SON OF A MOTHERLESS GOAT!! DRAMA PISSES ME OFF
Gosh this week seems to be the week I catch up with LJ and use it isn't it.
Anywho time to use it for its purpose! FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK that is all i can say to that
FUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKK!!!
Seriously what the fuck is his problem. By the way that is me expressing my anger. Anywho. What the fuck is his problem. God tonight i want to go out with mark without lui and okay so mark lied about who he was with so what. No big deal. All we did was go get coffee and then I had to run to work. Well Lui feels the need to know what I am or Mark is doing at all times apparently or so it feels. And for what?! why me?! WE BROKE UP WHAT THE FUCK DOES HE WANT TO KNOW WHAT I AM DOING FOR?! Sure we agreed to make an effort and still be friends or whatever but oh my god am I not allowed to be my own person here?! I don't question what he is doing all the time.
You know it isn't that I have a problem with Lui at all it is the fact that he got pissed off and BLEW UP at me and Mark for something that didn't need to be taken so out of proportion. He pretty much accused me of having bad moral ethics, of lying and being deceitful. Okay number one he didn't give me a chance to fucking speak when he called me, number two I WASN'T FUCKING LYING! He called me and i didn't hear my phone b/c it is on silent, he calls me again and I am talking with Mark and not about to just answer Lui immediately b/c I know he is pissed off at me. So i call him back and he yells at me accuses me of lying and then tells me "fuck you" and hangs up on me. VERY MATURE!! He asks me where I am where i am going and who I am with. I said "I am in old orchard heading out going to work and I am not with anyone, i WAS with your brother earlier"...he doesn't listen to me nor give me the time of day to explain myself. God it reminds me of my father! My father doesn't listen to me and hangs up on me all the time too.
So i call him later after work and after he leaves a HORRIBLY RUDE message on my voice mail about how mad he is at me and how i am deceitful. Okay so after I calm down and call him back he blows up on me again. I had to fight to get my two cents in and then he pretty much said that he felt excluded and lied to and hurt and sure I apologized to him for that but he questioned my moral ethic. He accused me of lying and being as so redundantly said "deceitful" and i never lied! He tells me that I am wrong in not inviting him and telling him where I am going etc. And yet i have to apologize to him for my act of going out with his brother and excluding him yet he can't apologize for belittling me and making me feel like shit.
Okay now feeling excluded I could have totally thrown that back in his face for the SEVERAL occassions that he excludes me from things and i just suck it up and live with it. I didn't throw it back at him because I feel I am stronger than that. But here I can say it...he didn't invite me to his brother's party of which he was told to invite me, he was AT THE MALL one night and TOLD ME to call him when I got off work so we could get together afterwards and he said no to me when i got off work and said that i couldn't hang out with him. He has NEVER invited me along to any of these outings he is having with these recent girls he was hanging out with (which isn't any of my concern considering they aren't completely invovled with him). And what the hell am I supposed to think as a girlfriend or CLOSE friend with benefits and attachments with no title when I am reading on his myspace from some girl that she is looking forward to seeing him again and that they are making plans to hang out and all of this bull shit. Whether or not he is going out with this girl just to hang out or not, WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO THINK?! specificaly when he used to pull the bullshit of "i'm single as i want to be" verbatim! I mean really what is one supposed to think? It just irks me that he would be like that.
Okay i think I am feeling better right now though I am still extremely pissed off. We will see if i get some sleep tonight or not. I apologized to Lui for the situation and making him feel the way he did but you know I would like to be apologized to for all of the wrongs he has done to me too. But you know...as he says "i can't even apologize i have to defend myself" And I agree to that to an extent...I can apologize and defend myself...but it is in my nature to be stubborn. BUT AT LEAST I APOLOGIZE. I have to FORCE him to say sorry to me when he hurts me. I have to basically say "look Lui, say i'm sorry and mean it and we will be okay". But he is just as bad as me in the stubbornness department. But he has this "i'm always right" mentality. So no matter what I say to him it won't matter, I am always wrong i guess when it comes to this kind of stuff. As I said, I agree that i am stubborn but at least I know when I am wrong. Gosh. Okay now i am done. I am sure there will be more to come though.
THANK GOD FOR JOURNALS! Sometimes...i don't know what to do. Thank you Livejournal for dealing with my ranting...and thank you anybody else who took the time to read this.
Anywho time to use it for its purpose! FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK that is all i can say to that
FUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKK!!!
Seriously what the fuck is his problem. By the way that is me expressing my anger. Anywho. What the fuck is his problem. God tonight i want to go out with mark without lui and okay so mark lied about who he was with so what. No big deal. All we did was go get coffee and then I had to run to work. Well Lui feels the need to know what I am or Mark is doing at all times apparently or so it feels. And for what?! why me?! WE BROKE UP WHAT THE FUCK DOES HE WANT TO KNOW WHAT I AM DOING FOR?! Sure we agreed to make an effort and still be friends or whatever but oh my god am I not allowed to be my own person here?! I don't question what he is doing all the time.
You know it isn't that I have a problem with Lui at all it is the fact that he got pissed off and BLEW UP at me and Mark for something that didn't need to be taken so out of proportion. He pretty much accused me of having bad moral ethics, of lying and being deceitful. Okay number one he didn't give me a chance to fucking speak when he called me, number two I WASN'T FUCKING LYING! He called me and i didn't hear my phone b/c it is on silent, he calls me again and I am talking with Mark and not about to just answer Lui immediately b/c I know he is pissed off at me. So i call him back and he yells at me accuses me of lying and then tells me "fuck you" and hangs up on me. VERY MATURE!! He asks me where I am where i am going and who I am with. I said "I am in old orchard heading out going to work and I am not with anyone, i WAS with your brother earlier"...he doesn't listen to me nor give me the time of day to explain myself. God it reminds me of my father! My father doesn't listen to me and hangs up on me all the time too.
So i call him later after work and after he leaves a HORRIBLY RUDE message on my voice mail about how mad he is at me and how i am deceitful. Okay so after I calm down and call him back he blows up on me again. I had to fight to get my two cents in and then he pretty much said that he felt excluded and lied to and hurt and sure I apologized to him for that but he questioned my moral ethic. He accused me of lying and being as so redundantly said "deceitful" and i never lied! He tells me that I am wrong in not inviting him and telling him where I am going etc. And yet i have to apologize to him for my act of going out with his brother and excluding him yet he can't apologize for belittling me and making me feel like shit.
Okay now feeling excluded I could have totally thrown that back in his face for the SEVERAL occassions that he excludes me from things and i just suck it up and live with it. I didn't throw it back at him because I feel I am stronger than that. But here I can say it...he didn't invite me to his brother's party of which he was told to invite me, he was AT THE MALL one night and TOLD ME to call him when I got off work so we could get together afterwards and he said no to me when i got off work and said that i couldn't hang out with him. He has NEVER invited me along to any of these outings he is having with these recent girls he was hanging out with (which isn't any of my concern considering they aren't completely invovled with him). And what the hell am I supposed to think as a girlfriend or CLOSE friend with benefits and attachments with no title when I am reading on his myspace from some girl that she is looking forward to seeing him again and that they are making plans to hang out and all of this bull shit. Whether or not he is going out with this girl just to hang out or not, WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO THINK?! specificaly when he used to pull the bullshit of "i'm single as i want to be" verbatim! I mean really what is one supposed to think? It just irks me that he would be like that.
Okay i think I am feeling better right now though I am still extremely pissed off. We will see if i get some sleep tonight or not. I apologized to Lui for the situation and making him feel the way he did but you know I would like to be apologized to for all of the wrongs he has done to me too. But you know...as he says "i can't even apologize i have to defend myself" And I agree to that to an extent...I can apologize and defend myself...but it is in my nature to be stubborn. BUT AT LEAST I APOLOGIZE. I have to FORCE him to say sorry to me when he hurts me. I have to basically say "look Lui, say i'm sorry and mean it and we will be okay". But he is just as bad as me in the stubbornness department. But he has this "i'm always right" mentality. So no matter what I say to him it won't matter, I am always wrong i guess when it comes to this kind of stuff. As I said, I agree that i am stubborn but at least I know when I am wrong. Gosh. Okay now i am done. I am sure there will be more to come though.
THANK GOD FOR JOURNALS! Sometimes...i don't know what to do. Thank you Livejournal for dealing with my ranting...and thank you anybody else who took the time to read this.