Caritas; Friday Evening
Damon came into work on time, for once, and took his place behind the bar, a bottle of scotch by his side. Tino still hadn't really seen Damon do actual work yet but he was too scared to glare at him bitterly.
[I'll be around for the next hour or so and then I'm off to a bar. Yeah, I don't know where this social life came from either]
[I'll be around for the next hour or so and then I'm off to a bar. Yeah, I don't know where this social life came from either]
Six girls had been ambushed by a pack of gremlins.
Raven had tried valiantly to heal them and herself, but the gremlin venom overwhelmed her. So much for that plan.
And now the stage fell dark and...it was best not to ask where those prison bars came from. Six bluish spotlights turned on, shining down on the six girls behind the bars. They'd stripped down to just their underwear and...best not to ask where the fishnets came from, either.
"Pop," Joan said.
"Six," Hoshi said.
"Squish," Jen said.
"Uh uh," a forlorn Ellie said.
Raven took a puff on her cigarette (yeah...best not to ask where she got that, either). "Cicero," she said scornfully.
"Lipschitz," Penelope finished.
The girls repeated their words, and one of the zombies shuffled forward to the mike and said, well, moaned, as best he could, "And now the six merry murderesses of the Fandom Island Jail in their rendition of 'The Cell Block Tango.'"
Now the girls began to do some dancing behind the bars that might put strippers to shame. And they sang:
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
Raven finished the verse with:
I betcha you would have done the same!
The bars slid apart, creating an opening that Joan stepped through. Shhh, this was her solo.
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You know how people have these little habits That get you down. Like Bernie. Bernie like to chew gum. No, not chew. POP. So I came home this one day, And I am really irritated, and looking for a little sympathy and there's Bernie layin' on the couch, drinkin' a beer and chewin'. No, not chewin'. Poppin'. So, I said to him, I said, "You pop that gum one more time..." and he did. So I took the shotgun off the wall and I fired two warning shots...
...into his head.
And the girls behind the bars chimed in with their opinion:
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have heard it
I betcha you would
Have done the same!
The bars moved again, letting Hoshi step to the front.
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I met Ezekiel Young from Salt Lake city about two years ago and he told me he was single. And we hit it off right away. So, we started living together.
He'd go to work, he'd come home, I'd fix him a drink, We'd have dinner.
Here, Hoshi tried to push her zombie down on its back and straddled it, ignoring the fact that one of the zombie's hands came right off.
And then I found out, "Single" he told me? Single, my ass. Not only
was he married ...oh, no, he had six wives. One of those Mormons, you know. So that night, when he came home, I fixed him his drink as usual...
You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic.
And the girls behind the bars joined her on the chorus:
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have heard it
I betcha you would
Have done the same!
The bars parted, allowing Jen up to the front.
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Now, I'm standing in the kitchen, carvin' up the chicken for dinner, minding my own business, and in storms my husband Wilbur, in a jealous rage.
She posed, showing off her muscles as she stared, seemingly deadly serious.
"You been screwin' the milkman," he says. He was crazy and he kept screamin', "you been screwin the milkman."
She pointed at one of the zombies and tilted her head.
And then he ran into my knife.
She smirked.
He ran into my knife ten times!
And the girls behind the bars joined her on the chorus
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have heard it
I betcha you would
Have done the same!
The bars parted, allowing Ellie up to the front.
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Mit kersek, en itt? Azt mondjok, hogy a hires lakem lefogta a ferjemet en meg lecsaptam a fejet. De nem igaz, en artatlan vagyok. Nem tudom mert mondja Uncle Sam hogy en tettem. probaltam a rendorsegen megmayarazni de nem ertettek meg...
She stopped momentarily when she heard Raven ask, "Yeah, but did you do it?"
Eyes wide with despair, she replied, "Uh uh. Not guilty!"
Once again, the bars parted, this time allowing for Raven to step to the front.
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My sister, Veronica and I did this double act, and my husband, Charlie, used to travel round with us. Now, for the last number in our act, we did these twenty acrobatic tricks in a row. One, two, three, four, five...splits, spread eagles, back flips, flip flops, one right after the other. So this one night before the show ,we're down at the hotel Cicero, the three of us, boozin', havin' a few laughs. And we ran out of ice, so I go out to get some. I come back, open the door, and there's Veronica and Charlie doing Number Seventeen: the Spread Eagle.
The position the zombies ended up in probably wasn't anatomically possible. But one lost a leg, and the other an arm, so they just fell over, tangled with each other, as Raven continued.
Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out. I can't remember a thing. It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands, I even knew they were dead.
Now Raven began to sing, with Joan, Hoshi, Jen, and Ellie backing her up. Penelope was patiently waiting for her solo. The singing was very angry, and the stomping was so fierce that Tyra herself would've had to take a moment to fan herself.
They had it coming (they had it coming)
They had it coming (they had it coming)
They had it coming all along (they had it coming all along)
I didn't do it (she didn't do it)
But if I done it (but if she done it)
How could you tell me that I was wrong?
They had it coming (they had it coming)
They had it coming (they had it coming)
They had it coming (they took a flower)
All along (in its prime)
I didn't do it (and then they used us)
But if I'd done it (and they abused us)
How could you tell me that I was wrong?
And now the spotlight moved to Penelope for her story.
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I loved Al Lipschitz more than I can possibly say. He was a real artistic guy...sensitive... a painter.
But he was always trying to find himself.
He'd go out every night looking for himself and on the way he found Ruth,
Gladys, Rosemary and Irving.
I guess you can say we broke up because of artistic differences. He saw himself as alive...
and I saw him dead.
With a stomp of her heeled foot, she whipped around and took her place among the other girls once again.
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The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
Then they split into two groups and sang a call and response. Joan, Hoshi and Jen first with Ellie, Raven and Penelope answering.
They had it comin'
They had it comin'
They had it comin'
They had it comin'
They had it comin'
They had it comin'
All along
All along
'Cause if they used us
'Cause if they used us
And they abused us
And they abused us
And, of course, they all sang together on the last line of the refrain.
How could you tell us that we were wrong?
But there was more call and response with accompanying sexy dance moves.
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame.
He only had himself to blame.
If you'd have been there
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
If you'd have seen it
And again, they finished together.
I betcha you would have done the same!
The spotlight came up on Joan and she said:
You pop that gum one more time!
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Single my ass!
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Ten Times!
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Miert csukott Uncle Sam bortonbe.
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Number seventeen: the spread eagle.
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Artistic differences.
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Pop
Six
Squish
Uh uh
Cicero
Lipschitz
And the stage went black.
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