Practical Etiquette, Period 3, Class #4 - Thursday, June 4
When students entered their Etiquette classroom today, they might notice two things that differed from the usual. One was that Miss Elizabeth Bennet had enlisted the help of an assistant this week, a polite gentleman named Dr. Simon Tam. The second item which might attract attention was the fact that Miss Bennet was somewhat flushed this week, and fanning herself, while carefully trying to avoid Dr. Tam's eyes.
Miss Bennet, it would seem, had terrible timing -- or perhaps the island was conspiring to mock her once more. She certainly hadn't harbored any stirring passions for Dr. Tam when asking for his cooperation with this week's lesson, but today she couldn't help but notice how very striking his eyes were. If she caught his glance, she might stare, and that would be utterly mortifying. Lizzy was going to compose herself and conduct class in a ladylike manner if it killed her.
Dr Tam himself had felt at little embarrassed when informed about the topic of this class, and had, somewhat nervously, informed Miss Bennet that he wasn't in fact very good at courting ladies. That might have been an understatement. Still, he was of course prepared to assist her.
"Good morning, class," Miss Bennet said, standing carefully on one side of her desk. Perhaps keeping room between herself and Dr. Tam would cure her of the strange spell she seemed to be under. "I thought it might be useful this week to discuss courtship. The current rituals are, of course, nothing like the ones from my time, and may bear little resemblance to your own. But perhaps there are some rules which we can say are universally applicable.
"As I felt it necessary to have a gentleman's accompaniment this week, Dr. Tam" -- and here, she darted her eyes over at him, which caused another flush to creep up the side of her neck; dear heaven, what was the oddness in her mood today? -- "has been so very kind as to lend his support. Though I certainly don't wish for you to think that either of us are actually courting one another." After a moment's reflection, that sounded horrifying to her own ears, and so, with a stammer, she added, "Not, of course, that Dr. Tam isn't perfectly suitable for some charming young lady, I am quite certain." Which somehow sounded worse.
Simon didn't notice any odd behaviour on Miss Bennet's behalf, as he was too busy wondering what to do and how to get out of this room as soon as possible. Cleary he wasn't cut out to be a teacher. He too, avoided the meeting of eyes, but unfortunately that meant he lowered his gaze and ended to with a good view of Miss Bennet's clevage. "I... no, no, I'm not, I mean we are not..."
"Nothing of the sort," Miss Bennet said quickly, "with no offense intended in any direction, of course. That leads us nicely to my first point: one should always take care that one's rejections are polite. In my time, for example, for a woman to refuse to dance with a gentleman, it's preferable for her to state that she does not intend to dance at all this evening, rather than make him feel the full weight of her refusal. Nor should she be too forward, with a gentleman who she finds to be agreeable; though she may wish to dance all the dances with him, she cannot, of course, appear too ... eager." Why was she hearing innuendo in all that she spoke? "Does your culture engage in much ... dancing, Dr. Tam?" Such as that. And why was it so hot in this room?
"Well, yes, we certainly do!" Simon exclaimed, pleased to find a topic that he could actually talk about. "My sister has always been fond of dancing, but I have to confess I'm not particularly skilled in that. I usually just watch her." Yes, it was quite hot. "Do you... dance, Miss Bennet?"
"Frequently," she agreed. "I take great delight in dancing, though I have not danced for several weeks now, I'm afraid." Surely she was the only one hearing something else in that, so she was going to ignore it and continue on. "It is a terribly enjoyable pastime, though the skill of one's partner does, of course," (dear heaven what was she saying!?) "affect the ... result."
Could Miss Bennet possibly will herself into exploding? She was going to squeeze her eyes shut and try. And if that did not succeed -- and really, the island hated her too much to allow for it -- she would need to speak more. Very well. "Dancing. Is quite a proper way to make someone's acquaintance. It allows for private conversation, even when one is in ... full view of the surrounding crowds."
"Although private conversation can be awkward," Simon added helpfully, his eyes still on Miss Bennet's chest. "Especially if one isn't particularly good... at dancing." He laughed nervously.
If she fanned herself faster, perhaps she would cool off, and this searing heat would leave her cheeks. She would try that right away. "While dancing, one might have light conversation about the weather, or books, or the number of couples in the ballroom." Her dance with Mr. Darcy had touched on those latter points, and Miss Bennet was forced to admit that Mr. Darcy was far more handsome than she had allowed herself to believe at the time. She would fan herself more rapidly. "If one is familiar with one's partner, one might allow a small compliment, such as, perhaps, telling a gentleman that he has simply exquisite eyes."
She hadn't actually said that out loud, had she?!
Simon wasn't sure he had anything to add, there, but he tried to be helpful. "Exactly! Although too detailed knowledge of anatomy might make things awkward." He had once tried to tell a girl about how the facial muscles worked. That hadn't gone down well. He laughed nervously, actually trying to catch Miss Bennet's eyes to see if she approved of his assistance.
"Indeed," she agreed, meeting his eyes, with her own wide. Anatomy? Surely he wasn't suggesting -- he wouldn't be implying -- no. That was her, thinking strange things again. Right, then.
"So," Miss Bennet said, her voice sounding a bit strangled, "I should like for you to pair off and pretend to engage in ... courting rituals. Be polite, be respectful, don't make your rejections too harsh or your acceptances too rapid. Dr. Tam and I will ..." Miss Bennet cleared her throat. "Observe. We will observe. And lend our assistance if you ... if it should become necessary, to ... assist."
Perhaps after class, Miss Bennet could set herself on fire?
"Begin," she said. "Any of you. Go on. Please."
"Yes. Please." Was all Simon could think of saying. It was probably a good thing that Miss Bennet should stop talking. Her voice.... was very... He clearly couldn't think today. He tried smiling.
Miss Bennet was not thinking that he had a lovely smile. And the first person to imply that she was? Would get detention.
(Written with the delightful fancypantsdoc, who rocks and has my thanks. Etiquette UST OCD is incoming up!)
Miss Bennet, it would seem, had terrible timing -- or perhaps the island was conspiring to mock her once more. She certainly hadn't harbored any stirring passions for Dr. Tam when asking for his cooperation with this week's lesson, but today she couldn't help but notice how very striking his eyes were. If she caught his glance, she might stare, and that would be utterly mortifying. Lizzy was going to compose herself and conduct class in a ladylike manner if it killed her.
Dr Tam himself had felt at little embarrassed when informed about the topic of this class, and had, somewhat nervously, informed Miss Bennet that he wasn't in fact very good at courting ladies. That might have been an understatement. Still, he was of course prepared to assist her.
"Good morning, class," Miss Bennet said, standing carefully on one side of her desk. Perhaps keeping room between herself and Dr. Tam would cure her of the strange spell she seemed to be under. "I thought it might be useful this week to discuss courtship. The current rituals are, of course, nothing like the ones from my time, and may bear little resemblance to your own. But perhaps there are some rules which we can say are universally applicable.
"As I felt it necessary to have a gentleman's accompaniment this week, Dr. Tam" -- and here, she darted her eyes over at him, which caused another flush to creep up the side of her neck; dear heaven, what was the oddness in her mood today? -- "has been so very kind as to lend his support. Though I certainly don't wish for you to think that either of us are actually courting one another." After a moment's reflection, that sounded horrifying to her own ears, and so, with a stammer, she added, "Not, of course, that Dr. Tam isn't perfectly suitable for some charming young lady, I am quite certain." Which somehow sounded worse.
Simon didn't notice any odd behaviour on Miss Bennet's behalf, as he was too busy wondering what to do and how to get out of this room as soon as possible. Cleary he wasn't cut out to be a teacher. He too, avoided the meeting of eyes, but unfortunately that meant he lowered his gaze and ended to with a good view of Miss Bennet's clevage. "I... no, no, I'm not, I mean we are not..."
"Nothing of the sort," Miss Bennet said quickly, "with no offense intended in any direction, of course. That leads us nicely to my first point: one should always take care that one's rejections are polite. In my time, for example, for a woman to refuse to dance with a gentleman, it's preferable for her to state that she does not intend to dance at all this evening, rather than make him feel the full weight of her refusal. Nor should she be too forward, with a gentleman who she finds to be agreeable; though she may wish to dance all the dances with him, she cannot, of course, appear too ... eager." Why was she hearing innuendo in all that she spoke? "Does your culture engage in much ... dancing, Dr. Tam?" Such as that. And why was it so hot in this room?
"Well, yes, we certainly do!" Simon exclaimed, pleased to find a topic that he could actually talk about. "My sister has always been fond of dancing, but I have to confess I'm not particularly skilled in that. I usually just watch her." Yes, it was quite hot. "Do you... dance, Miss Bennet?"
"Frequently," she agreed. "I take great delight in dancing, though I have not danced for several weeks now, I'm afraid." Surely she was the only one hearing something else in that, so she was going to ignore it and continue on. "It is a terribly enjoyable pastime, though the skill of one's partner does, of course," (dear heaven what was she saying!?) "affect the ... result."
Could Miss Bennet possibly will herself into exploding? She was going to squeeze her eyes shut and try. And if that did not succeed -- and really, the island hated her too much to allow for it -- she would need to speak more. Very well. "Dancing. Is quite a proper way to make someone's acquaintance. It allows for private conversation, even when one is in ... full view of the surrounding crowds."
"Although private conversation can be awkward," Simon added helpfully, his eyes still on Miss Bennet's chest. "Especially if one isn't particularly good... at dancing." He laughed nervously.
If she fanned herself faster, perhaps she would cool off, and this searing heat would leave her cheeks. She would try that right away. "While dancing, one might have light conversation about the weather, or books, or the number of couples in the ballroom." Her dance with Mr. Darcy had touched on those latter points, and Miss Bennet was forced to admit that Mr. Darcy was far more handsome than she had allowed herself to believe at the time. She would fan herself more rapidly. "If one is familiar with one's partner, one might allow a small compliment, such as, perhaps, telling a gentleman that he has simply exquisite eyes."
She hadn't actually said that out loud, had she?!
Simon wasn't sure he had anything to add, there, but he tried to be helpful. "Exactly! Although too detailed knowledge of anatomy might make things awkward." He had once tried to tell a girl about how the facial muscles worked. That hadn't gone down well. He laughed nervously, actually trying to catch Miss Bennet's eyes to see if she approved of his assistance.
"Indeed," she agreed, meeting his eyes, with her own wide. Anatomy? Surely he wasn't suggesting -- he wouldn't be implying -- no. That was her, thinking strange things again. Right, then.
"So," Miss Bennet said, her voice sounding a bit strangled, "I should like for you to pair off and pretend to engage in ... courting rituals. Be polite, be respectful, don't make your rejections too harsh or your acceptances too rapid. Dr. Tam and I will ..." Miss Bennet cleared her throat. "Observe. We will observe. And lend our assistance if you ... if it should become necessary, to ... assist."
Perhaps after class, Miss Bennet could set herself on fire?
"Begin," she said. "Any of you. Go on. Please."
"Yes. Please." Was all Simon could think of saying. It was probably a good thing that Miss Bennet should stop talking. Her voice.... was very... He clearly couldn't think today. He tried smiling.
Miss Bennet was not thinking that he had a lovely smile. And the first person to imply that she was? Would get detention.
(Written with the delightful fancypantsdoc, who rocks and has my thanks. Etiquette UST OCD is incoming up!)