FFVersusXIII: Pareo
Title: Pareo
Fandom: Final Fantasy Versus XIII
Characters: Noctis/Stella
Prompt: #6 Resign ( Lammybug's Prompt List)
Word Count: 3,373
Rating: T
Summary: Time passes and no matter what you may feel, there are things that you are forced to accept.
Disclaimer: For entertainmemt purposes only.
Notes: This is a two parter.
Additional Notes: Pareo is Latin for "to submit".
click banner for links to all my stories.
Pareo
There are things that one can readily and easily accept. Those things that seem reasonable and true. They brought about change and since you have accepted it, the change is achievable. No matter how difficult it may be. There are some things that you fervently reject and no amount of reasoning will change your mind. Then, there were things like this. The things that, no matter what you wanted, no matter what you think, no matter what, are what they are. These things do not bend and do not change. So all you are forced to do is resign yourself to them. Resign yourself to those things that do not allow deviation. Those things that you can no longer control.
It has been nearly ten years since the last time she had seen him. Ten years since she had made the most regrettable decision of her life. If she knew the life that she would lead those ten years without him, she knows that she would have done things differently. Oh, how she would have done things differently. What she had thought was a rational, thoroughly put together decision, had been one the worst possible thing that she could have done. Not only to herself, but to him. It had been blind irrationality. She had betrayed his trust. She had betrayed his confidence. She had betrayed him. With her rejection, she had betrayed them both. It was not until later that she would feel the full consequences of her betrayal. Now she felt it as acutely as if someone had stabbed a knife in her heart. Only now, it was too late.
All this time, her heart still flutters at the mention of his name. A name that had been strictly forbidden to be mentioned in her presence was now spoken on everyone's lips that surrounded her. With just the mere syllables of his name, it felt like a taunt. It felt as if they accused her. They reminded her of what she had done and they judged her and mocked her. She would never outlive the guilt and the shame. There was no erasing the regret. There was never any going back. No matter how much she wished.
Ten years ago, she had been young. She had been in love. She had, had her whole life in front of her. All those dreams that only ones so young can have. Her future had seemed so hopeful. That was the beginning, when she had met him. Despite everything, they had fallen in love. A secret love that had them both creeping in empty hallways and meeting under thick trees in private moments that two lovers always seek. They had shared their dreams and they had shared their souls. Even when the war started, they had continued their love affair. Nothing was strong enough to break what they had. Not even the hate of their own people could change the feelings that they had felt towards the other. Until the day that he had asked her to marry him. She will never forget that day. The day she had ruined her life.
On that day, ten years ago, he had cornered her in an abandoned warehouse during a very heated battle. She had just watched her father get killed in front of her eyes. The sorrow of her fallen king and father had made her hysterical. Knowing this, he had taken her away for a moment to compose herself. He had done this even though it was such a great danger to himself. Even though they were on opposing sides. His hand had not been the one to kill her father but she had blamed him anyway. She had placed the blame of everything on his shoulders, even with the knowledge that he was as much a victim of circumstance as herself. That had been her betrayal. So his proposal had been rejected. His love shunned. He had been tossed out into the coldness of their war with a few well placed words spoken in heated emotion. She can never think back on that day without supreme shame. How she wishes she could take them back.
Then the war had ended. A truce had been called but it was as unsteady as it had been before. Maybe even more so now. Only this time, there was such desperation to have one that the terms were sketchy at best. In their desperation, the nations had all signed it. Noctis' kingdom still bore the final crystal and because of that, was proclaimed the sovereign nation on their planet. She had been in attendance on that fateful day that power was converted solely to him. He had not turned in her direction once. He had not even addressed her when she had been presented to him. He had done nothing. That had been nine years ago.
Now, the threat of war was upon them again and their idiotic solution was that a marriage alliance should be formed. So all eligible royalty of the planet were currently assembled in Nihilsomno to see which would gain the honor of King Noctis' hand. It really did not matter which country, only that he pick one outside of Nihilsomno. For it was the accusation that Noctis would not marry to one outside his own race that had sparked the latest debate. Why else would a man of his station go so long without marrying before? She had asked the same thing, but not for the reason everyone else did. If he had decided to marry someone only within his realm that was his prerogative. She would not have blamed him in the least. At least he could trust someone within his kingdom to be a faithful wife. He had her as a lesson learned. That you could not trust someone who was born your rival and every one of these princesses had always been rivals to him and his dynasty.
Despite her best efforts to avoid this insulting display of frivolity, she had no choice in the matter. She was also unmarried and her kingdom was the closest rival to Nihilsomno than the rest. Her absence would have been seen as a deliberate revolt and could therefore spark another war. So she had no choice but to dress up prettily and stand in a long procession to meet the highly sought after, King of Nihilsomno. Looking at the sea of other pretty faces around her, she noted that she was probably one of the oldest. No, it looked as if she was the oldest one there. Royals married very young and she was not very young anymore. She was nearly thirty and that was unfathomable to one in her position. Noctis was a man and could wait but her? She was not past her prime and a great many within her realm were more than a little worried about her unwed state.
There was nervous excitement in the air around her and she wanted to shrink into the background. She would have if she had a choice in the matter. Her nerves were not excited. She dreaded. Her heart felt as if it would burst from the anticipation of meeting him again. How would he see her now? Would he notice just how much she had aged? Would he even be able to point her out in this crowd of beautiful faces? She does not think so. Not when she was a faded flower among blossoms in full bloom. In a show of effort, she pretended to busy herself with fiddling with the folds of her skirt when the blare of music announced Noctis' arrival in the receiving hall. She forced herself to straighten like the proud monarch she was supposed to be and not shake like the leaf that she had become.
There were so many people within the receiving hall that an hour goes by and she does not even catch a glimpse of his head over the endless rows of people. Then another hour goes by and still, she cannot see him. At the close of this last hour, the reception is forced to come to a close and lunch is to be served directly. Before she can recover her nerves, people are walking and talking all around her and Noctis is gone. She had not even been granted a view of his trademark, midnight spiky hair. Now, they were being ushered to the banquet hall where they would all lunch together. She had no appetite and she knew that her presence would not be missed. So she had escaped to her rooms. She spent that afternoon clutching her chest and willing it to stop its frantic beating. As irrationally as it was, she was disappointed even as she was glad that she was saved the awkward encounter. To be reacquainted under such circumstances would have been a disaster, she was sure.
The next day, she had been arranged to spend the morning with a few ladies from other countries. She does not remember where all of them are from and none of them really introduce themselves anyway. They all being rivals, so each were not inclined to be too friendly. Though there was one that was genuinely friendly. Regardless, the morning was passably going well while she listened on snippets of their conversation. A conversation that all revolved around Noctis naturally.
"He is the most gorgeous man," announced one of the younger princesses, sitting on a couch.
Another fanned herself too, as she agreed. This was the friendly one, Caritas. "And so well put together!"
"I do not think there is any man like him him!" cried another.
That was true. There was no man like Noctis and there never would be. He was one of a kind.
"I notice that I was one of the few that he kissed the hand of yesterday," the first one said smugly. "There was a look in his eye when he looked into mine."
"Not just in yours!" protested Caritas.
"He may not have kissed mine, but he definitely held my hand longest," pointed out the third.
"I trust I find you ladies well?" asked a voice that has them all whirling around to face the door.
All except her, who had actually turned in the opposite direction when she had heard the first word.
"Very well, your Majesty," gushed the first, who stood quickly to address him. From the corner of her eye, she noticed that the girl offered Noctis her hand and he takes it.
"I was just on my way to see to a few errands and wondered if any of you would join me," he said politely.
"Oh, Stella does that not sound like a great idea!" suggested Caritas.
It forced her to turn and regard him for the first time. Even after all these years, time could not change how she has always reacted to see him. She forced herself not to gape at just how good time had been to him. He was even more handsome than when she had known him. Even if he was without the knowing smirk that was usually on his face.
"Oh I think you must not have met Stella yesterday," said the first, knowing that she no longer had Noctis' attention.
"I know Stella," he said in a hardened tone. "We have met before."
Three faces turned to look at her in question and she could do nothing but fake a smile.
"You already know each other?" asked the third curiously, looking at her with new light.
"We met at a party a long time ago," she answered lamely.
"I am afraid I only have three extra seats in my car," he apologized to the other three. "So you must decide amongst yourselves."
"I have a few duties that I must check on back in Tenebrae," she said quickly, before the other three could get ugly about the favored position of going anywhere with Noctis.
"Are you sure, Stella?" asked Caritas.
"Yes," she said, looking at Noctis. There was a carefully blank expression on his face that was not entirely inviting anyway. "I am sure. The three of you go with King Noctis."
"You are such a dear," gushed Caritas, who came close and kissed her cheek.
"Just tell me the details later," she whispered so only she can hear. She hoped she sounded sincere.
"I will," Caritas whispered back. They both turn to see that Noctis had already left the room and the girl scurries after them.
As soon as they are gone and the door is shut, she collapsed into a chair. The tears fell down her cheeks as she wept uncontrollably. It should have gotten better after that. That was the worst. She had seen him. That was going to be awkward and now that it was over, they could get on from this. After so many years, they had finally been in the same room. They had already addressed each other. She was able to hear the tenor of his voice. Then he was gone. So quickly. A brief moment and then he had vanished. She did not deserve a proper good bye anyway. It was clear that he had not forgiven her. What reason did he have to? She had been so horrible to him. She had deserted him. She had disappointed him. She had destroyed the faith he had placed on their love. His faith, which was so hard to win, was rebuffed. How could she have done that, when what they had, had was never to be duplicated with another? Such unity between two hearts was something that only happened once, if at all. It was gone and she had no one to blame but herself for its loss.
Now, they were like strangers. Perhaps they were actually worse than that. Their harmony was no longer. No longer to be together again. This was an actual severing of souls. It hurt, most fervently. It was so painful that she could only weep bitterly. He had denied her and will now choose another. As was his right to. All she was left to do was watch the inevitable as it happened. Watch in silent agony as he attached himself to someone else. Then, he would eventually marry another while she would be forced to sit there with the knowledge that she could have been there all along. The place by his side could have been hers and it was her own fault that she was not.
The days following that were tortuous. Day by day, she had to stand by while he seemed to visit each other lady individually. Well, the ones that he preferred of course. Every day saw the departure of an endless line of ladies. She cannot say she disagreed with the ones that he sent off quickly. The only reason she was allowed to stay was because it would be an insult to boot her out of the running so soon. She was still Noctis' biggest rival when it came to power and wealth. No matter that he must despise her. He did not make any arrangements to meet with her and she did not begrudge him that. What was there to say? Call her a coward, but she would rather be denied him telling her he would not be picking her verbally. She was just waiting for the day when someone would be sent to her rooms and give her the farewell speech before she was packing her bags and being on her way. Then there would just be the customary waiting period before invitations for a wedding union would be sent out. She just hoped that he would make a good decision about who he ended up picking.
During these days, she had been in his company more than once of course. He could not avoid her entirely and she secretly relished any moment she could see him. Especially now that he was still unattached. No matter that it pained her too. They did not speak very frequently but they did exchange words. They had been short conversations but the underlying resentment and tension was there and prevented any indepth discussions that they were used to. They used to be able to say anything to each other. Now, they had to be careful not to say too much. She thinks that the meals shared together were the most torturous. In the social settings, it was easy to fall back and let others dominate a conversation because there were plenty of things to distract them. A meal, however, was closed off so one was forced to make conversation or else be noticed as too quiet by everyone else. Those were the hardest for her to take. These past few days, she had heard snide comments leave his mouth about women who were inconstant and feeble. He had expressed his wish to find someone who was in more control of herself and kept to her vows. That had stung, but it was true. Of course he would want someone that was the opposite of her. One who did not show a feebleness of character.
"Don't you think so, Stella?"
"What?" she asked, coming out of her inner musings. She lifts her head to see everyone, including Noctis, staring at her from around the table.
"Men are not the most reliable creatures themselves," explained Caritas to her right.
"But you have to say that in poetry, they are always talking about the fickleness of women," countered one of Noctis' friends across from her. The one that always said the most amusing things.
"Most poets are men," she commented. She could see Noctis' two other friends smirk at her observation and she wanted to smile too. Mostly she wanted to look at Noctis but she knew she could not.
"I guess that's true," he conceded, scratching his scruff blond hair.
"But would they speak of it so endlessly if it weren't true?" commented the one with glasses.
She had to concede that point.
"I suppose to deny that would be foolish," she said with a smile. "But I can this in defense of my own experiences. Why only hope that you be patient when we have our moments of rashness. We can be true. Because we love longest, even when all hope is gone."
Her eyes could not help but look at Noctis when she says this and finds that his eyes are not looking to her at all. They are toward the lady on her right. To Caritas, who was far younger, more vibrant and far more certain of her feelings. She was confident. The funny friend she had been speaking to was looking at Caritas as well, while the other two were watching her carefully. They had both seen her look towards Noctis. She contains the sad sigh that threatens to escape her lips and brings another mouthful of food to her mouth that she does not taste.
It was now the last day of this torment. She cannot believe that she is still here. Noctis would announce his fiance the next day. Her rational mind tells her that he may have wanted her there since Caritas clearly favored her and Caritas was the favored of the ones that had been chosen to remain thus far. She had wept uncontrollably the night before, when the sweet girl had come to her, mentioning materials that could only be for a bridal gown. The pain had been unbearable and she had shut off every light within her rooms later so she would not see how pathetically she was crying. She woke up earlier feeling a numb void in her heart. After the flow of tears had subsided, she had resigned herself to the inevitable news. News that would come in the form of a letter that had yet to be delivered to her rooms. She dreaded that letter and wished that she could hide. Maybe she could hide so well that she need never be seen again.
The knock on her door startles her and fresh tears threaten to leak through her eyes once more.
The moment had come.
TBC
Fandom: Final Fantasy Versus XIII
Characters: Noctis/Stella
Prompt: #6 Resign ( Lammybug's Prompt List)
Word Count: 3,373
Rating: T
Summary: Time passes and no matter what you may feel, there are things that you are forced to accept.
Disclaimer: For entertainmemt purposes only.
Notes: This is a two parter.
Additional Notes: Pareo is Latin for "to submit".
click banner for links to all my stories.
Pareo
There are things that one can readily and easily accept. Those things that seem reasonable and true. They brought about change and since you have accepted it, the change is achievable. No matter how difficult it may be. There are some things that you fervently reject and no amount of reasoning will change your mind. Then, there were things like this. The things that, no matter what you wanted, no matter what you think, no matter what, are what they are. These things do not bend and do not change. So all you are forced to do is resign yourself to them. Resign yourself to those things that do not allow deviation. Those things that you can no longer control.
It has been nearly ten years since the last time she had seen him. Ten years since she had made the most regrettable decision of her life. If she knew the life that she would lead those ten years without him, she knows that she would have done things differently. Oh, how she would have done things differently. What she had thought was a rational, thoroughly put together decision, had been one the worst possible thing that she could have done. Not only to herself, but to him. It had been blind irrationality. She had betrayed his trust. She had betrayed his confidence. She had betrayed him. With her rejection, she had betrayed them both. It was not until later that she would feel the full consequences of her betrayal. Now she felt it as acutely as if someone had stabbed a knife in her heart. Only now, it was too late.
All this time, her heart still flutters at the mention of his name. A name that had been strictly forbidden to be mentioned in her presence was now spoken on everyone's lips that surrounded her. With just the mere syllables of his name, it felt like a taunt. It felt as if they accused her. They reminded her of what she had done and they judged her and mocked her. She would never outlive the guilt and the shame. There was no erasing the regret. There was never any going back. No matter how much she wished.
Ten years ago, she had been young. She had been in love. She had, had her whole life in front of her. All those dreams that only ones so young can have. Her future had seemed so hopeful. That was the beginning, when she had met him. Despite everything, they had fallen in love. A secret love that had them both creeping in empty hallways and meeting under thick trees in private moments that two lovers always seek. They had shared their dreams and they had shared their souls. Even when the war started, they had continued their love affair. Nothing was strong enough to break what they had. Not even the hate of their own people could change the feelings that they had felt towards the other. Until the day that he had asked her to marry him. She will never forget that day. The day she had ruined her life.
On that day, ten years ago, he had cornered her in an abandoned warehouse during a very heated battle. She had just watched her father get killed in front of her eyes. The sorrow of her fallen king and father had made her hysterical. Knowing this, he had taken her away for a moment to compose herself. He had done this even though it was such a great danger to himself. Even though they were on opposing sides. His hand had not been the one to kill her father but she had blamed him anyway. She had placed the blame of everything on his shoulders, even with the knowledge that he was as much a victim of circumstance as herself. That had been her betrayal. So his proposal had been rejected. His love shunned. He had been tossed out into the coldness of their war with a few well placed words spoken in heated emotion. She can never think back on that day without supreme shame. How she wishes she could take them back.
Then the war had ended. A truce had been called but it was as unsteady as it had been before. Maybe even more so now. Only this time, there was such desperation to have one that the terms were sketchy at best. In their desperation, the nations had all signed it. Noctis' kingdom still bore the final crystal and because of that, was proclaimed the sovereign nation on their planet. She had been in attendance on that fateful day that power was converted solely to him. He had not turned in her direction once. He had not even addressed her when she had been presented to him. He had done nothing. That had been nine years ago.
Now, the threat of war was upon them again and their idiotic solution was that a marriage alliance should be formed. So all eligible royalty of the planet were currently assembled in Nihilsomno to see which would gain the honor of King Noctis' hand. It really did not matter which country, only that he pick one outside of Nihilsomno. For it was the accusation that Noctis would not marry to one outside his own race that had sparked the latest debate. Why else would a man of his station go so long without marrying before? She had asked the same thing, but not for the reason everyone else did. If he had decided to marry someone only within his realm that was his prerogative. She would not have blamed him in the least. At least he could trust someone within his kingdom to be a faithful wife. He had her as a lesson learned. That you could not trust someone who was born your rival and every one of these princesses had always been rivals to him and his dynasty.
Despite her best efforts to avoid this insulting display of frivolity, she had no choice in the matter. She was also unmarried and her kingdom was the closest rival to Nihilsomno than the rest. Her absence would have been seen as a deliberate revolt and could therefore spark another war. So she had no choice but to dress up prettily and stand in a long procession to meet the highly sought after, King of Nihilsomno. Looking at the sea of other pretty faces around her, she noted that she was probably one of the oldest. No, it looked as if she was the oldest one there. Royals married very young and she was not very young anymore. She was nearly thirty and that was unfathomable to one in her position. Noctis was a man and could wait but her? She was not past her prime and a great many within her realm were more than a little worried about her unwed state.
There was nervous excitement in the air around her and she wanted to shrink into the background. She would have if she had a choice in the matter. Her nerves were not excited. She dreaded. Her heart felt as if it would burst from the anticipation of meeting him again. How would he see her now? Would he notice just how much she had aged? Would he even be able to point her out in this crowd of beautiful faces? She does not think so. Not when she was a faded flower among blossoms in full bloom. In a show of effort, she pretended to busy herself with fiddling with the folds of her skirt when the blare of music announced Noctis' arrival in the receiving hall. She forced herself to straighten like the proud monarch she was supposed to be and not shake like the leaf that she had become.
There were so many people within the receiving hall that an hour goes by and she does not even catch a glimpse of his head over the endless rows of people. Then another hour goes by and still, she cannot see him. At the close of this last hour, the reception is forced to come to a close and lunch is to be served directly. Before she can recover her nerves, people are walking and talking all around her and Noctis is gone. She had not even been granted a view of his trademark, midnight spiky hair. Now, they were being ushered to the banquet hall where they would all lunch together. She had no appetite and she knew that her presence would not be missed. So she had escaped to her rooms. She spent that afternoon clutching her chest and willing it to stop its frantic beating. As irrationally as it was, she was disappointed even as she was glad that she was saved the awkward encounter. To be reacquainted under such circumstances would have been a disaster, she was sure.
The next day, she had been arranged to spend the morning with a few ladies from other countries. She does not remember where all of them are from and none of them really introduce themselves anyway. They all being rivals, so each were not inclined to be too friendly. Though there was one that was genuinely friendly. Regardless, the morning was passably going well while she listened on snippets of their conversation. A conversation that all revolved around Noctis naturally.
"He is the most gorgeous man," announced one of the younger princesses, sitting on a couch.
Another fanned herself too, as she agreed. This was the friendly one, Caritas. "And so well put together!"
"I do not think there is any man like him him!" cried another.
That was true. There was no man like Noctis and there never would be. He was one of a kind.
"I notice that I was one of the few that he kissed the hand of yesterday," the first one said smugly. "There was a look in his eye when he looked into mine."
"Not just in yours!" protested Caritas.
"He may not have kissed mine, but he definitely held my hand longest," pointed out the third.
"I trust I find you ladies well?" asked a voice that has them all whirling around to face the door.
All except her, who had actually turned in the opposite direction when she had heard the first word.
"Very well, your Majesty," gushed the first, who stood quickly to address him. From the corner of her eye, she noticed that the girl offered Noctis her hand and he takes it.
"I was just on my way to see to a few errands and wondered if any of you would join me," he said politely.
"Oh, Stella does that not sound like a great idea!" suggested Caritas.
It forced her to turn and regard him for the first time. Even after all these years, time could not change how she has always reacted to see him. She forced herself not to gape at just how good time had been to him. He was even more handsome than when she had known him. Even if he was without the knowing smirk that was usually on his face.
"Oh I think you must not have met Stella yesterday," said the first, knowing that she no longer had Noctis' attention.
"I know Stella," he said in a hardened tone. "We have met before."
Three faces turned to look at her in question and she could do nothing but fake a smile.
"You already know each other?" asked the third curiously, looking at her with new light.
"We met at a party a long time ago," she answered lamely.
"I am afraid I only have three extra seats in my car," he apologized to the other three. "So you must decide amongst yourselves."
"I have a few duties that I must check on back in Tenebrae," she said quickly, before the other three could get ugly about the favored position of going anywhere with Noctis.
"Are you sure, Stella?" asked Caritas.
"Yes," she said, looking at Noctis. There was a carefully blank expression on his face that was not entirely inviting anyway. "I am sure. The three of you go with King Noctis."
"You are such a dear," gushed Caritas, who came close and kissed her cheek.
"Just tell me the details later," she whispered so only she can hear. She hoped she sounded sincere.
"I will," Caritas whispered back. They both turn to see that Noctis had already left the room and the girl scurries after them.
As soon as they are gone and the door is shut, she collapsed into a chair. The tears fell down her cheeks as she wept uncontrollably. It should have gotten better after that. That was the worst. She had seen him. That was going to be awkward and now that it was over, they could get on from this. After so many years, they had finally been in the same room. They had already addressed each other. She was able to hear the tenor of his voice. Then he was gone. So quickly. A brief moment and then he had vanished. She did not deserve a proper good bye anyway. It was clear that he had not forgiven her. What reason did he have to? She had been so horrible to him. She had deserted him. She had disappointed him. She had destroyed the faith he had placed on their love. His faith, which was so hard to win, was rebuffed. How could she have done that, when what they had, had was never to be duplicated with another? Such unity between two hearts was something that only happened once, if at all. It was gone and she had no one to blame but herself for its loss.
Now, they were like strangers. Perhaps they were actually worse than that. Their harmony was no longer. No longer to be together again. This was an actual severing of souls. It hurt, most fervently. It was so painful that she could only weep bitterly. He had denied her and will now choose another. As was his right to. All she was left to do was watch the inevitable as it happened. Watch in silent agony as he attached himself to someone else. Then, he would eventually marry another while she would be forced to sit there with the knowledge that she could have been there all along. The place by his side could have been hers and it was her own fault that she was not.
The days following that were tortuous. Day by day, she had to stand by while he seemed to visit each other lady individually. Well, the ones that he preferred of course. Every day saw the departure of an endless line of ladies. She cannot say she disagreed with the ones that he sent off quickly. The only reason she was allowed to stay was because it would be an insult to boot her out of the running so soon. She was still Noctis' biggest rival when it came to power and wealth. No matter that he must despise her. He did not make any arrangements to meet with her and she did not begrudge him that. What was there to say? Call her a coward, but she would rather be denied him telling her he would not be picking her verbally. She was just waiting for the day when someone would be sent to her rooms and give her the farewell speech before she was packing her bags and being on her way. Then there would just be the customary waiting period before invitations for a wedding union would be sent out. She just hoped that he would make a good decision about who he ended up picking.
During these days, she had been in his company more than once of course. He could not avoid her entirely and she secretly relished any moment she could see him. Especially now that he was still unattached. No matter that it pained her too. They did not speak very frequently but they did exchange words. They had been short conversations but the underlying resentment and tension was there and prevented any indepth discussions that they were used to. They used to be able to say anything to each other. Now, they had to be careful not to say too much. She thinks that the meals shared together were the most torturous. In the social settings, it was easy to fall back and let others dominate a conversation because there were plenty of things to distract them. A meal, however, was closed off so one was forced to make conversation or else be noticed as too quiet by everyone else. Those were the hardest for her to take. These past few days, she had heard snide comments leave his mouth about women who were inconstant and feeble. He had expressed his wish to find someone who was in more control of herself and kept to her vows. That had stung, but it was true. Of course he would want someone that was the opposite of her. One who did not show a feebleness of character.
"Don't you think so, Stella?"
"What?" she asked, coming out of her inner musings. She lifts her head to see everyone, including Noctis, staring at her from around the table.
"Men are not the most reliable creatures themselves," explained Caritas to her right.
"But you have to say that in poetry, they are always talking about the fickleness of women," countered one of Noctis' friends across from her. The one that always said the most amusing things.
"Most poets are men," she commented. She could see Noctis' two other friends smirk at her observation and she wanted to smile too. Mostly she wanted to look at Noctis but she knew she could not.
"I guess that's true," he conceded, scratching his scruff blond hair.
"But would they speak of it so endlessly if it weren't true?" commented the one with glasses.
She had to concede that point.
"I suppose to deny that would be foolish," she said with a smile. "But I can this in defense of my own experiences. Why only hope that you be patient when we have our moments of rashness. We can be true. Because we love longest, even when all hope is gone."
Her eyes could not help but look at Noctis when she says this and finds that his eyes are not looking to her at all. They are toward the lady on her right. To Caritas, who was far younger, more vibrant and far more certain of her feelings. She was confident. The funny friend she had been speaking to was looking at Caritas as well, while the other two were watching her carefully. They had both seen her look towards Noctis. She contains the sad sigh that threatens to escape her lips and brings another mouthful of food to her mouth that she does not taste.
It was now the last day of this torment. She cannot believe that she is still here. Noctis would announce his fiance the next day. Her rational mind tells her that he may have wanted her there since Caritas clearly favored her and Caritas was the favored of the ones that had been chosen to remain thus far. She had wept uncontrollably the night before, when the sweet girl had come to her, mentioning materials that could only be for a bridal gown. The pain had been unbearable and she had shut off every light within her rooms later so she would not see how pathetically she was crying. She woke up earlier feeling a numb void in her heart. After the flow of tears had subsided, she had resigned herself to the inevitable news. News that would come in the form of a letter that had yet to be delivered to her rooms. She dreaded that letter and wished that she could hide. Maybe she could hide so well that she need never be seen again.
The knock on her door startles her and fresh tears threaten to leak through her eyes once more.
The moment had come.
TBC