Interesting weekend filled with pleasant surprises...
I had a very nice weekend.
Not much special happened. Relaxed, went shopping, did laundry, played video games...
Rob surprised me twice, however.
First was on Saturday morning. Going back to Friday nighrt, however, we were talking and I was saying that I need to get my script filled. He asked which one, and I told him it was my antidepressant. He looked confused and said, "I didn't realize you went back on anti-depressants". I had told him, but I wasnt surprised he forgot since I said it sort of non-chalantly/unimportantly. Mostly I was afraid of getting a lecture from him, but he didn't say anything.
So then Saturday AM he stops me and says, "Aim, how do I talk to my doctor about getting on antidepressants?"
I was shocked, to say the least. This is a guy - a manly-man - who's philosophy has always been "I Don't go to the doctor unless I'm already dead." Everything has been just "Walk it off!!"
So I just told him to tell the doc what's wrong and that you want something for it. Then I asked what he wanted them for and he told me for his irratibility and anger issues. He's been angry for no reason lately -irratable and moody - (hence all the stupid fighting) and he wants to not be.
We then talked for a few minutes about it, about what he should do, and who he should talk to. About why I went back on them. He is scared to ask his doctor, he's afraid of being laughed at. I told him, doctors don't do that sort of thing. If anything, they WANT you on drugs. He wont talk him out of it.
I have to say, I came close to tears after this conversation. This is better than saying "I'm sorry". This is recognizing that there is a problem and wanting to get better before anything else happens. It touches me that he not only wants to get better for himself, but for us as well.
Then, he surprised me again by telling me he wants to move to Rochester with me and the kids. I sort of shrugged it off because he has said this before and then changed his mind moments later, but when I said this he said "No, I really mean it. I've already talked to Mr. Whatshisname at work to see if he knew anyone up at a Plant up there so that they could get me a job". He said he has been thinking about it for a long time.
I was kinda shocked and happy all at once, but I the realist in me said "Rob, don't make a decision to do this unless you are really sure about us" He said that decision was already made, and that if he wasn't sure, he wouldnt want to move he and his kids. He thinks that my doubt is because I don't want to move to Rochester with him, which is absolutely not the case.
This morning I woke up around 4 am and laid in bed for hours thinking about this. Then I realized why I'm uneasy about it. Recently he told me he wasnt ready to get married again (without even taking into account the divorce he needs to get- been legally separated for 5 years). However, I think that up and moving he and the kids 350 miles away, is a bigger and more serious committment than getting married. Nothing would change really if we got married, but EVERYONE's lives would change if we moved. So, if he isn't ready for marriage, how is he ready for this?
Lots of questions. Lots of things that need to be ironed out before we can go forward with this, if that's what we decide to do. I would love to be close to my family, but I would definitely miss the city.
Much to think about. Much to consider. Much to do.
Not much special happened. Relaxed, went shopping, did laundry, played video games...
Rob surprised me twice, however.
First was on Saturday morning. Going back to Friday nighrt, however, we were talking and I was saying that I need to get my script filled. He asked which one, and I told him it was my antidepressant. He looked confused and said, "I didn't realize you went back on anti-depressants". I had told him, but I wasnt surprised he forgot since I said it sort of non-chalantly/unimportantly. Mostly I was afraid of getting a lecture from him, but he didn't say anything.
So then Saturday AM he stops me and says, "Aim, how do I talk to my doctor about getting on antidepressants?"
I was shocked, to say the least. This is a guy - a manly-man - who's philosophy has always been "I Don't go to the doctor unless I'm already dead." Everything has been just "Walk it off!!"
So I just told him to tell the doc what's wrong and that you want something for it. Then I asked what he wanted them for and he told me for his irratibility and anger issues. He's been angry for no reason lately -irratable and moody - (hence all the stupid fighting) and he wants to not be.
We then talked for a few minutes about it, about what he should do, and who he should talk to. About why I went back on them. He is scared to ask his doctor, he's afraid of being laughed at. I told him, doctors don't do that sort of thing. If anything, they WANT you on drugs. He wont talk him out of it.
I have to say, I came close to tears after this conversation. This is better than saying "I'm sorry". This is recognizing that there is a problem and wanting to get better before anything else happens. It touches me that he not only wants to get better for himself, but for us as well.
Then, he surprised me again by telling me he wants to move to Rochester with me and the kids. I sort of shrugged it off because he has said this before and then changed his mind moments later, but when I said this he said "No, I really mean it. I've already talked to Mr. Whatshisname at work to see if he knew anyone up at a Plant up there so that they could get me a job". He said he has been thinking about it for a long time.
I was kinda shocked and happy all at once, but I the realist in me said "Rob, don't make a decision to do this unless you are really sure about us" He said that decision was already made, and that if he wasn't sure, he wouldnt want to move he and his kids. He thinks that my doubt is because I don't want to move to Rochester with him, which is absolutely not the case.
This morning I woke up around 4 am and laid in bed for hours thinking about this. Then I realized why I'm uneasy about it. Recently he told me he wasnt ready to get married again (without even taking into account the divorce he needs to get- been legally separated for 5 years). However, I think that up and moving he and the kids 350 miles away, is a bigger and more serious committment than getting married. Nothing would change really if we got married, but EVERYONE's lives would change if we moved. So, if he isn't ready for marriage, how is he ready for this?
Lots of questions. Lots of things that need to be ironed out before we can go forward with this, if that's what we decide to do. I would love to be close to my family, but I would definitely miss the city.
Much to think about. Much to consider. Much to do.