(no subject)
Intermission to- I love you, I love you, forever, and a day, I had to post this, If you don't want spoilers for my new multi-chapter don't read. If you don't give a shit then go ahead. It makes a good oneshot anyways.
I'll never know.
He looked up from his cluttered desk, blinking away sleep from his eyes, the room around him had grown dark with the setting sun and the smell of Demyx cooking downstairs had awoken him from an unwelcome homework-induced doze, Roxas suddenly remembered what he had forgotten.
“Axel.”
He hadn't exactly wanted to remember, but memories have a way of denying the claim of those who own them by surfacing at the most inconvenient moments, sidling their way into your perfectly respectable thoughts to ruin another day.
- - - - - - - - - -
“Roxas! Get your ass down here!”
You ignore Demyx screaming at you to come down to dinner and instead you trudge down the the darkened hallway of the third story of your family's old house, swinging open the bathroom door before turning to lock yourself in, toes recoiling against the freezing tiles.
It's winter, but you have never remembered being this cold.
The bathroom is messy, it's the one you share with Sora and Demyx, the laundry has overflowed the hamper and the counters are splattered with toothpaste and other unnameable dried up substances. It could be worse but you compulsively begin to tidy up, suddenly you feel like your cousin Namine, but you just doesn't feel like sitting here in squalor, seeing as you don't plan on leaving.
You've pulled out the windex, and are attempting to clean a stubborn smudge off of the mirror, the smell of ammonia making you sick to your empty stomach, you can see your scowling reflection, when Axel, damned Axel, forces his obtrusive way into your mind once more.
Poisonous green eyes and a volatile, spiteful, grin pollute you, as if you weren't already sick..
The soft creme color of the tiles shines through once again and the bottom of the bathtub is no longer coated in grime, You can hear your family downstairs doing the dishes, and you're grateful that the usual chaos has prevented them from noting your absence.
you climb carefully over the edge of the tub and curl there on the bottom, trying not to tremble, or more urgently, to cry. Roxas Strife does not cry.
But you realize then that that is a lie, as you have been crying yourself to sleep for months now, without ever realizing it, and without bothering to hide your tears, yet nobody else has noticed.
You are sixteen years old, and in all those years it's never hurt this much.
You wake up, cramped, sore. You hear your brother outside the door, Cloud is begging you to come out.
“Go away Cloud.”
He does.
And in all those years? You have never been so-- Alone.
It's Tifa now, she says you can stay there as long as you need, she'll be there when you are ready.
You feel so so Selfish.
An hour later, you open the door an inch, ignoring the scream of rusted hinges, and sure enough Tifa is sitting there with a book and a flashlight, she drops both when she sees you, and stands to welcome you into a hug.
You stand there together for a few minutes before gently freeing yourself from her embrace, you do not bother to reassure her, you know she is worried, but you also know she will see through any lie you can spin up, no matter how hard your game face is, she's smarter than your lies, so you just let it be.
“I'm leaving, I'll be back later.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
“Rox, I wish-”
“I'll be fine. I promise.
“Okay, I trust you, and I'll keep your brothers off your back.”
You feel grateful, and you feel disgusted for wishing they would care enough to worry about you anyways.
You leave, out the front door and down the walk. Tifa made you wear a jacket, you laugh to yourself despite the complete lack of humor, and find yourself outside their house.
You ring the bell. Then realize it's past eleven, before you lose it completely and you just don't care, so you ring it five more times.
“Roxas, what on earth?”
Kairi is standing in the blackened doorway, long hair sticking up in all directions and eyeliner smudged in a raccoon pattern around her violet eyes.
An image of her two years comes to you, cropped haircut, tank top, spunky attitude, she has changed so much. You wonder if Axel's coming home was what changed her. It's easy to blame him, and you almost get satisfaction from just letting him take the fall.
“Is Axel around?”
“No, he got in trouble with my grandparents again, he's staying with Reno.”
You curse your stupid heart, why did you even come here? You don't even understand yourself. What were you trying to accomplish? A sense of complete hopelessness crashes down on you and you can't even remember what Axel did or why you care, but you cry anyways.
The look on her face is priceless, because as far as she knows, Roxas Strife doesn't cry.
She'll Never know.
-End intermission
I'll never know.
He looked up from his cluttered desk, blinking away sleep from his eyes, the room around him had grown dark with the setting sun and the smell of Demyx cooking downstairs had awoken him from an unwelcome homework-induced doze, Roxas suddenly remembered what he had forgotten.
“Axel.”
He hadn't exactly wanted to remember, but memories have a way of denying the claim of those who own them by surfacing at the most inconvenient moments, sidling their way into your perfectly respectable thoughts to ruin another day.
- - - - - - - - - -
“Roxas! Get your ass down here!”
You ignore Demyx screaming at you to come down to dinner and instead you trudge down the the darkened hallway of the third story of your family's old house, swinging open the bathroom door before turning to lock yourself in, toes recoiling against the freezing tiles.
It's winter, but you have never remembered being this cold.
The bathroom is messy, it's the one you share with Sora and Demyx, the laundry has overflowed the hamper and the counters are splattered with toothpaste and other unnameable dried up substances. It could be worse but you compulsively begin to tidy up, suddenly you feel like your cousin Namine, but you just doesn't feel like sitting here in squalor, seeing as you don't plan on leaving.
You've pulled out the windex, and are attempting to clean a stubborn smudge off of the mirror, the smell of ammonia making you sick to your empty stomach, you can see your scowling reflection, when Axel, damned Axel, forces his obtrusive way into your mind once more.
Poisonous green eyes and a volatile, spiteful, grin pollute you, as if you weren't already sick..
The soft creme color of the tiles shines through once again and the bottom of the bathtub is no longer coated in grime, You can hear your family downstairs doing the dishes, and you're grateful that the usual chaos has prevented them from noting your absence.
you climb carefully over the edge of the tub and curl there on the bottom, trying not to tremble, or more urgently, to cry. Roxas Strife does not cry.
But you realize then that that is a lie, as you have been crying yourself to sleep for months now, without ever realizing it, and without bothering to hide your tears, yet nobody else has noticed.
You are sixteen years old, and in all those years it's never hurt this much.
You wake up, cramped, sore. You hear your brother outside the door, Cloud is begging you to come out.
“Go away Cloud.”
He does.
And in all those years? You have never been so-- Alone.
It's Tifa now, she says you can stay there as long as you need, she'll be there when you are ready.
You feel so so Selfish.
An hour later, you open the door an inch, ignoring the scream of rusted hinges, and sure enough Tifa is sitting there with a book and a flashlight, she drops both when she sees you, and stands to welcome you into a hug.
You stand there together for a few minutes before gently freeing yourself from her embrace, you do not bother to reassure her, you know she is worried, but you also know she will see through any lie you can spin up, no matter how hard your game face is, she's smarter than your lies, so you just let it be.
“I'm leaving, I'll be back later.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
“Rox, I wish-”
“I'll be fine. I promise.
“Okay, I trust you, and I'll keep your brothers off your back.”
You feel grateful, and you feel disgusted for wishing they would care enough to worry about you anyways.
You leave, out the front door and down the walk. Tifa made you wear a jacket, you laugh to yourself despite the complete lack of humor, and find yourself outside their house.
You ring the bell. Then realize it's past eleven, before you lose it completely and you just don't care, so you ring it five more times.
“Roxas, what on earth?”
Kairi is standing in the blackened doorway, long hair sticking up in all directions and eyeliner smudged in a raccoon pattern around her violet eyes.
An image of her two years comes to you, cropped haircut, tank top, spunky attitude, she has changed so much. You wonder if Axel's coming home was what changed her. It's easy to blame him, and you almost get satisfaction from just letting him take the fall.
“Is Axel around?”
“No, he got in trouble with my grandparents again, he's staying with Reno.”
You curse your stupid heart, why did you even come here? You don't even understand yourself. What were you trying to accomplish? A sense of complete hopelessness crashes down on you and you can't even remember what Axel did or why you care, but you cry anyways.
The look on her face is priceless, because as far as she knows, Roxas Strife doesn't cry.
She'll Never know.
-End intermission