Special Collections, Sunday Afternoon, Somewhere Slightly Different
Sheriff
The sheriff's office was small, and cozy, and not technically intended to hold over ten people. There were wanted posters on the wall, a shotgun cradled by a display case, a desk, and a clock.
And a rug that looked like it'd come straight off the bear.
Belthazor
"What the hell?" Bel muttered, coming around the corner and stumbling into the sheriff's office. "When did they put this in here?"
Not that he was terribly familiar with the layout of the library, since he rarely, if ever, was there while he'd been attending school. But still. Sheriff's office in the library.
Nice rug, though.
Anakin
"My office is better," Anakin decided helpfully, walking over to examine the wanted posters in case he recognized any of the faces. If Umbridge was on one, he might laugh for the first time in days.
Bo
"My office is better," Bo said from the doorway, pleased to see a familiar face after getting turned around in a row of shelves that had suddenly become a hedge-maze of shelves, complete with spiky brambles growing out of the books. "There'd be video feeds to show us what the hell's going on around here."
Anakin
"Why would we expect anything easy like that right now?" Anakin said with a little scowl. "I, for one, am totally looking forward to living in a creepy library for the rest of my life where I end up in some sheriff's office randomly when I go looking for coffee."
That was very productive, Anakin.
Bo
"...Is there coffee?"
Who cared about wanted posters and bearskin rugs when the important questions lay unanswered?
Anakin
"I haven't found any yet, but it's a law enforcement office. It has to be somewhere," Anakin replied.
Karla
Karla did not make the most inconspicuous of entrances. After staying up playing Topher's ridiculous game of...whatever...she'd headed back over to the little nest she'd made in one corner of Special Collections. You could perhaps manage her surprise when, on her way, she'd fallen into a well (and what in the name of the Darkness was a well doing in the middle of--oh, never mind).
Rather than getting wet, however, she'd found herself in a tiny village, where she'd rescued some bread from burning, shook an apple tree, and then kept house for a rather scary looking female with gigantic teeth.
Mother Holle had found Karla to be sharp-tongued and grumpy, but a very hard worker. After much consideration, she'd managed to come up with a compromise: every time Karla spoke something would fall out of her mouth, depending on what exactly she was saying. Karla hadn't exactly been fond of anything falling out of her mouth, but considering her other option had been getting covered with pitch and then a shower of gold, she was counting herself lucky.
"This is bloody ridiculous!" she said, upon entering the sheriff's office. Two toads and a baby salamander fell on her shoes. "And had better be temporary or I'll find that crazy old woman again and--" They were joined by seven little lizards who all looked up at her reproachfully.
Jon
Jon just stared at Karla. "Okay, that is the weirdest thing ever."
Karla
"Bullshit," Karla said, only to have several moths fly out of her mouth. "Ew. That's so gross." To be joined by two mottled toads.
"Apparently, if I'm nice enough, I'll drop jewelry, too," she added with a sigh. "Speaking of, it's good to see you, Jon."
See? Look at that! A lovely bit of polished coral landed on one of the toads.
Jon
Jon reached down to pick up the piece of coral and nodded. "Yep, still the weirdest. And yet, the coolest too."
He glanced down at his bare feet and then looked back at Karla and grinned. "I don't suppose you could magic or talk me up a pair of shoes or boots, could you?"
Karla
"Just jewels and frogs I'm afraid," Karla said, looking rather put out. "And nothing I have vanished away will fit you. I could try my shower sandals, if you wanted?"
Apparently offering to help was close enough to nice to add a tiger's eye and a cameo brooch in onyx. Yay?
Jon
Yeah, Jon was just going to pick those up too. It was like a really cool toy game, only you got really awesome stuff instead of cheap toys!
"Nah. I'll just see if there's some place around here to get something that fits. So... what's your favorite place in the world?"
Karla
Karla's first instinct was to say 'Hawaii,' but even thinking about it caused a welter of pain and confusion in her chest. The world didn't exist anymore. Neither did Warren.
"Never mind," she said, irritated. She half-heartedly aimed a swat at his head. "I'm not babbling on just to finance your decadent bachelor lifestyle. Talk to me after we rescue everyone and kick those bastards off our island."
Jon
"Actually, my decadent bachelor lifestyle needs nothing more than beer and a good football game. I was going to use these to go holiday shopping when we got back."
Because he was damn optimistic like that.
Surreal
Surreal had been as far to 'outside' as possible, prowling around the edges of Special Collections to look for anything strange (stranger?) when she turned a corner in town and found herself...here. Wherever 'here' was.
"Darkness," she swore, pulling the two long, wickedly-curved hunting blades from their sheathes. "What sort of tainted Craft is this?"
Karla
"This isn't a Black Widow's work," Karla replied, for once not annoyed by the fact that it was Surreal she was talking to. "I checked. Not even a hint of Craft or a tangled web."
Granted she might not be able to tell if this were the work of a much darker Jeweled Black Widow, like Saetan or Jaenelle. But the odds of that being true were pretty slim.
Blue energy crackled around her hands. She didn't like this place, either.
Surreal
"Save your Craft until we need it, Queenling," Surreal muttered, shifting slightly so she could pull yet another knife out of the back of her boot and offer it over to Karla. "No telling what will need healing before the day is done."
Karla
"Don't tell me how to use my Craft!" Karla flared. Someone didn't do well on short sleep. As the full grown newt that had fallen from her mouth could probably attest. Sighing, Karla allowed the energy to fade. "You're right," she said stiffly. "No reason to be bitchy at you."
Aww, much better. That resulted in four pearls, a diamond, and a tarantula.
Apparently, Mother Holle didn't approve of swearing, even in an apology.
Surreal
That was...Surreal blinked, and it took a great deal of effort not to giggle hysterically. "You spit Jewels, now?" she asked, picking up the diamond and giving it a good shake. "Doesn't feel like there's any spark to it."
Karla
"Well, where did you think the clear Jewels come from?" Karla asked smiling for the first time since she'd fallen down the well. "The ones we use as beacons on the Winds? I'm very special."
Two emeralds and a pink sapphire. "And those just haven't bonded with anyone yet," she explained primly.
Surreal
"They can bond to me," Surreal offered, petting one of the emeralds. "Hello, pretties. Would you like to join my uncut Green?"
Which was stashed away quite safe, thank you, until Surreal grew into her power a bit more and could afford to get it cut properly. She was still wearing Titian's Green, albeit with the sight-shield wrapped tightly around it.
Karla
"Happy Winsol," Karla said, giving Surreal a wry smile as she cooed at the jewels. "If the bar comes back to the island, though, you're buying me a drink with one of those."
Or with the diamond, if Surreal was too fond of the emeralds to part with it. Karla wasn't picky.
Jon
Jon had been holed up in a small alcove of the SC, sleeping, and thought he was damn lucky to have been dressed. As it was, he didn't have shoes on.
"Well, this is different," he said, looking around.
Jono
You know, being led on a wild adventure by a chain-smoking six-foot-tall ferret in a leather jacket had never been Jonothon's idea of fun. Especially when it involved being chased around by a tyrannosaurus-like thing with eye-stalks. And leprechauns. And a mixed-up sense of deja-vu. But really, it was probably best not to get into the nitpicky little details of how Jono had come to be in the sheriff's office, wearing a kilt and carrying a sword.
This sort of thing was mostly old-hat for former Generation X-ers.
"Really? I can't stand Westerns."
Jon
Jon wasn't going to mention the kilt or the sword, because he was Stargate alum over here. Weird shit happened.
"I use to like them."
Jono
"Until right this minute?" Jono offered Jon a wry smile. "Too American for me."
Said the big blue British man who was inexplicably wearing a kilt. Multiculturalism never hurt anybody, Jonothon.
"Or, if being in Special Collections is any indication, too insane for me."
Jon
"Oh, come on. The SC isn't that bad." Really, Jon, it was. Even if you didn't think so.
Jono
"Back when I worked in the library, it tried to kill me on more than one occasion when I went in to re-shelve books," Jono shared idly. "Anemone suggested that I offer it pie, once. That... almost helped."
Yes. Yes, Special Collections was that bad.
Jon
"As long as it isn't latching onto my head and shoving the entire library of an alien race into my head, I'm pretty cool with it."
Jon, he had priorities.
Jono
"... Does that happen frequently where you're from?"
Jono was making the mental note to never visit Jon's home.
Jon
"Once. And it happened to the old man. It ended with him having to be put on ice until the little grey guys could remove it."
After he built a gun that could destroy Replicators and a bunch of other things, but it was a long story.
"Never eat the food from other planets either. Cake makes you old."
Jono
"Duly noted."
No, really. Never going to Jon's reality. It sounded nearly as insane as his own.
"No cake."
Surreal
Surreal would take the male she knew over the ones she didn't, and she especially wasn't turning her back on the large, blustery ones.
"Why are you wearing a skirt?" she asked, focusing on the easiest thing for her to understand about what was going on. "
Jono
"It's a kilt," Jono stressed, frowning down at himself. "And I suspect it either has something to do with the pooka or the leprechauns."
Probably the pooka. Kilts weren't exactly Irish.
"... I've worn worse."
Thank you for those ridiculous uniforms, Emma.
Surreal
Hey now, his original GenX uniform of all black leather was awesome! Blame Adrienne for those yellow and red monstrosities.
"None of those words makes any sense," Surreal pointed out, totally helpfully, as she started poking around. Maybe there was something interesting and/or useful inside the clock? "Then again, nothing makes sense around here."
Jono
"Welcome to Special Collections," Jono intoned, frowning as he started to poke around the office, as well. "Home of books and bogeymen alike."
None of which generally made any sense.
"I suspect it won't start to make any more sense from here."
Alex
"Huh," Alex said as he stumbled into the office. "Was this always here?" He was...pretty sure it was not. "This place messes with my head," he grumbled.
It was a good thing he was short, he guessed, considering the way the place seemed to be filling up.
Kenzi
Kenzi climbed up on the desk and perched there, looking around. Then started reaching for the shotgun. Shiiiny.
Anakin
"Don't even think about it," Anakin said, not bothering to turn around from his study of the wanted posters.
Kenzi
Kenzi stuck her hands under her legs, face going innocent. Then she had to point out, "Wes taught me how to use one!"
Anakin
"Still no," Anakin retorted. "You don't come into someone else's office and steal their weapons. For all you know, it might be booby trapped. Or without ammunition."
Kenzi
That actually meant something to Kenzi, and she sighed in disappointment. Then started looking around for something else that could be a weapon. Not to steal, Mr. Ethics Teacher! She'd give it back!
Goose
Goose was confused when he had wound up at the office, he had gotten lost and had been wandering around in circles before he stumbled into the room. He glanced around, it reminded him of the law enforcement offices on Nebraska and Prairie, with the exception of the rug on the floor.
Kenzi
Kenzi picked up two of the lizards, and grinned. "Awww, so cute. Can you make chipmunk?"
Karla
"I honestly have no idea," Karla admitted. Nothing fell. Apparently, Mother Holle's spell had no idea how to classify neutral phrases. "I think I'm limited to creepy-crawly things. And jewels when I'm nice."
Kenzi
Kenzi stared at her. Eyes huge. "Recite poetry! C'mon! Mama wants money for Atlantic City!" She held the lizards up. "Siegfried and Roy need an aquarium!"
Karla
Karla rolled her eyes. "They don't get to live in mine," she warned. "My frogs need their space."
Because they were fat little things. Karla had a tendency to overfeed them.
But if Kenzi was going to adopt some of them, Karla could at least help with the upkeep. "Glad to see you're okay," she said, and gold coins started showering from her mouth. "'Dite's would miss its Friday girl if you'd gone and gotten yourself Nothing'd."
Kenzi
"Me? Pfftt. So not happening." Kenzi shuddered, sounding a lot more certain than she looked. Then she squealed and picked up the gold, doing a little sitting desk-dance. "That is so cool. Why can't I get put under a spell like that? How did that happen?"
Karla
Karla filled her in on her trip through the well to Mother Holle's house, jewels and tiny creatures falling from her mouth with merry abandon. Describing Mother Holle's 'gift' ended with a rain of frog eggs (which both looked and felt disgusting) and had Karla shutting her mouth abruptly.
Ew.
Kenzi
Ugh!
Kenzi made a face and decided, "Yeahno. She sounds like Baba Yaga. I'd probably end up fed to a domovoi or something." She paused, and then looked brighter. "Talk about how we're all going to live happily ever after and have a great Christmas and snuggle with our honeys after this."
Karla
Karla didn't have a honey. Probably wouldn't even if they managed to get everyone back. She was saved from having to respond however by the appearance of a stranger.
"Maybe we should go talk to whoever this is," she said, assuming he wasn't an Auditor what with the expression of survive he was was currently wearing and the fact that their surroundings hadn't gone all funky and weird. "Maybe he can help."
She did give the nice pair of opal earrings she coughed up to Kenzi though. That made up for it, right?
Sheriff
After a while, the door opened, revealing a man in a dark hat and a thick moustache who looked quite surprised to see his office so full.
"Pardon?" he said, staring. "What are you doing in my office? This is not the time!"
Belthazor
"Who the hell are you?" Bel demanded when the sheriff walked in.
He was ever the diplomat.
Jon
Jon was just going to stand back and facepalm, because this was going so well.
Jono
This did seem like an excellent time for facepalming, didn't it? Jono joined in to do much the same.
While keeping one eye uncovered, in case somebody with a little tact was going to have to step in to make sure nobody got themselves killed, today.
Sheriff
The sheriff stared at Bel, and immediately reached for the gun on his hip. "I am the sheriff of this town," he snapped, "And you are in my office!"
Anakin
"I'm a sheriff too," Anakin said, shooting Bel a "thanks so much for helping" glare. "We didn't mean to be in your office. Where are we, exactly?"
He was hoping for an answer a little more helpful than "Special Collections."
Belthazor
"Yeah, well, there's a new sheriff in town," Bel said, ignoring Anakin completely as he conjured a fireball. "And this is our library."
Surreal
"Is the dark-haired one always this stupid?" Surreal asked the room at large, even as she moved to get between the fireball and the poor landen male. "You'll catch more flies with honey than fire, sugar."
Her shields could handle it easily if he decided to throw anyway. In theory.
This was why they had a Healer.
Belthazor
"If you want to shimmy on over there and sugar some answers out of this guy, feel free, sweetheart," Bel snapped.
He wasn't throwing the fireball, but he wasn't extinguishing it either.
Bo
"Serious, could we not antagonize the nice man with the six-shooter?" Bo's side-eyed glance at Bel was half annoyance and half appraisal.
What? Succubus. Balls of fire. Just saying.
"We're not here to cause trouble," she added, looking back to the guy whose office they'd apparently invaded. "We're just a little lost."
Sheriff
Oh, look. The revolver was... almost out, and only at Bo's words did the sheriff relax. An inch.
"You're in Salt Springs," the sheriff said. To Anakin and Bo exclusively. "I don't have time to deal with you. The Loose Jaw Crew rides again, and there ain't no one here to stop 'em."
A beat. "You keep that firebug under control."
Alex
"We're really sorry about him," Alex told the sheriff, even though he didn't actually know Bel from Adam's housecat. He was still really sorry about him. "So Salt Springs is...in our school library?"
Karla
"Loose Jaw Crew?" Karla asked at the same time. "Who the Hell are they?"
And three long millipedes fell out of her mouth to join the rest of the menagerie. Sigh.
"Look, sir, we're lost, we're not sure how we got here, and we're trying to deal with some serious unpleasantness of our own. A little help wouldn't go amiss."
And in exchange, he could keep the waterfall of tiny rubies and the string of pearls her politeness had just produced.
"This is getting bloody insane," she mumbled. And discretely spat a June bug into her hand.
Belthazor
"Well, we can apparently pay him if he doesn't mind where the jewels come from," Bel had to snicker.
Oh, come on. Blonde spitting out bugs and gems. It was funny.
Sheriff
"They are the crew who has been hauntin' this here neighbourhood," the sheriff said. He wondered if he needed to get the town doctor for this girl. "We been putting up some resistance, and they been threatening us. We were hopin' for backup."
A beat.
"What's wrong with the girl there?"
Jon
Jon fought really hard not to grin at that question, and actually had to turn away and cough discreetly.
Because really, there was nothing wrong with Karla.
Surreal
"What isn't wrong with Karla?" Surreal asked cheerfully, totally willing to go there. "But don't worry yourself, boyo, it's nothing she can't deal with."
Karla
"I am going to tie knots in your clothes and then put Sapphire shields over them," Karla hissed, ignoring the snakes that landed on her shoulders.
"I'm fine, sir," she insisted turning back to the sheriff and giving him a sunny smile. "Just a temporary, uhh, indisposition. Nothing as pressing as our problems or yours with the...Flapping Jaw Boys or whatever."
In fact, Karla would let you keep the Queen's ransom in silver that had just hit your floor if you'd stop worrying about it.
Sheriff
"Right."
The sheriff looked... skeptical, to say the least.
"Please tell me you ain't our backup."
Jono
"If we were, dare I ask what in the world we'd be pitting ourselves up against with these... jaw... whatevers?"
Jono, in the background, with his hands on his hips.
"We've got our share of troubles to deal with at the moment ourselves, mate."
Belthazor
"We've got missing people we need to find," Bel said, squashing one of Karla's vomited bugs under his heel. What the hell did they feed the kids here now?
"How about we help you out, you help us?" he said.
HE COULD BE DIPLOMATIC. SEE?
Anakin
KNOCK ANAKIN OVER WITH A FEATHER FOR IT TOO.
"We can start with not crowding your office like this, even," Anakin said, making a mental note to make certain that Kenzi wasn't wandering off with anything important.
Bo
Yeah, Bo didn't need to read his mind to help out with that one.
"Kenzi, that doesn't mean make it less crowded with stuff. Whatever's in your pocket, put it back," she called.
Kenzi
Kenzi twirled around and put a couple letter openers back, as well as an inkwell, and called, "Souvenirs! Proof that we were here! What, are you trying to repress my culture?"
Sheriff
Yeah. The sheriff was just... gonna stare at Kenzi for a minute. "Put those back."
He looked back towards the others.
"The Loose Jaw Crew," he specified. "Never had any trouble here before. Then they started showin' up a couple of months ago, makin' trouble. Monstrous things, not real men, but they move like 'em. The stranger says he's caught them stealin' some ar-tee-facts."
He shook his head.
"Don't know what service we can be to you," he added. "Haven't heard of any hostages being taken."
Anakin
"These monstrous things: they wouldn't happen to enjoy wearing gray and have absolutely no sense of humor?" Anakin asked.
Because if the Auditors had gotten into Special Collections, they were a thousand different kinds of screwed.
Sheriff
The sheriff squinted at him. "No," he said, "About this tall, big open jaw thingies, these long things comin' out of their head... they're some ugly fellas."
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