The Causeway: around midnight, Saturday night

[mparkerceo]

After a talk with Daisy that had gone into a near-fight with Bel, then tapered off into a fairly silly conversation re: Anders' ass, Parker had headed down to her room, and collected a few things: an unsent postcard, a few CD's, a blue Armani shirt, a few photos... Okay. So she left the photos, and locked them in a drawer. She bundled everything up

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[cantgetnorelief]

Anders peered over the barricade and nodded. "Good spot. Want me to hold the stuff for you?"

[mparkerceo]

Parker nodded, and slipped off her gloves. "Thanks." She handed him the whole bundle, then fished out the postcard, and began to tear it into tiny, tiny pieces.

[cantgetnorelief]

Anders got a good grip on the bundle and watched the postcard pieces get smaller and smaller. "Any time. You know I'm here for you . . . last night being sort of an exception."

[mparkerceo]

"It's okay, Daisy. Really." Parker shrugged, and when the postcard pieces were only so much white drifting on waves, reached in and pulled out the Armani. She contemplated it a moment, then balled it up, and pitched it out as far as she could. The silk shirt got caught by a breeze, drifted a bit, then finally landed in the water, spreading out and then sinking. "He never even wore that shirt."

[cantgetnorelief]

Anders picked up one of the CDs from the bundle and offered it to her. "It was a nice shirt," he offered hesitantly. "Did you never get a chance to give it to him, or what?"

[mparkerceo]

Parker swallowed. "I made him buy it in January. And he didn't have a reason to wear it. Then I kept stealing it." She blinked, hard. "So really, it was my shirt, possession being nine-tenths of the law. It was one I kept at his place." She took the CD, opened the case, and cracked it in two. Then threw each piece into the water, with little splashes. "That one, I *was* going to give to him. But he can buy his own damn CD's now."

[cantgetnorelief]

"His loss, without your taste." Anders couldn't help feeling a slight twinge of sympathy for Jarod, though, as he handed her the next CD. "Is this helping at all?"

[mparkerceo]

Parker stared at the CD, and shook her head, hard. Then contradicted herself by saying, "Maybe?" She opened the case, cracked the next CD, and said, "I was stupid. I think I was waiting for him to say something definite. Like 'it's over.' Or 'it's not over. Or 'I can't forgive you.'" She threw the pieces in the water. "Actions speak louder, with him."

[cantgetnorelief]

"It's . . . easier, I guess, when you have a definite answer." Anders bit his lip and watched the pieces of CD case drift off on the waves, grateful for the first time that he'd had one, himself. "But if he's just sort of stringing you along that way? Not frakking cool."

Yeah, losing touch with that sympathy with Jarod, now.

[mparkerceo]

"No, there was a break. I gave him back his cat." Parker tugged on the bundle and threw one sheet in the water with jerky motions. "I just-- we never said it, he just disappeared after the one horrible fight, then came back, and it was all wrong." She swallowed hard, then said bitterly, "Or maybe I was kidding myself, I don't fucking know any more, Daisy. Maybe I was the one who missed all the signs and maybe he had to--" Her voice cracked for a bare second, and she swallowed. Then her face turned ugly. "NO, damnit! He could've said it! He could've just said 'I don't love you I don't want to talk to you I don't want to see you I don't ever want to hear from you again!' He didn't have to--"

She grabbed the last sheet and pushed it off the railing, then the handful of CDs and threw them too. "TO HELL WITH YOU, JAROD! YOU BASTARD!"

[cantgetnorelief]

"We're stupid that way sometimes, us guys," Anders said after a very long pause, loaded with uncertainty. Then, before she could interject, he held up a hand and added, "I'm not excusing him, okay? Just saying. Some of us aren't quite that bad . . . I hope."

[mparkerceo]

"Some of you." Parker made a face, then put her gloves back on, sticking her hands in her pockets as she stared downward into the water, still shaking with anger and cold. "Goddamnit, Daisy. I could write a long list of all you great guys. You and Bridge and Xander and-- hell, Giusseppe was a jerk sometimes, but he was a good guy. Jack's a good guy. Weiss, Broots...." She shook her head, gritting her teeth, eyes wide and dry. "Not the point. I don't care. I don't."

[cantgetnorelief]

Somehow, Anders wasn't really convinced of that last assertion. "'cause we're not him, huh?"

[mparkerceo]

"Exactly." Parker turned her head to look at him. "No one is ever going to hurt me like this again. Certainly not him." She sighed, relieved. Calmer. "It's a lot simpler, hating someone, isn't it?"

[cantgetnorelief]

Anders leaned against the barricade again, hands clasped, and very glad to see her calming down. "You'd think, right? Lords know, I've wished I could do that too. But then I stop and think about it, and much as I want to, I don't think I could."

He laughed shortly and picked a pebble up off the causeway, throwing it into the water. "Stupid emotions."

[mparkerceo]

"It takes practice." Parker leaned against the rampart, and watched the pebble fall. "Maybe I can do it because I've hated people before. Michael. Some... people. At home." She sighed. "There's a trick to it, but once you manage it-- oh, it's better. I think I can do it this time." She was quiet a second, then picked up a stone of her own, dropping it over the railing. "I hope so. For as long as I have to."