I really needed to hear this
I’ve been reading Press On by Joseph B. Wirthlin. Today I was reading the chapter entitled One Step After Another which is based on his October 2001 General Conference address. I found the whole thing very inspiring but one passage in particular stuck out at me. It was something I very much needed to hear. He said:
“Let me cite a hypothetical example of a dear sister in any ward, the one who has perfect children who never cause a disturbance in church. She is the one working on her 20th generation in her family history, keeps an immaculate home, has memorized the book of Mark, and makes wool sweaters for the orphaned children in Romania. No disrespect, of course, intended for any of these worthy goals. Now, when you get tempted to throw your hands in the air and give up because of this dear sister, please remember you’re not competing with her any more than I’m competing with the members of the Quorum of the Twelve in winning a 50-yard dash.”
This is something I struggle with constantly. I learn the lesson then forget it and God knocks on my head saying, “Hello? Remember this? Try not to forget it this time.” A year and a half ago, I found myself seriously stressed out resulting in debilitating tension headaches that lasted for three months straight. My stress was in thinking I had to do everything all by myself. And by everything I mean, I had to be SuperMom, SuperWoman, SuperWife, SuperPrimaryTeacher, SuperEverything. I had also set my writing aside completely to be SuperCritPartner and spent all my free time working on manuscripts for people who in the end didn’t appreciate a single bit of my efforts nor the sacrifices I made to help them out. I also had other struggles at the time that added to my stress. And through it all, I refused to complain or even to mention just how stressed I was. I didn’t even talk to my husband about it. I tried to deal with everything on my own. The reason for this was because I had a voice in my head that was placed there by someone I know that was saying, “What right do you have to complain? So-and-so has things so much worse than you do and they don’t complain. They handle it so much better than you’re handling all this stupid stuff.”
Well, it got to the point where I almost put myself in the hospital and my husband said enough was enough. I had to start taking care of myself and I had better learn to say no to people, darn it! I had to learn to accept the fact that I have limits. I can’t do everything, I can’t be everything and that’s okay. I also had to learn that it’s okay to take time out for me and that just because so-and-so may seem to have worse problems than me doesn’t negate the fact that my trials are very real. Life is not a competition to see if I can be better than so-and-so or to compare my trials to someone else’s and judge myself or them based on how we each appear to be handling them.
Apparently I needed to learn this lesson again. Only this time, instead of applying it to my life in general, it needs to be applied to my writing. I’ve been getting so caught up in trying to “hurry up and get it finished.” But in doing so, I’ve lost enthusiasm for my work and my story has suffered. I really needed a reminder that just because many of the writers I know/am getting to know are finished with their books and submitting and finding agents or are already published, doesn’t mean that I’m somehow losing the race because I’m still not finished with mine. There is no race. I’m not competing against anyone, I have no deadlines. This is not even why I write in the first place. Publication, if I’m lucky enough for that to happen down the road, is just icing on the cake. I’ve lost my perspective and I need to get it back.
I need to remember that it’s perfectly okay for me to be where I’m at right now. Everyone has their own speeds and we’re all at different places in our journeys as writers. I’ll eventually get to the same destination that my friends are currently at, but it will be in my own time. Until then, I need to enjoy every step of the way and not be ashamed, embarrassed or frustrated by where I’m at now. Because it’s okay.
“Let me cite a hypothetical example of a dear sister in any ward, the one who has perfect children who never cause a disturbance in church. She is the one working on her 20th generation in her family history, keeps an immaculate home, has memorized the book of Mark, and makes wool sweaters for the orphaned children in Romania. No disrespect, of course, intended for any of these worthy goals. Now, when you get tempted to throw your hands in the air and give up because of this dear sister, please remember you’re not competing with her any more than I’m competing with the members of the Quorum of the Twelve in winning a 50-yard dash.”
This is something I struggle with constantly. I learn the lesson then forget it and God knocks on my head saying, “Hello? Remember this? Try not to forget it this time.” A year and a half ago, I found myself seriously stressed out resulting in debilitating tension headaches that lasted for three months straight. My stress was in thinking I had to do everything all by myself. And by everything I mean, I had to be SuperMom, SuperWoman, SuperWife, SuperPrimaryTeacher, SuperEverything. I had also set my writing aside completely to be SuperCritPartner and spent all my free time working on manuscripts for people who in the end didn’t appreciate a single bit of my efforts nor the sacrifices I made to help them out. I also had other struggles at the time that added to my stress. And through it all, I refused to complain or even to mention just how stressed I was. I didn’t even talk to my husband about it. I tried to deal with everything on my own. The reason for this was because I had a voice in my head that was placed there by someone I know that was saying, “What right do you have to complain? So-and-so has things so much worse than you do and they don’t complain. They handle it so much better than you’re handling all this stupid stuff.”
Well, it got to the point where I almost put myself in the hospital and my husband said enough was enough. I had to start taking care of myself and I had better learn to say no to people, darn it! I had to learn to accept the fact that I have limits. I can’t do everything, I can’t be everything and that’s okay. I also had to learn that it’s okay to take time out for me and that just because so-and-so may seem to have worse problems than me doesn’t negate the fact that my trials are very real. Life is not a competition to see if I can be better than so-and-so or to compare my trials to someone else’s and judge myself or them based on how we each appear to be handling them.
Apparently I needed to learn this lesson again. Only this time, instead of applying it to my life in general, it needs to be applied to my writing. I’ve been getting so caught up in trying to “hurry up and get it finished.” But in doing so, I’ve lost enthusiasm for my work and my story has suffered. I really needed a reminder that just because many of the writers I know/am getting to know are finished with their books and submitting and finding agents or are already published, doesn’t mean that I’m somehow losing the race because I’m still not finished with mine. There is no race. I’m not competing against anyone, I have no deadlines. This is not even why I write in the first place. Publication, if I’m lucky enough for that to happen down the road, is just icing on the cake. I’ve lost my perspective and I need to get it back.
I need to remember that it’s perfectly okay for me to be where I’m at right now. Everyone has their own speeds and we’re all at different places in our journeys as writers. I’ll eventually get to the same destination that my friends are currently at, but it will be in my own time. Until then, I need to enjoy every step of the way and not be ashamed, embarrassed or frustrated by where I’m at now. Because it’s okay.