theater movie and dvds for tuesday: The Crazies, Bitch Slap, Where the Wild Things Are, 2012, Ponyo
The Crazies -
Based on the 1970's George A Romero film of the same title, in which a town is accidentally infected by a government made virus that turns people into murdering psychos, and is put under military quarantine. Timothy Olyphant plays the town's Sheriff, who catches on quick and tries to escape the town with his pregnant wife and a few survivors while also trying to avoid the infected.
9 out of 10 The film never really delivers on the title, making it more a gorey thriller and less a horror movie, because the crazies themselves are actually more like silent killing stalkers, than full on crazy. If you do this story line though, it needs to be done right and it was this time thanks to the directorial style. almost every character and prop has a purpose so it makes for no pointless scenes and fewer loose ends, it also doesn't waste a bunch of time on cliches because the characters are more intelligent than usual, so you don't have to see the main character try to convince everyone of whats happening for the first half hour, because it's already happening. The characters were also a lot more realistic, and you really felt for them and rooted for them. I think it's really held together by timothy olyphant though, I doubt it would have been as likeable if he wasn't in it. I really loved it, and it was way better than the original, so totally see it.
Bitch Slap -
A 70's throwback sort of grindhouse style story about three chicks in the desert looking for some kind of conspiracy diamonds? I can't really tell you much about the plot other than that it's not really about a plot, it's more about tits and action.
3 out of 10, and I'm being generous because of the lesbian action.
I understand that it was meant to by incredibly campy/cheesy, but there's a fine line between a decent camp and a ridiculous piece of shit, and this is well beyond that line. Two of the three chicks are tolerable but the girl who plays "Camero" couldn't act to save the planet, she is the most annoying thing in a movie since Sheri Moon Zombie. I know they meant for it to be "so bad it's good" but it ended up being so bad it's actually pretty fucking bad. They were clearly influenced by Tarantino and "faster pussycat kill kill" but completely missed the mark. Terrible green screens, and it felt like the script was written by a teenage guy who thinks smashing every dirty word or sex metephor together for insults was the best idea ever. It's pretty intolerable and pointless to try and follow, if anything it can be useful for masturbation material for 16 year olds (guys and girls), however despite tits having a 90% screen time ratio, you never see anything without some cloth over it.
2012 -
The latest earth vs. man flick about the mayan prediction that the world ends in 2012, becoming a reality, showing the struggle through various people trying to get to a secret government base full of arks for the survival of humanity.
3 out of 10, you want to see this movie? go see "the day after tomorrow" it's the same fucking thing, but better.
You know how bad this script was? the movie's last line is a little girl saying she didn't need to wear "good nites" because she stopped wetting the bed finally, I AM NOT EVEN JOKING.
I kind of want to punch the guy who wrote this, it's that fucking bad. Tons of errors and plot holes, very predictable twists, bad casting choices and a total misuse of excellent actors like Woody Harrelson, John Cusak, Thandie Neweton, and Chiwetel Ejiefor. What the fuck were they smoking when they decided John Cusak and Amanda Peet were a believeable couple? It's also incredibly heartless and moronic, placing jokes in the middle of scenes where they are watching thousands of people die and cities crumble. It was WAY too long, two and half hours too long really. It spent way too long introducting too many characters you didn't need to see or care about. I'm really tired of movies like this, boasting effects with their invonceivable budget, and producing vomit for the masses knowing they'll eat it up no questions asked. This movie is for morons, and probably loved by morons. I can already feel the exhaustion I'm going to get trying to give my opinion to stupid people asking me how it is, and then watching them rent it anyway. But please god if you care for your brain cells just don't fucking do it.
Where the Wild Things Are -
Based on the childrens book by Maurice Sendak, the story is about a young boy named Max who finds his way onto an island where strange creatures live, to end up becoming their king and trying to bring them closer together.
9 out of 10, an excellent childhood movie for adults, that is freeing and heartfelt.
The effects are amazing, and the director really plays with texture and color, creating a wonderfully imagined land and it's creatures. The characters are all very endearing and innocent, but dark and frightening at times. I can't say all children will flock to it, because it serves best as a nostalgic journey for adults, that really hits your inner child and sense of adventure, but it's totally something I would show to my kid. The ending is a little unsatisfying but it's only slight, and not enough to ruin the whole experience.
It's a great movie, don't even rent, just buy.
Ponyo -
The latest film from animated master Hayao Miyazaki, which is a take on the orginal Hans Christian Andersen story of the little mermaid. Ponyo is one of the many daughters of a wizard and the queen of the sea, who meets a boy on land and wants to stay with him.
9 out of 10, while not his greatest film, it is still as magical and well done as the rest.
It is refreshing to see such an adorable and innocent love story between children instead of adults. I think all of his films teach more patience to the child audiences it reaches in America, because it focuses more on culture, the heart and the magic, rather than jokes and effects, fast face, and celebrity voicing. If you love Miyazaki you are guaranteed to love Ponyo, and if anyone doesn't like this movie, they're pretty much an asshole.
Based on the 1970's George A Romero film of the same title, in which a town is accidentally infected by a government made virus that turns people into murdering psychos, and is put under military quarantine. Timothy Olyphant plays the town's Sheriff, who catches on quick and tries to escape the town with his pregnant wife and a few survivors while also trying to avoid the infected.
9 out of 10 The film never really delivers on the title, making it more a gorey thriller and less a horror movie, because the crazies themselves are actually more like silent killing stalkers, than full on crazy. If you do this story line though, it needs to be done right and it was this time thanks to the directorial style. almost every character and prop has a purpose so it makes for no pointless scenes and fewer loose ends, it also doesn't waste a bunch of time on cliches because the characters are more intelligent than usual, so you don't have to see the main character try to convince everyone of whats happening for the first half hour, because it's already happening. The characters were also a lot more realistic, and you really felt for them and rooted for them. I think it's really held together by timothy olyphant though, I doubt it would have been as likeable if he wasn't in it. I really loved it, and it was way better than the original, so totally see it.
Bitch Slap -
A 70's throwback sort of grindhouse style story about three chicks in the desert looking for some kind of conspiracy diamonds? I can't really tell you much about the plot other than that it's not really about a plot, it's more about tits and action.
3 out of 10, and I'm being generous because of the lesbian action.
I understand that it was meant to by incredibly campy/cheesy, but there's a fine line between a decent camp and a ridiculous piece of shit, and this is well beyond that line. Two of the three chicks are tolerable but the girl who plays "Camero" couldn't act to save the planet, she is the most annoying thing in a movie since Sheri Moon Zombie. I know they meant for it to be "so bad it's good" but it ended up being so bad it's actually pretty fucking bad. They were clearly influenced by Tarantino and "faster pussycat kill kill" but completely missed the mark. Terrible green screens, and it felt like the script was written by a teenage guy who thinks smashing every dirty word or sex metephor together for insults was the best idea ever. It's pretty intolerable and pointless to try and follow, if anything it can be useful for masturbation material for 16 year olds (guys and girls), however despite tits having a 90% screen time ratio, you never see anything without some cloth over it.
2012 -
The latest earth vs. man flick about the mayan prediction that the world ends in 2012, becoming a reality, showing the struggle through various people trying to get to a secret government base full of arks for the survival of humanity.
3 out of 10, you want to see this movie? go see "the day after tomorrow" it's the same fucking thing, but better.
You know how bad this script was? the movie's last line is a little girl saying she didn't need to wear "good nites" because she stopped wetting the bed finally, I AM NOT EVEN JOKING.
I kind of want to punch the guy who wrote this, it's that fucking bad. Tons of errors and plot holes, very predictable twists, bad casting choices and a total misuse of excellent actors like Woody Harrelson, John Cusak, Thandie Neweton, and Chiwetel Ejiefor. What the fuck were they smoking when they decided John Cusak and Amanda Peet were a believeable couple? It's also incredibly heartless and moronic, placing jokes in the middle of scenes where they are watching thousands of people die and cities crumble. It was WAY too long, two and half hours too long really. It spent way too long introducting too many characters you didn't need to see or care about. I'm really tired of movies like this, boasting effects with their invonceivable budget, and producing vomit for the masses knowing they'll eat it up no questions asked. This movie is for morons, and probably loved by morons. I can already feel the exhaustion I'm going to get trying to give my opinion to stupid people asking me how it is, and then watching them rent it anyway. But please god if you care for your brain cells just don't fucking do it.
Where the Wild Things Are -
Based on the childrens book by Maurice Sendak, the story is about a young boy named Max who finds his way onto an island where strange creatures live, to end up becoming their king and trying to bring them closer together.
9 out of 10, an excellent childhood movie for adults, that is freeing and heartfelt.
The effects are amazing, and the director really plays with texture and color, creating a wonderfully imagined land and it's creatures. The characters are all very endearing and innocent, but dark and frightening at times. I can't say all children will flock to it, because it serves best as a nostalgic journey for adults, that really hits your inner child and sense of adventure, but it's totally something I would show to my kid. The ending is a little unsatisfying but it's only slight, and not enough to ruin the whole experience.
It's a great movie, don't even rent, just buy.
Ponyo -
The latest film from animated master Hayao Miyazaki, which is a take on the orginal Hans Christian Andersen story of the little mermaid. Ponyo is one of the many daughters of a wizard and the queen of the sea, who meets a boy on land and wants to stay with him.
9 out of 10, while not his greatest film, it is still as magical and well done as the rest.
It is refreshing to see such an adorable and innocent love story between children instead of adults. I think all of his films teach more patience to the child audiences it reaches in America, because it focuses more on culture, the heart and the magic, rather than jokes and effects, fast face, and celebrity voicing. If you love Miyazaki you are guaranteed to love Ponyo, and if anyone doesn't like this movie, they're pretty much an asshole.