The Final Boss Battle - Um, Finale. Serious this time - Team 3!

[mouthy_merc]

In front of the castle in the preserve stood three green warp tunnels.

These are the adventures of the team that chose the third one.


This part of the castle is lit with the comforting glow of many a lava pit. The temperatures are high, and it's only worse from here.

Even that tiny human-shaped Toadstool seems to be sweating.

//Lava,// Jono mused, raising an eyebrow at their surroundings as he peeled his jacket off and tied it by the arms around his waist. //Of course it's lava.//

Why wouldn't it be?

"It's a big, intimidating castle. Would it be anything else?" Bruce asked, glancing down at his belt to make sure he had plenty of throwing stars left.

Anakin had a justified fear of lava, but he wanted his daughter back, dammit, and if it meant he lost his arms and legs again...well, that would be completely overdramatic. Let's not do that.

"It would have been way hope too much to for them to be greeting us with stammered apologies about a huge misunderstanding," he replied, hand already heading for his lightsaber. "Let's go."

"You know, if these little mushroom heads weren't so creepy, I'd almost want to get one for my kid."

Because there was no question that Talyn would be coming back. He'd get his kid back.

"Of course, they'd be in the trash by week's end but still, they're kind of cute when they're not being all children of the corn-ish."

"I do feel suddenly a mite overdressed," Hook said, sweating just a little under the heat, his coat, his giant hat, and his giant wig.

He wasn't secretly pondering what would happen if he punted the Toadstool into the lava. Really.

"How annoying that we weren't given a dress code for this rescue mission," Anakin said sharply, rolling his eyes. "Move. Now."

Anakin was simply charming when he was stressed.

"Please don't pop a blood vessel, Anakin," John said, managing his stress levels with inappropriate humor wherever he could. "You've already got bad hair, let's not make the eyes bad too."

A hat with raccoon ears would help with the hair issue, Toadstool the faithful retainer of the Mushroom King thought personally, but he was far too polite to say so. What he did say was, "You must hurry! King Bowser has taken your princesses and transformed my people into evil creatures. Only you can defeat him and save us all!"

Look, if your wife and spores got turned into goombas right in front of your...eye-things... you'd be a bit of a drama-queen too

"Bowser," Hook repeated. "Sounds like someone's grizzled old English bulldog. Perhaps we should be armed with rolled-up newspaper."

He was just here to enjoy himself, really. The rescue was secondary.

"Really? Something named Bowser took my freaking kid?" John asked, staring. "He sounds like rip off of a rapper. He's not gonna beatbox and ask us to dance, is he?"

Anakin was from a galaxy where beings had been legitimately afraid of a guy whose last name had been Dooku, so he couldn't mock the name.

"He hasn't turned our princesses--" and Talyn, "--into anything, has he?"

"Not yet." Drama-queen or no, that placid, friendly smile didn't change one bit, and that was the chirpiest pronouncement of oncoming doom ever. "But you must travel across the lava pits to his throne room before something terrible happens! Beware; he has even enchanted the stones of his castle to leap down from the ceiling and crush invaders."

//Oh, brilliant!// Was it possible for a telepathic statement to get any more scathingly sarcastic? Jono would try harder, next time. //So, if we don't get reduced to smouldering char in one big, happy group, at least we'll have people around to scrape us from th'bleeding masonry if we don't look up and down.//

Jono was looking forward to this already.

"Can't be worse than breaking out of a Jedi-proof prison," Anakin said.

Of course the mushroom guy could have told Anakin he'd be shaved bald, forced to listen to Lady Gaga and admit in public he'd been Darth Vader for twenty years and he'd still be going.

"Are you coming with us...talking mushroom guy?"

So Anakin had been too distracted for introductions.

"Toadstool," the magical mushroom guy replied helpfully. "And, oh no! I couldn't hope to survive the peril!"

HE'D JUST MEET YOU LATER. AT THE END.

"No. I suppose you couldn't," Hook said. "Indubitably, it is our burden to traverse this quite ingenious lair. Such a pity."

Hook's temptation to punt the Toadstool was rising.

"Well, my fellow felicitous friends," he gestured forward with his hook. "I do believe adventure awaits. Perhaps one of you strapping young lads can lead the way."

"I will if you never call me strapping again," Bruce said, starting off toward the entrance.


Anakin rolled his eyes at the first lava pit. "Can everyone here jump that far?" he checked.

Bruce reached into the back pouch of his utility belt and pulled out his grapple. He fired it at the ceiling halfway across the pit and pulled on it to make sure it was secure. Pushing off the edge of the lava pit, Bruce swung across the lava and landed safely on the other side.

"If not, here's Plan B," he said, ready to swing the grapple back if anyone else needed it.

Aeryn was going to kill him for both letting this happen and for having to miss this. Luckily, the kid before him had some kind of handy thing and he caught it when it was swung across.

"That's handy," John said, wrapping his hands around the grapple and swinging himself across the lava pit.

//I'll be needing a go of that as well,// Jono agreed, watching John make his way across. //As surprising as it might be, I'm not lavaproof.//

... So far as he was aware.

John swung the grapple back to Jono carefully. "Not many of us are, dude. We'll owe Bruce here a drink for getting us across this."

//Or two or three,// Jono mused, catching the grapple and making the swing across, himself.

The bonus to being more or less hollowed out was that he didn't have all that much body mass to support on the way. Yay.

//What else does he have with him in that bag of tricks, I wonder?//

"Enough to help us through the castle," Bruce said. "But let's hope I don't need to use everything I brought."

Bruce tended to be overprepared for things, so it would take a lot for that to happen.

Anakin glanced toward Hook. "Now you," he said. "I can get across without the grapple."

Because he was a giant show-off, that's why.

Hook took the grapple in his hand, and the crook of his other arm. He swung, but had to comment.

"Here's hoping my..."

His hat flew off his head and promptly landed in the lava, while he made it safely to the other side.

"...blast. Blast and damn."

Anakin overdramatically, like Obi-Wan had taught him! removed his robe and let it puddle to the stone floor, then jumped over the lava with a few inches inches to spare and turned to glare at Hook. "If you complain about your hat while my daughter is in danger, I will kriffing push you in after it."

"Save it for Bowser," Bruce barked. "We're taken long enough getting across that pit. We need to pick up the pace."

"Your darling lost children are of course my first priority," Hook assured Anakin as he began to forge ahead. "I will, of course, wait until after they are safe and sound to bemoan my finest of captain's regalia."

He looked down the way. "I do wonder if our esteemed opponent is lava-proof himself. Otherwise it would seem quite foolish, having so much of it about."

John secretly had to hide a laugh at Hook losing his hat but followed along as they kept moving. The guy's hair was a wreck, he thought he'd earned the laugh.

//I imagine he's trying to make some sort of statement,// Jono intoned as he set along the corridor behind Hook and John. //He's probably overcompensating for something.//

Something went Thud up ahead, loudly, and solidly enough to rock the ground underfoot.

//Case in point...//

Anakin hoped uncharitably that Hook would get smushed. "Count off the time between thumps," he replied. "There might be a pattern."

As Bruce moved cautiously toward the thumps, he saw a huge block of stone... with a face. He sneered at it. That was just weird.

"I'm putting it at about three seconds to rise back up to the ceiling. Almost no time to crash back to the ground. Maybe a second. I have some explosives, but they won't do anything to solid rock, so we're going to have to rely on speed," Bruce said. "If anyone's feeling slow, now's the time to cut it out and get ready to suck wind."

Well, except for Jono.

"Any volunteers to go first?" Like he wasn't already on the balls of his feet waiting for the right moment.

Anakin glared back at the rock. "I can try to slow it down with the Force," he offered. "Maybe buy you a few seconds?"

Zoe would probably frown upon squished students.

//Good. Do it.// The ground shook again, and Jono was going to take that at his cue to start running. //Quickly.//

He was confident that he could make it through even without the assist, but if Anakin could keep that thing from doubling back halfway or something, if those angry-looking stones could have such a change of heart, all the better.

He didn't have any breath to hold, but he certainly would have been if he could, tackling the platform beneath the brick thing with a flying leap.

Anakin took a breath, held his hand out and concentrated hard on not letting the rock fall down.

And yes, while "lifting rocks" was one of the more basic parts of Jedi training, they normally didn't have a will of their own, so this was a little more difficult than he'd been anticipating.

He hoped Jono was hurrying.

"Once the first block lifts, I'm going," Bruce warned Anakin.

Bruce held true to his word, keeping low and pushing forward as the blocks started rising... and then falling back down. Between his speed, his start, and Anakin's help, Bruce dove out of the way of the final block with a couple seconds to spare. "Let's hope the old guys can keep up."

Hook was not exactly the fastest man on the playground anymore. He did, however, shed himself of his coat.

"I do hope the little tykes are worth it," he said, making his own way down the path of Thwomps. He did not have a good time of it, each one coming closer and closer to crushing him. The final one slammed down mere centimeters from his back, the force sending a gust of air right up under his wig, comically blowing it off his head, though he quickly caught it and slammed it back down.

"...I doubt it," he grumbled.

They'd probably come closest to hitting him because he'd insulted the guy who was holding up the blocks' child.

Just a thought. Nothing that could be proven.

Anakin had the slightly more difficult task (once John had gone through) of getting between the rocks while trying to hold them up. About halfway through he gave up and just depended on Jedi speed and reflexes to avoid being thwomped. He was much better at it than his mun had ever been.

"At least this castle is straightforward about which way we need to be heading," he said, nodding his head toward he next hallway.


The next hallway after the Thwomps was fairly distinctive. "Get low!" Bruce yelled as he dove underneath a fireball. As he rolled to his feet, he pulled out a pair of shurikens in either hand.

"Watch your wig!" Anakin yelled helpfully(...ish) at Hook as he dove and rolled in the opposite direction Bruce had chosen

Hook pulled his pistol and sidestepped the oncoming fireball. "Perhaps we can confuse him by moving in all three dimensions, hmmm?"

He did, however, shoot a glare in Anakin's direction, first.

//And I suppose you've got dibs on up, mate? Give him something to shoot at?// Jono rolled his eyes and gave his head a shake as he ducked another incoming fireball. //I, for one, can't fly, so yer welcome to it, if you can. Save th'rest of our arses while yer at it.//

Now seemed like a good time to reach up to pull his wrappings down, though. Since the lava gave off a glow of its own, he didn't seem terribly worried about standing out too much.

And now the thunder rolled obligingly to give the scene an even more ominous feel. Because lava and a dragon-lizard-thing wasn't nearly enough for that.

"You've come to your doooOOoom!" Bowser informed them again with the dramatics as he spat a fireball at the majority of the group. "I won't be beaten easily!"

Because noooo one here had heard that one before.

Anakin rolled his eyes and ignited his lightsaber. "Because I've never heard that before," he repeated narrative retorted.

Hook took a shot. Which was from a standard flintlock pistol, so not only not likely to do much damage, he'd have to take a while to reload if necessary. "I've gutted crocs three times your size," he retorted. "Your carapace and combustible coughs are of no matter!"

"Everyone's a talker," Bruce said, throwing two shuriken at Bowser while moving laterally to clear the fireball.

Everyone except Jono, that is.

//Keeps him distracted,// Jono suggested, talky in spite of his not being a talker. He was special like that.

He was also standing up and dodging another fireball before firing off a fairly impressive blast of flame right back at the ... turtle... lizard... thing.

//Theoretically, anyhow.//

Bowser cackled, batting away the projectiles before they could do any damage to him. Because he was the big boss here. It couldn't be anywhere near that easy, you know.

"I will turn you all into goombas for your insolence!"

Anakin rolled his eyes. "Whatever that is," he said, deciding to got to the other side of Bowser by flipping over his head and watching out for fireballs.

He'd been on fire once before and it wasn't a highlight.

One fireball came close to his feet and he tucked them up, accidentally kicking at Bowser's head.

Eh, he decided, the thing deserved it.

Which, oddly enough, caused Bowser to stumble backwards. Oh, video game logic. You were a fickle creature.

He recovered quickly, though! Roaring and spitting more fire at anyone unlucky enough to be near.

As he slid under some fire, Bruce pulled a bola out of his utility belt, spun it up quickly, and launched it at Bowser's feet to hopefully slow him down a little.

//Please tell me that Master Firekicker Skywalker didn't just kick him in the head entirely by accident and make him trip all over his own bloody feet.//

"How does that make any sense at all?" Hook said in disbelief. "Bad form, physics! Bad form!"

"And you," He said, pointing at Bowser. "You lack the dignity and grace becoming of a true villain. The only honorable choice is for you to fall on your own sword. Will you take that option?"

Bowser stumbled again, though this time it was due to some silly bit of string around his ankles. What was that all about anyway?

He snarled, reaching down to tear it away so he could crush people. Crush them like... like... grapes. Or something else that was crushable. Justin Bieber.

"Did you think this would stop me?! I will eat the old one first!"

"No, but it set you up for this," Bruce said springing back to his feet and leaping to bounce off Bowser's head.

He stumbled again, roaring loudly. Oh noes! One more and he would be defeated thanks to the horrible video game rules that he was forced to follow!

"You won't stop meeee!"

Yeeeeeah. That wasn't asking to be defeated.

Anakin ignored the inane babbling. "Hit him in the head," he barked, linking his hands together as a boost for the next person who might want to try. "And don't ask why this works. It just does."

//Somebody hold his attention for a moment,// Jono sent to the group, making a run at Anakin, fully intent on taking advantage of that boost. //Hook, let him gnaw on yer leg for a bit. That ought to manage it.//

... Well, Bowser had expressed interest in eating the old one first. If it would come in handy, who was Jonothon to quibble?

"I am quite over the whole 'limb loss' thing," Hook said, rolling his eyes. "If he wants a taste of anything, he'll instead get a taste of my blade!"

He did, however, strike a dramatic pose to try and distract Bowser. "Well then, come here then. It's not like I'm going to make it easy for you to turn me into a hot lunch."

Hot lunch? Jono supposed, at least, that it was the distraction that he'd requested. It gave him the opportunity, after all, to plant his heel in Anakin's clasped hands and to jump, throwing his feet forward toward Bowser's head.

Another plus side to being hollowed out and fairly light was that he could make damn good use of a decent boost.

At the third hit, Bowser stumbled back a few steps before collapsing with a thud. He seemed to disappear, leaving only his shell. A shell that promptly started to spin until it floated off into the ceiling and also disappeared.

Video games were special, mmkay?

Only then did Toadstool appear once again. "You have saved us all!"

"How did you get here so quickly?" Bruce asked.

If there'd been a shortcut somewhere...

Oh crap, he hadn't expected that question!

"...magic!" That totally worked. "Your princesses are here to be rescued!"

The far wall pulled up like a curtain to reveal a throne room and the four princesses who had been stolen away. Well, three. And one prince.

"Juliet!" Anakin cried, racing forward and picking her up. "Are you all right? Did they hurt you?"

"Daddydaddydaddydaddy boom headshot!" Juliet replied.

She'd spent a little too much time with Jan.

"I am get a lojack for your ankle," Anakin said, lifting her onto his his shoulders. "Don't tell your mother."

"I wanna gun!" Jan shouted. Mind, that would not be the first time she had said so. Juliet needed to be protected. And stuff. "SKYWALKER!"

Oh, well there was a kid that Jono recognized, at least.

//No guns around here, Sunshine. Unless you wrestle that outdated thing away from Hook.// Flintlock. What in the world had given him the idea that it would be useful around here? //Perhaps we ought to get you home, hm? I imagine Cable and Deadpool are worried sick about you, luv.//

Hook. Hook. Who was Hook?

Here, Jono. Have Jan's squinty face.

"I want Wade," she finally declared. "Nate. And gun!"

Whoever Hook was, he had better watch out.

"We'll get you all of that just as soon as we get out of this castle," Anakin promised.

Well, maybe not the gun, but he wasn't going to judge anyone's parenting.

[[Preplayed with sith_happened, willbethenight, cunningkingfish, furnaceface, and whitedeathpod!]]