Journalism: Thursday, Period 4, Class 2
"Sit down, shut up, you're all already three minutes late for class," Jonah said. The bell rang. "Remember, if you want to make it as a journalist, you have to be where the story is before everyone else. If you just showed up right when the bell rings, you've lost your scoop to some geek who can't write half as well as you just because he knows what an alarm clock is. That's today's first lesson, check your syllabus if you don't believe me."
Jonah had never passed out a syllabus.
"Today's second lesson involves writing a fantastic headline. Not a good headline, not a great headline. If you don't have a fantastic headline, you've got crap. Not just crap, but megacrap. Megacrap doesn't sell newspapers. There's already a shrinking market for newspapers, you don't want to make it worse by putting megacrap on your front page."
"If you want a fantastic headline, there are three surefire paths. There are other paths, too, but you risk it being ultracrap and you really don't want that because that'll make me yell at you after class. Neither of us wants that." Jonah paused thoughtfully. Then he grinned. "Well, I do. But that's because I enjoy yelling at people. It makes life more fun."
"The first path is alliteration. 'Notable Newsman Nutures Knowledge in Novices.' You'd all read that article. It would be about me and if you didn't, I'd flunk you. The second path is making headlines that fit with the song Camptown Races. Write a headline with seven syllables, mentally add 'Doo Dah' to the end, and you've got gold. 'Students Learn from Bugle Head.' Go ahead. Add 'doo dah' in your heads. Don't pretend that you don't know the song, it's a classic.... That's better. 'Jameson For Radio.'" Jonah waited until he was sure the students were mentally doo dahing. "Those are headlines that get stuck in people's heads, then they have no choice but to read the article or it'll just roll around in their head all day, driving them insane, slowly but surely, and that'll make it easier to catch them tomorrow."
"But the third path is my favorite. BE BOLD. 'VICE PRINCIPAL DEADPOOL: METH ADDICT?' That catches your attention and makes you read the article because it turns out that your vice principal may be a meth addict. Is he or isn't he? The answer is 'he is,' of course. Why else would he wear that ridiculous knock-off costume and act the way he does? There is no other reason. Therefore, meth addict."
"So, get to work making up four headlines, one from each of those paths and a fourth that has nothing to do with those paths but that you still think is good. You're going to be wrong, of course. Questions? No? Good. Get to work!"
[OOC: Doo dah, doo dah. Deadpool's meth addiction modded with permission.]
Jonah had never passed out a syllabus.
"Today's second lesson involves writing a fantastic headline. Not a good headline, not a great headline. If you don't have a fantastic headline, you've got crap. Not just crap, but megacrap. Megacrap doesn't sell newspapers. There's already a shrinking market for newspapers, you don't want to make it worse by putting megacrap on your front page."
"If you want a fantastic headline, there are three surefire paths. There are other paths, too, but you risk it being ultracrap and you really don't want that because that'll make me yell at you after class. Neither of us wants that." Jonah paused thoughtfully. Then he grinned. "Well, I do. But that's because I enjoy yelling at people. It makes life more fun."
"The first path is alliteration. 'Notable Newsman Nutures Knowledge in Novices.' You'd all read that article. It would be about me and if you didn't, I'd flunk you. The second path is making headlines that fit with the song Camptown Races. Write a headline with seven syllables, mentally add 'Doo Dah' to the end, and you've got gold. 'Students Learn from Bugle Head.' Go ahead. Add 'doo dah' in your heads. Don't pretend that you don't know the song, it's a classic.... That's better. 'Jameson For Radio.'" Jonah waited until he was sure the students were mentally doo dahing. "Those are headlines that get stuck in people's heads, then they have no choice but to read the article or it'll just roll around in their head all day, driving them insane, slowly but surely, and that'll make it easier to catch them tomorrow."
"But the third path is my favorite. BE BOLD. 'VICE PRINCIPAL DEADPOOL: METH ADDICT?' That catches your attention and makes you read the article because it turns out that your vice principal may be a meth addict. Is he or isn't he? The answer is 'he is,' of course. Why else would he wear that ridiculous knock-off costume and act the way he does? There is no other reason. Therefore, meth addict."
"So, get to work making up four headlines, one from each of those paths and a fourth that has nothing to do with those paths but that you still think is good. You're going to be wrong, of course. Questions? No? Good. Get to work!"
[OOC: Doo dah, doo dah. Deadpool's meth addiction modded with permission.]