Tactics - 7/16
Jim was sadly unaware of most of Fandom's... quirks. The only thing he'd cared about enough to have gotten it to turn human was somewhere in the future. And being piloted by a student in his class.
What? Time travel was fine. he was used to that.
"Today we'll start looking at a few more famous battles in Earth's history. The Battle of Trafalgar effectively changed the history of the world at the time by establishing England as the undisputed naval power," He began, lounging against one of the benches casually. "Now, if you'll all look to the handwavily given handouts on this, who here thinks they can see where the victory was decided before they got to the shooting part."
"What about the hitting things until they stop moving part?" asked Minsc. Who had been there the whooooole time. Really. Anyone really want to argue with him that he wasn't? Hm?
Yes, he totally was. Which is why Jim was currently staring at him and wondering if he shouldn't be, you know, dead. And not have a tattoo. And still with the dead. "Bones?" He needed to check to make sure he hadn't gone crazy and not noticed.
Bones was staring too. And then remembered he spent the weekend with his hypo. "Jim...just...just go with it."
Minsc opened his mouth to say something, most likely very helpful although not relevant to the plot class at all, but then he stopped, finger poised, and blinked. Was that...music he was hearing, building and welling up from the great unknown? Whatever it was, it seemed to inspire him to shake his head and let out a very technophonic, "Shortaaaay."
Which was strange, but Jim wasn't about to let that get to him. Well, that is until he opened up his mouth and: "Aww shit!" Okay, that was more worrying.
"Get your towels ready--"
"Yea-aa-ah," Minsc added.
"--it's about to go down! Everybody in the place--"
"Shortay!"
"--hit the fuckin' deck! But stay on your motherfuckin--"
"Yea-ah!"
"--toes. We runnin' this, let's go..."
"Le-et's goooo!"
Bones really should have just been sitting at his desk and wondering what the hell was going on but the sudden urge to get up in the front of the class and sing was overtaking him.
"I'm on a boat!"
"On a boooat!" Minsc said in the background. In case you missed it.
"I'm on a boat!"
"On a boooat!"
"Everybody look at me cause I'm sailin' on a boat!"
"Sailin' on a boooat!"
Hey, at least he wasn't doing it alone? Jim joined right back in with, "I'm on a boat!"
"On a booat!"
"I'm on a boat! Take a good hard look at the motherfuckin boat!"
"Boat, yeah!"
Then the rapping started. Bones actually wasn't half-bad. Which made one think what the hell he got up to in college. "I'm on a boat motherfucker take a look at me! Straight flowin' on a boat on the deep blue sea! Bustin' five knots, wind whippin out my coat! You can't stop me motherfucker cause I'm on a boat!"
Jim was so, so going to ask about that once this stopped.
Maybe. If it meant he could pretend this was entirely planned. "Take a picture, trick," He added, moving along like he really was in a rap video.
"Trick!" Minsc helpfully echoed.
"I'm on a boat, bitch." ("Bitch!") "We drinking Santana champ, cause it's so crisp." ("Crisp!") I got my swim trunks, and my flippie-floppies--" He was never using that word again. "I'm flippin burgers, you at Kinko's straight flippin copies!"
And it was hardly necessary to direct that last part at the students.
Was that Bones dancing around? Yes, yes it was.
"I'm ridin' on a dolphin, doin' flips and shit. The dolphin's splashin', gettin' e'rybody all wet!" ("Ohh-oh-ohhh!") Bones had never been on a dolphin in his life. "But this ain't Seaworld, this is real as it gets." ("Yeah-yeah!") "I'm on a boat motherfucker, don't you ever forget!"
"I'm on a boat and, it's goin fast and I got a nautical themed pashmina afghan." ...Jim had no idea what that was. "I'm the king of the world, on a boat like Leo. If you're on the shore, then you're sho' not me-oh."
And, in a deeper voice, he backed up Bones with, "Get the fuck up, this boat is REAL!"
Yeah, because Bones totally needed the back up. "Fuck land, I'm on a boat, motherfucker!" ("Mother fucker!") "Fuck trees, I climb buoys, motherfucker!" ("Mmmmother fucker!") "I'm on the deck with my boys, motherfucker!" ("Yeah!") "This boat engine make noise, motherfucker!"
He was going to want to die after this.
At least no one was filming it.
"Hey ma, if you could see me now," Jim sang, arms spread out like the lyrics demanded, and Minsc echoed his see me now. "Arms spread wide on the starboard bow." ("Starboard bow!") "Gonna fly this boat to the moon somehow!" ("Moon somehow!") "Like Kevin Garnett, anything is possible!"
Who the hell was Kevin Garnett?
Oh, shit, now it got real as Minsc stepped up out of the background and laid this shit down.
Actually, it should be noted that Minsc was probably taking this all far too well in stride. "Yeah, never thought I'd be on a boat! It's a big blue watery road (yeah). Poseiiiido-oh-on, look at meee-eee--, oh-whoa-whoa. Never thought I'd see the day, when a big boat coming my way. Believe me when I say: I fucked a merma--ai-aaid!"
Really. Believe him. Some crazy shit went down in Faerûn.
Just in case people weren't sure where they were, Bones decided to repeat the fact that they were, indeed, on a boat. "I'm on a boat! I'm on a boat! Everybody look at me because I'm sailin' on a boat!"
"I'm on a boat! I'm on a boat! Take a good hard look at the motherfuckin boat!" Well, it was important to Jim to keep that fact established too.
"Sho-sho-sho!" rapped Minsc. "Sho-sho-sho. Sho-sho-sho, shortaay! Shortaay! Yeah, yeah, yeah."
...Yes. This was your tactics class, ladies and gentlemen.
What? Time travel was fine. he was used to that.
"Today we'll start looking at a few more famous battles in Earth's history. The Battle of Trafalgar effectively changed the history of the world at the time by establishing England as the undisputed naval power," He began, lounging against one of the benches casually. "Now, if you'll all look to the handwavily given handouts on this, who here thinks they can see where the victory was decided before they got to the shooting part."
"What about the hitting things until they stop moving part?" asked Minsc. Who had been there the whooooole time. Really. Anyone really want to argue with him that he wasn't? Hm?
Yes, he totally was. Which is why Jim was currently staring at him and wondering if he shouldn't be, you know, dead. And not have a tattoo. And still with the dead. "Bones?" He needed to check to make sure he hadn't gone crazy and not noticed.
Bones was staring too. And then remembered he spent the weekend with his hypo. "Jim...just...just go with it."
Minsc opened his mouth to say something, most likely very helpful although not relevant to the plot class at all, but then he stopped, finger poised, and blinked. Was that...music he was hearing, building and welling up from the great unknown? Whatever it was, it seemed to inspire him to shake his head and let out a very technophonic, "Shortaaaay."
Which was strange, but Jim wasn't about to let that get to him. Well, that is until he opened up his mouth and: "Aww shit!" Okay, that was more worrying.
"Get your towels ready--"
"Yea-aa-ah," Minsc added.
"--it's about to go down! Everybody in the place--"
"Shortay!"
"--hit the fuckin' deck! But stay on your motherfuckin--"
"Yea-ah!"
"--toes. We runnin' this, let's go..."
"Le-et's goooo!"
Bones really should have just been sitting at his desk and wondering what the hell was going on but the sudden urge to get up in the front of the class and sing was overtaking him.
"I'm on a boat!"
"On a boooat!" Minsc said in the background. In case you missed it.
"I'm on a boat!"
"On a boooat!"
"Everybody look at me cause I'm sailin' on a boat!"
"Sailin' on a boooat!"
Hey, at least he wasn't doing it alone? Jim joined right back in with, "I'm on a boat!"
"On a booat!"
"I'm on a boat! Take a good hard look at the motherfuckin boat!"
"Boat, yeah!"
Then the rapping started. Bones actually wasn't half-bad. Which made one think what the hell he got up to in college. "I'm on a boat motherfucker take a look at me! Straight flowin' on a boat on the deep blue sea! Bustin' five knots, wind whippin out my coat! You can't stop me motherfucker cause I'm on a boat!"
Jim was so, so going to ask about that once this stopped.
Maybe. If it meant he could pretend this was entirely planned. "Take a picture, trick," He added, moving along like he really was in a rap video.
"Trick!" Minsc helpfully echoed.
"I'm on a boat, bitch." ("Bitch!") "We drinking Santana champ, cause it's so crisp." ("Crisp!") I got my swim trunks, and my flippie-floppies--" He was never using that word again. "I'm flippin burgers, you at Kinko's straight flippin copies!"
And it was hardly necessary to direct that last part at the students.
Was that Bones dancing around? Yes, yes it was.
"I'm ridin' on a dolphin, doin' flips and shit. The dolphin's splashin', gettin' e'rybody all wet!" ("Ohh-oh-ohhh!") Bones had never been on a dolphin in his life. "But this ain't Seaworld, this is real as it gets." ("Yeah-yeah!") "I'm on a boat motherfucker, don't you ever forget!"
"I'm on a boat and, it's goin fast and I got a nautical themed pashmina afghan." ...Jim had no idea what that was. "I'm the king of the world, on a boat like Leo. If you're on the shore, then you're sho' not me-oh."
And, in a deeper voice, he backed up Bones with, "Get the fuck up, this boat is REAL!"
Yeah, because Bones totally needed the back up. "Fuck land, I'm on a boat, motherfucker!" ("Mother fucker!") "Fuck trees, I climb buoys, motherfucker!" ("Mmmmother fucker!") "I'm on the deck with my boys, motherfucker!" ("Yeah!") "This boat engine make noise, motherfucker!"
He was going to want to die after this.
At least no one was filming it.
"Hey ma, if you could see me now," Jim sang, arms spread out like the lyrics demanded, and Minsc echoed his see me now. "Arms spread wide on the starboard bow." ("Starboard bow!") "Gonna fly this boat to the moon somehow!" ("Moon somehow!") "Like Kevin Garnett, anything is possible!"
Who the hell was Kevin Garnett?
Oh, shit, now it got real as Minsc stepped up out of the background and laid this shit down.
Actually, it should be noted that Minsc was probably taking this all far too well in stride. "Yeah, never thought I'd be on a boat! It's a big blue watery road (yeah). Poseiiiido-oh-on, look at meee-eee--, oh-whoa-whoa. Never thought I'd see the day, when a big boat coming my way. Believe me when I say: I fucked a merma--ai-aaid!"
Really. Believe him. Some crazy shit went down in Faerûn.
Just in case people weren't sure where they were, Bones decided to repeat the fact that they were, indeed, on a boat. "I'm on a boat! I'm on a boat! Everybody look at me because I'm sailin' on a boat!"
"I'm on a boat! I'm on a boat! Take a good hard look at the motherfuckin boat!" Well, it was important to Jim to keep that fact established too.
"Sho-sho-sho!" rapped Minsc. "Sho-sho-sho. Sho-sho-sho, shortaay! Shortaay! Yeah, yeah, yeah."
...Yes. This was your tactics class, ladies and gentlemen.