arms around that person, burying my face into the silky smooth hair and inhale the sweet scent that is that person's alone.
"Shh.. it's okay.." I whisper and kiss my beloved's temple softly.
I feel my lover embraces me tight and I can hear the voice I missed quivers and mutters words of "I love you.. I love you so much.. I'm sorry.. please don't leave me.." over and over again and it breaks my heart. I tighten my hold around my lover and whisper sweet nothings to console my beloved as the slim body wrecks with muffled sobs..
I pull my beloved away but still keeps a hand on the fragile shoulder while I lift the small chin up with another. I look straight into the red tear-rimmed eyes and say the words I need my lover to hear and understand, "I love you. I really do.. Kibum is my bestfriend and with fate being a bitch she has always been, he is my soulmate too - and I love him. I love him. But I need you to know and understand this : I love Kibum, but I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU. It's you whom I want to have children with and it's you who I think of whenever I hear a love song. I need Kibum because he is my air and we are two halves of one whole," I turn to look at Kibum who is smiling in Minho's arms, whose smile never falters since he saw Kibum, "we are after all, the perfect combination.."
I turn to stare into the eyes I love, begging to be understood, "and I need you because you are the light of my life.. I can't ever be complete without him and I will never be complete without you as well. I'm sorry I can't say that I love you and only you because that will be a lie. However, I can promise you this, it's only you and only you I have my eyes on and I want to have family with.. I am in love with you, Se Kyung. I really do. I love you.. I need you to believe that.. and me.."
She looks into my eyes deeply, possibly searching for any hint of lies and after awhile, she finally lifts her right hand and place it on my cheek, whispering, "I believe you. And I know now.. I understand.. and I love you too, JongHyun." She hugs me and rests her head on my chest - I exhale the breath I didn't realize I was holding, relief washes over me as SeKyung and I turn to look at the couple standing four feet away from us, the same couple that have been watching our own little drama.
I know everything is okay now as I look at Minho looking at me, smiling sincerely and inclines his head a bit - acknowledging me and SeKyung and his understanding of the whole situation. It amazes me that he did not flip even once although another guy is confessing his love for his lover - but because of that, I finally return his smile with the utmost sincerity, something I haven't been able to do for the past few weeks. SeKyung reaches out to Kibum, as a sign of apology and truce, who takes her hand and gives a light squeeze and smiles reassuringly.
Suddenly the nightsky is filled with various sparks of beautifully patterned colours as the sounds of the fireworks booming loudly from afar. I turn to SeKyung and lean in to brush her lips against mine gently, slowly deepening our kiss.. and she throws her arms around my neck. We pull apart just to wish
"Happy New Year" to each other and we kiss again - this time, it is just to enjoy the feeling of being close to one another.
We break the kiss and turn to wish the other couple - but they are currently preoccupied, busy showering each other's face with heated kisses, hands roaming against the other's body, and I feel a blush creeps up to taint my cheeks. I finally clear my throat and SeKyung lets out a soft giggle upon seeing the flustered couple in front of us.
"Happy New Year~" we wish each other and exchange friendly hugs.. but when I get to Kibum, I fumble a bit before smiling widely and wish him, "Happy New Year, Kibummie" "Happy New Year, Jjongie." We lean in close at the same time and give each other a light peck on the lips.
“Forever and always?” I ask, holding out my pinky to him like I did years ago.
“Forever and always.” He answers while entwining his small finger around mine.
We smile while looking into each other's eyes and break into laughter as we hear a deep chuckle - from MinHo, no doubt, and a soft giggle from my lover - SeKyung.
My heart swells with happiness and pride as I finally figure out the final piece of the puzzle - the one about spiritual and emotional crap. You see, although I feel complete whenever Kibum is with me, I still feel empty in my heart when SeKyung is not around - that's why I still lonely though I was with Kibum just now, because the part that was missing is the one that belongs to her and only her. Kibum completes me spiritually - why do you think he understands me so much? - whereas SeKyung completes my emotional needs and other needs. ^^
Well, everything is alright now. We never really got to City Square, but that's okay because tonight I found acceptance and completion from the love of my life and my soulmate. The ending to my dilemma is perfect and I'm happy.. and Carrie was right, "Each happy ending has a brand new beginning"..
I'm with Se Kyung and Kibum ends up with MinHo, but that's just really the beginning of our own relationship. Who knows what holds for us in the future? It is, afterall, just the beginning~
.. Flashback ..
SHINee was preparing for the debut stage in a training room. Minho, Taemin and Jinki were all practicing their dance moves in front of the gigantic mirror on one side of the walls, whereas the vocalist and the other rapper were sitting on the floor, trying to catch their breaths before continuing their practice.
“Hey, Kibummie.. let's make a promise..”
“What promise?”
“That we'll forever and always be best friends even when we're old.. when we are no longer idols and when we have our own families.”
“Of course, Jjong.”
“And we are still going to be together no matter who our lovers are.. Nobody gets left behind.. Nobody will be forgotten,” the slightly shorter boy added for good measure.
“As if I will let you forget me..” he huffed mightily and smirked at the other boy good-naturedly.
“Forever and always?” the raptor-like lead singer held out his pinky with a huge grin on his face.
“Forever and always.” the beautiful diamond-eyed rapper tugged at the offered finger and answered with a stunning smile of his own.
A/N : This is an original fic by me, fused by my own version and interpretation of soulmates and lovers, and everything that others before me might have written or portrayed or filmed.
A/N 2 : Carrie is Carrie Underwood.. the line is from the song “Ever Ever After”.. ;)
ps : Sorry if it disappoints you.. but I hope you guys enjoyed~ leave a comment.. ^.^
written by solace@fantasydesire. 30122010.