Menstruation Part 2
(this is part two of an earlier entry: http://fantasticmissfi.livejournal.com/28052.html)
I was always fascinated with sex and genitals, including my own. Long before I needed to try to use a tampon, I had squatted down with a mirror between my legs to see what I could see. I had also tried it while peeing over the toilet, as I really wanted to know where the hole was that the urine came from. I knew there were two holes - the urethra and the vagina, and I did find the urethra with the mirror, but I did not find my vagina until I started menstruating. I don't know if I just didn't look hard enough, or whether there was some kind of physiological change that occurred after I started bleeding which made it easier for me to find it. I had the same kinds of diagrams and information available to me before I got my period in the form of women's health books like 'Everywoman' and also some books I 'shouldn't' have had, like a book on the Masters and Johnson's research that my mother had left in boxes in the garage. Perhaps I was just more motivated once I got my period.
Whatever the reason, as soon as I got my period I was able to find my vagina. I wish I could remember exactly how it happened. I think I was just feeling around while I was bleeding, and suddenly the tip of my finger found an entrance. I know I didn't push further in at that point - I was glad just to know where the entrance was.
Once that hurdle was over, I wanted to learn to use a tampon. I saw it as a kind of a challenge. I think I found it mildly risque as well. I wondered if it might be pleasureable. I read the pamphlets that came in the boxes, and even compared the pamphlets of different brands to see if any gave more information. I found the diagrams not particularly helpful - they didn't seem to much resemble what I could see with my trusty mirror. I remember that I could get the 'head' of the tampon in, but that it seemed to then get 'stuck' and not move in further. I was using the usual kind of tampons, often then referred to as 'Meds' after the now almost defunct brand, rather than the Tampax kind, the latter which come in their own little cardboard 'applicator'. I somehow felt the Tampax ones were a bit 'soft', for girls who didn't want to touch themselves, and I already knew my own mind on that matter at the tender age of 11. I also thought they weren't very environmentally friendly, which they aren't, with their extra packaging and waste.
I gave up the first period I tried it (which was about my third or fourth period) and decided there was no rush. By the time the next period came, I was impatient to try again. That time I had read more, and learned I needed to angle 'up', and not down or straight. This time it worked, and I believe this was the first time I put my finger inside myself. I found it wasn't pleasurable at all, and was strangely without sensation. The pamphlets had said so, but I hadn't found them particularly trustworthy. However on this point they were right, and I could feel nothing when I stood up and moved around.
For the first few years I used to be anxious about changing them often enough. All that pamphlet reading had made me very nervous about toxic shock syndrome. But other than worrying about my four hour limit, I found I adjusted quickly to the way of menstruation and often forgot I even had my period - an absentmindedness that has continued (without incident - I just don't think about it until I sit down to pee and remember, or start to feel sticky between my legs).
I was the first in my class by almost two years to get my period. I didn't tell any classmates until much later. I didn't want them to feel left out or left behind. I thought the next girl wouldn't be too long after me, but it turned out I had much longer to wait than I expected.
I was always fascinated with sex and genitals, including my own. Long before I needed to try to use a tampon, I had squatted down with a mirror between my legs to see what I could see. I had also tried it while peeing over the toilet, as I really wanted to know where the hole was that the urine came from. I knew there were two holes - the urethra and the vagina, and I did find the urethra with the mirror, but I did not find my vagina until I started menstruating. I don't know if I just didn't look hard enough, or whether there was some kind of physiological change that occurred after I started bleeding which made it easier for me to find it. I had the same kinds of diagrams and information available to me before I got my period in the form of women's health books like 'Everywoman' and also some books I 'shouldn't' have had, like a book on the Masters and Johnson's research that my mother had left in boxes in the garage. Perhaps I was just more motivated once I got my period.
Whatever the reason, as soon as I got my period I was able to find my vagina. I wish I could remember exactly how it happened. I think I was just feeling around while I was bleeding, and suddenly the tip of my finger found an entrance. I know I didn't push further in at that point - I was glad just to know where the entrance was.
Once that hurdle was over, I wanted to learn to use a tampon. I saw it as a kind of a challenge. I think I found it mildly risque as well. I wondered if it might be pleasureable. I read the pamphlets that came in the boxes, and even compared the pamphlets of different brands to see if any gave more information. I found the diagrams not particularly helpful - they didn't seem to much resemble what I could see with my trusty mirror. I remember that I could get the 'head' of the tampon in, but that it seemed to then get 'stuck' and not move in further. I was using the usual kind of tampons, often then referred to as 'Meds' after the now almost defunct brand, rather than the Tampax kind, the latter which come in their own little cardboard 'applicator'. I somehow felt the Tampax ones were a bit 'soft', for girls who didn't want to touch themselves, and I already knew my own mind on that matter at the tender age of 11. I also thought they weren't very environmentally friendly, which they aren't, with their extra packaging and waste.
I gave up the first period I tried it (which was about my third or fourth period) and decided there was no rush. By the time the next period came, I was impatient to try again. That time I had read more, and learned I needed to angle 'up', and not down or straight. This time it worked, and I believe this was the first time I put my finger inside myself. I found it wasn't pleasurable at all, and was strangely without sensation. The pamphlets had said so, but I hadn't found them particularly trustworthy. However on this point they were right, and I could feel nothing when I stood up and moved around.
For the first few years I used to be anxious about changing them often enough. All that pamphlet reading had made me very nervous about toxic shock syndrome. But other than worrying about my four hour limit, I found I adjusted quickly to the way of menstruation and often forgot I even had my period - an absentmindedness that has continued (without incident - I just don't think about it until I sit down to pee and remember, or start to feel sticky between my legs).
I was the first in my class by almost two years to get my period. I didn't tell any classmates until much later. I didn't want them to feel left out or left behind. I thought the next girl wouldn't be too long after me, but it turned out I had much longer to wait than I expected.