Fandom Radio, December 26
Jaye: Hi! This is Jaye and friends, who are totally not up to any mischief, and you’re not actually hearing any of this, and we did not hijack the radio frequency to tell you what’s happened since last week. Nope. Definitely not.
Anders: Holy frak, is that what we did? I mean, didn't do. Definitely didn't.
Bridge: We didn't! Technically, we just found it by accident.
Anders: Oh. Right. Okay.
Rory: Seriously. It's not our fault Bridgey's dog is weird.
Lockheed: *snickers*
Callisto: We wouldn't do anything like that on purpose. It would be wrong.
Archie: Wrong and reprehensible. Of course, I continue to maintain that I simply had no idea what was happening until it was too late.
Cally: Like always.
Bridge: Sure, Archie. That's what they all say.
Edumacation
Jaye: There is none. HA!
Cally: And thank the Lords for that. G'uh.
Rory: Damn. I mean, um, yay! No school! I hate education! Yes.
Callisto: Well, yeah, it's break isn't it?
Lockheed: *wee dragon grunts that sound vaguely anti-schooling*
Jaye: Though Angel found the TA lounge. He’s joined by Sam, Paige, Krycek and Callisto, who are... a little less than thrilled at the condition of the place. But whatever. Sean the puppy hanging with one of the little monsters in the school is the cure for everything bad.
Callisto: It was disgusting.
Bridge: ...ly cute
Callisto: The room. Not the Puppy!
Bridge: Oh, okay!
Archie: I had heard rumours of a TA lounge, but was under the impression that it was a mythical sort of place. Rather like Atlantis.
Cally: Hey, if there's anything cuter than me around here, I want it caught and shot now. *giggles*
Bridge: I'm pretty sure the lounge doesn't qualify as cute, yeah.
Anders: Nothing's cuter than you, coach.
Rory: Sean is so cute. It's not even funny. Of course, he can't fly, like some other adorable puppies, but we won't hold that against him.
Bridge: And he can't broadcast on a radio frequency, that's for sure. It'd be really weird if he could.
Rory: Also, Callisto? You and Angel are precious.
Callisto: Shut up, Rory.
Rory: Don't deny it!
Lockheed: *snickers*
Callisto: I'm not denying because there's nothing to deny.
Jaye: Okay, this was a bad idea as you all are stealing my thunder.
Rory: Sorry, Jaye.
Jaye: Better. In the clinic, Alanna gets a prezzie from Dr. House, and Professor Grissom is all cheerful. Oh my God. I don’t even wanna know.
Callisto: And even if there was something to deny, I wouldn't be talking about it on the radio.
Rory: Hey, I was willing to let that go
Cally: So I shouldn't tell everyone that you're asking for date advice?
Rory: She so is. So is Angel.
Callisto: *sound of headdesking*
Archie: My god, you people are a randy lot.
Lockheed: *laughing*
Cally: There's a Randy here? I don't think I've met Randy...
Archie: Oh, for heaven's sake.
Bridge: Callisto? You're gonna hurt yourself if you keep doing that...
Callisto: We haven't been doing that!
Kawalsky: Angel and Callisto? I could say something, but I won't because Callisto will hurt me.
Jaye: I'm going to hit you all. Shhhhh!
Rory: That hasn't stopped me. Be a man, Charlie.
Callisto: Slow. We're going slow. S-L-O-W
Bridge: I'd say something if I knew what anyone was talking about.
Kawalsky: If it was anyone else, I'd talk. But Callisto can kill me with her brain.
Callisto: And Kawalsky, you say anything about that I will kill you. Slowly and painfully.
Jaye: *very loudly* Up in the Library, Lee brings baked goods as our old librarian moves out and a a giant... hairy orange ape lamp thing appears. Huh. Yeah, I don’t know, either.
Rory: MY BOSS IS AN APE?
Kawalsky: YOUR BOSS IS AN APE?
Lockheed: *thuds on the floor as he falls over laughing*
Jaye: And Marty approaches Janet about that whole Angela thing.
Anders: Oh! Angela! Me and Cally ran into her, like weird grown-uppy her, at the Perk on Friday!
Jaye: Wait, Angela's grown up? That's what's going on?
Kawalsky: Angela's a senior citizen now?
Callisto: Professor Pierson is an ape?
Bridge: How is that weird? I mean, my commanding officer at home is a big blue dog...
Kawalsky: Your CO was a dog? Weird.
Jaye: The people at home can't see me, but I'm sure the look on my face is very funny right now.
Callisto: It's no funnier than usual.
Kawalsky: She looks like she might be choking.
Archie: And that, Mister Carson, is why I didn't immediately assume that "ape" was a figure of speech. How DO you maintain military discipline that way, though?
Bridge: Yeah. You know that saying about someone's bark being worse than their bite? That's literally true with my CO. His barking really hurts your ears, man.
Living Conditions
Jaye: If you were looking for Logan, Kiki, Loz and Geoff, Parker, Han and Bagoas, Lee, Anakin, Crowley, Cam and Vala, Veronica or me, we weren’t home. If you left a message at the beep, though, we’ll all get right back to you as soon as we care to.
Kawalsky: Would, but can't talk, creating chaos.
Callisto: What kind of chaos, Kawalsky?
Kawalsky: Nothing involving you or Angel at all.
Rory: Is this chaos in your capacity as Santa?
Bridge: Wait, there was chaos creation and I wasn't there? What's this world coming to?
Archie: A fast and spectacular end, that's what.
Jaye: Ahem. There was a mighty ton of gift giving going on around in the area. And that was before Christmas. Which is a whole other thing. Though seriously, I think Darla wins for creepy.
Kawalsky: There was any doubt?
Rory: Well, duh.
Callisto: Well, vampire so yeah, creepy.
Jaye: Yeah, but I still had to say it.
Kawalsky: Jaye Tyler, everybody - queen of the blindingly obvious!
Jaye: Bite me, Santa K. The common rooms saw quite a bit of activity for no one being around, where Marty made grilled cheese for people on Thursday, complete with “emo glaring match”.
Anders: I could smell that grilled cheese from my room, you know!
Bridge: Wait, there was grilled cheese, and I missed it?
Rory: Bridgey, where have you been?
Bridge: Here, I thought! Unless I wasn't here only thought I was here, in which case I wasn't here.
Kawalsky: It's not so much fun when you're getting heckled while doing your 'thing', is it Queen Jaye? *snickers*
Jaye: *sound of thwapping Kawalsky's head*
Kawalsky: Oww.
Callisto: Heh.
Kawalsky: I vote we hijack Marty's grill next.
Anders: I vote ABC Damage Control gets a hold of it.
Jaye: ANYWAY, then the real news is on Friday, I totally kissed Archie.
Callisto: Go Archie!
Rory: Awwwwww!!
Kawalsky: Go Archie, my man!
Archie: *violent coughing fit*
Jaye: What the hell do you mean, "go Archie?"
Callisto: Fine...Go Jaye!
Jaye: Thank you. On Christmas Eve, everyone left at school hung out in the common rooms. There was even a visit from the new principal.
Callisto: I haven't seen him yet, what's he like?
Kawalsky: He gives me a feeling of deja vu.
Jaye: I don't know, but he showed up to Crichton’s dorm room, so I'm going to say nothing but nice things.
Rory: Huh. I bet he's a very nice man. Probably handsome too. Yes.
Bridge: I was there for that one, at least.
Anders: Whoa, dirty.
Rory: Oh my God, no. Ewwwww
Bridge: When he was in the common room, I mean. Not the part where he was at John's room.
Anders: Oh frak me, did I say that on the air?
Callisto: Crichton and the principal, gee hope Aeryn doesn't find out.
Jaye: And besides our new wonderful principal, there were caroling gremlins. What? The little bastards sing?
Rory: Yeah, they have bells. Didn't you get the memo?
Bridge: Oh, that's totally cute!
Callisto: Singing gremlins? That's just wrong.
Jaye: I will beat them with those bells, I swear.
Rory: But they're so cute!
Jaye: Yeah, well, I didn't arrest you!
Cally: No. Gremlins are not cute. EVER.
Bridge: you people frighten me with your tendencies towards violence.
Callisto: They didn't steal your clothes!
Rory: Well, no. But they're all wee and adorable.
Anders: Wee, yes. SO NOT ADORABLE AT ALL.
Bridge: And okay, yeah, they stole my clothes that one time. But they also played lightball with me!
Callisto: Well, yeah, the lightball was fun.
Archie: I've a belaying pin in my sea chest, if you'd care to borrow it for that beating. Damned gremlins are too small to flog at the gratings.
Jaye: I have no idea what a belaying pin is, but it sounds awesome. And today Aeryn attacked the TV with a Nerf gun. Like Elvis, only not. Oh, and there was totally kissage.
Kawalsky: Aeryn kissed the TV?
Anders: NO! THERE WAS NO KISSAGE!
Rory: Aeryn kissed Elvis?
Jaye: My notes are vague.
Anders: Nobody kissed anyone! Your notes are wrong!
Callisto: Kissage?
Bridge: Wait, is THAT why Cam wants your ass, dude?
Anders: *sound of violent headdesking*
Jaye: Crunch wants Anders' ass? What?
Rory: Wait, did ANDERS kiss Aeryn? Or Elvis?
Callisto: Anders and Cameron kissed?
Anders: It was totally Mitchell's fault!
Jaye: Oh my GOD.
Rory: Ooh. Did someone get it on film?
Jaye: Don't the common rooms have cameras?
Callisto: If it was the second floor common room, there'll be tapes.
Rory: Oh, yes. Think we can get them?
Jaye: Awesome!
Anders: I hate you all.
Rory: But Anders, we love you so.
Kawalsky: There are cameras in the second floor common room? I should've worn pants.
Jaye: In other news, involving pants, Jake is smuggling stuff into Krycek’s room, Professor The Tick and Cally hung out on the roof, and John Connor’s... doing something at the gun range, I have no idea.
Kawalsky: Knowing Connor? Be afraid. Be very afraid. Look at who his mom is.
Callisto: Vanished?
Jaye: Sam visits Dr. Jackson, Kara gets artsy, and Xander is a good, if sleepy, pet owner who sends E-mails. I’m assuming not to his frog.
Bridge: But Anders, does that mean you're not gonna give me any more cupcakes?
Anders: I'll give you cupcakes to keep your mouth shut about it, dude.
Callisto: Anders, we're on air, it's a bit late.
Jaye: You're going to obsess on this kissing thing, huh? Move on, dude.
Rory: Really. I mean, simply because we'll never let you forget is no reason to constantly talk about it.
Callisto: At least you were clothed this time.
Bridge: *does not mention that Anders is prone to obsessing about "kissing things"*
Archie: I really miss out on all the fun living on the first floor, don't I?
Jaye: That's why I hang out on the second.
Kawalsky: Anders, stop kissing the radio. The fetish is getting bad, man.
Callisto: And I don't think that the new principal is as pageant obsessed as out last one.
Anders: Kennedy, stop smirking at me, dude. You're shorter than me. I can totally deck you.
Bridge: Okay, I promise never to mention anything kissing related!
Jaye: The professors- you know which ones- have a moment, and I can't deal. Bel is broody, and Callynanders are a-freaking-dorable.
Rory: They always are. Always. And they do not ever do anything dirty.
Kawalsky: Someone pass the insulin.
Anders: I totally kissed her, too. A lot more.
Rory: DUCKLINGS, Anders.
Anders: DON'T DO IT FOR ME, Rory.
Rory: SCRAPBOOKING.
Callisto: Rory, what do duckling have to do with anything?
Anders: HOMES FOR THE CLOTHESLESS.
Jaye: Ducklings can scrapbook?
Rory: It's what I envision when they talk about doing dirty things, Callisto. Because THEY DON'T.
Jaye: Riiiiiiight.
Callisto: Actually I'm pretty sure they do. It just took them a while to get to it.
Bridge: Does this have to do with that nudist thing?
Rory: YES, BRIDGEY
Kawalsky: Who's getting naked?
Rory: NO ONE. NO ONE IS NAKED. EVER.
Jaye: Callynanders are nudists? They seem clothed to me.
Bridge: Cally and Anders are considering becoming nudists. I think.
Callisto: Really, Bridge?
Anders: I really hate you all.
Rory: *hums loudly with fingers in ears*
Kawalsky: Rory, why are you humming 'Like A Virgin'?
Out and About
Jaye: Crowley is hosting a New Year’s Eve Ball, which I’m assuming will be on New Year’s. The Maggie chick talks to people, Professor Cregg remeets people, and Jarod walks his kitten. You can do that now?
Callisto: Maggie chick?
Anders: Walking his kitten? That's not a figure of speech like Rory and the scrapbooking, is it?
Rory: SCRAPBOOKING IS NOT A FIGURE OF SPEECH.
Bridge: I'm pretty sure you can't make cats do anything they don't want to do.
Callisto: Rory, how's the weather in Egypt this time of year?
Rory: So, Callisto, you love Angel, right?
Kawalsky: Hah!
Callisto: Rory, I hate you.
Rory: But Callisto, I looooove you. Sorry, was channeling Angel there.
Callisto: Rory, how's Anakin? Since you're such good friends and all.
Rory: Callisto, he's fine. Why are you asking? We're just friends.
Jaye: ANYWAY, Marty’s buying weird stuff at the Emporium, Ben and Michael get a... rein-dog? Oh-kay. And Crunch could care less if Red’s is open or closed, he’s going in anyway.
Kawalsky: Cam's breaking and entering?
Anders: I kinda hate Cam right now, by the way.
Bridge: Because he wants your ass? Or because he doesn't want it?
Cally: Wait, why do you hate Cam?
Jaye: *whistles*
Anders: Um. Did you totally sleep through the last section of the broadcast, coach?
Cally: Whoa, who's breaking and entering my boyfriend's ass, what?
Anders: *COUGHS VIOLENTLY* Kennedy, STOP SMIRKING AT ME!
Archie: *loud, hearty guffaws*
Kawalsky: Um.. Jaye, I think you should maybe keep going.
Jaye: I'm so gonna keep talking. Caritas has seen some business with everyone hanging with Old!Angela. Note to GOB, she’s too good for you, and I mean that in the nicest way. Drusilla is creepy, and so is our new principal. But mostly due to his karaoke. Tonight it’s GOB by his lonesome.
Bridge: *sounds of muffled laughter*
Kawalsky: Wait, the Principal did karaoke?
Jaye: Apparently so.
Rory: That guy is such a jerk. That GOB guy, I mean
Callisto: Was it ABBA?
Jaye: That would have been cool.
Kawalsky: ABBA? Principal Dancing Queen?
Cally: You know, I totally haven't seen the new principal. It's like we can't exist in the same room at the same time, or something.
Anders: Yeah, well, there was a while there I thought me and this Archie guy who I'm totally going to smack if he doesn't stop smirking at me couldn't exist in the same room at the same time.
Archie: What the blazes is karaoke?
Bridge: Strange modern ritual involving singing in public.
Callisto: Public humiliation of the worst kind.
Jaye: Old!Angela talks with Luke, then hangs at the Perk, talking to more people. And she’s having awkward talks with Marty. Yeah, I bet. With her being, you know, old and all.
Rory: Poor Marty. Did you know that this Angela has a fiance?
Jaye: What the hell.
Anders: OMG KIDS' SHOW!
Bridge: I ask myself that every day, Lion-Girl-Jaye.
Callisto: Personally, I'm half-convinced we're all dead and in Tartarus.
Archie: Death! Don't talk to me about death.
Callisto: Hey! I watched my entire village get slaughtered, I feel I'm qualified to talk about death if I want to!
Bridge: I don't have a problem with DEATH. It's the jazz hands I find disconcerting.
Archie: I'm sorry, why is this a bad thing?
Rory: Because our Angela is sixteen and dating Marty and not actually old and getting married to some guy named James?
Jaye: If she's gonna be engaged to anyone, it should be the toaster.
Rory: Oh, my God, she IS engaged to the toaster. I forgot that. 'Course, that thing wanted a threesome with me and Lo - um, nevermind.
Jaye: Huh.
Kawalsky: You and Lorne? Ew.
Rory: Charlie, ew. That's even ew-er than what it was.
Callisto: That blasted toaster. Why couldn't Principal Bristow kill the damned thing?
Jaye: And A Christmas miracle! People went to Spike’s. Yeah, I know!
Kawalsky: They have a pizza oven now.
Random Crap That Doesn’t Fit Anywhere Christmahannukwanzaasolstifestivukuh!
Anders: Erm. Bless you, Jaye.
Jaye: Thanks, Anders. *sniffles* In town, mass is interesting and Wilson is emo to the Maggie chick and House is emo to a piano.
Callisto: That's a lot of emo.
Archie: I'll be damned if that doesn't sound terribly dirty.
Rory: Poor emo doctors. I hope no one goes into one of those emocoma things, because who would take care of them?
Cally: Emo to a piano? Poor piano...
Jaye: It was either an emo christmas, or an OMGDIRTY one, I think.
Kawalsky: Or an emo Hanukkah. *sings* Emo, emo, emo, I made you out of clay.
Callisto: What's wrong with an OMGDIRTY Solstice?
Jaye: Callisto got drunk and paid for it later. Ow, Cal. Kara got trashed, too, if that makes you feel better. So did Marty. So did I, but you didn’t see it.
Callisto: It was medicinal. Pure and simple.
Jaye: Sure, Callisto. So was mine.
Callisto: It was! I fell in the shower. It hurt!
Kawalsky: *keeps singing* Emo, emo, emo, I love you all the waaaay. I.. don't actually know the lyrics.
Callisto: We guessed, Charlie.
Rory: I refuse to help out another person with that song. I mean, unless you all WANT me to sing again.
Jaye: NO SINGING.
Archie: Kawalsky, if you don't stop that at once I'll have you bent over the gunbreech and caned.
Anders: Dude. Now THAT sounds dirty.
Rory: DIRTY.
Jaye: I'm with the dirty crowd.
Bridge: emo, emo- okay, okay, I won't finish it... sheez.
Jaye: Marty spent time with Camilla while Old!Angela was emo. With good reason, I’d think.
Anders: Old!Angela? You make it sound like she's decrepit.
Callisto: How old is she anyway?
Rory: I think she's like, twenty-five or six. If I had to guess.
Jaye: See? Old.
Kawalsky: Senior Citizen Angela is way more politically correct.
Anders: She's still totally hot. Not that I was looking.
Jaye: Alanna came back, The Tick and Santa K dealt with an evil snowman, and when I say Santa K, I mean he had the outfit. He even visited Tex O’Malley that way.
Kawalsky: O'Malley is scary, man. He wanted to sit on my lap.
Jaye: Um. Dirty?
Anders: Yeah, that's definitely dirty.
Rory: *outraged* Dirty!
Kawalsky: No one else wanted to.
Jaye: I would have.
Callisto: He has a girlfriend, Jaye.
Archie: Hmph.
Callisto: And Charlie, remember what I said. Slow and painful.
Kawalsky: Lalalalala. Behaving.
Cally: I'm scared.
Anders: Me too. Hold me, coach!
Jaye: Angel broodeded. I see you’re all shocked. And Archie wrote letters all about me, I’m sure.
Callisto: Did you Archie?
Archie: Actually --
Kawalsky: Were they love letters?
Jaye: Actually?
Bridge: Archie's writing love letters to Jaye?
Cally: Awww, Archie... you big dumb romantic, you.
Callisto: Aww...
Jaye: I like this mistletoe thing.
Callisto: Uh...I mean. Love is a trick nature plays to ge us to reproduce.
Archie: *sounds of rustling in coat pocket* Well. Some people might think it was a love letter. But it was to someone else. Sorry to disappoint. In my defense, it was before the mistletoe.
Jaye: Oh, that's fine. Totally.
Rory: Awwwwwwwwwwwww. Archie and Jaye are adorable. At least as cute as Angel and Callisto, really.
Callisto: RORY!
Rory: Yes, Callisto?
Rory: You are adorable. He's such a dork about you.
Callisto: He's not a dork! He's a doof.
Jaye: I've met him. He's a dork. But not in a bad way.
Rory: See how defensive you are? Twue Wuv.
Anders: There's a difference between dork and doof?
Callisto: There's a difference.
Bridge: I'm gonna have to agree with Callisto. Definitely more of a doof than a dork.
Archie: What the hell do either of those things mean? Are they even words?
Anders: As long as you're not kissing my girlfriend again, dude. Not that I've been kissing people not-my-girlfriend lately.
Cally: Nope. We don't kiss anyone that isn't each other. Ever.
Jaye: Except Cam.
Anders: *coughing fit*
Callisto: We are not cute! There is no cute!
Cally: Cam? What?
Anders: Nothing! I think she said jam!
Bridge Cally- Cam wants... *trails off*
Anders: *sounds of smacking Bridge upside the head*
Bridge: Ow! Jeeze, dude. I didn't even finish the sentence!
Jaye: Too slow, Cally. Continuing, Xander spent Christmas Eve camped out in the common room and The TARDIS is all decorated. I report what they give me.
Rory: Xander is so sweet. His frog sent Vladdie a present.
Jaye: His frog sent.... nevermind.
Jaye: Anders visits Kara, but there is no OMGDIRTY like there is with him and Cally- sorry, Rory- or Crichton and Aeryn. Merry Christmas, you have porn.
Anders: NO. NO. ABSOLUTELY NO OMGDIRTY THERE.
Archie: Why Anders, you little tramp.
Callisto: Go Callynanders!
Rory: ANDERS AND CALLY DON'T DO DIRTY THINGS. THEY DON'T KNOW HOW.
Jaye: They don't know how? I can get them a book...
Rory: NO. NO, THEY'RE NOT ALLOWED.
Anders: Actually, um, Marty kind of got us a book.
Jaye: Go, Marty.
Cally: Oh lords, DO NOT talk about the book on the radio.
Jaye: Were there pictures?
Callisto: Rory, you know that's what people in love do.
Bridge: Technically, Rory, it's not like it's against school rules or anything. So they are allowed.
Rory: Bridgey, go back to thinking they're nudists, okay?
Cally: Homes for the Clothesless?
Anders: Isn't that what our room is?
Jaye: *pats Rory*
Rory: CLOTHES FOR THE HOMELESS. AND DUCKLINGS.
Bridge: Actually, I was only saying that because they sort of caught me by surprise this one time, and it was the only response that came to mind...
Callisto: Really, Bridge?
Anders: I really, really hate you all. 'cept you, Cally.
Rory: Oh, Bridgey, you poor thing.
Bridge: Yeah. I'm hardly stupid, you know.
Kawalsky: Jaye, they're talking about scary mental images. Can you keep going?
Jaye: Actually, that's it. So it might be a good time to say goodbye.
Callisto: What were they doing, exactly?
Anders: MOVING ON NOW!
Cally: Champ? You wanna just, say, ditch this and go back to our room?
Bridge: You don't hate me! And I promise not to mention it ever again, really. Even if someone brings it up again.
Anders: Yeah, they're scaring me.
Jaye: Use protection, guys.
Kawalsky: That's it? Oh. So.. grill-stealing time? I want grilled cheese.
Bridge: I'd say it's time for me to go back to my room too, but I'm already *in* my room.
Cally: We've been meaning to try page twenty three, remember? ...frak, I said that out loud.
Callisto: It's a nice room.
Bridge: I'm quite fond of it.
Rory: I like it too.
Jaye: Are you kicking us out, cadet?
Bridge: Nah, I'm just saying, if you've got places to be...
Archie: Yes, it's rather a nice room. Mind terribly if I stay a while?
Bridge: How long is a while, exactly?
Anders: *more violent coughing, followed by the sound of footsteps running out the door*
Jaye: They're feeding naked ducklings now, I bet.
Rory: Ducklings are always naked. I can live with that imagery.
Callisto: Well, technically nakedness is the most natural state.
Kawalsky: You all scare me on many levels.
Rory: Says the guy who was dressed as Santa yesterday
Jaye: Yeah. I'm going now. Say goodnight, people.
Bridge: Goodnight, people!
Archie: Goodnight, people!
Kawalsky: Goodnight people!
Callisto: Goodnight, people!
Rory: Nighty-night! No bedbugs, sweet dreams, and if you're Angel, I hope they're sweet dreams of Callisto.
Kawalsky: Hah!
Callisto: Rory, you are so, so dead.
Archie: Not as dead as I am, I'd wager.
Rory: Yeah, probably.
Jaye: How do you shut this thing off?
Bridge: *radio crackles and then falls silent as Bridge shuts off RIC's secondary power source*
[Preplayed in chat with all involved parties. Much thanks to those of you who jumped on the link grabbing omg so fast, and especial thanks to likeguidelines for letting us do this. *blows kisses*]
[ETA: So the links are causing problems. And I have no idea how, as the coding is actually right. *boggles at LJ* FIXED, OMG.]
Anders: Holy frak, is that what we did? I mean, didn't do. Definitely didn't.
Bridge: We didn't! Technically, we just found it by accident.
Anders: Oh. Right. Okay.
Rory: Seriously. It's not our fault Bridgey's dog is weird.
Lockheed: *snickers*
Callisto: We wouldn't do anything like that on purpose. It would be wrong.
Archie: Wrong and reprehensible. Of course, I continue to maintain that I simply had no idea what was happening until it was too late.
Cally: Like always.
Bridge: Sure, Archie. That's what they all say.
Edumacation
Jaye: There is none. HA!
Cally: And thank the Lords for that. G'uh.
Rory: Damn. I mean, um, yay! No school! I hate education! Yes.
Callisto: Well, yeah, it's break isn't it?
Lockheed: *wee dragon grunts that sound vaguely anti-schooling*
Jaye: Though Angel found the TA lounge. He’s joined by Sam, Paige, Krycek and Callisto, who are... a little less than thrilled at the condition of the place. But whatever. Sean the puppy hanging with one of the little monsters in the school is the cure for everything bad.
Callisto: It was disgusting.
Bridge: ...ly cute
Callisto: The room. Not the Puppy!
Bridge: Oh, okay!
Archie: I had heard rumours of a TA lounge, but was under the impression that it was a mythical sort of place. Rather like Atlantis.
Cally: Hey, if there's anything cuter than me around here, I want it caught and shot now. *giggles*
Bridge: I'm pretty sure the lounge doesn't qualify as cute, yeah.
Anders: Nothing's cuter than you, coach.
Rory: Sean is so cute. It's not even funny. Of course, he can't fly, like some other adorable puppies, but we won't hold that against him.
Bridge: And he can't broadcast on a radio frequency, that's for sure. It'd be really weird if he could.
Rory: Also, Callisto? You and Angel are precious.
Callisto: Shut up, Rory.
Rory: Don't deny it!
Lockheed: *snickers*
Callisto: I'm not denying because there's nothing to deny.
Jaye: Okay, this was a bad idea as you all are stealing my thunder.
Rory: Sorry, Jaye.
Jaye: Better. In the clinic, Alanna gets a prezzie from Dr. House, and Professor Grissom is all cheerful. Oh my God. I don’t even wanna know.
Callisto: And even if there was something to deny, I wouldn't be talking about it on the radio.
Rory: Hey, I was willing to let that go
Cally: So I shouldn't tell everyone that you're asking for date advice?
Rory: She so is. So is Angel.
Callisto: *sound of headdesking*
Archie: My god, you people are a randy lot.
Lockheed: *laughing*
Cally: There's a Randy here? I don't think I've met Randy...
Archie: Oh, for heaven's sake.
Bridge: Callisto? You're gonna hurt yourself if you keep doing that...
Callisto: We haven't been doing that!
Kawalsky: Angel and Callisto? I could say something, but I won't because Callisto will hurt me.
Jaye: I'm going to hit you all. Shhhhh!
Rory: That hasn't stopped me. Be a man, Charlie.
Callisto: Slow. We're going slow. S-L-O-W
Bridge: I'd say something if I knew what anyone was talking about.
Kawalsky: If it was anyone else, I'd talk. But Callisto can kill me with her brain.
Callisto: And Kawalsky, you say anything about that I will kill you. Slowly and painfully.
Jaye: *very loudly* Up in the Library, Lee brings baked goods as our old librarian moves out and a a giant... hairy orange ape lamp thing appears. Huh. Yeah, I don’t know, either.
Rory: MY BOSS IS AN APE?
Kawalsky: YOUR BOSS IS AN APE?
Lockheed: *thuds on the floor as he falls over laughing*
Jaye: And Marty approaches Janet about that whole Angela thing.
Anders: Oh! Angela! Me and Cally ran into her, like weird grown-uppy her, at the Perk on Friday!
Jaye: Wait, Angela's grown up? That's what's going on?
Kawalsky: Angela's a senior citizen now?
Callisto: Professor Pierson is an ape?
Bridge: How is that weird? I mean, my commanding officer at home is a big blue dog...
Kawalsky: Your CO was a dog? Weird.
Jaye: The people at home can't see me, but I'm sure the look on my face is very funny right now.
Callisto: It's no funnier than usual.
Kawalsky: She looks like she might be choking.
Archie: And that, Mister Carson, is why I didn't immediately assume that "ape" was a figure of speech. How DO you maintain military discipline that way, though?
Bridge: Yeah. You know that saying about someone's bark being worse than their bite? That's literally true with my CO. His barking really hurts your ears, man.
Living Conditions
Jaye: If you were looking for Logan, Kiki, Loz and Geoff, Parker, Han and Bagoas, Lee, Anakin, Crowley, Cam and Vala, Veronica or me, we weren’t home. If you left a message at the beep, though, we’ll all get right back to you as soon as we care to.
Kawalsky: Would, but can't talk, creating chaos.
Callisto: What kind of chaos, Kawalsky?
Kawalsky: Nothing involving you or Angel at all.
Rory: Is this chaos in your capacity as Santa?
Bridge: Wait, there was chaos creation and I wasn't there? What's this world coming to?
Archie: A fast and spectacular end, that's what.
Jaye: Ahem. There was a mighty ton of gift giving going on around in the area. And that was before Christmas. Which is a whole other thing. Though seriously, I think Darla wins for creepy.
Kawalsky: There was any doubt?
Rory: Well, duh.
Callisto: Well, vampire so yeah, creepy.
Jaye: Yeah, but I still had to say it.
Kawalsky: Jaye Tyler, everybody - queen of the blindingly obvious!
Jaye: Bite me, Santa K. The common rooms saw quite a bit of activity for no one being around, where Marty made grilled cheese for people on Thursday, complete with “emo glaring match”.
Anders: I could smell that grilled cheese from my room, you know!
Bridge: Wait, there was grilled cheese, and I missed it?
Rory: Bridgey, where have you been?
Bridge: Here, I thought! Unless I wasn't here only thought I was here, in which case I wasn't here.
Kawalsky: It's not so much fun when you're getting heckled while doing your 'thing', is it Queen Jaye? *snickers*
Jaye: *sound of thwapping Kawalsky's head*
Kawalsky: Oww.
Callisto: Heh.
Kawalsky: I vote we hijack Marty's grill next.
Anders: I vote ABC Damage Control gets a hold of it.
Jaye: ANYWAY, then the real news is on Friday, I totally kissed Archie.
Callisto: Go Archie!
Rory: Awwwwww!!
Kawalsky: Go Archie, my man!
Archie: *violent coughing fit*
Jaye: What the hell do you mean, "go Archie?"
Callisto: Fine...Go Jaye!
Jaye: Thank you. On Christmas Eve, everyone left at school hung out in the common rooms. There was even a visit from the new principal.
Callisto: I haven't seen him yet, what's he like?
Kawalsky: He gives me a feeling of deja vu.
Jaye: I don't know, but he showed up to Crichton’s dorm room, so I'm going to say nothing but nice things.
Rory: Huh. I bet he's a very nice man. Probably handsome too. Yes.
Bridge: I was there for that one, at least.
Anders: Whoa, dirty.
Rory: Oh my God, no. Ewwwww
Bridge: When he was in the common room, I mean. Not the part where he was at John's room.
Anders: Oh frak me, did I say that on the air?
Callisto: Crichton and the principal, gee hope Aeryn doesn't find out.
Jaye: And besides our new wonderful principal, there were caroling gremlins. What? The little bastards sing?
Rory: Yeah, they have bells. Didn't you get the memo?
Bridge: Oh, that's totally cute!
Callisto: Singing gremlins? That's just wrong.
Jaye: I will beat them with those bells, I swear.
Rory: But they're so cute!
Jaye: Yeah, well, I didn't arrest you!
Cally: No. Gremlins are not cute. EVER.
Bridge: you people frighten me with your tendencies towards violence.
Callisto: They didn't steal your clothes!
Rory: Well, no. But they're all wee and adorable.
Anders: Wee, yes. SO NOT ADORABLE AT ALL.
Bridge: And okay, yeah, they stole my clothes that one time. But they also played lightball with me!
Callisto: Well, yeah, the lightball was fun.
Archie: I've a belaying pin in my sea chest, if you'd care to borrow it for that beating. Damned gremlins are too small to flog at the gratings.
Jaye: I have no idea what a belaying pin is, but it sounds awesome. And today Aeryn attacked the TV with a Nerf gun. Like Elvis, only not. Oh, and there was totally kissage.
Kawalsky: Aeryn kissed the TV?
Anders: NO! THERE WAS NO KISSAGE!
Rory: Aeryn kissed Elvis?
Jaye: My notes are vague.
Anders: Nobody kissed anyone! Your notes are wrong!
Callisto: Kissage?
Bridge: Wait, is THAT why Cam wants your ass, dude?
Anders: *sound of violent headdesking*
Jaye: Crunch wants Anders' ass? What?
Rory: Wait, did ANDERS kiss Aeryn? Or Elvis?
Callisto: Anders and Cameron kissed?
Anders: It was totally Mitchell's fault!
Jaye: Oh my GOD.
Rory: Ooh. Did someone get it on film?
Jaye: Don't the common rooms have cameras?
Callisto: If it was the second floor common room, there'll be tapes.
Rory: Oh, yes. Think we can get them?
Jaye: Awesome!
Anders: I hate you all.
Rory: But Anders, we love you so.
Kawalsky: There are cameras in the second floor common room? I should've worn pants.
Jaye: In other news, involving pants, Jake is smuggling stuff into Krycek’s room, Professor The Tick and Cally hung out on the roof, and John Connor’s... doing something at the gun range, I have no idea.
Kawalsky: Knowing Connor? Be afraid. Be very afraid. Look at who his mom is.
Callisto: Vanished?
Jaye: Sam visits Dr. Jackson, Kara gets artsy, and Xander is a good, if sleepy, pet owner who sends E-mails. I’m assuming not to his frog.
Bridge: But Anders, does that mean you're not gonna give me any more cupcakes?
Anders: I'll give you cupcakes to keep your mouth shut about it, dude.
Callisto: Anders, we're on air, it's a bit late.
Jaye: You're going to obsess on this kissing thing, huh? Move on, dude.
Rory: Really. I mean, simply because we'll never let you forget is no reason to constantly talk about it.
Callisto: At least you were clothed this time.
Bridge: *does not mention that Anders is prone to obsessing about "kissing things"*
Archie: I really miss out on all the fun living on the first floor, don't I?
Jaye: That's why I hang out on the second.
Kawalsky: Anders, stop kissing the radio. The fetish is getting bad, man.
Callisto: And I don't think that the new principal is as pageant obsessed as out last one.
Anders: Kennedy, stop smirking at me, dude. You're shorter than me. I can totally deck you.
Bridge: Okay, I promise never to mention anything kissing related!
Jaye: The professors- you know which ones- have a moment, and I can't deal. Bel is broody, and Callynanders are a-freaking-dorable.
Rory: They always are. Always. And they do not ever do anything dirty.
Kawalsky: Someone pass the insulin.
Anders: I totally kissed her, too. A lot more.
Rory: DUCKLINGS, Anders.
Anders: DON'T DO IT FOR ME, Rory.
Rory: SCRAPBOOKING.
Callisto: Rory, what do duckling have to do with anything?
Anders: HOMES FOR THE CLOTHESLESS.
Jaye: Ducklings can scrapbook?
Rory: It's what I envision when they talk about doing dirty things, Callisto. Because THEY DON'T.
Jaye: Riiiiiiight.
Callisto: Actually I'm pretty sure they do. It just took them a while to get to it.
Bridge: Does this have to do with that nudist thing?
Rory: YES, BRIDGEY
Kawalsky: Who's getting naked?
Rory: NO ONE. NO ONE IS NAKED. EVER.
Jaye: Callynanders are nudists? They seem clothed to me.
Bridge: Cally and Anders are considering becoming nudists. I think.
Callisto: Really, Bridge?
Anders: I really hate you all.
Rory: *hums loudly with fingers in ears*
Kawalsky: Rory, why are you humming 'Like A Virgin'?
Out and About
Jaye: Crowley is hosting a New Year’s Eve Ball, which I’m assuming will be on New Year’s. The Maggie chick talks to people, Professor Cregg remeets people, and Jarod walks his kitten. You can do that now?
Callisto: Maggie chick?
Anders: Walking his kitten? That's not a figure of speech like Rory and the scrapbooking, is it?
Rory: SCRAPBOOKING IS NOT A FIGURE OF SPEECH.
Bridge: I'm pretty sure you can't make cats do anything they don't want to do.
Callisto: Rory, how's the weather in Egypt this time of year?
Rory: So, Callisto, you love Angel, right?
Kawalsky: Hah!
Callisto: Rory, I hate you.
Rory: But Callisto, I looooove you. Sorry, was channeling Angel there.
Callisto: Rory, how's Anakin? Since you're such good friends and all.
Rory: Callisto, he's fine. Why are you asking? We're just friends.
Jaye: ANYWAY, Marty’s buying weird stuff at the Emporium, Ben and Michael get a... rein-dog? Oh-kay. And Crunch could care less if Red’s is open or closed, he’s going in anyway.
Kawalsky: Cam's breaking and entering?
Anders: I kinda hate Cam right now, by the way.
Bridge: Because he wants your ass? Or because he doesn't want it?
Cally: Wait, why do you hate Cam?
Jaye: *whistles*
Anders: Um. Did you totally sleep through the last section of the broadcast, coach?
Cally: Whoa, who's breaking and entering my boyfriend's ass, what?
Anders: *COUGHS VIOLENTLY* Kennedy, STOP SMIRKING AT ME!
Archie: *loud, hearty guffaws*
Kawalsky: Um.. Jaye, I think you should maybe keep going.
Jaye: I'm so gonna keep talking. Caritas has seen some business with everyone hanging with Old!Angela. Note to GOB, she’s too good for you, and I mean that in the nicest way. Drusilla is creepy, and so is our new principal. But mostly due to his karaoke. Tonight it’s GOB by his lonesome.
Bridge: *sounds of muffled laughter*
Kawalsky: Wait, the Principal did karaoke?
Jaye: Apparently so.
Rory: That guy is such a jerk. That GOB guy, I mean
Callisto: Was it ABBA?
Jaye: That would have been cool.
Kawalsky: ABBA? Principal Dancing Queen?
Cally: You know, I totally haven't seen the new principal. It's like we can't exist in the same room at the same time, or something.
Anders: Yeah, well, there was a while there I thought me and this Archie guy who I'm totally going to smack if he doesn't stop smirking at me couldn't exist in the same room at the same time.
Archie: What the blazes is karaoke?
Bridge: Strange modern ritual involving singing in public.
Callisto: Public humiliation of the worst kind.
Jaye: Old!Angela talks with Luke, then hangs at the Perk, talking to more people. And she’s having awkward talks with Marty. Yeah, I bet. With her being, you know, old and all.
Rory: Poor Marty. Did you know that this Angela has a fiance?
Jaye: What the hell.
Anders: OMG KIDS' SHOW!
Bridge: I ask myself that every day, Lion-Girl-Jaye.
Callisto: Personally, I'm half-convinced we're all dead and in Tartarus.
Archie: Death! Don't talk to me about death.
Callisto: Hey! I watched my entire village get slaughtered, I feel I'm qualified to talk about death if I want to!
Bridge: I don't have a problem with DEATH. It's the jazz hands I find disconcerting.
Archie: I'm sorry, why is this a bad thing?
Rory: Because our Angela is sixteen and dating Marty and not actually old and getting married to some guy named James?
Jaye: If she's gonna be engaged to anyone, it should be the toaster.
Rory: Oh, my God, she IS engaged to the toaster. I forgot that. 'Course, that thing wanted a threesome with me and Lo - um, nevermind.
Jaye: Huh.
Kawalsky: You and Lorne? Ew.
Rory: Charlie, ew. That's even ew-er than what it was.
Callisto: That blasted toaster. Why couldn't Principal Bristow kill the damned thing?
Jaye: And A Christmas miracle! People went to Spike’s. Yeah, I know!
Kawalsky: They have a pizza oven now.
Random Crap That Doesn’t Fit Anywhere Christmahannukwanzaasolstifestivukuh!
Anders: Erm. Bless you, Jaye.
Jaye: Thanks, Anders. *sniffles* In town, mass is interesting and Wilson is emo to the Maggie chick and House is emo to a piano.
Callisto: That's a lot of emo.
Archie: I'll be damned if that doesn't sound terribly dirty.
Rory: Poor emo doctors. I hope no one goes into one of those emocoma things, because who would take care of them?
Cally: Emo to a piano? Poor piano...
Jaye: It was either an emo christmas, or an OMGDIRTY one, I think.
Kawalsky: Or an emo Hanukkah. *sings* Emo, emo, emo, I made you out of clay.
Callisto: What's wrong with an OMGDIRTY Solstice?
Jaye: Callisto got drunk and paid for it later. Ow, Cal. Kara got trashed, too, if that makes you feel better. So did Marty. So did I, but you didn’t see it.
Callisto: It was medicinal. Pure and simple.
Jaye: Sure, Callisto. So was mine.
Callisto: It was! I fell in the shower. It hurt!
Kawalsky: *keeps singing* Emo, emo, emo, I love you all the waaaay. I.. don't actually know the lyrics.
Callisto: We guessed, Charlie.
Rory: I refuse to help out another person with that song. I mean, unless you all WANT me to sing again.
Jaye: NO SINGING.
Archie: Kawalsky, if you don't stop that at once I'll have you bent over the gunbreech and caned.
Anders: Dude. Now THAT sounds dirty.
Rory: DIRTY.
Jaye: I'm with the dirty crowd.
Bridge: emo, emo- okay, okay, I won't finish it... sheez.
Jaye: Marty spent time with Camilla while Old!Angela was emo. With good reason, I’d think.
Anders: Old!Angela? You make it sound like she's decrepit.
Callisto: How old is she anyway?
Rory: I think she's like, twenty-five or six. If I had to guess.
Jaye: See? Old.
Kawalsky: Senior Citizen Angela is way more politically correct.
Anders: She's still totally hot. Not that I was looking.
Jaye: Alanna came back, The Tick and Santa K dealt with an evil snowman, and when I say Santa K, I mean he had the outfit. He even visited Tex O’Malley that way.
Kawalsky: O'Malley is scary, man. He wanted to sit on my lap.
Jaye: Um. Dirty?
Anders: Yeah, that's definitely dirty.
Rory: *outraged* Dirty!
Kawalsky: No one else wanted to.
Jaye: I would have.
Callisto: He has a girlfriend, Jaye.
Archie: Hmph.
Callisto: And Charlie, remember what I said. Slow and painful.
Kawalsky: Lalalalala. Behaving.
Cally: I'm scared.
Anders: Me too. Hold me, coach!
Jaye: Angel broodeded. I see you’re all shocked. And Archie wrote letters all about me, I’m sure.
Callisto: Did you Archie?
Archie: Actually --
Kawalsky: Were they love letters?
Jaye: Actually?
Bridge: Archie's writing love letters to Jaye?
Cally: Awww, Archie... you big dumb romantic, you.
Callisto: Aww...
Jaye: I like this mistletoe thing.
Callisto: Uh...I mean. Love is a trick nature plays to ge us to reproduce.
Archie: *sounds of rustling in coat pocket* Well. Some people might think it was a love letter. But it was to someone else. Sorry to disappoint. In my defense, it was before the mistletoe.
Jaye: Oh, that's fine. Totally.
Rory: Awwwwwwwwwwwww. Archie and Jaye are adorable. At least as cute as Angel and Callisto, really.
Callisto: RORY!
Rory: Yes, Callisto?
Rory: You are adorable. He's such a dork about you.
Callisto: He's not a dork! He's a doof.
Jaye: I've met him. He's a dork. But not in a bad way.
Rory: See how defensive you are? Twue Wuv.
Anders: There's a difference between dork and doof?
Callisto: There's a difference.
Bridge: I'm gonna have to agree with Callisto. Definitely more of a doof than a dork.
Archie: What the hell do either of those things mean? Are they even words?
Anders: As long as you're not kissing my girlfriend again, dude. Not that I've been kissing people not-my-girlfriend lately.
Cally: Nope. We don't kiss anyone that isn't each other. Ever.
Jaye: Except Cam.
Anders: *coughing fit*
Callisto: We are not cute! There is no cute!
Cally: Cam? What?
Anders: Nothing! I think she said jam!
Bridge Cally- Cam wants... *trails off*
Anders: *sounds of smacking Bridge upside the head*
Bridge: Ow! Jeeze, dude. I didn't even finish the sentence!
Jaye: Too slow, Cally. Continuing, Xander spent Christmas Eve camped out in the common room and The TARDIS is all decorated. I report what they give me.
Rory: Xander is so sweet. His frog sent Vladdie a present.
Jaye: His frog sent.... nevermind.
Jaye: Anders visits Kara, but there is no OMGDIRTY like there is with him and Cally- sorry, Rory- or Crichton and Aeryn. Merry Christmas, you have porn.
Anders: NO. NO. ABSOLUTELY NO OMGDIRTY THERE.
Archie: Why Anders, you little tramp.
Callisto: Go Callynanders!
Rory: ANDERS AND CALLY DON'T DO DIRTY THINGS. THEY DON'T KNOW HOW.
Jaye: They don't know how? I can get them a book...
Rory: NO. NO, THEY'RE NOT ALLOWED.
Anders: Actually, um, Marty kind of got us a book.
Jaye: Go, Marty.
Cally: Oh lords, DO NOT talk about the book on the radio.
Jaye: Were there pictures?
Callisto: Rory, you know that's what people in love do.
Bridge: Technically, Rory, it's not like it's against school rules or anything. So they are allowed.
Rory: Bridgey, go back to thinking they're nudists, okay?
Cally: Homes for the Clothesless?
Anders: Isn't that what our room is?
Jaye: *pats Rory*
Rory: CLOTHES FOR THE HOMELESS. AND DUCKLINGS.
Bridge: Actually, I was only saying that because they sort of caught me by surprise this one time, and it was the only response that came to mind...
Callisto: Really, Bridge?
Anders: I really, really hate you all. 'cept you, Cally.
Rory: Oh, Bridgey, you poor thing.
Bridge: Yeah. I'm hardly stupid, you know.
Kawalsky: Jaye, they're talking about scary mental images. Can you keep going?
Jaye: Actually, that's it. So it might be a good time to say goodbye.
Callisto: What were they doing, exactly?
Anders: MOVING ON NOW!
Cally: Champ? You wanna just, say, ditch this and go back to our room?
Bridge: You don't hate me! And I promise not to mention it ever again, really. Even if someone brings it up again.
Anders: Yeah, they're scaring me.
Jaye: Use protection, guys.
Kawalsky: That's it? Oh. So.. grill-stealing time? I want grilled cheese.
Bridge: I'd say it's time for me to go back to my room too, but I'm already *in* my room.
Cally: We've been meaning to try page twenty three, remember? ...frak, I said that out loud.
Callisto: It's a nice room.
Bridge: I'm quite fond of it.
Rory: I like it too.
Jaye: Are you kicking us out, cadet?
Bridge: Nah, I'm just saying, if you've got places to be...
Archie: Yes, it's rather a nice room. Mind terribly if I stay a while?
Bridge: How long is a while, exactly?
Anders: *more violent coughing, followed by the sound of footsteps running out the door*
Jaye: They're feeding naked ducklings now, I bet.
Rory: Ducklings are always naked. I can live with that imagery.
Callisto: Well, technically nakedness is the most natural state.
Kawalsky: You all scare me on many levels.
Rory: Says the guy who was dressed as Santa yesterday
Jaye: Yeah. I'm going now. Say goodnight, people.
Bridge: Goodnight, people!
Archie: Goodnight, people!
Kawalsky: Goodnight people!
Callisto: Goodnight, people!
Rory: Nighty-night! No bedbugs, sweet dreams, and if you're Angel, I hope they're sweet dreams of Callisto.
Kawalsky: Hah!
Callisto: Rory, you are so, so dead.
Archie: Not as dead as I am, I'd wager.
Rory: Yeah, probably.
Jaye: How do you shut this thing off?
Bridge: *radio crackles and then falls silent as Bridge shuts off RIC's secondary power source*
[Preplayed in chat with all involved parties. Much thanks to those of you who jumped on the link grabbing omg so fast, and especial thanks to likeguidelines for letting us do this. *blows kisses*]
[ETA: So the links are causing problems. And I have no idea how, as the coding is actually right. *boggles at LJ* FIXED, OMG.]