Flash Challenge: Hot off the presses
A few stories - all to the highest standards of factual reporting, of course.
Sunnydale Tops US Neck Injury Toll
For the seventh year in succession, Sunnydale was revealed as America’s premier hotspot for unexplained death by neck injury. Cleveland remains in the #2 spot. City authorities continue to declare they are “baffled” by this amazingly consistent record.
Rebel Teen Slays One, Injures Many
Elizabeth “Buffy” Summers (14) ran amok last night in the library of Sunnydale High, leaving a fellow student dead and several other persons injured, including librarian Rupert Giles (64). Witnesses stated that the teen was armed with several weapons, including a bazooka, and the police warned that she presents an extreme danger to the public.
“Mayor Was Giant Snake” Story Widely Disbelieved
Mystery still surrounds the tragic loss of Sunnydale’s Mayor Richard Wilkins III, who vanished during the violent uprising which marred Sunnydale High’s graduation ceremony. Numerous reports that he “kinda wiggled around and then turned into this, like, ginormous demonic snake thing” have been discounted, along with allegations that the Mayor was intending to eat the students rather than distribute their diplomas…
Wacko Tower to Be Tourist Attraction
Permission was yesterday granted by City Hall for the so-called Tower o’Power illegally constructed in recent weeks to remain in situ as a visitor attraction. Local entrepreneur Drusilla Divine says, “It fills my head with marvellous horrors. The Key! The Key!!!”
Guerrilla Archaeologists Strike
Temple remains were revealed yesterday after unauthorised excavations atop Kingman’s Bluff. The temple, of apparently prehistoric origin, features images of a demonic goddess, and seems to have been struck by lighting since it was unearthed. The city museum director urged the town to avoid the area. “We cannot support unauthorised digging. Also, the goddess still looks really, really mad.”
Goodbye to Sunnydale
After one hundred and four years, the Sunnydale Harbinger (incorporating Shelbyville Guardian) today took the sad decision to cease production. John Knox, editor in chief, explains: “We have no power. There are constant earthquakes. I think the Hellmouth’s really gonna blow this time. And I’m sick of apocalypses.”
Sunnydale Tops US Neck Injury Toll
For the seventh year in succession, Sunnydale was revealed as America’s premier hotspot for unexplained death by neck injury. Cleveland remains in the #2 spot. City authorities continue to declare they are “baffled” by this amazingly consistent record.
Rebel Teen Slays One, Injures Many
Elizabeth “Buffy” Summers (14) ran amok last night in the library of Sunnydale High, leaving a fellow student dead and several other persons injured, including librarian Rupert Giles (64). Witnesses stated that the teen was armed with several weapons, including a bazooka, and the police warned that she presents an extreme danger to the public.
“Mayor Was Giant Snake” Story Widely Disbelieved
Mystery still surrounds the tragic loss of Sunnydale’s Mayor Richard Wilkins III, who vanished during the violent uprising which marred Sunnydale High’s graduation ceremony. Numerous reports that he “kinda wiggled around and then turned into this, like, ginormous demonic snake thing” have been discounted, along with allegations that the Mayor was intending to eat the students rather than distribute their diplomas…
Wacko Tower to Be Tourist Attraction
Permission was yesterday granted by City Hall for the so-called Tower o’Power illegally constructed in recent weeks to remain in situ as a visitor attraction. Local entrepreneur Drusilla Divine says, “It fills my head with marvellous horrors. The Key! The Key!!!”
Guerrilla Archaeologists Strike
Temple remains were revealed yesterday after unauthorised excavations atop Kingman’s Bluff. The temple, of apparently prehistoric origin, features images of a demonic goddess, and seems to have been struck by lighting since it was unearthed. The city museum director urged the town to avoid the area. “We cannot support unauthorised digging. Also, the goddess still looks really, really mad.”
Goodbye to Sunnydale
After one hundred and four years, the Sunnydale Harbinger (incorporating Shelbyville Guardian) today took the sad decision to cease production. John Knox, editor in chief, explains: “We have no power. There are constant earthquakes. I think the Hellmouth’s really gonna blow this time. And I’m sick of apocalypses.”