As Long As You're There~
Title : As Long As You’re There (Sequel to Pretending)
Author : fantasydesire @solace
Chapter: Oneshot
Rating: PG-13 (just to be safe~)
Disclaimer: I only own them in my own fantasy-like mind - meaning they are not mine really..
Inspired by Charice’s As Long As You’re There.
Summary : Kibum was tired of pretending. Minho was tired of hurting.
...
All my life
I've waited for the right moment
To let you know
I don’t wanna let you go
But now I realize
There's just no perfect time
To confess how you feel
This much I know is real
Kim Kibum finally came to terms with himself that he could never love another. He was and still is very much in love with Minho. So, it was impossible for him to move on. Kibum cringed at the phrase “moving on”. It’s not like we were in a relationship before this anyway..
With encouragement from Jonghyun, Amber and Nicole; Kibum began plotting his confession.
Choi Minho already came to an agreement with himself. He was in love with their band’s diva. And there was nothing he could do about it.
With encouragement from Jinki and Taemin, he planned his confession.
It was the perfect time - Jonghyun was dating Se Kyung. Krystal was not anywhere near SHINee members for a few months.
But every time they tried to get the words out, something would always happen.
And then that news of break up came out.
And the Dream Team couples aired.
There was never a perfect time.
So they both thought, Maybe we’re not meant to be.
And they casted their feelings aside.
So I'll refuse
To waste one more second without you
Knowing my heart
Months of pretending; Kibum was tired. He hated lying to others. He hated lying to himself.
So, he thought maybe he could just be honest whenever there was him and Minho - and no one else around.
“Good morning,” a sleepy greeting came from behind.
Kibum turned and smiled sincerely at the sleepy male. He would know that deep honey coated voice everywhere - even if it was slightly gruff from sleep.
Minho noticed the soft look in the other’s eyes and his heart skipped a beat. He smiled back tentatively.
Kibum suddenly thought of Krystal and guilt seeped into his heart. But he shook his head and steeled his resolve - he loved Minho. The confession he planned months ago - maybe he could still do it. Minho had a right to know about that.
- Even if he was already with Krystal..
Kibum took a deep breath and turned. “Minho, I n-”
“Morning, umma!!!” a loud chirpy voice interrupted.
Minho turned at the voice and smiled at the magnae who was riding piggyback on Jinki. The older male had a stupid grin on his face. Everybody could see that the leader was tired, but his smile was lively and sincere.
The things you do for love, Minho mused in his head. He turned back to his fellow rapper who was now busy frying eggs, ignoring the rest. “Kibum, you were saying?”
The cook turned his head slightly and smiled half-heartedly. He shook his head. “Nothing..”
Minho missed the look Taemin gave Jinki.
Kibum missed the slight drooping shoulders of his supposed son.
Both of them missed the way Jonghyun came into the kitchen and made their magnae feel better with a peck on his left cheek.
Everyone else missed the raised eyebrow Jinki sported until Jonghyun decided to peck him on his chin.
Baby
Cause I don't need anything
But your love
Nothing but you means a thing to me
I'm incomplete
Minho was staring at the TV. His favourite football team was on. He was watching the rerun of the match. But all he could see on the screen was Kibum’s smile.
There he was, with his jersey on.. and the TV on.. and his favourite football team was on..
But all he could think about was how Kibum was doing..
All he could see was Kibum’s silhouette as the latter pattered around the house, cleaning up their dorm.
All he could hear was Kibum’s melodic voice humming to the song playing on his Ipod.
All he could feel was Kibum’s presence.. or lack thereof.
Minho sighed inaudibly. He got it bad.
Jonghyun who had been staring from the floor he was lying on beside the sleeping magnae and leader smirked when he saw that blank look on Minho’s face. Alien’s got it bad..
When you're not there
Holding me
Touching me
I swear all the rest
Would just disappear
And I would not even care
As long as you're there
Kibum was busy bustling around the dorm. He hated doing work alone. But he hated it when others messed up his work even more. So he let the members rest while he finished cleaning the dorm on his own.
He plugged his ears and turned up the volume of his Ipod. He was listening to his favourite songs.. and voice. He was listening to Minho’s version of OMG by Usher and he smiled as images of Minho dancing during the concert came up in his mind. He was hot.
But then Charice’s As Long As You’re There came up and Kibum remembered Amber’s words, “Would you be able to live with yourself knowing he loved you and you let him suffer for it.. because you’re scared of what those morons thought about you two?”
Kibum halted in his movements.
He remembered the times when he broke down on stage and off stage - during their concert, during the awards. Minho had always been there to hold him. He never said a thing - Minho just held him until he stopped crying. Even after that, the tall rapper still held him until Kibum himself had a smile on his face signaling he was fine.
The memory of Minho’s touch brought a faint smile to his lips. He continued his cleaning.
Take these words
Don't let them go unheard
This is me reaching out
I hope you can hear me now
3 weeks had gone by but Kibum still could not find the courage to actually tell Minho about his feelings. By this time, Kibum was so frustrated that he set out to clean the whole damned dorm. Again.
Jonghyun was about to protest when Kibum kicked him out of his shared bedroom with Minho - at night and no less, with a feather duster on his hand. But when Kibum gave him that look, he sighed and joined Jinki and Taemin on the couch.
All of them sighed animatedly. Minho was out to God knows where. So, they were stuck in the living room for now.
While Kibum was cleaning, he came across a black book and recognized it as Minho’s prized possession. His curiosity spiked up and like the cat he was, he wanted to know the content.
Kibum looked around the room, his heart beating fast. He locked the door before returning to the book. He sat on Minho’s bunk, hands tracing the spine of the book. He took a deep breath and opened it.
… and his breath was caught in his chest.
It was his picture.
And under it was a caption “the one I love~” in Minho’s neat handwriting.
Kibum’s heartbeat doubled its pace as he turned the pages.
He read everything silently, carefully. He smiled. He frowned. He laughed and he groaned.
It was not until the last entry that Kibum felt a new feeling bubbling inside of him. Panic.
Kibum ran his eyes over the last entry over and over again. He freaked out.
He panicked.
He dropped the book.
He sprinted towards the door, threw it open and ran outside. The other three of the members stared at the opened door, blinking every now and then but not really moving to do anything about it.
“Finally.” Jonghyun sighed. Jinki nodded in assent and Taemin laughed at the two older males.
Jinki stared at their magnae’s happy face and he felt his lips stretched into a wide grin. He ruffled Taemin’s hair. “Let’s get some ice cream..”
So what if it was night time. Jinki only wanted his lover to be happy. And seeing that innocent smile on Taemin’s face made him happy.
Jonghyun turned his puppy eyes to Jinki. The eldest’s smile did not even falter as he playfully flicked Jonghyun’s nose. The vocalist immediately lit up.
Jinki was already at the door, his left arm around the 176cm tall bundle of joy called Lee Taemin. Jonghyun felt a pang in his heart but it was gone when Jinki wrapped his right arm around him and felt Taemin reaching for his left hand from Jinki’s back.
Jonghyun cracked a smile when Taemin winked at him. Jinki’s deep chuckle vibrated against the other two and they knew.. they were all home.
‘Cause baby my heart says stay
Take it, it's yours to break
I'd rather try and lose
Than keep this love from you, yeah
Kibum ran like he never did before. He had to be there before the time ended. He had to be there before the time for them ended.
Kibum did not know where exactly there was. All he knew was he had to be there. He had to tell Minho how he truly felt.
He did not want Minho to wait anymore. He did not want to wait anymore. He would scream the words out if that could make Minho stay.
“Years of waiting is tiring. God, if he’s the one for me.. then please send him to me before 10 tonight. If You decide to do otherwise.. I’ll try to move on. I love him.. but if he’s happy with another.. I need to erase these feelings I harbor..”
Minho’s words played repeatedly in Kibum’s head. Why tonight? Why 10 p.m.?
It was the first day they met. It was the time they first hung out together.
It all clicked.
Kibum cursed himself mentally as he searched left and right for Minho. None.
He began panicking again. He wanted to cry there and then. He looked at his watch. 9:48 P.M.
He started running again. He was now in the outskirts of the city. Where are you?!!
His eyes scanned the almost nonexistent crowd for the tall athletic rapper. But the man was nowhere to be found.
He remembered Minho wrote something about going to places where they went together once before letting go.
Kibum stopped.
9: 53 P.M.
He changed his direction and ran as fast as his tired legs could get him towards the one place he had not searched.
The tree.
Their tree.
It was their sanctuary.
The place where they would spend hours just listening to music or reading.
The place they were able to just be together - away from the fame and screens.
Kibum finally arrived at the tree in the park.
Nobody.
He looked around.
No one.
He glanced at his watch.
9:59 P.M.
His tears fell. He ran his hands through his hair roughly, his chest constricted, and a tortured groan escaped his throat.
He froze.
He knew the retreating back all too well.
Each day and night
That I kept this secret
It killed me
It's time to share
What I feel inside
“I love you” he blurted out loud.
Minho halted in his steps and turned, eyes wide when he saw Kibum standing a few feet away from him, all sweaty and panting hard.
Kibum stared at him with a broken helpless look, willing him to understand, “I love you so much.”
The city clock chimed from afar and the bell rang 10 times. It was 10 P.M.
Minho stood frozen at his confession. He was overcome with joy, confusion, relief and love. It was so intense; he did not know how to react.
Kibum became scared when Minho did not respond. Is it too late? “P- Please.. Minh- Minho.. I love you..” Kibum finally sobbed.
“I love you. I lov-” Kibum tried again. Minho reached out and crushed Kibum against him. Kibum threw his arms around Minho, holding the other close to him.
“Don’t go. Don’t leave. D- Don’t leave me.. Please.. don’t.. I don-” Kibum had never begged anyone for anything. But he begged today. He begged for Minho to stay. He begged for Minho’s love. He begged for Minho.
Minho hugged the smaller man tighter. “Shh.. I won’t.. I’m here, Kibum. I’m here.”
Baby
Cause I don't need anything
But your love
Nothing but you means a thing to me
I'm incomplete
Minutes passed but they stood like that, wrapped around one another, finding comfort, finding solace, finding love.
Kibum pulled away first. He looked up at Minho, “I was never with Jjong.. I’m sorry if our closeness hurt you. He’s my best friend. So I-”
“I love you.” And just with that statement, Kibum was humbled.
With just one statement, Minho made it clear to Kibum that he did not mind the JongKey skinship. He did not mind their closeness. He just wanted to love Kibum. He just wanted Kibum to be happy.
Kibum realized he had hurt this man countless of times. But Minho’s love remained just as strong, just as untouched - just as pure.
Another tear rolled down his cheek but Minho quickly wiped it dry. He shook his head. Don’t be sorry.
Kibum took a deep calming breath. He rested his forehead on Minho’s. For a moment, they shared the same air. They breathed each other in. And they smiled.
Kibum place a hand over Minho’s sculpted chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart. He looked up and Minho was blinded by the love shone in those orbs.
Let’s not be part anymore. Let’s just stay together.. like this.. forever. Kibum’s eyes seemed to say.
Maybe it was magic. Maybe it was just fate. But Minho heard it. He nodded and grinned wide. He took hold of Kibum’s hand on his chest, interlacing their fingers. And my heart is complete.
When you're not there
Holding me
Touching me
I swear all the rest
Would just disappear
And I would not even care
As long as you're there
The two went back to their dorm. Upon finding it empty, they locked themselves up in the confines of their room. They chuckled as they fell onto Minho’s bunk, lying down side by side, eyes interlocking with each other’s.
Kibum could feel the warmth seeping from Minho’s caressing fingers from his arm all the way to his heart. He sighed in contentment. He loved it when Minho touched him. Minho made him feel. Minho made things real. Minho was real.
Minho needed to touch Kibum. He needed to make sure Kibum was real. He needed the contact to soothe not only Kibum, but also himself. The pain and loneliness he felt before was so real that his happiness now seemed so surreal.
Minho pressed a soft kiss on Kibum’s forehead, a soft peck on his nose, a light brush on both his cheeks before finally settling on the latter’s lips. They moved with ease. They moved in sync.
Minho and Kibum pulled away, looking into the other’s eyes - soft with love.
They smiled.
They were not the perfect combination.
They were two awkward clashing personalities - the Almighty Key and Flaming Charisma.
They were two complete strangers - Kim Kibum and Choi Minho.
But together, they were magnificent.
A/N : And... this is the reason why~
Hope this is okay. Not exactly how I pictured it.. but I forgot to tie my muse when it came.. so it kinda escaped halfway..
OTL
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