Fandom Radio, Monday, September 3
Hello, Fandom! This is John Crichton and this is my final radio broadcast. I know, we're all sad, aren't we? So, how about we break this down, Fandom style? Ready? Right, here we go.
School Daze
This is Seely 'Runs With Scissors Because My Girlfriend Cuddles is An Origami Work of Art' Booth with your class news! Sam's got the library back in business and my girlfriend is the cutest thing ever. EVER. Cuddles and Seely One True Pairing! Dean stops in and he and Sam talk about faith. Faith isn't my girlfriend's name.
The No Nonsense Sex Ed class is in session and I totally don't see that because I'm Seely 'With a Rebel Yell' Booth! Lulu does some lecturing and then sets a ball of paper on fire. I don't think that's dirty. Rikku and Jude are flaily and introductions are made. If I was making introductions, it would've been 'I'm Seely Booth, I like being shirtless and my girlfriend is unto a teddy bear. Anne is flailing, Sokka says he has experience and Rikku thinks that means sex with seals and that's totally dirty and Rikku tells Gavin, who fell off his horse, that Lulu knows her stuff.
CHANGE!
Oh my god, guys, it's Willow and I'm here to report the news! Also, yay classes! In Keeping Your Wits About You, Dr Wilson lectured and omg, I wanted to take that class but the office wouldn't let me take more than fifteen classes! Major bummers! Lana and Isabel discuss hitting the gym and I hope that doesn't mean hitting it literally because ow! The students break up into groups to introduce themselves. Savannah, Wyatt, Beauty and Hoshi, Al, Isabel, Chris and Anne are the groups! School is fun! I have red hair! Also, hi my boyfriend Peter! Anne and Isabel meet, Anne tells Chris about herself, Isabel and Chris discuss her date not a date with Wyatt, Al and Isabel talk about his summer and Anne and Al meet. Boy, you guys are busy in this class! Wow! School yay! Johnny Storm, Lana and Summer are also a pair in this wonderful institution called school! Johnny and Lana talk about Savannah and Jim and that is not school related unless Jim and Savannah are variables in a math equations. Summer and Lana talk about say goodbye, Summer and Johnny discuss classes, YAY SCHOOL, and Wilson has private discussions with the students. About school things. I hope.
CHANGE!
This is Dick Casablancas and I have blonde hair! It's very flowing! Anyway, Comparative Religions, which totally sounds dirty. Vala, and man, she's so hot, talks about what the class will cover. Luke and Adaha pass notes as do Gwynn and Eve, Luke and Z, and then there are intros about religious things. In Art, Steve talks about what the class will be like and my hair is totally tangled, dudes. This is not cool! This is the work of Veronica Mars, I know it. There are introductions! Fandom's Next Top Model, which will totally be the best class ever if the girls are hot....no wait, I have a girlfriend. I love you, Annette, pookie! Get the hairbrush ready! Ares talks about the right to bare arms and...oh, I get it. It's a pun! Buffy offers Lee hair advice, Isabel and Peter passn notes and there are introductions.
CHANGE!
My name is Deadpool and these are my hips! They don't lie! Oh, Anakin Skywalker, your hair is so luxurious. Wait, did I say that out loud? Oops! Aziraphale, who has the longest name ever sheesh, has office hours and Anders stop by. Anders isn't a minion so I won't be kidnappinating him! That's totally a word. Also, I'm married but not to Aly. She's too much for me to handle. The love of my li--I mean, Fraser, that hatted Canadian, had office hours too. Roy stopped by to ask me to watch Aly's kitties. And I, of course, said yes but that's only because I find Roy Mustang undeniably attractive in all kinds of naughty ways.
I wear red pajamas too.
Arashi and me talk about healing factors. Squall falls asleep during his office hours, Roy leaves the island and I will hold a candle for Sheriff Pornstar, I will. I miss you already! Zoe, that tall drink of principal-y goodness, had office hours and Hermione brought Cassandra to get enrolled. And then John Winchester brought the wee baby! Awww, kids. I love kids.
CHANGE!
Dorm Room With a View
Hi this is Jaye and I miss the Seahorse cabin and I miss being shirtless and today, in the fourth floor common room, Karal had tea and toast and I don't think he was shirtless. Why not? Do I need to come back and hold up my sign? Sulley, which totally sounds like the name of the high seas pirate who will come sweep me away, came down for some food. And Robin was infinitely interesting by waving to Sulley. How fun. Adam yawns and Robin hangs and that was just boring. Where's my booze.
CHANGE!
Hello, everyone! You remember, don't you? This is the Professor Mrs Rita Skeeter, spouse of Wilbur! Wilbur who is now the acting manage at the local adult magazine shop! Isn't it wonderful? And you, hellion children, are far too talkative! Have you learned anything? In the fourth floor common room, that Longbottom boy tries to watch television. I can already see I'll need alcohol for this. Such idiocy. John oh god not him...oh wait, the last name is Sheppard helps him out, Neville meets Adam, Jim tries to convince Neville he's an ape and I'm sure Longbottom will believe that, AJ teaches Neville about refrigerators and this all so very fascinating. I can see this school is still in a sad state. Neville and Marco meet and are confused about things which is typical, really. Mac meets Neville and his toad, Hermione explains phones to Neville, Jude catches Hermione up on his trip home and ugh, Granger is still there too? My opinion of the school has lessened again. John not Crichton helps Rodney out, Rodney and Hermione talk about classes, Neville mistakes Rodney for an American, Mac and Rodney have coffee talk, Sokka doesn't want the coffee to keep Rodney up all night and bloody hell, does nobody shut up? Sulley peeks out and meets John not Crichton. Sulley's trying not to watch tv, Hermione recognizes Sulley, Sokka likes Sulley's coloring, and Longbottom tells Johnny Blaze he has the tv down. Right. I'm sure you're completely that intelligent, Mister Longbottom. Hermione meets Johnny Blaze, Sulley tells Johnny the tv show is interesting, Neville sees...Harry bloody Potter, good grief. Granger is very bouncy at Harry, Harry bloody Potter is surprised to meet Sulley, Neville tells Z what he's learned so far and Sokka arrives. Bloody hell, quit talking all of you and go to bed!
CHANGE!
People, people, it's Bridge Carson here! And I like cheese! And butter! Oh wait, that's not right! I like...buttery toast! Feel my fingerwiggle! Eve figures out what to wear for her date with Adam and I suggest anything green! Ron moves in and meets Sulley and gets glomped by Hermione. Hi Xander! I'm on the radio! With toasty buttery fingerwiggle...ow, I just hurt myself. Sokka reads poetry, Karal can't sleep so he goes to see Molly and this is not dirty because KID'S SHOW! Chad and Teddy wake up in bed with Ronan but...KID'S SHOW! Aravis plays fetch with her puppy and Seely comes by to check on her. Feel better, Aravis! Luke also comes by to check on her. Jo checks to see if Meg's a demon, Billy makes sure Meg's last name isn't Umbridge, and Cedric and Harry meet and this says nothing about them exchanging buttery fingerwaving...wiggling toast. I'm getting myself confused. KID'S SHOW! Peter Parker's room is now a double, Turtle does some work in her room, and Cedric introduces himself to someone named Doom. I hope that's just an unfortunate last name, Doom. We should share toast! And butter! But not Xander! Sulley goes to meet Will and Haruhi arrives.
CHANGE!
Takin' You Downtown
This is Hades, the blue robed one and hey, did I mention, I'M A GOD. BOW DOWN BEFORE ME MORTALs. Okay, not really, but I just looooooove saying that. Anyway. Doogie, which I just love saying because I'M A GOD, worked the early clinic shift and Katara worked the evening. The Devil's Nest was also open and man, that should read the HADES NEST because I'M A GOD. Wilson traded a kiss for a shirt and whatever floats your boat or something. Me? I prefer Harriet Jones, Dean of Students. That's right, I admitted it! That hair, those lips, she's FORMIDABLE and I'M A GOD! Emma, who is not my precious Ellie, was working down at Caritas. Emma, you're a doll but you don't have that badass quality that puts me, A GOD, in their place. Kerrigan and Emma talked about teaching, Fraser and Emma talked paperwork and Jean-Paul was surprised to see Emma. I'M A GOD!
CHANGE!
Fandom, this is Turtle Wexler and I'm only here because the people at the stock market wouldn't let me sleep on the door step! I mean, come on! I just wanted to feel the numbers. Not dirty. Adam and Eve have a date at Ching Tai and Ching Tai could really increase their customer base if they ordered stuff from my store, Turtle and Canary! Naomi opened Sparky's Repairs, a competitor of mine. Soon, they will all FALL AT THE FEET OF TURTLE...ahem, sorry. I was supposed to think that, not say it.
Tinker Bell opened Pixie Dust, another competitor and SOON THEY WILL GO OUT OF BUSI--damn, I need to stop that. Kerrigan fights with Tink over shoes (probably shoddy quality anyway, come to Turtle and Canary!), Aziraphale comes looking for new suits, Isabel gets a job AT THE COMPETITOR'S STORE, Cher gets an outfit custom made, Sora mentions someone named Peter to Tink and Tink don't like that.
Speaking of Peter, Turtle and Canary will be selling pickled peppers next week at half price! Come on down! Annette, who was once an arch nemesis, opened the post office. I sell stamps too at Turtle and Canary. Come on down! Gabriel is in a bad mood, Chad and his ugly cat open Groovy Tunes, Andrew thinks Prince Oscar Pedro is a demon and that's not nice and Turtle and Canary does not sell demons. Jeff tells Prince Oscar about his sister!
Mary, who does buy supplies from me and is therefore exempt from any future conquests, opens the Arms Hotel. Millie, another competitor WHO WILL SOON BOW AT M--never mind, is open and Anne gets a job. Willow invades Stuff for Sale, River and Willow are very happy about highlighters, which I SELL GUYS, COME TO TURTLE AND CANARY, and Billy's glad to see Willow there. Cass wanders into town and Hermione talks her into enrolling here. Wow, if you do that nine more times, I'll give you a knife set...for half off. I need profit, people! Jeff talks weird at Cass. Jeff is my boyfriend! Hi boyfriend! Annette, former arch nemesis, reads in the park and Robin plays his banjo. Anathema comes to the Magic Box to check things out and Giles helps her out. Andrew tells Giles about the bad things in the park and what bad things? IS someone else building another business there? THAT's NOT ALLOWED! I will kick them SO HARD. Anakin and Qui-Gon have a sparring date at Atlas. Bart opens the best place on the whole island and that place that makes tons of profits, Turtle and Canary. Lee meets Adah in the park and there's talk of wet socks and stars, Namine talked to Adah while she sketched and Leo introduced himself to Adah.
Ahem. Well, that's all for me, folks! This is John Crichton, signing off for the last time. I love you all, I miss you all, and I'll see you soon! Bye!
[Of course, all impressions are through John's eyes and should not be taken seriously at all. He's a nutcase and I just wanted to do something insane for his last radio.]
School Daze
This is Seely 'Runs With Scissors Because My Girlfriend Cuddles is An Origami Work of Art' Booth with your class news! Sam's got the library back in business and my girlfriend is the cutest thing ever. EVER. Cuddles and Seely One True Pairing! Dean stops in and he and Sam talk about faith. Faith isn't my girlfriend's name.
The No Nonsense Sex Ed class is in session and I totally don't see that because I'm Seely 'With a Rebel Yell' Booth! Lulu does some lecturing and then sets a ball of paper on fire. I don't think that's dirty. Rikku and Jude are flaily and introductions are made. If I was making introductions, it would've been 'I'm Seely Booth, I like being shirtless and my girlfriend is unto a teddy bear. Anne is flailing, Sokka says he has experience and Rikku thinks that means sex with seals and that's totally dirty and Rikku tells Gavin, who fell off his horse, that Lulu knows her stuff.
CHANGE!
Oh my god, guys, it's Willow and I'm here to report the news! Also, yay classes! In Keeping Your Wits About You, Dr Wilson lectured and omg, I wanted to take that class but the office wouldn't let me take more than fifteen classes! Major bummers! Lana and Isabel discuss hitting the gym and I hope that doesn't mean hitting it literally because ow! The students break up into groups to introduce themselves. Savannah, Wyatt, Beauty and Hoshi, Al, Isabel, Chris and Anne are the groups! School is fun! I have red hair! Also, hi my boyfriend Peter! Anne and Isabel meet, Anne tells Chris about herself, Isabel and Chris discuss her date not a date with Wyatt, Al and Isabel talk about his summer and Anne and Al meet. Boy, you guys are busy in this class! Wow! School yay! Johnny Storm, Lana and Summer are also a pair in this wonderful institution called school! Johnny and Lana talk about Savannah and Jim and that is not school related unless Jim and Savannah are variables in a math equations. Summer and Lana talk about say goodbye, Summer and Johnny discuss classes, YAY SCHOOL, and Wilson has private discussions with the students. About school things. I hope.
CHANGE!
This is Dick Casablancas and I have blonde hair! It's very flowing! Anyway, Comparative Religions, which totally sounds dirty. Vala, and man, she's so hot, talks about what the class will cover. Luke and Adaha pass notes as do Gwynn and Eve, Luke and Z, and then there are intros about religious things. In Art, Steve talks about what the class will be like and my hair is totally tangled, dudes. This is not cool! This is the work of Veronica Mars, I know it. There are introductions! Fandom's Next Top Model, which will totally be the best class ever if the girls are hot....no wait, I have a girlfriend. I love you, Annette, pookie! Get the hairbrush ready! Ares talks about the right to bare arms and...oh, I get it. It's a pun! Buffy offers Lee hair advice, Isabel and Peter passn notes and there are introductions.
CHANGE!
My name is Deadpool and these are my hips! They don't lie! Oh, Anakin Skywalker, your hair is so luxurious. Wait, did I say that out loud? Oops! Aziraphale, who has the longest name ever sheesh, has office hours and Anders stop by. Anders isn't a minion so I won't be kidnappinating him! That's totally a word. Also, I'm married but not to Aly. She's too much for me to handle. The love of my li--I mean, Fraser, that hatted Canadian, had office hours too. Roy stopped by to ask me to watch Aly's kitties. And I, of course, said yes but that's only because I find Roy Mustang undeniably attractive in all kinds of naughty ways.
I wear red pajamas too.
Arashi and me talk about healing factors. Squall falls asleep during his office hours, Roy leaves the island and I will hold a candle for Sheriff Pornstar, I will. I miss you already! Zoe, that tall drink of principal-y goodness, had office hours and Hermione brought Cassandra to get enrolled. And then John Winchester brought the wee baby! Awww, kids. I love kids.
CHANGE!
Dorm Room With a View
Hi this is Jaye and I miss the Seahorse cabin and I miss being shirtless and today, in the fourth floor common room, Karal had tea and toast and I don't think he was shirtless. Why not? Do I need to come back and hold up my sign? Sulley, which totally sounds like the name of the high seas pirate who will come sweep me away, came down for some food. And Robin was infinitely interesting by waving to Sulley. How fun. Adam yawns and Robin hangs and that was just boring. Where's my booze.
CHANGE!
Hello, everyone! You remember, don't you? This is the Professor Mrs Rita Skeeter, spouse of Wilbur! Wilbur who is now the acting manage at the local adult magazine shop! Isn't it wonderful? And you, hellion children, are far too talkative! Have you learned anything? In the fourth floor common room, that Longbottom boy tries to watch television. I can already see I'll need alcohol for this. Such idiocy. John oh god not him...oh wait, the last name is Sheppard helps him out, Neville meets Adam, Jim tries to convince Neville he's an ape and I'm sure Longbottom will believe that, AJ teaches Neville about refrigerators and this all so very fascinating. I can see this school is still in a sad state. Neville and Marco meet and are confused about things which is typical, really. Mac meets Neville and his toad, Hermione explains phones to Neville, Jude catches Hermione up on his trip home and ugh, Granger is still there too? My opinion of the school has lessened again. John not Crichton helps Rodney out, Rodney and Hermione talk about classes, Neville mistakes Rodney for an American, Mac and Rodney have coffee talk, Sokka doesn't want the coffee to keep Rodney up all night and bloody hell, does nobody shut up? Sulley peeks out and meets John not Crichton. Sulley's trying not to watch tv, Hermione recognizes Sulley, Sokka likes Sulley's coloring, and Longbottom tells Johnny Blaze he has the tv down. Right. I'm sure you're completely that intelligent, Mister Longbottom. Hermione meets Johnny Blaze, Sulley tells Johnny the tv show is interesting, Neville sees...Harry bloody Potter, good grief. Granger is very bouncy at Harry, Harry bloody Potter is surprised to meet Sulley, Neville tells Z what he's learned so far and Sokka arrives. Bloody hell, quit talking all of you and go to bed!
CHANGE!
People, people, it's Bridge Carson here! And I like cheese! And butter! Oh wait, that's not right! I like...buttery toast! Feel my fingerwiggle! Eve figures out what to wear for her date with Adam and I suggest anything green! Ron moves in and meets Sulley and gets glomped by Hermione. Hi Xander! I'm on the radio! With toasty buttery fingerwiggle...ow, I just hurt myself. Sokka reads poetry, Karal can't sleep so he goes to see Molly and this is not dirty because KID'S SHOW! Chad and Teddy wake up in bed with Ronan but...KID'S SHOW! Aravis plays fetch with her puppy and Seely comes by to check on her. Feel better, Aravis! Luke also comes by to check on her. Jo checks to see if Meg's a demon, Billy makes sure Meg's last name isn't Umbridge, and Cedric and Harry meet and this says nothing about them exchanging buttery fingerwaving...wiggling toast. I'm getting myself confused. KID'S SHOW! Peter Parker's room is now a double, Turtle does some work in her room, and Cedric introduces himself to someone named Doom. I hope that's just an unfortunate last name, Doom. We should share toast! And butter! But not Xander! Sulley goes to meet Will and Haruhi arrives.
CHANGE!
Takin' You Downtown
This is Hades, the blue robed one and hey, did I mention, I'M A GOD. BOW DOWN BEFORE ME MORTALs. Okay, not really, but I just looooooove saying that. Anyway. Doogie, which I just love saying because I'M A GOD, worked the early clinic shift and Katara worked the evening. The Devil's Nest was also open and man, that should read the HADES NEST because I'M A GOD. Wilson traded a kiss for a shirt and whatever floats your boat or something. Me? I prefer Harriet Jones, Dean of Students. That's right, I admitted it! That hair, those lips, she's FORMIDABLE and I'M A GOD! Emma, who is not my precious Ellie, was working down at Caritas. Emma, you're a doll but you don't have that badass quality that puts me, A GOD, in their place. Kerrigan and Emma talked about teaching, Fraser and Emma talked paperwork and Jean-Paul was surprised to see Emma. I'M A GOD!
CHANGE!
Fandom, this is Turtle Wexler and I'm only here because the people at the stock market wouldn't let me sleep on the door step! I mean, come on! I just wanted to feel the numbers. Not dirty. Adam and Eve have a date at Ching Tai and Ching Tai could really increase their customer base if they ordered stuff from my store, Turtle and Canary! Naomi opened Sparky's Repairs, a competitor of mine. Soon, they will all FALL AT THE FEET OF TURTLE...ahem, sorry. I was supposed to think that, not say it.
Tinker Bell opened Pixie Dust, another competitor and SOON THEY WILL GO OUT OF BUSI--damn, I need to stop that. Kerrigan fights with Tink over shoes (probably shoddy quality anyway, come to Turtle and Canary!), Aziraphale comes looking for new suits, Isabel gets a job AT THE COMPETITOR'S STORE, Cher gets an outfit custom made, Sora mentions someone named Peter to Tink and Tink don't like that.
Speaking of Peter, Turtle and Canary will be selling pickled peppers next week at half price! Come on down! Annette, who was once an arch nemesis, opened the post office. I sell stamps too at Turtle and Canary. Come on down! Gabriel is in a bad mood, Chad and his ugly cat open Groovy Tunes, Andrew thinks Prince Oscar Pedro is a demon and that's not nice and Turtle and Canary does not sell demons. Jeff tells Prince Oscar about his sister!
Mary, who does buy supplies from me and is therefore exempt from any future conquests, opens the Arms Hotel. Millie, another competitor WHO WILL SOON BOW AT M--never mind, is open and Anne gets a job. Willow invades Stuff for Sale, River and Willow are very happy about highlighters, which I SELL GUYS, COME TO TURTLE AND CANARY, and Billy's glad to see Willow there. Cass wanders into town and Hermione talks her into enrolling here. Wow, if you do that nine more times, I'll give you a knife set...for half off. I need profit, people! Jeff talks weird at Cass. Jeff is my boyfriend! Hi boyfriend! Annette, former arch nemesis, reads in the park and Robin plays his banjo. Anathema comes to the Magic Box to check things out and Giles helps her out. Andrew tells Giles about the bad things in the park and what bad things? IS someone else building another business there? THAT's NOT ALLOWED! I will kick them SO HARD. Anakin and Qui-Gon have a sparring date at Atlas. Bart opens the best place on the whole island and that place that makes tons of profits, Turtle and Canary. Lee meets Adah in the park and there's talk of wet socks and stars, Namine talked to Adah while she sketched and Leo introduced himself to Adah.
Ahem. Well, that's all for me, folks! This is John Crichton, signing off for the last time. I love you all, I miss you all, and I'll see you soon! Bye!
[Of course, all impressions are through John's eyes and should not be taken seriously at all. He's a nutcase and I just wanted to do something insane for his last radio.]