Surviving Deep Space - Thursday, Period Two - 7/16

Jul 16, 2009 10:16

In front of the class today was not who they were expecting to be there, except for how it was. It's just that 'he' looked significantly different for today. No, there were no crossdimensional slip ups--it's just that when you're a hologram, you can get a bit more creative with how you convey your information.

"Good day, class," 'she' said, glancing around and giving the fish eye to all assembled.

"Today we'll be covering what to do should you meet your parallel universe opposite of a different gender in your travels. You might think you have the obvious answer of course, everyone does, but I'm here to tell you right from the horse's mouth that you certainly don't."

Which, of course, is when the music started up.

Ladies and gentlemen.. of the my class, 2009
I have one piece of advice for you
No matter what an alternative universe version of yourself tells you
There's no sex that is worth a space-time accelerated pregnancy .. NONE!
Oh you may THINK it's masturbation
But it's not masterbation.. it's sex
And there's NO sex.. worth that kind of discomfort.

Don't go to parties for nihilistic androids
Sure, he's thinks he's going to be destroyed soon; but what about
the chance that he isn't and then you've spent all that time listening to him whinge on?
He knows you have nothing better to do.
If a woman looks like she's everything you dreamed of... she's a pleasure GELF
If she tells you she wants you to be happy... you'll probably never see her again
Cut off those silly-ass dreds
The JMC-RD couldn't have gotten that far into deep space
Black holes did some of that smeg
Young space men -- if you go to a movie theater
and someone tells you it's a good idea to use the projector to travel through time and make yourself a billionaire, let it SLIIIDE
Why chance that you'll be left alone on a ship in the middle of deep space
cause someone wanted to invent tension sheets?
Morris dancing-- ain't nuttin' wrong with that
No matter what you think of what I'm sayin'
Remember this one thing: there is no sex worth becoming pregnant with your alternate's children

If you find yourself in a fantastic video game... where your life is everything you dreamed it could be?
It's not really 'better than life'
Because then your REAL life is horrible once you stop playing it.

If a girl has a nose piercing - she'll probably punch you
If a guy has a nose piercing - it might be another version of me with a whip wearing ladies stockings and a corset.

Here's a horoscope for everyone:
Aquarius: You're gonna die
Capricorn: You're gonna die
Gemini: You're gonna die TWICE
Leo: You're gonna die
Scorpio: You're gonna die because of a smegging drive plate incident

No one goes to Io for the company

If you've been dating a girl for two days
and she still can't remember your name properly, she probably hasn't recovered from the concussion.
Some of the things I've said may not apply to you
Some of the things I've said may offend you
But no matter who you are, you must remember this one thing
No matter what that alternate says
There is no reason to have sex with a version of yourself from a parallel universe
NONE

...excuse Rimmer, this one is new.

[ocd up.][...some adultish words but nothing really NWS, that said, we warn because we love]

deep space survival

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