Urban Survival - The Uglier Side of City Living, Wednesday, Period 2
"So, squatting," Sparkle said, feeling a little bit like he'd been hit by a bus and mostly just looking like he'd spent a few days drinking under one, "or homesteading - and I learned last night that you have to use both terms in your Google searches if you don't want to learn about cows or how to lift heavy boxes - is, by the most loose definition, the act of living on property that doesn't belong to you. You set up camp in an abandoned warehouse, or any building, you're squatting. You take up residence in a tent city, you're squatting. Since your other options are the shelters I talked about the other week or, like, praying you know somebody who'll let you couch surf, if you ever end up homeless you'll probably consider squatting."
He was gonna just... just sit down on the desk and try to scrape together enough brain for a lecture.
"You're gonna have to keep in mind a few things while you're squatting," he said. "For one, you're occupying property illegally, which means in the vast majority of places, depending on the laws of the land, you're putting yourself at risk of getting in trouble with the cops. The property owners probably aren't going to be so thrilled about having you there. And since this class is about urban survival, odds are you aren't the only person with an eye on the place or a mind to live there." He jerked a thumb toward town. "It's different on the island, where you can pretty much accidentally end up owning property just because somebody sneezed. Out there in the real world," because Fandom was still some kind of fucked-up fantasyland more often than not, "it doesn't quite work that way. Property is expensive. You have to pay taxes just to own it, and people tend to be protective of what's theirs. Plus, if you're looking to squat somewhere that you're less likely to get noticed, you're not exactly going to be living in the lap of luxury, either."
He lifted up a hand to idly scratch at his shoulder, looking toward the floor.
"You're going to have to protect yourself from, like, cops, sure. And angry landowners. And probably other squatters. An ideal situation is to be able to set up camp with a handful of people you can trust, maybe assign fixer-upper tasks between you to do things like change out locks or fix leaks or whatever else needs to be done to make a place livable. And you're probably not going to be the only tenants, because shit like rats and cockroaches want to come in out of the cold, too.
"You're going to want to know the laws where you're at, too, because they differ from place to place. In some cities it's still illegal to remove a squatter from your property by force and you have to actually go through proper eviction procedures. In other places it's just a matter of calling the cops to come pick squatters up. Aaaaand then there are some places where a combination of gun legislation and 'stand your ground' laws makes it legal for a landowner to, you know, fucking open fire on you. Maybe don't get shot."
Important lesson for the day, kids. Don't get shot.
"There's also this thing called adverse possession, which I'm not gonna get into too much today, again partly because it really depends on the laws wherever you're at and partly because I could basically just teach a whole damn semester about the weird legalities of taking legal possession of land that doesn't belong to you. It's worth giving a google if you're feeling ambitious, I guess. Pretty sure that's what a lot of business ownership around the island falls to, but don't quote me on that one."
He drummed his fingers against his knee. Sat quietly for a moment, composing thoughts. Scraping them together, really. He wasn't firing on all cylinders this week.
"You're going to want to know the difference between abandoned and condemned, too," he offered. "Never mind the rats and roaches, condemned buildings are condemned for a reason. They can be outright unsafe, a firetrap or likely to come down on top of you or collapse underfoot if you step on the wrong spot on the floor. And even though in some buildings the water might even still be running, that doesn't necessarily mean it's safe. You'll have to be careful about that."
And that was about the moment his brain gave up, and he sighed, shrugged, and reached for a stack of papers. Yes, yes they were printouts from WikiHow. Sometimes even Sparkle had to let someone else do the talking. After... a reasonably thorough full lecture.
"I've got handouts that explain some of this stuff better than I do," he shared. "Take one each, read up, maybe offer suggestions for safety or how to better assert control over a property that isn't yours or how to not get noticed by the cops or whatever."
He was gonna just... just sit down on the desk and try to scrape together enough brain for a lecture.
"You're gonna have to keep in mind a few things while you're squatting," he said. "For one, you're occupying property illegally, which means in the vast majority of places, depending on the laws of the land, you're putting yourself at risk of getting in trouble with the cops. The property owners probably aren't going to be so thrilled about having you there. And since this class is about urban survival, odds are you aren't the only person with an eye on the place or a mind to live there." He jerked a thumb toward town. "It's different on the island, where you can pretty much accidentally end up owning property just because somebody sneezed. Out there in the real world," because Fandom was still some kind of fucked-up fantasyland more often than not, "it doesn't quite work that way. Property is expensive. You have to pay taxes just to own it, and people tend to be protective of what's theirs. Plus, if you're looking to squat somewhere that you're less likely to get noticed, you're not exactly going to be living in the lap of luxury, either."
He lifted up a hand to idly scratch at his shoulder, looking toward the floor.
"You're going to have to protect yourself from, like, cops, sure. And angry landowners. And probably other squatters. An ideal situation is to be able to set up camp with a handful of people you can trust, maybe assign fixer-upper tasks between you to do things like change out locks or fix leaks or whatever else needs to be done to make a place livable. And you're probably not going to be the only tenants, because shit like rats and cockroaches want to come in out of the cold, too.
"You're going to want to know the laws where you're at, too, because they differ from place to place. In some cities it's still illegal to remove a squatter from your property by force and you have to actually go through proper eviction procedures. In other places it's just a matter of calling the cops to come pick squatters up. Aaaaand then there are some places where a combination of gun legislation and 'stand your ground' laws makes it legal for a landowner to, you know, fucking open fire on you. Maybe don't get shot."
Important lesson for the day, kids. Don't get shot.
"There's also this thing called adverse possession, which I'm not gonna get into too much today, again partly because it really depends on the laws wherever you're at and partly because I could basically just teach a whole damn semester about the weird legalities of taking legal possession of land that doesn't belong to you. It's worth giving a google if you're feeling ambitious, I guess. Pretty sure that's what a lot of business ownership around the island falls to, but don't quote me on that one."
He drummed his fingers against his knee. Sat quietly for a moment, composing thoughts. Scraping them together, really. He wasn't firing on all cylinders this week.
"You're going to want to know the difference between abandoned and condemned, too," he offered. "Never mind the rats and roaches, condemned buildings are condemned for a reason. They can be outright unsafe, a firetrap or likely to come down on top of you or collapse underfoot if you step on the wrong spot on the floor. And even though in some buildings the water might even still be running, that doesn't necessarily mean it's safe. You'll have to be careful about that."
And that was about the moment his brain gave up, and he sighed, shrugged, and reached for a stack of papers. Yes, yes they were printouts from WikiHow. Sometimes even Sparkle had to let someone else do the talking. After... a reasonably thorough full lecture.
"I've got handouts that explain some of this stuff better than I do," he shared. "Take one each, read up, maybe offer suggestions for safety or how to better assert control over a property that isn't yours or how to not get noticed by the cops or whatever."