thinking....
things i want to do with my life...
*i want to learn how to paint
*i want to figure out what it is that i'm REALLY good at
*i want to get a tatoo of something that i'll love forEVER
*i want to be in someone's dreams...every night
*jeezus...i want to be perfect (haha)
*i want to make decisions for myself, and not for other people
*i want to be beautiful
*i want to be content with myself, with my life, with what i have
*i want to stop wanting...and just....be
it totally trips me out how like, i feel happy....but i don't. i never do things for myself, whenever i do something....i do it because it is what someone else wants. perhaps it's because i'm not bold enough. maybe i'm just...not confident enough to face what i really want........do i even KNOW what it is that i really want? what do i want? does that ever trip u out? i've spent SO much time/effort at troy...why? like, what do i really want to do? how does all of this shit help me? haha, i really don't know...and yet i wander around working and doing exactly as i'm told...because..................i dunno! haha, it sucks when you realize that you don't even know who you are anymore. if i was the richest person in the world, and i didn't need to work to support myself...what would i do? how much would that change where i'm going in life? why am i asking so many questions? hahaha...i'm an oddball. i don't know who i am, or what i want, or where i'm going. it makes me want to just save some money and get on a train to somewhere i've never heard of before...somewhere that has a beautiful name. maybe somewhere tropical (thsi would require a plain) i want to go to a place where everything is beautiful, and peaceful, and calm...and you don't work to have more, you work to have enough. i'd love to live somewhere where i wouldn't feel self conscious....i'd love to take a bath under a waterfall. i'd love to just....be. be everything.
now all i have to do is find a way...
*i want to learn how to paint
*i want to figure out what it is that i'm REALLY good at
*i want to get a tatoo of something that i'll love forEVER
*i want to be in someone's dreams...every night
*jeezus...i want to be perfect (haha)
*i want to make decisions for myself, and not for other people
*i want to be beautiful
*i want to be content with myself, with my life, with what i have
*i want to stop wanting...and just....be
it totally trips me out how like, i feel happy....but i don't. i never do things for myself, whenever i do something....i do it because it is what someone else wants. perhaps it's because i'm not bold enough. maybe i'm just...not confident enough to face what i really want........do i even KNOW what it is that i really want? what do i want? does that ever trip u out? i've spent SO much time/effort at troy...why? like, what do i really want to do? how does all of this shit help me? haha, i really don't know...and yet i wander around working and doing exactly as i'm told...because..................i dunno! haha, it sucks when you realize that you don't even know who you are anymore. if i was the richest person in the world, and i didn't need to work to support myself...what would i do? how much would that change where i'm going in life? why am i asking so many questions? hahaha...i'm an oddball. i don't know who i am, or what i want, or where i'm going. it makes me want to just save some money and get on a train to somewhere i've never heard of before...somewhere that has a beautiful name. maybe somewhere tropical (thsi would require a plain) i want to go to a place where everything is beautiful, and peaceful, and calm...and you don't work to have more, you work to have enough. i'd love to live somewhere where i wouldn't feel self conscious....i'd love to take a bath under a waterfall. i'd love to just....be. be everything.
now all i have to do is find a way...