The Mathematics of Quantum Neutrino Fields; Tuesday, Period 4 [ 07/06 ].
It was not at all a pleased Professor Farnsworth who shuffled into the classroom today to see several bright young faces staring back at him. Under his arm, he held an impressively large binder stuffed with papers, and, as he dropped it on the front desk with a loud whomp, he narrowed his eyes in distaste from behind his thick glasses. Which, of course, meant no one could probably even see the glare.
"This," he announced with the appropriate amount of surliness, "is the Mathematics of Quantum Neutrino Fields. This is not the Mathematics of Wonton Burrito Meals, so if that's what you're here for, get out! And bring me back one, because I haven't had lunch yet. In this class, I will teach you all about how you're all idiots, because the concepts we will be discussing are so expansive and important that it'll be far too much for your puny, developing minds to grasp and only emphasize the fact that you're doomed to a life of mediocrity and common stupidity."
He flipped the binder open to the first page and gave the class what could have been a smile. It could have also have just been gas.
"Let's get started, shall we?"
"A neutrino is is an elementary particle that usually travels close to the speed of light, is electrically neutral, and is able to pass through ordinary matter almost undisturbed. Almost. We'll have to cover all the fun stuff that can happen when they do get disturbed; it ain't pretty, like that giant zit on your nose, dark haired girl in that chair over there. They have a very small, nonzero mass, just like your brains, and are very difficult to detect, like ninjas, or signs of intelligent life in this classroom.
"Neutrinos are created as a result of certain types of radioactive decay or nuclear reactions such as those that take place in the Sun, in nuclear reactors, or when cosmic rays hit atoms. There are three types, or "flavours", of neutrinos, like there are three basic flavors of ice cream: the vanilla electron neutrinos, the chololate muon neutrinos and Chunky Monkey tau neutrinos; each type also has a corresponding antiparticle, called antineutrinos. Electron neutrinos, or vanilneutrinos, are generated whenever protons change into neutrons, or the other way around, they sort of go both ways like my aunt Patti, the two forms of beta decay. Interactions involving neutrinos are mediated by the weak interaction betw--"
Farnsworth paused. The pause dragged out for a long moment, until, finally, it ended with what sounded like a long snore. The man seemed to have fallen asleep mid-lecture, but, with a bit of a cough, jerked himself back up again and continued.
"Now, quantum mechanics..."
This was going to go on for a good, long time. Thankfully, it could only go on for no more than an hour. But that hour would be one of the longest hours of these students lives. That, in itself, could potentially be a nice example of the base of what Farnsworth might be trying to get at, but, on the same token, not even Farnsworth knew what he was trying to get at, since he was making it up as he went along.
"...why you have still have monkeys and one of my ancestors was his own grandfather. Now." Farnsworth's arthritic hands pulled out a huge stack of papers. "Your homework for today. If you've been paying attention, it should be no trouble at all. There are some basic formulas to help you solve some equations. Only fifteen pages, should be a breeze! And I also expect all of you to have square the circle by next week; it's very important. Now, I'll need an assistant to help me pass them out. You there." His eyes went to the unfortunately preplanned Lindsay Weir. "You look like you're full of healthy organs and can't wait to get out of here to smoke another doobie. Pass these out, and I'll let you use the extras to roll up your joints."
[[ OCD is on the way doubling the cube; have at it! ]]
"This," he announced with the appropriate amount of surliness, "is the Mathematics of Quantum Neutrino Fields. This is not the Mathematics of Wonton Burrito Meals, so if that's what you're here for, get out! And bring me back one, because I haven't had lunch yet. In this class, I will teach you all about how you're all idiots, because the concepts we will be discussing are so expansive and important that it'll be far too much for your puny, developing minds to grasp and only emphasize the fact that you're doomed to a life of mediocrity and common stupidity."
He flipped the binder open to the first page and gave the class what could have been a smile. It could have also have just been gas.
"Let's get started, shall we?"
"A neutrino is is an elementary particle that usually travels close to the speed of light, is electrically neutral, and is able to pass through ordinary matter almost undisturbed. Almost. We'll have to cover all the fun stuff that can happen when they do get disturbed; it ain't pretty, like that giant zit on your nose, dark haired girl in that chair over there. They have a very small, nonzero mass, just like your brains, and are very difficult to detect, like ninjas, or signs of intelligent life in this classroom.
"Neutrinos are created as a result of certain types of radioactive decay or nuclear reactions such as those that take place in the Sun, in nuclear reactors, or when cosmic rays hit atoms. There are three types, or "flavours", of neutrinos, like there are three basic flavors of ice cream: the vanilla electron neutrinos, the chololate muon neutrinos and Chunky Monkey tau neutrinos; each type also has a corresponding antiparticle, called antineutrinos. Electron neutrinos, or vanilneutrinos, are generated whenever protons change into neutrons, or the other way around, they sort of go both ways like my aunt Patti, the two forms of beta decay. Interactions involving neutrinos are mediated by the weak interaction betw--"
Farnsworth paused. The pause dragged out for a long moment, until, finally, it ended with what sounded like a long snore. The man seemed to have fallen asleep mid-lecture, but, with a bit of a cough, jerked himself back up again and continued.
"Now, quantum mechanics..."
This was going to go on for a good, long time. Thankfully, it could only go on for no more than an hour. But that hour would be one of the longest hours of these students lives. That, in itself, could potentially be a nice example of the base of what Farnsworth might be trying to get at, but, on the same token, not even Farnsworth knew what he was trying to get at, since he was making it up as he went along.
"...why you have still have monkeys and one of my ancestors was his own grandfather. Now." Farnsworth's arthritic hands pulled out a huge stack of papers. "Your homework for today. If you've been paying attention, it should be no trouble at all. There are some basic formulas to help you solve some equations. Only fifteen pages, should be a breeze! And I also expect all of you to have square the circle by next week; it's very important. Now, I'll need an assistant to help me pass them out. You there." His eyes went to the unfortunately preplanned Lindsay Weir. "You look like you're full of healthy organs and can't wait to get out of here to smoke another doobie. Pass these out, and I'll let you use the extras to roll up your joints."
[[ OCD is on the way doubling the cube; have at it! ]]