Fandom Radio, Friday July 28, 2006
VERONICA: Good evening, Fandom. It's Veronica. No, you haven't slept for a few months, it's still July and it snowed. I'm completely baffled.
MARTY: You baffled. There's a common occurance. Hi everyone. It's Marty helping the clueless with her radio today.
VERONICA: Shut up, Blank. I didn't leave my room today until I had to come down here.
MARTY: Well later I'll show you how to use a doorknob.
VERONICA: I know how to use a doorknob, I just didn't want to.
MARTY: Really? *rustling of papers* Ahh... I see.
*"In The Navy" Begins to Play*
MARTY: But we're getting ahead of ourselves.
VERONICA: *music cuts out* Let’s just start the news, shall we?
MARTY: I can't believe you just cut out the Village people mid song.
VERONICA: I can’t believe I haven’t pulled out my taser yet.
*bzzzt*
MARTY: OW! Damn. Okay. To the news.
You Learn Something New Every Day
VERONICA: I learned, for example, that Blair and Willow have detention tomorrow. *snickering* Did you insult one of your instructors, Willow? I probably should have thrown you and your little friend in detention for that stunt you pulled.
MARTY: She'll get you my pretty and your little dog too! It's a joke Mars. Let go of the Taser
VERONICA: I'll put it down, but I'm keeping it close at hand. You gonna actually help me? Or are you just here to bother me?
MARTY: Both. Meanwhile over in Constant Vigilance Doctor... Doctor... Well a doctor bragged about the stuff he's done and answered questions about Dalek and the The Cybermen, which I believe is the latest super rock group out of Sweden. Then the rest of the class discussed other groups like the Yetis, the Quarks Wotan and the War Machines and The Kandy Man. Funny, you'd think with a class called Constant Vigilance they wouldn't talk about musical groups.
VERONICA: I wonder if we got the wrong set of notes. That sounds more like it should have been Lucas's class, though maybe they aren't Earth bands. Anyway, in Flight & Flying, they got to fly F-16 Fighter Jets. They practiced air to surface strikes and got into classic dog fights with other fighter jets. Apparently Dean didn’t want to play, but Alec talked him into it. After class, Dean talked to Anakin about what happened last weekend. From the random snippets I’ve heard, I think I’m glad I was out of town.
MARTY: And over in the cafeteria, Seras ate Oscar Wilde and read pie.
*long pause*
MARTY: I think the shrub was drinking too much rum when this report was taken.
VERONICA: Finally, Principal Washburn held office hours. Cameron and Elliott both stopped by to chat.
The Dorms: Where Smut Happens
MARTY: Let's see here... What were you doing this morning with Archie, V?
* Barry White begins to play *
VERONICA: None of your business, Blank. *music shuts off*
MARTY: Well it is my business. See this little bit of paper here where it says that you and Archie were -
*bzzt*
MARTY: Damn! That smarts!
VERONICA: Snuggly, it says snuggly. As were John & Aeryn apparently.
MARTY: And Bridge got a lapdance. Er. Laptop. They really should print out these notes with larger typeface.
VERONICA: Well, if Xander wants lapdance tips, I'd be glad to offer some.
MARTY: Yeah. First step? Get bitten by a gremlin. Not that Xander needs a a distraction because while writing an e-mail he saw a freckle.
...
MARTY: That must have been a whopper of a freckle.
VERONICA: I'm not touching that one.
MARTY: Good idea. Pippi was busy today as she got a DVD from Anders and asked Pip out for a date. Pip'nPippi. Pippi'nPip. I guess that was destined to happen.
VERONICA: Way to go, Pippi! Be a modern woman. But if you hurt my little brother, I'll have to taser you.
MARTY: And she will. Trust me. Sam-the-girl was also busy as she walked into the wrong room and then checked on Jack. As did Parker and Isabel. Hope you feel better Jack!
VERONICA: Yes! Get better soon so you and Cameron can get drunk and serenade me again. That was fun!
MARTY: And you can do it in today's snow and we can go Festivus caroling. Or you can be like Walter who isn't having too much fun in the snow. Hopefully Anders bringing him space cigarettes cheers him up. And while Dawn has no problem being in the snow it just reminds Phoebe of the snow demons. Don't worry Pheebs! If the snow demons come back I have a sure fire way of getting rid of them. It involves drinking a lot of fluid and writing my name. I won't go into further details as the FCC will pull our license.
VERONICA: Thank you for sparing us all those details.
MARTY: What can I say? I'm a giver. You know who else is a giver? River! She dropped by Tim's room before he left town. Gwynn also dropped by Tim's room while Demyx did some heavy meditation and in other parts of the dorm Al and Saka-something caught up with each other.
VERONICA: And in common room news, Jamie, who I almost tasered the first time I met him, was in the Fifth Floor Common Room this morning with food from J,GOB. He told Pippi that he was writing a sci-fi explosion movie, got a Festivus pen from Nadia and explained said holiday to Cally, who helped Nadia write an adventure story and told Pippi about the Viper on the roof. Pippi, in turn, told Nadia about the plans she had for today.
MARTY: You're pretty trigger happy with that taser aren't you?
VERONICA: I found him in Nadia's room shirtless. What would you have done?
MARTY: If I was like most girls in this school? Probably take a picture and post it in the lobby.
VERONICA: It was Nadia's room. When she was in the clinic.
MARTY: He lives there.
VERONICA: I didn't know that! Anyway, speaking of Nadia, This evening found her on the roof playing her guitar. She talked to Pippi about how long she was gone. *pause* Nadia, honey? Is there something we need to talk about? Nadia also told Walter that Pip is going away on a mission. Be careful, little brother! And Cally stopped up to work on her Viper, but ended up talking to Nadia instead. I kissed them both at my birthday party last night, you know.
MARTY: You kissed a lot last night. Probably one guy in particular.
*Anchors Away begins to play*
VERONICA: I also kissed Chloe. But that was before Archie showed up. *music shuts off*
*bzzt*
MARTY: OW! What is your deal Mars?
VERONICA: I missed you while you were on vacation, Blank.
MARTY: Huh. If that's how you treat me? I'm totally checking Archie for scorch marks.
VERONICA: ... yeah, that's unnecessary.
MARTY: I could say more but you'd probably shock me and it's taking longer for that tingly sensation to go away. And speaking of going away let's go to town...
Town: Smut is Probably Happening Someplace
MARTY: Over in Town somebody who goes by the lovely name of "Brunt" stopped by All and Sundries. He also dropped by Empire Records as did a someone by the name of Maureen.
VERONICA: I'm guessing we're not talking about Parker.
MARTY: Good news for the morally impaired! Our Lady of Fandom is now opened for business! And while Lana headed out of town after work, Molly and Pippi went to the Weasley's Wizard Wheezes and Joxer poked Jane and got his stick broken. That's both dirty and painful.
VERONICA: There really are no words. Caritas was hopping tonight. River tried her first margarita and fell asleep. Let me just tell you, tequila is evil. An alien named Brunt showed up and asked GOB about business. Willow and Isabel were there discussing possible occupations for someone named Shelby. Who is a… turtle? I’m thinking Willow needs a psych eval more than detention. River met Shelby and then Willow, Isabel and Shelby were joined by Blair and they staged a protest to try to get a dance floor. It’s a karaoke bar, not a dance club.
MARTY: Oh a little dance floor would be nice at Caritas. Count me in guys!
VERONICA: And we have some new folks in town, who naturally found their way to the bar. Someone named Rosette, who is allegedly a nun, was excited to learn that prohibition ended. Huh. Too bad Angel’s gone. She ended up giving a toast on stage.
VERONICA: There was also someone named Jane there and GOB offered her a job. Hey, boss, she can have one of my nights. I, um, have some other things to do.
*In the Navy starts playing again*
*bzzt*
*sounds of Marty flopping around and yelling in pain*
VERONICA: Christian, who I so need to taser, met Jane and Maureen, who also met GOB.
MARTY: And a late breaking news story: Bridge and Xander went on a date at Cafe Fina. Further bulletins on their appetizers, entrees and desserts will be forthcoming. Stay tuned to Fandom Radio for all your Xander and Bridgey news.
VERONICA: Oh! Maybe we'll even get some boykissy pictures!
MARTY: You have a strange little obsession with that don't you.
VERONICA: It's pretty. And to wrap up the goings on in town, the clinic was quiet on Alanna and Dr. Lambert's shifts.
FESTIVUS: Where smut would happen if it wasn't so cold.
MARTY: Happy Festivus everyone! Seems there was a lot of greivances aired and food eaten today. I have a greivance that involves a short blond with a taser gun, but I don't think airing it will help me any.
VERONICA: Unless you want to be tasered more, then no. In non-food and grievance happenings, River and Pip were ready to take on challengers in the Feats of Strength contest. It doesn’t appear that anyone took them up on it, though. River ended up making snow angels and trying to talk Parker into doing the same. I can imagine that didn’t go over well. She was then cute with Tyler. Jude and Sakurazaki, were also cute, throwing snow at each other and kissing. Bridge and Xander were cute which is so not news. Greg and Isabel were cute. And Willow and English Peter were also cute according to my notes. The Winchesters also threw snow at each other and I’m sincerely hoping there was no kissing involved. Parker hit Dean with a snowball and Peter Parker hit Jaye with one.
MARTY: I'm beginning to think that Peter Parker and Jaye have unresolved feelings for each other. Jaye? You must let go. Peter and Zero are very happy together. I know you're sad but there are prettier people out there who you can scare into a relationship.
VERONICA: Jaye? You can so borrow my taser if you want. Finally, Crichton built a fort and was visited by Rory, Molly, Cute Sam, Parker, Cameron, Angela, Anakin and Greg.
MARTY: That was no regular snow fort. That was the fort of Loooooooove. Maybe you and Archie can use it later. Don't bring your taser. It'll short out in the snow.
VERONICA: I prefer my cozy bed, thank you very much. In fact, now that we're done, I'm heading back there. Thanks for helping me tonight, Blank.
MARTY: No problem V. How about a nice music selection for you and Archie before we head home?
VERONICA: How about no?
MARTY: You have no sense of humor.
VERONICA: I have an excellent sense of humor. You just don't appreciate it. Say good night.
MARTY: No reason to point the Taser at me. One more shock and I'll be on display at the local FKC as being "Extra Crispy". Good night Fandom!
VERONICA: Good night!
*In the Navy starts playing again*
*bzzzt*
MARTY: GAAAAAAA-
*radio cuts out*
[so very much love to oatmanspatient for co-writing. also, special shout-outs to demonbelthazor and sogothcally for gathering the Festivus links and to actingltcrumpet for proof-reading!]
MARTY: You baffled. There's a common occurance. Hi everyone. It's Marty helping the clueless with her radio today.
VERONICA: Shut up, Blank. I didn't leave my room today until I had to come down here.
MARTY: Well later I'll show you how to use a doorknob.
VERONICA: I know how to use a doorknob, I just didn't want to.
MARTY: Really? *rustling of papers* Ahh... I see.
*"In The Navy" Begins to Play*
MARTY: But we're getting ahead of ourselves.
VERONICA: *music cuts out* Let’s just start the news, shall we?
MARTY: I can't believe you just cut out the Village people mid song.
VERONICA: I can’t believe I haven’t pulled out my taser yet.
*bzzzt*
MARTY: OW! Damn. Okay. To the news.
You Learn Something New Every Day
VERONICA: I learned, for example, that Blair and Willow have detention tomorrow. *snickering* Did you insult one of your instructors, Willow? I probably should have thrown you and your little friend in detention for that stunt you pulled.
MARTY: She'll get you my pretty and your little dog too! It's a joke Mars. Let go of the Taser
VERONICA: I'll put it down, but I'm keeping it close at hand. You gonna actually help me? Or are you just here to bother me?
MARTY: Both. Meanwhile over in Constant Vigilance Doctor... Doctor... Well a doctor bragged about the stuff he's done and answered questions about Dalek and the The Cybermen, which I believe is the latest super rock group out of Sweden. Then the rest of the class discussed other groups like the Yetis, the Quarks Wotan and the War Machines and The Kandy Man. Funny, you'd think with a class called Constant Vigilance they wouldn't talk about musical groups.
VERONICA: I wonder if we got the wrong set of notes. That sounds more like it should have been Lucas's class, though maybe they aren't Earth bands. Anyway, in Flight & Flying, they got to fly F-16 Fighter Jets. They practiced air to surface strikes and got into classic dog fights with other fighter jets. Apparently Dean didn’t want to play, but Alec talked him into it. After class, Dean talked to Anakin about what happened last weekend. From the random snippets I’ve heard, I think I’m glad I was out of town.
MARTY: And over in the cafeteria, Seras ate Oscar Wilde and read pie.
*long pause*
MARTY: I think the shrub was drinking too much rum when this report was taken.
VERONICA: Finally, Principal Washburn held office hours. Cameron and Elliott both stopped by to chat.
The Dorms: Where Smut Happens
MARTY: Let's see here... What were you doing this morning with Archie, V?
* Barry White begins to play *
VERONICA: None of your business, Blank. *music shuts off*
MARTY: Well it is my business. See this little bit of paper here where it says that you and Archie were -
*bzzt*
MARTY: Damn! That smarts!
VERONICA: Snuggly, it says snuggly. As were John & Aeryn apparently.
MARTY: And Bridge got a lapdance. Er. Laptop. They really should print out these notes with larger typeface.
VERONICA: Well, if Xander wants lapdance tips, I'd be glad to offer some.
MARTY: Yeah. First step? Get bitten by a gremlin. Not that Xander needs a a distraction because while writing an e-mail he saw a freckle.
...
MARTY: That must have been a whopper of a freckle.
VERONICA: I'm not touching that one.
MARTY: Good idea. Pippi was busy today as she got a DVD from Anders and asked Pip out for a date. Pip'nPippi. Pippi'nPip. I guess that was destined to happen.
VERONICA: Way to go, Pippi! Be a modern woman. But if you hurt my little brother, I'll have to taser you.
MARTY: And she will. Trust me. Sam-the-girl was also busy as she walked into the wrong room and then checked on Jack. As did Parker and Isabel. Hope you feel better Jack!
VERONICA: Yes! Get better soon so you and Cameron can get drunk and serenade me again. That was fun!
MARTY: And you can do it in today's snow and we can go Festivus caroling. Or you can be like Walter who isn't having too much fun in the snow. Hopefully Anders bringing him space cigarettes cheers him up. And while Dawn has no problem being in the snow it just reminds Phoebe of the snow demons. Don't worry Pheebs! If the snow demons come back I have a sure fire way of getting rid of them. It involves drinking a lot of fluid and writing my name. I won't go into further details as the FCC will pull our license.
VERONICA: Thank you for sparing us all those details.
MARTY: What can I say? I'm a giver. You know who else is a giver? River! She dropped by Tim's room before he left town. Gwynn also dropped by Tim's room while Demyx did some heavy meditation and in other parts of the dorm Al and Saka-something caught up with each other.
VERONICA: And in common room news, Jamie, who I almost tasered the first time I met him, was in the Fifth Floor Common Room this morning with food from J,GOB. He told Pippi that he was writing a sci-fi explosion movie, got a Festivus pen from Nadia and explained said holiday to Cally, who helped Nadia write an adventure story and told Pippi about the Viper on the roof. Pippi, in turn, told Nadia about the plans she had for today.
MARTY: You're pretty trigger happy with that taser aren't you?
VERONICA: I found him in Nadia's room shirtless. What would you have done?
MARTY: If I was like most girls in this school? Probably take a picture and post it in the lobby.
VERONICA: It was Nadia's room. When she was in the clinic.
MARTY: He lives there.
VERONICA: I didn't know that! Anyway, speaking of Nadia, This evening found her on the roof playing her guitar. She talked to Pippi about how long she was gone. *pause* Nadia, honey? Is there something we need to talk about? Nadia also told Walter that Pip is going away on a mission. Be careful, little brother! And Cally stopped up to work on her Viper, but ended up talking to Nadia instead. I kissed them both at my birthday party last night, you know.
MARTY: You kissed a lot last night. Probably one guy in particular.
*Anchors Away begins to play*
VERONICA: I also kissed Chloe. But that was before Archie showed up. *music shuts off*
*bzzt*
MARTY: OW! What is your deal Mars?
VERONICA: I missed you while you were on vacation, Blank.
MARTY: Huh. If that's how you treat me? I'm totally checking Archie for scorch marks.
VERONICA: ... yeah, that's unnecessary.
MARTY: I could say more but you'd probably shock me and it's taking longer for that tingly sensation to go away. And speaking of going away let's go to town...
Town: Smut is Probably Happening Someplace
MARTY: Over in Town somebody who goes by the lovely name of "Brunt" stopped by All and Sundries. He also dropped by Empire Records as did a someone by the name of Maureen.
VERONICA: I'm guessing we're not talking about Parker.
MARTY: Good news for the morally impaired! Our Lady of Fandom is now opened for business! And while Lana headed out of town after work, Molly and Pippi went to the Weasley's Wizard Wheezes and Joxer poked Jane and got his stick broken. That's both dirty and painful.
VERONICA: There really are no words. Caritas was hopping tonight. River tried her first margarita and fell asleep. Let me just tell you, tequila is evil. An alien named Brunt showed up and asked GOB about business. Willow and Isabel were there discussing possible occupations for someone named Shelby. Who is a… turtle? I’m thinking Willow needs a psych eval more than detention. River met Shelby and then Willow, Isabel and Shelby were joined by Blair and they staged a protest to try to get a dance floor. It’s a karaoke bar, not a dance club.
MARTY: Oh a little dance floor would be nice at Caritas. Count me in guys!
VERONICA: And we have some new folks in town, who naturally found their way to the bar. Someone named Rosette, who is allegedly a nun, was excited to learn that prohibition ended. Huh. Too bad Angel’s gone. She ended up giving a toast on stage.
VERONICA: There was also someone named Jane there and GOB offered her a job. Hey, boss, she can have one of my nights. I, um, have some other things to do.
*In the Navy starts playing again*
*bzzt*
*sounds of Marty flopping around and yelling in pain*
VERONICA: Christian, who I so need to taser, met Jane and Maureen, who also met GOB.
MARTY: And a late breaking news story: Bridge and Xander went on a date at Cafe Fina. Further bulletins on their appetizers, entrees and desserts will be forthcoming. Stay tuned to Fandom Radio for all your Xander and Bridgey news.
VERONICA: Oh! Maybe we'll even get some boykissy pictures!
MARTY: You have a strange little obsession with that don't you.
VERONICA: It's pretty. And to wrap up the goings on in town, the clinic was quiet on Alanna and Dr. Lambert's shifts.
FESTIVUS: Where smut would happen if it wasn't so cold.
MARTY: Happy Festivus everyone! Seems there was a lot of greivances aired and food eaten today. I have a greivance that involves a short blond with a taser gun, but I don't think airing it will help me any.
VERONICA: Unless you want to be tasered more, then no. In non-food and grievance happenings, River and Pip were ready to take on challengers in the Feats of Strength contest. It doesn’t appear that anyone took them up on it, though. River ended up making snow angels and trying to talk Parker into doing the same. I can imagine that didn’t go over well. She was then cute with Tyler. Jude and Sakurazaki, were also cute, throwing snow at each other and kissing. Bridge and Xander were cute which is so not news. Greg and Isabel were cute. And Willow and English Peter were also cute according to my notes. The Winchesters also threw snow at each other and I’m sincerely hoping there was no kissing involved. Parker hit Dean with a snowball and Peter Parker hit Jaye with one.
MARTY: I'm beginning to think that Peter Parker and Jaye have unresolved feelings for each other. Jaye? You must let go. Peter and Zero are very happy together. I know you're sad but there are prettier people out there who you can scare into a relationship.
VERONICA: Jaye? You can so borrow my taser if you want. Finally, Crichton built a fort and was visited by Rory, Molly, Cute Sam, Parker, Cameron, Angela, Anakin and Greg.
MARTY: That was no regular snow fort. That was the fort of Loooooooove. Maybe you and Archie can use it later. Don't bring your taser. It'll short out in the snow.
VERONICA: I prefer my cozy bed, thank you very much. In fact, now that we're done, I'm heading back there. Thanks for helping me tonight, Blank.
MARTY: No problem V. How about a nice music selection for you and Archie before we head home?
VERONICA: How about no?
MARTY: You have no sense of humor.
VERONICA: I have an excellent sense of humor. You just don't appreciate it. Say good night.
MARTY: No reason to point the Taser at me. One more shock and I'll be on display at the local FKC as being "Extra Crispy". Good night Fandom!
VERONICA: Good night!
*In the Navy starts playing again*
*bzzzt*
MARTY: GAAAAAAA-
*radio cuts out*
[so very much love to oatmanspatient for co-writing. also, special shout-outs to demonbelthazor and sogothcally for gathering the Festivus links and to actingltcrumpet for proof-reading!]