GoT: Fanfiction - Promises, Kingsguards and goodbyes.
"Your brother said I could be part of the Kingsguard, if I wanted to.” Pod said tentatively.
“Honestly, Sansa, I would feel better knowing you’re going back home with Ser Brienne at your side” The sisters were seated ad one of the Red Keeps balconies that somehow survived Daenarys Targaryen’s attack on the city. It was just dumb luck, or irony that it gave them a perfect view of the harbor and the ship that would take Arya on her adventures west of the west. Perfect for a goodbye.
“And if I asked her, she would reject Bran’s offer to become Lord Commander. But I can’t do that to her. No more than I could ask you to stay in Westeros”
“Sansa, I….” and for the first time in weeks Arya feels her resolve crumbling, but Sansa takes her hand to offer some comfort .
“Arya, it’s alright I understand, you need to get away, trust me I understand, I felt trapped here for too long. And after everything we’ve seen, what you have seen…” There are tears in her eyes but she offers a sad smile to her sister “But the North is free and safe, and it will be waiting for you, when you’re ready”
“What if I’m never ready?”
“And what if you are? Forever is a long time and the world may even turn out to be too small for you. I just want you to promise that you’ll stay safe” asked Sansa with way too many emotions in her eyes.
“You know I can’t promise that”
“But you can promise that you’ll try. Don’t be annoying. Just promise” and this time the request was more a tentative sort of teasing, Sansa the wise, trying to put her sister at ease.
“Fine. I promise. But you’ll have to promise too, you grace”
Sansa snorts “Of course I promise, princess Arya”
“Well, I think you’re already breaking your promise by leaving Brienne here.”
“Arya, this has been her lifelong dream, I just can’t-“
“And I agree, but maybe I’m not saying you should ask Brienne back with you?”
“Then what are you saying?”
“Just that there is a perfectly good, newly appointed knight who looks at you like he’s ready to follow you to the end of the world. Hells, he already did and got through alive.”
“ah… you mean Podrick” Sansa said a little wistful, a bit sadly.
“I mean Ser Podrick, yes, who by all accounts shouldn’t even be permitted to take on a chastity vow. Apparently it would be disservice to all women in Westeros”
“Arya!!” Sansa gave an appalled shriek the likes of which Arya hadn’t heard in a long time, probably before they first stepped on Kings Landing. It made her chuckle. It made Sansa chuckle too.
“What? You just said forever is long time, and being in the Kingsguard is an honor, but maybe just maybe, the Lady of Winterfell could save him from a life of … dullness”
“Wow. You have thought about this.” Sansa said trying to steer the conversation from what she too may have heard about Pod.
“I’m just saying. He might not be the best sword in the realms but you feel safe with him, I’ve seen it, and he’d lay his life down for you.”
“I don’t want him to lay down his life. And I don’t want him to come north with me, it would be too complicated”
“Too complicated because you care about him too or because you don’t care about him at all?”
“Too complicated because I do know how he feels, how he looks at me, how he smiles at me and comforts me when no one is looking”
“That doesn’t sound too bad” Arya says and she can feel the irony in her words because that is just precisely what she has running from wasn’t it?
Besides, this is about Sansa right now, who carries on trying to explain “so yes I care about him, like that, at least sometimes feel like I do but even then I’m not… I can’t even think of a man like that, even someone as good as Podrick.”
“Sansa…” Arya was at a loss of words “fuck, you don’t deserve what happened to you”
Sansa took a deep breath “let’s not dwell on it”, she said trying to push the memories away. “Please.”
Arya nodded. What else could she say? the last thing she wanted was to remind her sister of all the awful pain. Especially when they were parting ways in the morning.
After a beat, she continued “You might be right, if you’re not ready to… explore your options with him, it might be better that you’re not too close to each other, I mean what if he just proposes out of the blue way too soon and you really aren’t there yet, maybe you need a little time to settle back into ruling the north, maybe you feel like you have incompatible duties” Arya finished in a somewhat panicked rant
Sansa just raised an eyebrow at her sister, somehow she felt that this conversation had turned into something else, and she would be sure to interrogate her Sister into the late hours of the night when time for sleep and their final goodbye came.
The next morning King Bran, Lady (princess?) Sansa, Ser Brienne and Ser Podrick stood watching a ship sail away into the unknown.
“There are many wonders west of Westeros, but our sister might find herself home at the end of a storm” Said Bran to the incomprehension of Pod and Brienne, but in what made sense to Sansa a lot after her conversation with Arya last night.
“I just hope you mean what I think you mean, brother” Sansa answered, while Pod and Brienne just exchange a look.
After a few minutes Bran broke the silence “Ser, Brienne, would you mind taking me back to the council room, we should make preparations for the first council meeting and I think my sister wished to speak to Podrick in private”.
At that every looked either mortified, in Sansa’s case, nervous in Pod’s case or visibly mystified in the case of Brienne.
“I.. erm… my brother is right, Ser Brienne. Ser Podrick, would you mind staying with me for a few minutes” she said and she could swear she felt a blush spreading at the knight’s inquisitive gaze.
“Of course my lady” he instantly responded and Brienne proceeded to take the king away.
Sansa was both mortified and grateful to her brother because she did not know how to start , the conversation. Hell she didn’t even know what she wanted to say or what she wanted from Pod but she was Sansa Stark and after a deep breath she steeled herself.
“So Podrick, now that you are a knight, have you thought about what you want to do next?”
“Well, of course I thought I would stay with you my lady” he said earnestly “after all we swore an oath to you”.
“Yes, well, Brienne swore an oath to me Ser Podrick, and by keeping my brother safe she will continue to keep it but you are not bound to me in any way”. And right now I selfishly want you to be she dared think for the first time. Thanks Arya.
He gulped and looked her in the eyes “no, I am not, my lady but I’ll kneel for you right now if you want to” and Sansa could swear that he was pleading with her to let him.
“That’s very noble of you Ser, but I want to know what you want. Especially now that you’re a knight like you’ve always wanted, I couldn’t ask you to follow me up north when I know you could be a great Knight of the six kingdoms and get everything you ever wanted.” she smiled at that.
“But, of course you can ask me lady Sansa. You can ask me anything”
“No, Podrick, I can’t. I won’t. When you were a squire, everyone was always telling you what to do, who to rescue, who to serve. I want to know what you want.”
The look on the man’s face could only be described as naked want at this point “what I … you’re too kind, my lady”
“Sansa, just, call me Sansa”
“You’re too kind Sansa, but I wanted to be a knight, beyond that I think you know who I want”
She kept silent just looking at him for far too long, and though he didn’t attempt to amend his statement he tries to give her an out.
“Your brother said I could be part of the Kingsguard, if I wanted to.” Pod said tentatively.
And those words brought back her conversation with Arya from the night before and all of the sudden it was paramount that he would not take those vows “Please don’t do that!” she exclaimed.
“My lady? What... have I done something to offend you, do you not think me worth of protecting our king… my lady I know I’m not the bes-”
“oh no Pod, no, please don’t think that, I’m just asking you not to because, I’m” she gave a frustrated sight at herself “ well I don’t want to make any promises, I’m not sure of much right now except”
“What?”
But instead of answering she just stepped really close to him touched his cheeked and kissed him. For a few second he didn’t respond but well before giving Sansa time to feel insecure he brought his hand to her head, caressing her hair and kissed her back like he had wanted for months now.
After the kiss, Podrick felt even more bewildered and a lot breathless. And stupidly happy. And for a second he looked at her and saw the same feeling reflected on her face, but she was quick to recover and she smiled sadly as she took a step back.
“Sansa?”, he spoke softly afraid of her reaction. “I don’t understand, you kiss me but you don’t want to be with… you don’t want me to go with you. Still?”
“Podrick. I think, I think I do want you to come with me, but as I just said. I don’t want to be selfish and I can’t make any promises, not now. I’m not ready and let’s be honest, I can’t just go back to Winterfell to establish our Kingdom and be in love at the same time. We’ve seen how well that works for us Starks. ”
“You said in love” and of course that’s what he chose to hear, Sansa thought.
“I’m still not ready. Would you give me a few months? I think I have duties in the north and you can learn a lot about being a Knight here, and Brienne could use your help around here” and this time her words did not feel like a dismissal to him, more like the promise she had just said she wouldn’t make.
He nodded with a charming smile as closed the distance she had put between them “yes my lady, I’ll wait for you to be ready.”
“And you won’t take the position as Kingsguard, right?”
“I’m sure I can serve our king in other ways while I’m here my lady Sansa” he said with confidence.
“good” she replied before kissing him again.
:)
“Honestly, Sansa, I would feel better knowing you’re going back home with Ser Brienne at your side” The sisters were seated ad one of the Red Keeps balconies that somehow survived Daenarys Targaryen’s attack on the city. It was just dumb luck, or irony that it gave them a perfect view of the harbor and the ship that would take Arya on her adventures west of the west. Perfect for a goodbye.
“And if I asked her, she would reject Bran’s offer to become Lord Commander. But I can’t do that to her. No more than I could ask you to stay in Westeros”
“Sansa, I….” and for the first time in weeks Arya feels her resolve crumbling, but Sansa takes her hand to offer some comfort .
“Arya, it’s alright I understand, you need to get away, trust me I understand, I felt trapped here for too long. And after everything we’ve seen, what you have seen…” There are tears in her eyes but she offers a sad smile to her sister “But the North is free and safe, and it will be waiting for you, when you’re ready”
“What if I’m never ready?”
“And what if you are? Forever is a long time and the world may even turn out to be too small for you. I just want you to promise that you’ll stay safe” asked Sansa with way too many emotions in her eyes.
“You know I can’t promise that”
“But you can promise that you’ll try. Don’t be annoying. Just promise” and this time the request was more a tentative sort of teasing, Sansa the wise, trying to put her sister at ease.
“Fine. I promise. But you’ll have to promise too, you grace”
Sansa snorts “Of course I promise, princess Arya”
“Well, I think you’re already breaking your promise by leaving Brienne here.”
“Arya, this has been her lifelong dream, I just can’t-“
“And I agree, but maybe I’m not saying you should ask Brienne back with you?”
“Then what are you saying?”
“Just that there is a perfectly good, newly appointed knight who looks at you like he’s ready to follow you to the end of the world. Hells, he already did and got through alive.”
“ah… you mean Podrick” Sansa said a little wistful, a bit sadly.
“I mean Ser Podrick, yes, who by all accounts shouldn’t even be permitted to take on a chastity vow. Apparently it would be disservice to all women in Westeros”
“Arya!!” Sansa gave an appalled shriek the likes of which Arya hadn’t heard in a long time, probably before they first stepped on Kings Landing. It made her chuckle. It made Sansa chuckle too.
“What? You just said forever is long time, and being in the Kingsguard is an honor, but maybe just maybe, the Lady of Winterfell could save him from a life of … dullness”
“Wow. You have thought about this.” Sansa said trying to steer the conversation from what she too may have heard about Pod.
“I’m just saying. He might not be the best sword in the realms but you feel safe with him, I’ve seen it, and he’d lay his life down for you.”
“I don’t want him to lay down his life. And I don’t want him to come north with me, it would be too complicated”
“Too complicated because you care about him too or because you don’t care about him at all?”
“Too complicated because I do know how he feels, how he looks at me, how he smiles at me and comforts me when no one is looking”
“That doesn’t sound too bad” Arya says and she can feel the irony in her words because that is just precisely what she has running from wasn’t it?
Besides, this is about Sansa right now, who carries on trying to explain “so yes I care about him, like that, at least sometimes feel like I do but even then I’m not… I can’t even think of a man like that, even someone as good as Podrick.”
“Sansa…” Arya was at a loss of words “fuck, you don’t deserve what happened to you”
Sansa took a deep breath “let’s not dwell on it”, she said trying to push the memories away. “Please.”
Arya nodded. What else could she say? the last thing she wanted was to remind her sister of all the awful pain. Especially when they were parting ways in the morning.
After a beat, she continued “You might be right, if you’re not ready to… explore your options with him, it might be better that you’re not too close to each other, I mean what if he just proposes out of the blue way too soon and you really aren’t there yet, maybe you need a little time to settle back into ruling the north, maybe you feel like you have incompatible duties” Arya finished in a somewhat panicked rant
Sansa just raised an eyebrow at her sister, somehow she felt that this conversation had turned into something else, and she would be sure to interrogate her Sister into the late hours of the night when time for sleep and their final goodbye came.
The next morning King Bran, Lady (princess?) Sansa, Ser Brienne and Ser Podrick stood watching a ship sail away into the unknown.
“There are many wonders west of Westeros, but our sister might find herself home at the end of a storm” Said Bran to the incomprehension of Pod and Brienne, but in what made sense to Sansa a lot after her conversation with Arya last night.
“I just hope you mean what I think you mean, brother” Sansa answered, while Pod and Brienne just exchange a look.
After a few minutes Bran broke the silence “Ser, Brienne, would you mind taking me back to the council room, we should make preparations for the first council meeting and I think my sister wished to speak to Podrick in private”.
At that every looked either mortified, in Sansa’s case, nervous in Pod’s case or visibly mystified in the case of Brienne.
“I.. erm… my brother is right, Ser Brienne. Ser Podrick, would you mind staying with me for a few minutes” she said and she could swear she felt a blush spreading at the knight’s inquisitive gaze.
“Of course my lady” he instantly responded and Brienne proceeded to take the king away.
Sansa was both mortified and grateful to her brother because she did not know how to start , the conversation. Hell she didn’t even know what she wanted to say or what she wanted from Pod but she was Sansa Stark and after a deep breath she steeled herself.
“So Podrick, now that you are a knight, have you thought about what you want to do next?”
“Well, of course I thought I would stay with you my lady” he said earnestly “after all we swore an oath to you”.
“Yes, well, Brienne swore an oath to me Ser Podrick, and by keeping my brother safe she will continue to keep it but you are not bound to me in any way”. And right now I selfishly want you to be she dared think for the first time. Thanks Arya.
He gulped and looked her in the eyes “no, I am not, my lady but I’ll kneel for you right now if you want to” and Sansa could swear that he was pleading with her to let him.
“That’s very noble of you Ser, but I want to know what you want. Especially now that you’re a knight like you’ve always wanted, I couldn’t ask you to follow me up north when I know you could be a great Knight of the six kingdoms and get everything you ever wanted.” she smiled at that.
“But, of course you can ask me lady Sansa. You can ask me anything”
“No, Podrick, I can’t. I won’t. When you were a squire, everyone was always telling you what to do, who to rescue, who to serve. I want to know what you want.”
The look on the man’s face could only be described as naked want at this point “what I … you’re too kind, my lady”
“Sansa, just, call me Sansa”
“You’re too kind Sansa, but I wanted to be a knight, beyond that I think you know who I want”
She kept silent just looking at him for far too long, and though he didn’t attempt to amend his statement he tries to give her an out.
“Your brother said I could be part of the Kingsguard, if I wanted to.” Pod said tentatively.
And those words brought back her conversation with Arya from the night before and all of the sudden it was paramount that he would not take those vows “Please don’t do that!” she exclaimed.
“My lady? What... have I done something to offend you, do you not think me worth of protecting our king… my lady I know I’m not the bes-”
“oh no Pod, no, please don’t think that, I’m just asking you not to because, I’m” she gave a frustrated sight at herself “ well I don’t want to make any promises, I’m not sure of much right now except”
“What?”
But instead of answering she just stepped really close to him touched his cheeked and kissed him. For a few second he didn’t respond but well before giving Sansa time to feel insecure he brought his hand to her head, caressing her hair and kissed her back like he had wanted for months now.
After the kiss, Podrick felt even more bewildered and a lot breathless. And stupidly happy. And for a second he looked at her and saw the same feeling reflected on her face, but she was quick to recover and she smiled sadly as she took a step back.
“Sansa?”, he spoke softly afraid of her reaction. “I don’t understand, you kiss me but you don’t want to be with… you don’t want me to go with you. Still?”
“Podrick. I think, I think I do want you to come with me, but as I just said. I don’t want to be selfish and I can’t make any promises, not now. I’m not ready and let’s be honest, I can’t just go back to Winterfell to establish our Kingdom and be in love at the same time. We’ve seen how well that works for us Starks. ”
“You said in love” and of course that’s what he chose to hear, Sansa thought.
“I’m still not ready. Would you give me a few months? I think I have duties in the north and you can learn a lot about being a Knight here, and Brienne could use your help around here” and this time her words did not feel like a dismissal to him, more like the promise she had just said she wouldn’t make.
He nodded with a charming smile as closed the distance she had put between them “yes my lady, I’ll wait for you to be ready.”
“And you won’t take the position as Kingsguard, right?”
“I’m sure I can serve our king in other ways while I’m here my lady Sansa” he said with confidence.
“good” she replied before kissing him again.
:)