Please Remember
Title: Please Remember
Author: burntotears
Fandom: Bandslash (*NSYNC)
Pairing: Chris/Justin
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1898
Disclaimer: I don't own people.
Goodbye, there's just no sadder word to say
And it's sad to walk away
With just the memories
Who's to know what might have been
We'll leave behind a life and time
I'll never know again
They all knew it would happen sooner or later. Some thought it wouldn’t come for a few more years; some felt it was right on time. But whatever the case, none thought that it would be this hard to let go.
Time, sometimes the time just slips away
And you’re left with yesterday
Left with the memories
Each nervously looked around at the other four, wondering what they were thinking. Wondering if the same thing was on the others’ minds as well: sadness, grief, pain, and the feeling that your brother is being ripped from your life. Of course, each knew that they were thinking the same thing- how could this happen?
No one had said a word in the two hours they had sat there, just thinking and looking at each other. No one had cried.
It was time. They needed to talk about it; they needed to let go. Joey decided to go first.
He stood and the other’s automatically looked at him, making his cheeks flush red. He felt discouraged, but continued anyways, figuring now was as good a time as any.
“Well, this um… this is weird. I mean, it’s been ten years and yet I feel like I grew up with all of you. It’s like… I dunno, like something in me is dying. I know there is always that ‘oh, we’ll stay together and be friends still’ but if that were true, then we wouldn’t all be here like our best friend just died. I guess the only thing I can say is I won’t forget you guys.”
I, I'll always think of you and smile
And be happy for the time
I had you with me
No one cried. No one wanted to. No one could. It was like they had no tears to shed, though they actually had more than God could count. Either they didn’t want to look unmanly, or they just didn’t want to scare each other.
Joey looked around wondering who would go next. It was like clockwork; everyone would stand and say their last words and it would be over with. They would leave and never speak again.
JC stood, seeing that it was his turn. He guessed they knew the order in which they would stand and speak, not that anyone would say anything about it.
He cleared his throat, and began to say what he felt, no matter how irrational or undignified it was; it was what he felt on the inside, and so he said it.
“I feel a bit wrong about all this. I feel like I could have tried harder at… something and this would have been prevented. I know it isn’t my fault; it’s no one’s fault, but I feel like I didn’t try hard enough. Maybe I didn’t tell you guys how much I loved you enough. Maybe I didn’t hug you or just sit and talk about stupid things enough. Chris, maybe I yelled at you too much about being hyper, when I knew it was the thing I loved most about you. And Lance, maybe I didn’t thank you for your advice enough, when it made me understand what Bobbie and I were going through. I guess now is a little late to say it, but I love you guys. You are the best friends I ever had, and I’ll keep you close to my heart.”
He sat down. No one cried. No one wanted to. No one could. Maybe they never would. Maybe they would just sit there, wide-eyed, until it was all over, hug, and leave.
Though we go our separate ways
I won't forget so don't forget
The memories we made
Lance knew it was his turn. He couldn’t prolong it anymore, as much as he tried. So he stood like the other two, knowing it was time for his big speech debut, and he certainly didn’t want to make it, but he had to.
“Hmm… ten years. Ten years, I’ve known you guys; it’s been a lifetime. I hadn’t even made it out of high school, and I was already a national celebrity. In the beginning, you guys thought I was girly and scared; I was. I am still scared, always have been, but I’m not girly… anymore. I have grown to love four other men, though I thought it was impossible to over come my differences with each of you. It’s going to be different without you; I guess we all know that. I know that I won’t forget any of you, and how you have each touched me like no one else has. I love you guys, always have, always will.”
He sat back down. No one cried. No one wanted to. No one could.
Justin looked at Chris. He loved that man with all his being, and though he and Chris would still be together… he wouldn’t see the other guys, and he knew it would be hard.
“So I, I guess it’s my turn. I don’t really know what to say. I mean, I thought we were always going to be together, but I guess that’s what I get for being the youngest and the most naive. You all know how I feel, I love you all, I’m in love with Chris, and that’s about all I can say.”
No one cried. No one wanted to. No one could. Justin thought he was going to, but he didn’t. Weird how they could all hold back, when it was what they should be doing. Letting it all out. Letting it all go.
It was Chris’ turn, but he didn’t move. He didn’t want to talk to these guys, ad he knew he had to. He sat still as the other four looked at him, awaiting the farewell to come. In a sudden movement he stood up, knocking his chair over, and frightening the others. He didn’t have a farewell, he had a guilt trip, and because of that, he had to yell.
“How?! How huh? How can each of you stand up and make a speech and then sit down like this is a damn AA meeting? What the fuck is wrong with you guys? It’s all over, can’t you see that? Can’t you see that all we have worked for and all we have done is over with? Can’t you see how much I’ve fucked up your lives? It’s my fault; this is all my fault…”
For the first time, some one interrupted. The others didn’t just sit like stone as the next person spoke. Justin couldn’t just sit there. I stood by you, you stood by me
We took each day and made it shine
We wrote our names across the sky
We ride so fast, we ride so free
And I knew that you had me
“Chris, stop it, it’s not your fault we can’t be *nsync anymore. They just got tired of us, it has nothing to do with you,” Justin began to walk toward his boyfriend.
“No Justin!” Chris screamed and pushed the other man away from him. “No. I’ve ruined all your lives. I brought you into this group, promising success, a success that would last the rest of our lives. And look, it’s only been ten years, only ten and we are already fucked. I though I’d be on that stage till I was 40, dancing my heart out with you guys. God, Justin, you were just a kid. You were only 14-years-old. You and Lance. You guys didn’t finish high school like normal kids. Didn’t graduate with your class, didn’t even get to go to a fucking prom. I did this! I robbed you of that by saying ‘this is your dream, and we can achieve this’…”
“Chris, we did achieve it. We became the most famous group in the world…” Justin pleaded. He didn’t like the fire in Chris’s eyes. It wasn’t normal. It wasn’t Chris.
“Oh yeah, ten years of fame. Look at Madonna, look at Michael Jackson. They weren’t just ten years. Ten years and then it’s over? I mean, I drug Joey clear across the country when he could be home with his daughter. She is only 4 years old for Christ’s sake! With all I have done to you guys, you just sit there as you’ve had the best fucking years of your life, and say ‘oh well, it’s over’ like it’s no big deal! How could I have done this? How could I have screwed you four over so badly?”
“Chris, you didn’t screw us over. I got you, I have you and I’m happy about that. I’m happy I met you, and if it wasn’t for this group, it wouldn’t have happened. We wouldn’t be together, Chris, don’t you see that?” Justin asked, eyes still dry.
“I love you Justin, I really do. But I have ruined your life. You didn’t even get to be a teenager; you didn’t even get to be in a high school environment for that long. And it is my fault. Because I wanted to start the group, because I had this dream… and yeah, you guys wanted it too, but I did it for you… and then ten years later it’s over and we are all back where we started. Sad and alone.”
And how we laugh and how we smile
And how this heart was yours and mine
And how a dream was out of reach
“DAMMIT Chris! How can you say that? How can you say you love me and say you are alone? You aren’t alone, Chris! I’m right here… I’m right here with you. I love you.” Justin hugged his boyfriend tightly.
No one cried. No one wanted to. No one could.
*~**~*
They all knew it would happen sooner or later. Most believed it wouldn’t happen till old age hit; some were afraid of just what had happened. But whatever the case, none thought that it would be this hard to let go.
Each nervously looked down at the coffin where Chris lay, wondering if the same thing was on the others’ minds as well: sadness, grief, pain, and the feeling that your brother was ripped from your life.
And he had.
“I know there is always that ‘oh, we’ll stay together and be friends still’ but if that were true, then we wouldn’t all be here like our best friend just died.”
And he had.
Justin sank to the floor.
And he cried.
They all cried.
They all wanted to.
They all could.
Please remember, please remember
I was there for you
And you were there for me
Please remember, our time together
The time was yours and mine
While we were wild and free
Then remember, please remember me
Author: burntotears
Fandom: Bandslash (*NSYNC)
Pairing: Chris/Justin
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1898
Disclaimer: I don't own people.
Goodbye, there's just no sadder word to say
And it's sad to walk away
With just the memories
Who's to know what might have been
We'll leave behind a life and time
I'll never know again
They all knew it would happen sooner or later. Some thought it wouldn’t come for a few more years; some felt it was right on time. But whatever the case, none thought that it would be this hard to let go.
Time, sometimes the time just slips away
And you’re left with yesterday
Left with the memories
Each nervously looked around at the other four, wondering what they were thinking. Wondering if the same thing was on the others’ minds as well: sadness, grief, pain, and the feeling that your brother is being ripped from your life. Of course, each knew that they were thinking the same thing- how could this happen?
No one had said a word in the two hours they had sat there, just thinking and looking at each other. No one had cried.
It was time. They needed to talk about it; they needed to let go. Joey decided to go first.
He stood and the other’s automatically looked at him, making his cheeks flush red. He felt discouraged, but continued anyways, figuring now was as good a time as any.
“Well, this um… this is weird. I mean, it’s been ten years and yet I feel like I grew up with all of you. It’s like… I dunno, like something in me is dying. I know there is always that ‘oh, we’ll stay together and be friends still’ but if that were true, then we wouldn’t all be here like our best friend just died. I guess the only thing I can say is I won’t forget you guys.”
I, I'll always think of you and smile
And be happy for the time
I had you with me
No one cried. No one wanted to. No one could. It was like they had no tears to shed, though they actually had more than God could count. Either they didn’t want to look unmanly, or they just didn’t want to scare each other.
Joey looked around wondering who would go next. It was like clockwork; everyone would stand and say their last words and it would be over with. They would leave and never speak again.
JC stood, seeing that it was his turn. He guessed they knew the order in which they would stand and speak, not that anyone would say anything about it.
He cleared his throat, and began to say what he felt, no matter how irrational or undignified it was; it was what he felt on the inside, and so he said it.
“I feel a bit wrong about all this. I feel like I could have tried harder at… something and this would have been prevented. I know it isn’t my fault; it’s no one’s fault, but I feel like I didn’t try hard enough. Maybe I didn’t tell you guys how much I loved you enough. Maybe I didn’t hug you or just sit and talk about stupid things enough. Chris, maybe I yelled at you too much about being hyper, when I knew it was the thing I loved most about you. And Lance, maybe I didn’t thank you for your advice enough, when it made me understand what Bobbie and I were going through. I guess now is a little late to say it, but I love you guys. You are the best friends I ever had, and I’ll keep you close to my heart.”
He sat down. No one cried. No one wanted to. No one could. Maybe they never would. Maybe they would just sit there, wide-eyed, until it was all over, hug, and leave.
Though we go our separate ways
I won't forget so don't forget
The memories we made
Lance knew it was his turn. He couldn’t prolong it anymore, as much as he tried. So he stood like the other two, knowing it was time for his big speech debut, and he certainly didn’t want to make it, but he had to.
“Hmm… ten years. Ten years, I’ve known you guys; it’s been a lifetime. I hadn’t even made it out of high school, and I was already a national celebrity. In the beginning, you guys thought I was girly and scared; I was. I am still scared, always have been, but I’m not girly… anymore. I have grown to love four other men, though I thought it was impossible to over come my differences with each of you. It’s going to be different without you; I guess we all know that. I know that I won’t forget any of you, and how you have each touched me like no one else has. I love you guys, always have, always will.”
He sat back down. No one cried. No one wanted to. No one could.
Justin looked at Chris. He loved that man with all his being, and though he and Chris would still be together… he wouldn’t see the other guys, and he knew it would be hard.
“So I, I guess it’s my turn. I don’t really know what to say. I mean, I thought we were always going to be together, but I guess that’s what I get for being the youngest and the most naive. You all know how I feel, I love you all, I’m in love with Chris, and that’s about all I can say.”
No one cried. No one wanted to. No one could. Justin thought he was going to, but he didn’t. Weird how they could all hold back, when it was what they should be doing. Letting it all out. Letting it all go.
It was Chris’ turn, but he didn’t move. He didn’t want to talk to these guys, ad he knew he had to. He sat still as the other four looked at him, awaiting the farewell to come. In a sudden movement he stood up, knocking his chair over, and frightening the others. He didn’t have a farewell, he had a guilt trip, and because of that, he had to yell.
“How?! How huh? How can each of you stand up and make a speech and then sit down like this is a damn AA meeting? What the fuck is wrong with you guys? It’s all over, can’t you see that? Can’t you see that all we have worked for and all we have done is over with? Can’t you see how much I’ve fucked up your lives? It’s my fault; this is all my fault…”
For the first time, some one interrupted. The others didn’t just sit like stone as the next person spoke. Justin couldn’t just sit there. I stood by you, you stood by me
We took each day and made it shine
We wrote our names across the sky
We ride so fast, we ride so free
And I knew that you had me
“Chris, stop it, it’s not your fault we can’t be *nsync anymore. They just got tired of us, it has nothing to do with you,” Justin began to walk toward his boyfriend.
“No Justin!” Chris screamed and pushed the other man away from him. “No. I’ve ruined all your lives. I brought you into this group, promising success, a success that would last the rest of our lives. And look, it’s only been ten years, only ten and we are already fucked. I though I’d be on that stage till I was 40, dancing my heart out with you guys. God, Justin, you were just a kid. You were only 14-years-old. You and Lance. You guys didn’t finish high school like normal kids. Didn’t graduate with your class, didn’t even get to go to a fucking prom. I did this! I robbed you of that by saying ‘this is your dream, and we can achieve this’…”
“Chris, we did achieve it. We became the most famous group in the world…” Justin pleaded. He didn’t like the fire in Chris’s eyes. It wasn’t normal. It wasn’t Chris.
“Oh yeah, ten years of fame. Look at Madonna, look at Michael Jackson. They weren’t just ten years. Ten years and then it’s over? I mean, I drug Joey clear across the country when he could be home with his daughter. She is only 4 years old for Christ’s sake! With all I have done to you guys, you just sit there as you’ve had the best fucking years of your life, and say ‘oh well, it’s over’ like it’s no big deal! How could I have done this? How could I have screwed you four over so badly?”
“Chris, you didn’t screw us over. I got you, I have you and I’m happy about that. I’m happy I met you, and if it wasn’t for this group, it wouldn’t have happened. We wouldn’t be together, Chris, don’t you see that?” Justin asked, eyes still dry.
“I love you Justin, I really do. But I have ruined your life. You didn’t even get to be a teenager; you didn’t even get to be in a high school environment for that long. And it is my fault. Because I wanted to start the group, because I had this dream… and yeah, you guys wanted it too, but I did it for you… and then ten years later it’s over and we are all back where we started. Sad and alone.”
And how we laugh and how we smile
And how this heart was yours and mine
And how a dream was out of reach
“DAMMIT Chris! How can you say that? How can you say you love me and say you are alone? You aren’t alone, Chris! I’m right here… I’m right here with you. I love you.” Justin hugged his boyfriend tightly.
No one cried. No one wanted to. No one could.
*~**~*
They all knew it would happen sooner or later. Most believed it wouldn’t happen till old age hit; some were afraid of just what had happened. But whatever the case, none thought that it would be this hard to let go.
Each nervously looked down at the coffin where Chris lay, wondering if the same thing was on the others’ minds as well: sadness, grief, pain, and the feeling that your brother was ripped from your life.
And he had.
“I know there is always that ‘oh, we’ll stay together and be friends still’ but if that were true, then we wouldn’t all be here like our best friend just died.”
And he had.
Justin sank to the floor.
And he cried.
They all cried.
They all wanted to.
They all could.
Please remember, please remember
I was there for you
And you were there for me
Please remember, our time together
The time was yours and mine
While we were wild and free
Then remember, please remember me