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Figured that roughly once in a lifetime, I can make an LJ post that isn't fandom-centric. So, yesterday, I went to a Yehudit Ravitz concert. It was BADASS. I just wanted to share this song:
I have a complicated love/hate relationship with this country, but some parts of it are just heartbreakingly beautiful.
Click to viewI have a complicated love/hate relationship with this country, but some parts of it are just heartbreakingly beautiful.
So it's fourteen years after the last post.
| still think of you a lot, and | miss talking and
writing with you, though | was such a stupid
kid then and there was so much about me
and the world | didn't know yet (because my
parents were forcibly isolating me to keep me
as a source of income, which | didnt realize
until years later).
| transitioned. | realized |m autistic. | have a
teenager. | bought a two-story house and
everything went wrong so | built a shrine in
the basement with a Money Pit poster and a
St. Tom Hanks candle and | thought you
would have thought it was funny.
| still write about those people, those places,
they show up in all my original work, I'm still
living in those worlds, those games, and the
world has so much of you and the others in it
that | feel like we built it together, but | am the
only one left there, and no one will ever come
again because no one can see it from the
outside.
It's a little projection around just me, like a VR
experience | don't get to take off.
Blame the autism, | guess.
Anyway.
I'm writing again, adapting that story to something of my own, since most of it was by the end of the changes, anyway. While I was doing it, I realized writing has been impossible for over a decade now because whenever and whatever I write, it is an expression of grief for the past, and for being here alone now.
| bought 100 mini wooden sporks one day. |
was going to mail them to you, tied with a big
bow, with a letter explaining everything |
realized after you stopped talking to me. |
even got a little stalky and found an address,
but in the end, | didnt know what to say.
| kept the sporks for years.
| miss you.
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