Fandom Radio, February 5
LACEY: Happy Thursday, everyone! It's Lacey Burrows here, and you can't see me but I have a hat. It's really sparkly.
KATCHOO: Idiot. Everybody has 'em today. Even I have one.
LACEY: I'm sorry, I didn't see yours. I was too busy being blinded by your crankiness. Don't you ever lighten up?
KATCHOO: Not for you I don't.
*electronic barking noises*
KATCHOO: Oh, for the love of -- what is that?
LACEY: It's Darren, my virtual pet. Shh, Darren, don't let the mean girl upset you.
KATCHOO: Oh, kill me now.
School, Now With Swarovski Crystal Embellishment
LACEY: American History got a lecture on the Civil War. The American one, that is.
KATCHOO: In American History. Imagine that. People who weren't me were discussing times they've defended people's civil rights. Journalism covered reviews, otherwise known as the art of being a pompous *feedback*ing ass, turned in homework, took notes, and picked their review topics like good little students. Gag me. Rikku talked to Jameson about the reasons her hat wasn't cool. Reasons? Look at it. That's reason enough.
LACEY: I think it's very pretty. And sparkly. Sam tried to jog Savannah's memory about being a cheerleader -- aww, poor thing, amnesia? Oh. That was in Thaumaturgy, where they got a lecture on, and got to try out, meditation and visualization. This is starting to sound like a class I could really get into.
KATCHOO: Lucky for everybody else, you can't. Literature got a lecture about identity and distractions. Distractions that aren't always hat-shaped. But we discussed distractions. A lot.
LACEY: Excuse me, "we?"
KATCHOO: Yeah, yeah, everybody else did. Shut up. Claudia was in a good mood in the library today. She probably had a hat too. I can see that making her happy.
LACEY: It's one more thing than ever makes you happy. Newspaper staff got doughnuts and talked about how to lure in ads. Rikku? I'm definitely in for that. I'm fairly sure Lee's suggestion of a Valentine's Day theme was completely unrelated to his suggestion for solicitation. Of businesses. Rikku promised Toby cookies if he submitted his, and I quote, "way-awesome" interview with Professor Skywalker, and talked to Cal about how telling the truth was a relief even if it was the worst thing ever. Ghanima was there, being a good and well-accessoried advisor in her hat.
KATCHOO: Ow! Quit leaning forward, you dumb broad! You're gonna put my eye out with that bow!
LACEY: Oh, don't be such a grouch.
KATCHOO: You really are pathetically optimistic, aren't you? Cooking Club did stuff with chocolate, and yakked while they were at the cooking. Marshall -- go on, guess.
LACEY: Guess what?
KATCHOO: You're a ditz. The hat, moron. God. Lily had one in her office hours, and so did Anakin, who got a visit from the floppy-haired Winchester kid. The office staff was in love with their hats. I give up on all of you.
LACEY: Dinah and her hat were dining in the cafeteria -- oh, I crack myself up -- with Leto, who told her they shouldn't be awkward around each other, Angela who bonded with her over a dislike of the hats and a plan for shopping, and Marco, who told her about some of our past wackiness, like dinosaurs and hat gnomes. That has to be a typo. Please tell me it's a typo?
KATCHOO: Chyeah. Dream on.
Dorms: Better With a Giant Bow?
LACEY: In the third floor common room this afternoon, Liir had a hat on, and brownies out for sharing, and he was watching Iron Chef. With his dog. Aw, Iron Chef. I love that show.
KATCHOO: The look on your face says otherwise.
LACEY: No, I do. I do! I just --
KATCHOO: Feel horribly inadequate when you watch it?
LACEY: Idon'tknowwhatyoumeanatall oh look, Hurley was there. Also with a hat. Oh, and the idea for a Fandom cooking show. Oooooh.
KATCHOO: Turn that light bulb over your head off, will ya? It's gonna reflect off your stupid hat and blind me.
LACEY: She's kidding. She's kidding. There is no light bulb.
KATCHOO: Yeah, it'd be pretty dim if there was. Robin thought the hat was too dull, kind of like Lacey, and Liir thought it was too bright. Can't please everyone. Or in this case anyone. But there were brownies, at least. It worked for Momoko, even though she wished the hat was pink, but Robin told her he'd rather have a blue one. Me, I'd just settle for getting the *feedback* thing off my *feedback*ing head.
LACEY: You know, it's starting to become a dream of mine that someday the soap in Fandom is going to develop a mind of its own and wash your mouth out.
KATCHOO: Two words for you. *feedback* off. Chuck -- don't think I've forgotten Caritas, you scarf-wearing jerk who's too frikkin' special to get a hat -- was up on the roof . . . smoking. Claire came up to share. She's one of us poor suckers who got stuck with the stupid hat, though, and Chuck told her about getting Francine to . . . make . . . brownies . . . for . . . BASS, YOU *feedback of DOOM*, I'm gonna *feedback of DOOMIER DOOM*!
LACEY: Okay, someone needs a vacation. Or maybe a trip down to the salle to hack a practice dummy to pieces like Arthur was doing this afternoon, while Leto worked with his flying blades. Wow. Those didn't come too close, did they? Because I don't think it'd be easy to get a bad-haircut refund for that.
KATCHOO: *prolonged feedback of CONTINUED DOOM*
LACEY: Right then. Moving on, Dinah managed to get rid of her hat for a little while and was working out on the punching bag in the gym while waiting for Jen to show up and spar with her. Jen got rid of her hat for a bit too, but . . . all right, squirrel on the dorms beat, you need to lay off the special acorns, because this line about pink spandex and a helmet with a hat on it doesn't make any sense even for Fandom.
KATCHOO: I can't decide whether it's cute or pathetic that you still look for sense around here. Adam had the hat too. Yep, same one. I'm really not big on this forced conformity crap. Worf thought the hat was torture, and I gotta agree. Harper loved the hat enough to twirl around wearing it, but I've seen her outfits, so. Edward talked to his mirror about the hat and got a visit and an apology from Dinah. Adora talked to herself while she got dressed before Edward came to pick her up for their date. See, everyone around here's frikkin' nuts. And has weird names.
LACEY: This from the girl who refuses to say hers on the air. Amber was packing a bag and cranky, for reasons that really upset Eve when she dropped in, and Liir and his puppy came by. Hopefully that cheered her up. Puppies make everything better. *electronic barking* Yes, I love you too, Darren. Savannah was in her room with a puppy curled up with her. *electronic barking* No, no, Darren, Mommy likes you just fine and will not replace you with a real puppy. Yes. Pwomise. Here, have another treat. *beep* Eve came to talk to her about what she's like, K-Mart met her and the puppy, Summer checked up on her, and Angela introduced herself to Savannah. Possibly again. My cohost here is showing a horrible, horrible lack of sympathy.
KATCHOO: Hey, some of us'd like to forget things, I'm just saying.
LACEY: You are a strange, awful, callous little human being.
KATCHOO: And don't you forget it. Arthur was being disgustingly rise-and-shine-y until Merlin came in furious over Arthur calling Francine a tart and you know what? *feedback* frikkin' right you don't call her that and so help me -- *panicked squirrel chittering* *feedback of the DOOMIEST DOOM THAT EVER DOOMILY DOOMED* -- rip your face off!
Town: Now Fiercer Than Ever
LACEY: Okay, really. Have you considered a vacation? It might be more therapeutic than staring at your hat at work.
KATCHOO: Hey, Cable was staring at one too. Simon was in a bad mood at the clinic. Yeah, join the club. Over at Stark Industries, Lindsay wasn't real thrilled with her hat either, even if Tyler complimented her on it. Pssht. Like guys are ever up to anything good when they say that crap. Ronon and his hat asked her about a second date. Ronon did, not the hat.
LACEY: Oh, give the hats a few days. They'll probably be asking about advanced chemistry by next weekend.
KATCHOO: If that actually happens because you said it, I'm emptying a dumpster into your diner and calling the health department. Peyton had a hat on at Groovy Tunes, Helen had a hat at the Gig, and at Book Haven Millie's cat got a hat too. If you haven't figured out the theme of the day yet there's no hope for you.
LACEY: Sarah got a lunchtime visit from Rusty at the Android's Dungeon. Aww. It's always so sweet when people bring you food.
KATCHOO: Nobody ever does that for you, do they?
LACEY: I'm not answering that.
KATCHOO: Just did.
LACEY: Priestly had a hat on at Luke's Diner, which is of course a fantastic place to eat --
KATCHOO: Can the infomercial, airhead.
LACEY: -- and Claudia came in to admire the hat and make movie plans with him. Aww, that's so cute. Even if I shouldn't be encouraging my employees to use their work hours to fill out their social calendars.
KATCHOO: The ones that you don't have. Anakin and Ben sparred with lightsabers -- if that's some kind of innuendo I'm learning how to make squirrel stew -- and Sokka and Deadpool sparred too, at Atlas Gym, all of 'em in hats. I'd ask if anyone got pictures, but I don't actually care. Murdock was making crank calls at the Freelance Police HQ, where Max dropped in, and Arya showed off her hat during Hoshi's shift at the Arms, but Tully decided not to go out since he couldn't get rid of his. I would've done that, except I have a really annoying clock.
LACEY: Hoshi liked the hat, even if she told Jack he didn't look good in his. So did Eliza, if her humming at Covent Garden Flowers is a sign. I like cheerful people. People who aren't you. Sean was worrying about Savannah in his room at the Arms, where Mary stopped by with room service and Chris checked in, so he gets a pass on not being cheerful.
KATCHOO: What are you, the mood police? Give me that stupid note, and do your dopey glassy-eyed thing when I mention Tony and Tyler having burgers at Mooby Land and wondering what was in the shakes. Sometimes it's better not to ask. Thank god, she shut up for a little while. Tony was doing repairs at the Boards, and Dinah dropped in.
LACEY: Edward and Adora had an ice cream date and . . . awwww, they kissed? That is so sweet.
KATCHOO: Yeah, sure, whatever.
LACEY: Robin had a hat on at Caritas. Well, at least it matched Tino's. Charlotte picked out her outfit to match the hat. Now that's the right kind of attitude to have. Mina ordered straight gin, but learned about cosmopolitans from Charlotte.
KATCHOO: And people say the bar isn't educational.
LACEY: It's also gossipy, since Deadpool and Robin were talking about their sex lives and oh my gosh, Darren hasn't barked in a while. Does that mean he -- no!!!
KATCHOO: Aaaaaaand now she's freaking out. That just made my night. Now I can take this stupid hat and get out of this frikkin' studio.
LACEY: I. But. I.
KATCHOO: Say good night, Lacey.
LACEY: I -- *electronic barking* Darren! You're alive!
KATCHOO: Aw, for the love of --
*click*
KATCHOO: Idiot. Everybody has 'em today. Even I have one.
LACEY: I'm sorry, I didn't see yours. I was too busy being blinded by your crankiness. Don't you ever lighten up?
KATCHOO: Not for you I don't.
*electronic barking noises*
KATCHOO: Oh, for the love of -- what is that?
LACEY: It's Darren, my virtual pet. Shh, Darren, don't let the mean girl upset you.
KATCHOO: Oh, kill me now.
School, Now With Swarovski Crystal Embellishment
LACEY: American History got a lecture on the Civil War. The American one, that is.
KATCHOO: In American History. Imagine that. People who weren't me were discussing times they've defended people's civil rights. Journalism covered reviews, otherwise known as the art of being a pompous *feedback*ing ass, turned in homework, took notes, and picked their review topics like good little students. Gag me. Rikku talked to Jameson about the reasons her hat wasn't cool. Reasons? Look at it. That's reason enough.
LACEY: I think it's very pretty. And sparkly. Sam tried to jog Savannah's memory about being a cheerleader -- aww, poor thing, amnesia? Oh. That was in Thaumaturgy, where they got a lecture on, and got to try out, meditation and visualization. This is starting to sound like a class I could really get into.
KATCHOO: Lucky for everybody else, you can't. Literature got a lecture about identity and distractions. Distractions that aren't always hat-shaped. But we discussed distractions. A lot.
LACEY: Excuse me, "we?"
KATCHOO: Yeah, yeah, everybody else did. Shut up. Claudia was in a good mood in the library today. She probably had a hat too. I can see that making her happy.
LACEY: It's one more thing than ever makes you happy. Newspaper staff got doughnuts and talked about how to lure in ads. Rikku? I'm definitely in for that. I'm fairly sure Lee's suggestion of a Valentine's Day theme was completely unrelated to his suggestion for solicitation. Of businesses. Rikku promised Toby cookies if he submitted his, and I quote, "way-awesome" interview with Professor Skywalker, and talked to Cal about how telling the truth was a relief even if it was the worst thing ever. Ghanima was there, being a good and well-accessoried advisor in her hat.
KATCHOO: Ow! Quit leaning forward, you dumb broad! You're gonna put my eye out with that bow!
LACEY: Oh, don't be such a grouch.
KATCHOO: You really are pathetically optimistic, aren't you? Cooking Club did stuff with chocolate, and yakked while they were at the cooking. Marshall -- go on, guess.
LACEY: Guess what?
KATCHOO: You're a ditz. The hat, moron. God. Lily had one in her office hours, and so did Anakin, who got a visit from the floppy-haired Winchester kid. The office staff was in love with their hats. I give up on all of you.
LACEY: Dinah and her hat were dining in the cafeteria -- oh, I crack myself up -- with Leto, who told her they shouldn't be awkward around each other, Angela who bonded with her over a dislike of the hats and a plan for shopping, and Marco, who told her about some of our past wackiness, like dinosaurs and hat gnomes. That has to be a typo. Please tell me it's a typo?
KATCHOO: Chyeah. Dream on.
Dorms: Better With a Giant Bow?
LACEY: In the third floor common room this afternoon, Liir had a hat on, and brownies out for sharing, and he was watching Iron Chef. With his dog. Aw, Iron Chef. I love that show.
KATCHOO: The look on your face says otherwise.
LACEY: No, I do. I do! I just --
KATCHOO: Feel horribly inadequate when you watch it?
LACEY: Idon'tknowwhatyoumeanatall oh look, Hurley was there. Also with a hat. Oh, and the idea for a Fandom cooking show. Oooooh.
KATCHOO: Turn that light bulb over your head off, will ya? It's gonna reflect off your stupid hat and blind me.
LACEY: She's kidding. She's kidding. There is no light bulb.
KATCHOO: Yeah, it'd be pretty dim if there was. Robin thought the hat was too dull, kind of like Lacey, and Liir thought it was too bright. Can't please everyone. Or in this case anyone. But there were brownies, at least. It worked for Momoko, even though she wished the hat was pink, but Robin told her he'd rather have a blue one. Me, I'd just settle for getting the *feedback* thing off my *feedback*ing head.
LACEY: You know, it's starting to become a dream of mine that someday the soap in Fandom is going to develop a mind of its own and wash your mouth out.
KATCHOO: Two words for you. *feedback* off. Chuck -- don't think I've forgotten Caritas, you scarf-wearing jerk who's too frikkin' special to get a hat -- was up on the roof . . . smoking. Claire came up to share. She's one of us poor suckers who got stuck with the stupid hat, though, and Chuck told her about getting Francine to . . . make . . . brownies . . . for . . . BASS, YOU *feedback of DOOM*, I'm gonna *feedback of DOOMIER DOOM*!
LACEY: Okay, someone needs a vacation. Or maybe a trip down to the salle to hack a practice dummy to pieces like Arthur was doing this afternoon, while Leto worked with his flying blades. Wow. Those didn't come too close, did they? Because I don't think it'd be easy to get a bad-haircut refund for that.
KATCHOO: *prolonged feedback of CONTINUED DOOM*
LACEY: Right then. Moving on, Dinah managed to get rid of her hat for a little while and was working out on the punching bag in the gym while waiting for Jen to show up and spar with her. Jen got rid of her hat for a bit too, but . . . all right, squirrel on the dorms beat, you need to lay off the special acorns, because this line about pink spandex and a helmet with a hat on it doesn't make any sense even for Fandom.
KATCHOO: I can't decide whether it's cute or pathetic that you still look for sense around here. Adam had the hat too. Yep, same one. I'm really not big on this forced conformity crap. Worf thought the hat was torture, and I gotta agree. Harper loved the hat enough to twirl around wearing it, but I've seen her outfits, so. Edward talked to his mirror about the hat and got a visit and an apology from Dinah. Adora talked to herself while she got dressed before Edward came to pick her up for their date. See, everyone around here's frikkin' nuts. And has weird names.
LACEY: This from the girl who refuses to say hers on the air. Amber was packing a bag and cranky, for reasons that really upset Eve when she dropped in, and Liir and his puppy came by. Hopefully that cheered her up. Puppies make everything better. *electronic barking* Yes, I love you too, Darren. Savannah was in her room with a puppy curled up with her. *electronic barking* No, no, Darren, Mommy likes you just fine and will not replace you with a real puppy. Yes. Pwomise. Here, have another treat. *beep* Eve came to talk to her about what she's like, K-Mart met her and the puppy, Summer checked up on her, and Angela introduced herself to Savannah. Possibly again. My cohost here is showing a horrible, horrible lack of sympathy.
KATCHOO: Hey, some of us'd like to forget things, I'm just saying.
LACEY: You are a strange, awful, callous little human being.
KATCHOO: And don't you forget it. Arthur was being disgustingly rise-and-shine-y until Merlin came in furious over Arthur calling Francine a tart and you know what? *feedback* frikkin' right you don't call her that and so help me -- *panicked squirrel chittering* *feedback of the DOOMIEST DOOM THAT EVER DOOMILY DOOMED* -- rip your face off!
Town: Now Fiercer Than Ever
LACEY: Okay, really. Have you considered a vacation? It might be more therapeutic than staring at your hat at work.
KATCHOO: Hey, Cable was staring at one too. Simon was in a bad mood at the clinic. Yeah, join the club. Over at Stark Industries, Lindsay wasn't real thrilled with her hat either, even if Tyler complimented her on it. Pssht. Like guys are ever up to anything good when they say that crap. Ronon and his hat asked her about a second date. Ronon did, not the hat.
LACEY: Oh, give the hats a few days. They'll probably be asking about advanced chemistry by next weekend.
KATCHOO: If that actually happens because you said it, I'm emptying a dumpster into your diner and calling the health department. Peyton had a hat on at Groovy Tunes, Helen had a hat at the Gig, and at Book Haven Millie's cat got a hat too. If you haven't figured out the theme of the day yet there's no hope for you.
LACEY: Sarah got a lunchtime visit from Rusty at the Android's Dungeon. Aww. It's always so sweet when people bring you food.
KATCHOO: Nobody ever does that for you, do they?
LACEY: I'm not answering that.
KATCHOO: Just did.
LACEY: Priestly had a hat on at Luke's Diner, which is of course a fantastic place to eat --
KATCHOO: Can the infomercial, airhead.
LACEY: -- and Claudia came in to admire the hat and make movie plans with him. Aww, that's so cute. Even if I shouldn't be encouraging my employees to use their work hours to fill out their social calendars.
KATCHOO: The ones that you don't have. Anakin and Ben sparred with lightsabers -- if that's some kind of innuendo I'm learning how to make squirrel stew -- and Sokka and Deadpool sparred too, at Atlas Gym, all of 'em in hats. I'd ask if anyone got pictures, but I don't actually care. Murdock was making crank calls at the Freelance Police HQ, where Max dropped in, and Arya showed off her hat during Hoshi's shift at the Arms, but Tully decided not to go out since he couldn't get rid of his. I would've done that, except I have a really annoying clock.
LACEY: Hoshi liked the hat, even if she told Jack he didn't look good in his. So did Eliza, if her humming at Covent Garden Flowers is a sign. I like cheerful people. People who aren't you. Sean was worrying about Savannah in his room at the Arms, where Mary stopped by with room service and Chris checked in, so he gets a pass on not being cheerful.
KATCHOO: What are you, the mood police? Give me that stupid note, and do your dopey glassy-eyed thing when I mention Tony and Tyler having burgers at Mooby Land and wondering what was in the shakes. Sometimes it's better not to ask. Thank god, she shut up for a little while. Tony was doing repairs at the Boards, and Dinah dropped in.
LACEY: Edward and Adora had an ice cream date and . . . awwww, they kissed? That is so sweet.
KATCHOO: Yeah, sure, whatever.
LACEY: Robin had a hat on at Caritas. Well, at least it matched Tino's. Charlotte picked out her outfit to match the hat. Now that's the right kind of attitude to have. Mina ordered straight gin, but learned about cosmopolitans from Charlotte.
KATCHOO: And people say the bar isn't educational.
LACEY: It's also gossipy, since Deadpool and Robin were talking about their sex lives and oh my gosh, Darren hasn't barked in a while. Does that mean he -- no!!!
KATCHOO: Aaaaaaand now she's freaking out. That just made my night. Now I can take this stupid hat and get out of this frikkin' studio.
LACEY: I. But. I.
KATCHOO: Say good night, Lacey.
LACEY: I -- *electronic barking* Darren! You're alive!
KATCHOO: Aw, for the love of --
*click*