Childcare For Idiots, Thursday - 5/26
"Welcome back to class, everyone. Glad to see no one ended up staying in the 80s and altering the very fabric of reality forever," Deadpool said, waving his hands about dramatically. It was his best Doctor Strange impression. "Hoary host."
That would never not amuse him, okay? Never.
People might have noticed by then that there was an extra child in the room, being entertained by a very involved play being put on by Jan about a giraffe who could use swords and was in love with a My Little Pony.
It would one day win awards. Really.
"Today we're gonna talk about diapers and what you get to deal with if those rugrats of yours aren't house trained yet. Everybody poops unless you're a robot and even then I have my suspicions. So... learn to change a goddamn diaper." Helpful Deadpool was helpful. "Since Jan is thankfully no longer in that stage, we have a special guest for the demonstration today. Everybody give a mildly warm welcome to that Skywalker guy with the fabulous hair and his spawn who is in no way better than Jan because Jan is awesome."
...yeah.
Everybody wave at the guy who wasn't at all cooler than Deadpool. Just sayin'.
"Intermission," he informed Jan as he scooped up the other child. "First of all you make sure they actually need a diaper change--okay, she smells like horrible cheese mixed with Indian food. That means yes to changing, eff why eye."
Placing the little one on what appeared to be a Deadpool themed cushion on his desk, he started the procedure. "Oh, oh god! What have you been feeding her? It's everywhere! Oh god, I'm gonna puke!" A beat. "And yes, I find the complaining helps. Or at least gets someone else to change the next one because you were being way too loud about it during their CNN time."
Shhh. He thought he was clever.
Diaper now changed and child returned to the most epic play ever, Deadpool did the mature thing and tossed the rolled up diaper in Anakin's direction. "Now, we got dolls that crap. So partner off and give it a go."
That would never not amuse him, okay? Never.
People might have noticed by then that there was an extra child in the room, being entertained by a very involved play being put on by Jan about a giraffe who could use swords and was in love with a My Little Pony.
It would one day win awards. Really.
"Today we're gonna talk about diapers and what you get to deal with if those rugrats of yours aren't house trained yet. Everybody poops unless you're a robot and even then I have my suspicions. So... learn to change a goddamn diaper." Helpful Deadpool was helpful. "Since Jan is thankfully no longer in that stage, we have a special guest for the demonstration today. Everybody give a mildly warm welcome to that Skywalker guy with the fabulous hair and his spawn who is in no way better than Jan because Jan is awesome."
...yeah.
Everybody wave at the guy who wasn't at all cooler than Deadpool. Just sayin'.
"Intermission," he informed Jan as he scooped up the other child. "First of all you make sure they actually need a diaper change--okay, she smells like horrible cheese mixed with Indian food. That means yes to changing, eff why eye."
Placing the little one on what appeared to be a Deadpool themed cushion on his desk, he started the procedure. "Oh, oh god! What have you been feeding her? It's everywhere! Oh god, I'm gonna puke!" A beat. "And yes, I find the complaining helps. Or at least gets someone else to change the next one because you were being way too loud about it during their CNN time."
Shhh. He thought he was clever.
Diaper now changed and child returned to the most epic play ever, Deadpool did the mature thing and tossed the rolled up diaper in Anakin's direction. "Now, we got dolls that crap. So partner off and give it a go."
