Fandom Radio, March 2
Servo: "Holy hamdingers, Ash-man, I think we finally got the system to broadcast."
Ash: "Ha! Gimme that other microphone, gumball-baby, and why don't we get this show on the road, huh?"
Servo: "Yes, your magnificent chin-ness. Right away."
There is a slight pause before a trumpet fanfare... distinctly out of tune.
Ash: "Alright you primitive screwheads, listen up! This is former Coach Ash, along with my shiny red buddy Tom Servo, bringing you a very special radio broadcast from the Satellite of Love."
Servo: "Well, hey, why don't we start with the stuff that nobody cares about, huh? You guessed it, classes. So, there was Advanced Criminal Just-as-boring-as-ever, Music to Fall Asleep in Class To, Political Complaining-Won't-Make-It-Less-Dull-Even-With-A-Guest-Speaker, Chemis-try-harder-and-it-might-be-fun, Languages and Creature Languages both are equally sucktacular."
Ash: "And coming round second, there's Speech classes, for which I apologize to all the students that they have to deal with that old crazy CJ. Ha! Just kidding... or am I? Anyhows, Doc Griss covers sex cultures, which obviously needs to cover me, as my sex life is a culture unto itself, baby. The Jung and the Restless covers dreams, which is probably why everyone was sleeping through it, and ditto goes for Psychology. History of Who-The-Hell-Cares watched a movie, Arthurian Traditions has a test, how sad for you, and a big ole the Teacher doesn't care day for business classes. I'm almost grateful to be stuck in space, a report like that."
Servo: "Yeah, and things don't get any better going onto the various machinations of you idiots not involving classes. Artie opens Caritas, and somehow this is newsworthy. Dear god you people lead boring lives. Crichton is a sexual disease, according to these notes, and Mr. John STD talked to Anders about... hooo mama! Stirrup sex with his girlfriend Cally. How about you leave those conversations for behind closed doors, pal. Not that I don't appreciate the mental imagery and all, but people were trying to eat around you at the time, you know?"
Ash: "And continuing the lunchroom debauchery, the notes indicate a Walter, Pippi, and Victor threesome. Kids, I don't know who you are, but if you're having sex in the lunchroom, you should at least wait until ice cream sundae day, and you can quote the King on that. Sheesh."
Servo: "And while people were deflowering each other in the lunch room, Veronica and Lilly scored themselves some floral goods of their own. But not from each other. I'm sure they're just friends, Bow-chicka-Wow-wow."
Ash: "Isabel was cranky, probably PMSing, and Cam Mitchell made the mistake of talking to PMS girl."
Servo: "Oh Crunch, how stupid can you be? At least I hope not stupid enough to be behind the assinine Pick a Theme ballots posted in the dorms, which is totally pointless. The best theme is always underpants. Lots and lots of underpants."
Ash: "Oh look, Tex is mayor and arguing with people. I am unsurprised at her arguing, but terrified that you folks let her get into a position of power. She may be pretty, but she's cold as ice, knuckleheads. And... Doc Griss has graphic, graphic, sex with the Ice Queen. Hey, maybe some red hot lovin' would melt her a bit. Good goin', Doc. Oh, hey, Doctor Carter is off in a galaxy far, far away... Hey, if you hear this, would you mind swingin' by the Sattelite? I could us a visit of the conjugal type, baby."
Servo: "Now that I'm already feeling the need to vomit, I bring you news that Zordon plays with mud. Nadia falls asleep after something about Artie and Marty. Hopefully that something doesn't involve rhyming-name man love. Even though I'm sure all the girls just love the concept of boykissing. Blech."
Ash: "Speaking of kissing, apparently Geoff kisses Paige goodbye, as the guy took off for greener pastures or something. Speaking of green, Rory opened the library, Parker delivers photos, Blair looks for medical books, Angela and Rory talk about tripping, probably in the drug sense, and Peter--"
Servo: "Peter, Pumpkin-Eater talks to Rory-Whorey-Banana-Fanna-Fo-Forey and the Newspaper meets to discuss the next issue of their litter box liner. Marty ate some special brownies, and that's special in the Mary Jane sense, not the rides the short bus sense."
Ash: "Ha! As if brownies ride buses. Pippi visits Sparky Repairs, Nadia runs into the post-brownie Marty, and Marty asks Giles to sniff his pine tree."
Servo: "Okay, now that's just sick. I'm skipping on to the point where Pippi recieves a proposal from Freud Edmund Blackadder or something. These notes are confusing, and I have no idea who the hell either of those skeezewads are. I'm sure you folks do. You should wish them many happy returns. And then, as if he wasn't in enough of an altered state of insanity already, Marty purchases some pot."
Ash: "That's a pot for his plant, you clear-domed knucklehead. At the emergency clinic, Trevor is all alone, Phoebe talks to Doctor Not Belthazor--"
Servo: "Doctor Not Belthazor? What kind of evil parents do you have to have to get saddled with a name like that? Ouch. Seriously... ouch. Speaking of ouch, Blair stopped in to the clinic. Though he apparently was physically not ouchie. Who knows?"
Ash: "Veronica visited Susan, probably to talk about Veronica's nymphomania. She slept with any girls in a dark alley recently? And if so, can someone mail me a video copy? Oh, on the subject of sleeping, Cally and Angel wake up together. Wait, I thought Cally was with that Anders moron? Maybe Veronica's nymphomania is spreading?"
Servo: "Learn to read, Captain Chins-a-lot. Callisto woke up with Angel."
Ash: "Oh, right, big thighs. How could I forget?"
Servo: "Because you have a small raisin for a brain, that's how. Anyways, Veronica and Piper met up, as do Doug Somebody and that Angel guy, Aeryn bumps into Crunch Buttsteak, and much grinding commenced."
Ash: "Only in your imagination, you beautiful pervy robot, you. Belthazor made a list, checked it twice, and probably sure as hell knows who is naughty or nice. Nadia insomniacs it up on the fifth floor, and Blair is very happy about everything. And that's happy in the sense of having an erection, folks. Come on, a good kid should be able to get someone to take care of that real fast, shouldn't he?"
Servo: "On a subject not involving massive hard-ons, at least dear god I hope so, Lana talked to Isabel, and so does Janet, and Xander. Okay, maybe if it was Xander, I might be able to... oh my gods, the mental pictures, Ahhhhhh!"
Ash: "Well, there is definitely none of that going on with Al and Ed, who are all brotherly today. So there is definitely NONE OF THAT FORMER SUBJECT." There is a short cough. " Alanna flees for her life, Angel waits for Logan, Cam Mitchell and Molly have some surrogate sibling happy time, Pippi wakes Nadia up, and Lana reads something."
Servo: "Xander orders something for Jaye. My guess is a sex toy. Or underpants. Speaking of underpants, Park-your-stuff-in-the-no-loading-zone got a visit from Wee Lee Adama. Aeryn Sun-of-a-female-dog got a visit from John STD, Angela Chase-Away-The-Bad-Men falls into the lure of the special brownies, and Parker-Marker-Pudding-And-Pie visted Bridge-Over-Troubled-Waters."
Ash: "That just about wraps it up for us, you unfortunate suckers. Last news items we got here are that the second floor common room nearly explodes with activity."
Servo: "Activity involving Zero-My-Hero in nothing but a towel. Oh, and Super-Cally-Frajalistic and Anders-Panders discuss stirrups, syrups, and the internet. Hot."
Ash: "And one last bit just in, Lyta is crashed out in the third floor common room. Guess she likes to hear loud obnoxious noises from beneath her."
Servo: "All the news thats fit to announce, and a lot of stuff that wasn't even that. Alright you dickweeds, this is Tom Servo--"
Ash: "And Ash, signing off from the Satellite of Love. Don't miss us. Cause we sure as hell don't miss any of you."
Servo: "Push the button, Ashley."
Ash: "Shut your pie-hole, Domey."
*pop-fizz*
Ash: "Ha! Gimme that other microphone, gumball-baby, and why don't we get this show on the road, huh?"
Servo: "Yes, your magnificent chin-ness. Right away."
There is a slight pause before a trumpet fanfare... distinctly out of tune.
Ash: "Alright you primitive screwheads, listen up! This is former Coach Ash, along with my shiny red buddy Tom Servo, bringing you a very special radio broadcast from the Satellite of Love."
Servo: "Well, hey, why don't we start with the stuff that nobody cares about, huh? You guessed it, classes. So, there was Advanced Criminal Just-as-boring-as-ever, Music to Fall Asleep in Class To, Political Complaining-Won't-Make-It-Less-Dull-Even-With-A-Guest-Speaker, Chemis-try-harder-and-it-might-be-fun, Languages and Creature Languages both are equally sucktacular."
Ash: "And coming round second, there's Speech classes, for which I apologize to all the students that they have to deal with that old crazy CJ. Ha! Just kidding... or am I? Anyhows, Doc Griss covers sex cultures, which obviously needs to cover me, as my sex life is a culture unto itself, baby. The Jung and the Restless covers dreams, which is probably why everyone was sleeping through it, and ditto goes for Psychology. History of Who-The-Hell-Cares watched a movie, Arthurian Traditions has a test, how sad for you, and a big ole the Teacher doesn't care day for business classes. I'm almost grateful to be stuck in space, a report like that."
Servo: "Yeah, and things don't get any better going onto the various machinations of you idiots not involving classes. Artie opens Caritas, and somehow this is newsworthy. Dear god you people lead boring lives. Crichton is a sexual disease, according to these notes, and Mr. John STD talked to Anders about... hooo mama! Stirrup sex with his girlfriend Cally. How about you leave those conversations for behind closed doors, pal. Not that I don't appreciate the mental imagery and all, but people were trying to eat around you at the time, you know?"
Ash: "And continuing the lunchroom debauchery, the notes indicate a Walter, Pippi, and Victor threesome. Kids, I don't know who you are, but if you're having sex in the lunchroom, you should at least wait until ice cream sundae day, and you can quote the King on that. Sheesh."
Servo: "And while people were deflowering each other in the lunch room, Veronica and Lilly scored themselves some floral goods of their own. But not from each other. I'm sure they're just friends, Bow-chicka-Wow-wow."
Ash: "Isabel was cranky, probably PMSing, and Cam Mitchell made the mistake of talking to PMS girl."
Servo: "Oh Crunch, how stupid can you be? At least I hope not stupid enough to be behind the assinine Pick a Theme ballots posted in the dorms, which is totally pointless. The best theme is always underpants. Lots and lots of underpants."
Ash: "Oh look, Tex is mayor and arguing with people. I am unsurprised at her arguing, but terrified that you folks let her get into a position of power. She may be pretty, but she's cold as ice, knuckleheads. And... Doc Griss has graphic, graphic, sex with the Ice Queen. Hey, maybe some red hot lovin' would melt her a bit. Good goin', Doc. Oh, hey, Doctor Carter is off in a galaxy far, far away... Hey, if you hear this, would you mind swingin' by the Sattelite? I could us a visit of the conjugal type, baby."
Servo: "Now that I'm already feeling the need to vomit, I bring you news that Zordon plays with mud. Nadia falls asleep after something about Artie and Marty. Hopefully that something doesn't involve rhyming-name man love. Even though I'm sure all the girls just love the concept of boykissing. Blech."
Ash: "Speaking of kissing, apparently Geoff kisses Paige goodbye, as the guy took off for greener pastures or something. Speaking of green, Rory opened the library, Parker delivers photos, Blair looks for medical books, Angela and Rory talk about tripping, probably in the drug sense, and Peter--"
Servo: "Peter, Pumpkin-Eater talks to Rory-Whorey-Banana-Fanna-Fo-Forey and the Newspaper meets to discuss the next issue of their litter box liner. Marty ate some special brownies, and that's special in the Mary Jane sense, not the rides the short bus sense."
Ash: "Ha! As if brownies ride buses. Pippi visits Sparky Repairs, Nadia runs into the post-brownie Marty, and Marty asks Giles to sniff his pine tree."
Servo: "Okay, now that's just sick. I'm skipping on to the point where Pippi recieves a proposal from Freud Edmund Blackadder or something. These notes are confusing, and I have no idea who the hell either of those skeezewads are. I'm sure you folks do. You should wish them many happy returns. And then, as if he wasn't in enough of an altered state of insanity already, Marty purchases some pot."
Ash: "That's a pot for his plant, you clear-domed knucklehead. At the emergency clinic, Trevor is all alone, Phoebe talks to Doctor Not Belthazor--"
Servo: "Doctor Not Belthazor? What kind of evil parents do you have to have to get saddled with a name like that? Ouch. Seriously... ouch. Speaking of ouch, Blair stopped in to the clinic. Though he apparently was physically not ouchie. Who knows?"
Ash: "Veronica visited Susan, probably to talk about Veronica's nymphomania. She slept with any girls in a dark alley recently? And if so, can someone mail me a video copy? Oh, on the subject of sleeping, Cally and Angel wake up together. Wait, I thought Cally was with that Anders moron? Maybe Veronica's nymphomania is spreading?"
Servo: "Learn to read, Captain Chins-a-lot. Callisto woke up with Angel."
Ash: "Oh, right, big thighs. How could I forget?"
Servo: "Because you have a small raisin for a brain, that's how. Anyways, Veronica and Piper met up, as do Doug Somebody and that Angel guy, Aeryn bumps into Crunch Buttsteak, and much grinding commenced."
Ash: "Only in your imagination, you beautiful pervy robot, you. Belthazor made a list, checked it twice, and probably sure as hell knows who is naughty or nice. Nadia insomniacs it up on the fifth floor, and Blair is very happy about everything. And that's happy in the sense of having an erection, folks. Come on, a good kid should be able to get someone to take care of that real fast, shouldn't he?"
Servo: "On a subject not involving massive hard-ons, at least dear god I hope so, Lana talked to Isabel, and so does Janet, and Xander. Okay, maybe if it was Xander, I might be able to... oh my gods, the mental pictures, Ahhhhhh!"
Ash: "Well, there is definitely none of that going on with Al and Ed, who are all brotherly today. So there is definitely NONE OF THAT FORMER SUBJECT." There is a short cough. " Alanna flees for her life, Angel waits for Logan, Cam Mitchell and Molly have some surrogate sibling happy time, Pippi wakes Nadia up, and Lana reads something."
Servo: "Xander orders something for Jaye. My guess is a sex toy. Or underpants. Speaking of underpants, Park-your-stuff-in-the-no-loading-zone got a visit from Wee Lee Adama. Aeryn Sun-of-a-female-dog got a visit from John STD, Angela Chase-Away-The-Bad-Men falls into the lure of the special brownies, and Parker-Marker-Pudding-And-Pie visted Bridge-Over-Troubled-Waters."
Ash: "That just about wraps it up for us, you unfortunate suckers. Last news items we got here are that the second floor common room nearly explodes with activity."
Servo: "Activity involving Zero-My-Hero in nothing but a towel. Oh, and Super-Cally-Frajalistic and Anders-Panders discuss stirrups, syrups, and the internet. Hot."
Ash: "And one last bit just in, Lyta is crashed out in the third floor common room. Guess she likes to hear loud obnoxious noises from beneath her."
Servo: "All the news thats fit to announce, and a lot of stuff that wasn't even that. Alright you dickweeds, this is Tom Servo--"
Ash: "And Ash, signing off from the Satellite of Love. Don't miss us. Cause we sure as hell don't miss any of you."
Servo: "Push the button, Ashley."
Ash: "Shut your pie-hole, Domey."
*pop-fizz*