Ah, a log~
Who: Rajura and Naaza
When: This morning
where: Their apartment
What: Naaza's back to normal after Schu's mindfucking and Rajura is VERY glad for it.
Naaza woke Sunday morning feeling much more rested than he had in a long time. He had been grumpy all week and not sleeping well, and had slept much later than usual.
He rolled over. No Rajura. Perhaps it was later than he thought...Not bothering to check the time, he climbed out of bed, yawning, and padded out into the living room in search of his boyfriend. Morning fog was still clouding his brain, or perhaps he would have realized why Rajura was absent from the bed...
Spotting the one-eyed man in a rumpled heap on the couch, he smiled a little and padded across the room. "Good morning." He yawned out the words; words he'd not spoken at all in the past week.
Rajura, still half asleep and generally recovering from the telepathic beating Schuldich had given him the previous evening, lifted his head slightly at the sound of Naaza's soft voice. It had been far too long since he'd spoken in that tone, and the significance of it wasn't lost on Rajura. He looked up at Naaza, his expression nervous and hopeful. If he'd won, if he'd actually been able to convince the other telepath to stop what he was doing, then maybe he finally had his Naotoki back.
"Good morning," he replied softly.
Naaza paused for a moment. Something wasn't right...Rajura looked like hell. As he woke up a little more...Oh shit. Naaza's face fell and he lowered his head. How could he have said all those awful things? How could he have treated the people he cared about so badly? He felt horrible..."You are not angry with me?" He finally whispered.
Rajura sat up and stretched, trying to work out the stiffness in his back that had formed from a week of sleeping on the couch. Naaza had been so cold and hostile during the worst of it that he had been sorely tempted to flee the apartment and find someplace else to stay. But he just couldn't bring himself to abandon Naaza knowing that something was wrong with him. The relief he felt now, knowing that Naaza was finally back to normal, made everything he'd gone through in the past week worth it.
"No, of course I'm not angry with you. I am just glad to have you back."
Naaza still didn't raise his head. He stared down at his bare feet instead, hands twisting in the hem of his tee-shirt. "I do not know what was wrong with me..." His voice was still a soft whisper, "It was as if I could not stop myself from saying all the things I know I should not ever say..."
"Come here, Naotoki," Rajura said gently, suddenly aching to hold him. "I can explain everything. Just...please. Come here and stay with me."
Finally, the green-haired man crossed the rest of the distance separating himself from his lover. He all but fell onto the couch, burrowing against Rajura and clinging as if he never intended to let go. "I am sorry..." His voice was muffled; face buried in Rajura's shoulder.
"None of this is your fault," Rajura soothed, wrapping his arms protectively around Naaza and nuzzling at his hair. "Blame Schuldich...he has been manipulating peoples' minds."
"Demo..." Naaza curled even closer, folding up as small as he could and nestling at Rajura's side, "Those were things I thought..."
"Those are thoughts that all of us have, my love," Rajura reassured. "There is no man on earth who does not have some form of animosity towards others." Well, with the possible exception of Ryo Sanada, but Rajura wouldn't make that speculation out loud; not with Naaza in his current state.
"I should never have said any of that. I know those are things people do not say, no matter how much you believe it..." Naaza was well versed in blaming things on himself and punishing himself for doing wrong. Even if this was ultimately some one else's fault, he would still blame himself for entertaining such thoughts to begin with.
Rajura had to suppress a sigh, knowing that it would be all but impossible to talk Naaza out of these feelings, no matter how irrational they were. It hurt to see the man he loved beating himself up over something that was most certainly not his fault, but the best he could do was give him the facts and hope he would get over it quickly.
"And under normal circumstances, those are things that you do not say," he reminded. "Schuldich took away your ability to keep those things to yourself. He caused your normal emotions to get out of hand."
"...Why?" Naaza whispered, looking up at Rajura, dark eyes haunted. "Why would any one do such a thing?" He hated feeling violated; hated feeling as if he was vulnerable.
"For fun," Rajura spat, his expression both angry and disgusted. He knew all too well what Naaza was feeling, and he hated Schuldich for putting him through that. If only his own talent had proven strong enough to kill Schuldich...or at least seriously hurt him.
Naaza's eyes widened, his expression of shock looking out of place on his face. "How could any one find such a thing...fun?" He looked back down again, burying his face back in Rajura's shoulder, "That is horrible."
Rajura could answer that; he had found himself with an unwanted amount of insight into Schuldich's twisted mind. It made his own feel stained and dirty. "He is a sadist," he explained. "He believes other people are his playthings." The mere thought of it made Rajura's stomach lurch, mainly because he knew he himself had once been very much like that. He curled closer to Naaza, thankful that those days were over.
"What an awful way to live..." Naaza clung to him, fingers twisted in the fabric of his shirt, head resting on his shoulder. "And you are nothing like that...So do not let that thought cross your mind ever."
"I was," Rajura said darkly. "Yes, things have changed, but I know what I am capable of." He sighed softly and closed his eye. He felt bad for behaving this way when he should be taking care of Naaza but, well, it had been a rough night.
"Demo...You are not like that any more." Naaza hugged him, thin arms wrapping tight around him, "We have both changed...And will not change back to that."
"No, we will not," Rajura agreed, hugging back. "Not for that bastard Schuldich or anything else."
"I am still sorry, too..." Naaza settled comfortably into the embrace, feeling much more like his old self. "I have made life horrible for you this past week. Even if it was not my fault," He said solemnly, "I wish to make it up to you."
"All you need to do to make it up to me is more of this," he said, hugging again to indicate the contact he had missed so much over the past week. "And...perhaps make me some tea later?" He was fighting a nasty headache - also Schuldich's fault - and knew Naaza would have something in his stash of herbs to help with that.
"I will always stay with you." Naaza assured, nuzzling a little at Rajura's shoulder, "As long as you want me too..." He smiled hopefully; glad to be feeling more normal. Being angry was tiring and he felt much more light and care free now. "And of course I will make you some tea."
"Thank you," Rajura replied, smiling softly before leaning in for a kiss. It was so nice to finally have everything back to normal...the idea of losing Naaza in any way was terrifying to him, and the distance between them this past week had been unbearable.
"You do not need to thank me." Naaza sighed happily into the kiss, twining his fingers in Rajura's long hair, "I would do anything for you...And that is a fact."
Rajura purred softly at the touch; there were few things in life he enjoyed more than having Naaza pet his hair. "And I would do anything for you, my Naotoki." It was especially true now; he knew that going after Schuldich had been taking his life in his hands, but it was worth the risk for Naotoki's sake.
"I know." Naaza smiled gently, curling close, fingers still wound through the silvery curls. He didn't feel the need to say more; he thought those two simple words could say it all.
When: This morning
where: Their apartment
What: Naaza's back to normal after Schu's mindfucking and Rajura is VERY glad for it.
Naaza woke Sunday morning feeling much more rested than he had in a long time. He had been grumpy all week and not sleeping well, and had slept much later than usual.
He rolled over. No Rajura. Perhaps it was later than he thought...Not bothering to check the time, he climbed out of bed, yawning, and padded out into the living room in search of his boyfriend. Morning fog was still clouding his brain, or perhaps he would have realized why Rajura was absent from the bed...
Spotting the one-eyed man in a rumpled heap on the couch, he smiled a little and padded across the room. "Good morning." He yawned out the words; words he'd not spoken at all in the past week.
Rajura, still half asleep and generally recovering from the telepathic beating Schuldich had given him the previous evening, lifted his head slightly at the sound of Naaza's soft voice. It had been far too long since he'd spoken in that tone, and the significance of it wasn't lost on Rajura. He looked up at Naaza, his expression nervous and hopeful. If he'd won, if he'd actually been able to convince the other telepath to stop what he was doing, then maybe he finally had his Naotoki back.
"Good morning," he replied softly.
Naaza paused for a moment. Something wasn't right...Rajura looked like hell. As he woke up a little more...Oh shit. Naaza's face fell and he lowered his head. How could he have said all those awful things? How could he have treated the people he cared about so badly? He felt horrible..."You are not angry with me?" He finally whispered.
Rajura sat up and stretched, trying to work out the stiffness in his back that had formed from a week of sleeping on the couch. Naaza had been so cold and hostile during the worst of it that he had been sorely tempted to flee the apartment and find someplace else to stay. But he just couldn't bring himself to abandon Naaza knowing that something was wrong with him. The relief he felt now, knowing that Naaza was finally back to normal, made everything he'd gone through in the past week worth it.
"No, of course I'm not angry with you. I am just glad to have you back."
Naaza still didn't raise his head. He stared down at his bare feet instead, hands twisting in the hem of his tee-shirt. "I do not know what was wrong with me..." His voice was still a soft whisper, "It was as if I could not stop myself from saying all the things I know I should not ever say..."
"Come here, Naotoki," Rajura said gently, suddenly aching to hold him. "I can explain everything. Just...please. Come here and stay with me."
Finally, the green-haired man crossed the rest of the distance separating himself from his lover. He all but fell onto the couch, burrowing against Rajura and clinging as if he never intended to let go. "I am sorry..." His voice was muffled; face buried in Rajura's shoulder.
"None of this is your fault," Rajura soothed, wrapping his arms protectively around Naaza and nuzzling at his hair. "Blame Schuldich...he has been manipulating peoples' minds."
"Demo..." Naaza curled even closer, folding up as small as he could and nestling at Rajura's side, "Those were things I thought..."
"Those are thoughts that all of us have, my love," Rajura reassured. "There is no man on earth who does not have some form of animosity towards others." Well, with the possible exception of Ryo Sanada, but Rajura wouldn't make that speculation out loud; not with Naaza in his current state.
"I should never have said any of that. I know those are things people do not say, no matter how much you believe it..." Naaza was well versed in blaming things on himself and punishing himself for doing wrong. Even if this was ultimately some one else's fault, he would still blame himself for entertaining such thoughts to begin with.
Rajura had to suppress a sigh, knowing that it would be all but impossible to talk Naaza out of these feelings, no matter how irrational they were. It hurt to see the man he loved beating himself up over something that was most certainly not his fault, but the best he could do was give him the facts and hope he would get over it quickly.
"And under normal circumstances, those are things that you do not say," he reminded. "Schuldich took away your ability to keep those things to yourself. He caused your normal emotions to get out of hand."
"...Why?" Naaza whispered, looking up at Rajura, dark eyes haunted. "Why would any one do such a thing?" He hated feeling violated; hated feeling as if he was vulnerable.
"For fun," Rajura spat, his expression both angry and disgusted. He knew all too well what Naaza was feeling, and he hated Schuldich for putting him through that. If only his own talent had proven strong enough to kill Schuldich...or at least seriously hurt him.
Naaza's eyes widened, his expression of shock looking out of place on his face. "How could any one find such a thing...fun?" He looked back down again, burying his face back in Rajura's shoulder, "That is horrible."
Rajura could answer that; he had found himself with an unwanted amount of insight into Schuldich's twisted mind. It made his own feel stained and dirty. "He is a sadist," he explained. "He believes other people are his playthings." The mere thought of it made Rajura's stomach lurch, mainly because he knew he himself had once been very much like that. He curled closer to Naaza, thankful that those days were over.
"What an awful way to live..." Naaza clung to him, fingers twisted in the fabric of his shirt, head resting on his shoulder. "And you are nothing like that...So do not let that thought cross your mind ever."
"I was," Rajura said darkly. "Yes, things have changed, but I know what I am capable of." He sighed softly and closed his eye. He felt bad for behaving this way when he should be taking care of Naaza but, well, it had been a rough night.
"Demo...You are not like that any more." Naaza hugged him, thin arms wrapping tight around him, "We have both changed...And will not change back to that."
"No, we will not," Rajura agreed, hugging back. "Not for that bastard Schuldich or anything else."
"I am still sorry, too..." Naaza settled comfortably into the embrace, feeling much more like his old self. "I have made life horrible for you this past week. Even if it was not my fault," He said solemnly, "I wish to make it up to you."
"All you need to do to make it up to me is more of this," he said, hugging again to indicate the contact he had missed so much over the past week. "And...perhaps make me some tea later?" He was fighting a nasty headache - also Schuldich's fault - and knew Naaza would have something in his stash of herbs to help with that.
"I will always stay with you." Naaza assured, nuzzling a little at Rajura's shoulder, "As long as you want me too..." He smiled hopefully; glad to be feeling more normal. Being angry was tiring and he felt much more light and care free now. "And of course I will make you some tea."
"Thank you," Rajura replied, smiling softly before leaning in for a kiss. It was so nice to finally have everything back to normal...the idea of losing Naaza in any way was terrifying to him, and the distance between them this past week had been unbearable.
"You do not need to thank me." Naaza sighed happily into the kiss, twining his fingers in Rajura's long hair, "I would do anything for you...And that is a fact."
Rajura purred softly at the touch; there were few things in life he enjoyed more than having Naaza pet his hair. "And I would do anything for you, my Naotoki." It was especially true now; he knew that going after Schuldich had been taking his life in his hands, but it was worth the risk for Naotoki's sake.
"I know." Naaza smiled gently, curling close, fingers still wound through the silvery curls. He didn't feel the need to say more; he thought those two simple words could say it all.