Flash challenge: Ficlet 'Marketing Genius'
This was fun! I hope you enjoy it too.
Title: Marketing Genius
Author: Bruttimabuoni
Characters: Cordelia, Lorne
Rating: PG
A/N: an indeterminate time late season 2/early season three
“Seriously, a demon infomercial? I didn’t even know there was a demon TV channel.”
“Honey cakes, this is America. You got the cash, we got the product. There are four major demon channels in the SoCal area. Nothing nationwide yet, but you know they’re working to get networking.”
“So what, WTAZ666? All the humans you can eat?”
“No, sad to say 666 was taken way back by some kooky Satanist types. Demon Viewing likes to keep it low-pro anyway. Nothing a late night channel hopper’s going to find disturbing. Well, not unless they actually focus - and how likely is that?”
“So I get that you’re excited about being commissioned to sing the jingle, Lorne, but why would there be a part for me? I’m 100% human, apart from those agonising prophetic visions, but it’s not like they come across onscreen.”
“Now, sugar mouse, the company directors are businessmen. They know what will sell and they want a human. Besides, how could they resist that glowing smile and fabulous hair?”
“I see your point. And there’s real money too?”
“Sure is. Or you can take your wages in blood larva, but I don’t recommend it. They don’t last. So you‘ll go for it?”
*
Channel 769: Demon Viewing Dimension: 03.32 hours June 22 2001
The final credits roll for “Big Brother: the Vampire’s Mansion” and it’s time for an ad break.
FULL SCREEN: Cordelia appears onscreen, in a bright, well-designed kitchen interior. She’s standing at the sink, doing the classic infomercial fruitless-scrub-and-frown routine on a mangy sweatshirt covered in nameless glop.
She scowls yet more heavily as the camera focuses in on her face, then looks up and speaks earnestly into the lens: “I’m a busy girl working in the big city. I just don’t have time for these human cleansers. They never shift the tougher stains of demonic and/or magical origin.”
A hand (green and scaly, but extremely well manicured) passes her a glowing purple bottle, and she beams into the camera:
“Frophla slime a problem? Trouble shifting those Glurgg pus stains? You need “Die, Scum!” It‘s new, it‘s fast, it‘s fabulously effective!”
Cordelia rubs the product into the sweatshirt and rinses it through. Meanwhile-
SCROLLING INFORMATION BAR to lower screen reads: “DIE SCUM: Works on: Davric sacrifice splatter, Frovalox regurgitations, Ethros ectoplasm, Lei-Ach drool and all known types of mucus”
SCREENWIPE to a full screen view of the sink. There is a sense that time has passed. Cordelia’s hand picks out the sweatshirt.
SCREENWIPE to Cordelia holding up a miraculously dry and pristine sweatshirt. It appears she’s actually beaming harder than ever.
“Now that’s what I call cleaning power! And remember “Die, Scum” is an ethical product. No demons were harmed in the development of “Die, Scum”.”
SCROLLING INFORMATION BAR flashes “Perfectly safe: Fully tested on human subjects”
Cordelia beams wide enough to split her skull open as -
JINGLE plays and Lorne sings:
“Die Scum, Die Scum, it’s the best, it’s the only waaaaay!”
CUT
Title: Marketing Genius
Author: Bruttimabuoni
Characters: Cordelia, Lorne
Rating: PG
A/N: an indeterminate time late season 2/early season three
“Seriously, a demon infomercial? I didn’t even know there was a demon TV channel.”
“Honey cakes, this is America. You got the cash, we got the product. There are four major demon channels in the SoCal area. Nothing nationwide yet, but you know they’re working to get networking.”
“So what, WTAZ666? All the humans you can eat?”
“No, sad to say 666 was taken way back by some kooky Satanist types. Demon Viewing likes to keep it low-pro anyway. Nothing a late night channel hopper’s going to find disturbing. Well, not unless they actually focus - and how likely is that?”
“So I get that you’re excited about being commissioned to sing the jingle, Lorne, but why would there be a part for me? I’m 100% human, apart from those agonising prophetic visions, but it’s not like they come across onscreen.”
“Now, sugar mouse, the company directors are businessmen. They know what will sell and they want a human. Besides, how could they resist that glowing smile and fabulous hair?”
“I see your point. And there’s real money too?”
“Sure is. Or you can take your wages in blood larva, but I don’t recommend it. They don’t last. So you‘ll go for it?”
*
Channel 769: Demon Viewing Dimension: 03.32 hours June 22 2001
The final credits roll for “Big Brother: the Vampire’s Mansion” and it’s time for an ad break.
FULL SCREEN: Cordelia appears onscreen, in a bright, well-designed kitchen interior. She’s standing at the sink, doing the classic infomercial fruitless-scrub-and-frown routine on a mangy sweatshirt covered in nameless glop.
She scowls yet more heavily as the camera focuses in on her face, then looks up and speaks earnestly into the lens: “I’m a busy girl working in the big city. I just don’t have time for these human cleansers. They never shift the tougher stains of demonic and/or magical origin.”
A hand (green and scaly, but extremely well manicured) passes her a glowing purple bottle, and she beams into the camera:
“Frophla slime a problem? Trouble shifting those Glurgg pus stains? You need “Die, Scum!” It‘s new, it‘s fast, it‘s fabulously effective!”
Cordelia rubs the product into the sweatshirt and rinses it through. Meanwhile-
SCROLLING INFORMATION BAR to lower screen reads: “DIE SCUM: Works on: Davric sacrifice splatter, Frovalox regurgitations, Ethros ectoplasm, Lei-Ach drool and all known types of mucus”
SCREENWIPE to a full screen view of the sink. There is a sense that time has passed. Cordelia’s hand picks out the sweatshirt.
SCREENWIPE to Cordelia holding up a miraculously dry and pristine sweatshirt. It appears she’s actually beaming harder than ever.
“Now that’s what I call cleaning power! And remember “Die, Scum” is an ethical product. No demons were harmed in the development of “Die, Scum”.”
SCROLLING INFORMATION BAR flashes “Perfectly safe: Fully tested on human subjects”
Cordelia beams wide enough to split her skull open as -
JINGLE plays and Lorne sings:
“Die Scum, Die Scum, it’s the best, it’s the only waaaaay!”
CUT