Methos gave Jack a sympathetic smile as he said it was a lot to take in. He rubbed a hand lightly over one of the other man's legs once they were draped over his. Methos told him, "It's okay. I'm not asking you to wrap your mind around all of it this morning. I don't remember all of it myself anymore, and you've got that trip to the TARDIS today. So long as no one cuts my head clean off my shoulders while you're gone, I'll still be here when you get back."
He nodded as Jack repeated the "over" he'd emphasized. Methos half-smiled at the other man's first question. He spoke slowly, thinking over his answer for Jack, "One of the first things I did was... start to keep a journal. I've been writing one almost since writing began. You can't... go around as Methos for fifty-six centuries. You have to be other people like Adam Pierson, but you can get lost in those other lives if you don't keep a connection with yourself."
Methos laughed ruefully, "I didn't claim to have lived over five thousand years without going crazy once. For the first six hundred I didn't know what I was, but people called me a demon, and I knew I wasn't like them. I didn't die. I didn't get sick. Any injury I healed from quickly. Maybe they were right? The first of my own I met tried to kill me. Not a good start to fifty-six centuries. But I met an Endless One who would mentor me and things got better."
He listened to Jack explain how he came to realize he was immortal, and the effect it had on him. Methos nodded quietly at the other man's admission that he tried to kill himself in almost every way he could think of. He gave Jack's leg he'd been lightly rubbing a gentle comforting squeeze when the other man spoke of having shutdown for a while. Methos met Jack's direct gaze, promising him sincerely, "I swear to you, Rose Tyler won't learn about it from me."
He chuckled as the other man wondered how many civilizations he'd seen rise and fall in over five thousand years, offering, "The first place I saw a whole civilization was in Mesopotamia. I remember a few Sumerian curses because they're so creative. As for Rome... at different times I was a slave there, or citizen. I was crucified once. It was 34 or 35 A.D. I don't know how long I'd have been nailed there if a fellow Endless One hadn't gotten me down."
Methos sighed deeply when Jack asked him how he handled the loneliness, "It isn't easy, or if it ever gets easy I haven't reached that point. What keeps me going is knowing there are so many things -- so many people -- only I remember anymore. Everything they were preserved only in my memory. I'm constantly struggling to keep from getting too disconnected or too connected. I get too disconnected I go crazy. I get too connected the losses burn me out."
He smiled softly, "I didn't realize I've met the Doctor before until he remembered having met me. He looked different then, had curly brown hair, and was a couple of inches taller than Nine. We first met in Geneva in 1816. The Doctor and Romana had come to visit with Byron and Shelley. I was working as Byron's personal physician, Doctor Benjamin Adams, at the time. It was... interesting. I haven't talked to Romana yet to see if she remembers me or that."
Methos nodded, "Yes, or on an Earth. There seems to be a mix of timelines that are getting collected here. I've known a number of Endless Ones in my time, nothing like the number of mere mortals I've known, but a number. A number of them have lived thousands of years. I'm just the Endless One who's the current record holder for oldest. But, we can die. The man who got me down off the cross was over two thousand years old when he was killed."
He didn't dwell on his many losses, instead he watched Jack shake himself out of the dark and depressing to return to his more carefree self. Methos started to nod again, stopping as the other man listed off the others he knew had magic, having to admit, "Some of Molly's magic might be similar to mine, but I don't have magic like the others. If I could do what Oona can I wouldn't be waiting to see if Elric is right about her being able to hide me from my own."
Methos chuckled, "I've got a limited number of tricks, not getting sick, healing very quickly, and not staying dead. Gimme a sec."
He leaned back, reaching into his hut for the stone knife he'd kept for himself. Once Methos had it he sat up again, holding knife and free hand where Jack could see them clearly. Methos cut his palm, hoping the other man would appreciate the show better than Christine Salzer had. The blood welled the same, and he wiped it away as quickly, "That's the easiest thing to show you. The rest is either more subtle or more painful to give a demonstration of."
He considered the question of how many Endless Ones he knew existed, "I know there are more than I've ever met. For a while Adam Pierson was part of a secret mortal organization that's been doing its best to keep track of our numbers for millennia. Someone who realized Gilgamesh was an Endless One started it. I didn't see all of their files so I don't know how many they've tracked. They found out I was an Endless in their midst and tossed me out."
Methos laughed at Jack's asking how he hadn't known he was human, "I thought we might be something like 'fully formed from the sand.' Every Endless I've ever met was raised as a foundling with no memory of their real parents. I thought we might be something like golems, more magical constructs than people. Learning we're born to human parents answers one question, but raises others. What happens to our families? Why are we alone so young?"
He smiled broadly as it occurred to the other man how many years of sex it all was, "I've mentioned Endless don't get sick, so far as I know we're sterile too. Perfect partners for anyone who happens to be looking for safe sex with no chance of a child. I've tried a lot of things at least once. Course that's just here on Earth. I haven't been an intergalactic traveler like some people have. I can do Yoda. Will you forgive me if I hope you'll look just as good at nine hundred?"
Some of Methos good humor evaporated with Jack's asking about if there were geriatric immortals, "I've never met someone who died of old age. I've seen people who died too young, but not too old. There's some speculation that if we get to a certain age without having already been killed we become suicidal. Most of my life though it hasn't require that much effort to be dead before you were geriatric. I certainly didn't die of old age. Natural disaster victim me."
Jack just sat there, listening to it all, until Adam was finished explaining what he could. It was a lot to process. He did pick up the comment about removing head from shoulders. Now that would be a real shame. They were a gorgeous set, that head and those shoulders.
Huh... that was one form of suicide Jack hadn't tried. His luck it wouldn't kill him. He'd just end up a disembodied head. A disembodied head able to just look and not touch. He shivered. Nope, NOT something to even contemplate. He'd likely just snap back. Like he did when he lost any other limb during or prior to death.
Jack did chuckle at the mention of looking as good at nine hundred years. But he didn't interrupt.
"How do you know how you died the first time? You said it was a blur, or was that just traumatic enough to stick with you no matter what?"
The mention of immortals who died too young made him think of a novel he once read by Anne Rice. It was a long, long time ago, it was interesting and sexy... but there was this kid, a little girl, stuck forever as a child. It had chilled him, and stuck with him. The thought of that sort of thing being real...
"Sterile as far as you know." Jack smirked. He'd heard that line before. He'd used it, as he'd had the standard infertility shots for all Time-Agents. Then again, half Earth's population could be related to you by some dozen kids throughout time. Hey, the Doc thought he was sterile and look at his little surprise."
Jack was used to teasing about such things. He'd done so with his buddies when he was still young and naive.
"Not that I care. I am never getting pregnant again. So You're older that the Doctor. Wonder how he feels not being the superior ancient one. Does he know you're older, or just that you're immortal... or Endless? I kinda like that term."
Methos was pleased with how Jack seemed to listen to everything, taking it in without asking fresh questions until he had answers to the questions he'd already asked. When Methos mentioned how it would be fatal if he lost his head something passed through the other man's eyes, but Methos wasn't quite sure what it was. Concern at the thought of him losing his head? Some thought about what had happened, or might happen if Jack lost his head? Methos wasn't about to offer to help the other man see what happened if he lost his head. Most likely it would be safe, but it was safer not trying it at all.
He was pleased he'd either remembered Yoda's line about his age, or misremembered it, closely enough to amuse Jack. Methos made a face at the first question the other man asked when he'd finished, leaning back to put his knife away before giving Jack an answer. Once he sat back up, and returned a hand to one of the other man's legs he admitted, "Just traumatic enough to stick. Imagine drowning, being buried alive, and getting flayed with a cat-o-nine by someone who knows what they're doing, roll it all into one, then replace the water, earth, and whip with sand. It took a while to recover from."
Methos saw something chill Jack. He wasn't sure what thought was making the other man cold until he chose a topic. Once Jack brought up the idea of Methos' having children he could guess what had been bothering him. Methos spoke to that first, "I've known a few Endless stuck as children. It's hard to survive that way. The magic that makes us immortal is released when we're killed, and if we're killed by another Endless it passes to them. Some of us kill for that power. I don't carry a sword out of nostalgia. It's mostly for protection, but there are times when I have to be more... proactive."
Once he'd spoken of Endless children he chuckled at Jack's pointing out there were things he didn't know, "As far as I know. I didn't know we have parents. I've been married sixty-eight times without to my knowledge ever fathering any children. Was divorced once for not providing children. She was one Hell of a woman. Had a dozen kids with her third husband. But, I've never been married to another Endless. That'd be too much of a commitment for me to make. I do know a couple of Endless who've been married over 300 years. They don't have any children. If we have a fertility rate it's low."
Methos raised his eyebrows at Jack's insistence he was never getting pregnant again, "Not sure I want to ask how there was a first time, or how it worked out. I've thought about what being a father might be like, but not a mother."
He shook his head in quick denial of the Doctor knowing who was older, but stopped as he thought about it, "I don't actually know if he knows I'm older. I haven't told the Doctor how old I am, but I don't know how much he can sense about me. The Doctor certainly knows I'm older than I look. He remembers 1816. I don't know if he thinks I'm centuries old, or knows I'm millennia. Not sure I want to tip him off to my being older if he doesn't know it. If he doesn't know it, it might be easier on both of us if it stays that way. I'm comfortable playing a mild mannered supporting role. I'm practiced at it."
Methos grinned as Jack said Endless was a term he kinda liked, "We call ourselves Immortals like some people have called themselves the People. The sidhe probably call us Endless because they call themselves Immortals. I think Endless is more poetic. You might want to talk to Molly about the sidhe. I've had some experience with them, but I can't tell you about them the way she can. Then again, given that when the sidhe go to war it tends to be with more magic than most Endless are capable of, you might want to steer clear. Of course having volunteered to fight a demon I'm not one to talk about steering clear."
"I've got a lot to thik about. But later, I think. There's something I'd like to do before heading to the TARDIS." Jack leaned in and kissed Adam, letting him know exactly what he wanted to do.
(OOC: Sorry for brevity. We're having server problems (or my brother in law is being an asshole again. Either way I had no access until around 10 pm. I don't know if I'll have access tomorrow. ::sigh::))
(OOC: It's okay. I was beginning to wonder when Jack was going to take the "Shut up and kiss me" approach to get Methos to give him time to think. Since I've told the boys I'm not writing more smut for them for a while shall I mark this complete here?)
Methos smiled ruefully at Jack's pointing out he'd given him a lot to think about, not interrupting him with an apology for having let so much come out of himself. He'd needed to share it all with someone, and it seemed like the other man would be able to get his mind around it all with time. Methos raised his eyebrows at Jack's mention of there being something he'd like to do before heading to the TARDIS. He held still as the other man leaned in. Methos returned the kiss once Jack was letting him know exactly what he wanted to do. He had to agree it seemed like a fine thing to do.
He nodded as Jack repeated the "over" he'd emphasized. Methos half-smiled at the other man's first question. He spoke slowly, thinking over his answer for Jack, "One of the first things I did was... start to keep a journal. I've been writing one almost since writing began. You can't... go around as Methos for fifty-six centuries. You have to be other people like Adam Pierson, but you can get lost in those other lives if you don't keep a connection with yourself."
Methos laughed ruefully, "I didn't claim to have lived over five thousand years without going crazy once. For the first six hundred I didn't know what I was, but people called me a demon, and I knew I wasn't like them. I didn't die. I didn't get sick. Any injury I healed from quickly. Maybe they were right? The first of my own I met tried to kill me. Not a good start to fifty-six centuries. But I met an Endless One who would mentor me and things got better."
He listened to Jack explain how he came to realize he was immortal, and the effect it had on him. Methos nodded quietly at the other man's admission that he tried to kill himself in almost every way he could think of. He gave Jack's leg he'd been lightly rubbing a gentle comforting squeeze when the other man spoke of having shutdown for a while. Methos met Jack's direct gaze, promising him sincerely, "I swear to you, Rose Tyler won't learn about it from me."
He chuckled as the other man wondered how many civilizations he'd seen rise and fall in over five thousand years, offering, "The first place I saw a whole civilization was in Mesopotamia. I remember a few Sumerian curses because they're so creative. As for Rome... at different times I was a slave there, or citizen. I was crucified once. It was 34 or 35 A.D. I don't know how long I'd have been nailed there if a fellow Endless One hadn't gotten me down."
Methos sighed deeply when Jack asked him how he handled the loneliness, "It isn't easy, or if it ever gets easy I haven't reached that point. What keeps me going is knowing there are so many things -- so many people -- only I remember anymore. Everything they were preserved only in my memory. I'm constantly struggling to keep from getting too disconnected or too connected. I get too disconnected I go crazy. I get too connected the losses burn me out."
He smiled softly, "I didn't realize I've met the Doctor before until he remembered having met me. He looked different then, had curly brown hair, and was a couple of inches taller than Nine. We first met in Geneva in 1816. The Doctor and Romana had come to visit with Byron and Shelley. I was working as Byron's personal physician, Doctor Benjamin Adams, at the time. It was... interesting. I haven't talked to Romana yet to see if she remembers me or that."
Methos nodded, "Yes, or on an Earth. There seems to be a mix of timelines that are getting collected here. I've known a number of Endless Ones in my time, nothing like the number of mere mortals I've known, but a number. A number of them have lived thousands of years. I'm just the Endless One who's the current record holder for oldest. But, we can die. The man who got me down off the cross was over two thousand years old when he was killed."
He didn't dwell on his many losses, instead he watched Jack shake himself out of the dark and depressing to return to his more carefree self. Methos started to nod again, stopping as the other man listed off the others he knew had magic, having to admit, "Some of Molly's magic might be similar to mine, but I don't have magic like the others. If I could do what Oona can I wouldn't be waiting to see if Elric is right about her being able to hide me from my own."
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Methos chuckled, "I've got a limited number of tricks, not getting sick, healing very quickly, and not staying dead. Gimme a sec."
He leaned back, reaching into his hut for the stone knife he'd kept for himself. Once Methos had it he sat up again, holding knife and free hand where Jack could see them clearly. Methos cut his palm, hoping the other man would appreciate the show better than Christine Salzer had. The blood welled the same, and he wiped it away as quickly, "That's the easiest thing to show you. The rest is either more subtle or more painful to give a demonstration of."
He considered the question of how many Endless Ones he knew existed, "I know there are more than I've ever met. For a while Adam Pierson was part of a secret mortal organization that's been doing its best to keep track of our numbers for millennia. Someone who realized Gilgamesh was an Endless One started it. I didn't see all of their files so I don't know how many they've tracked. They found out I was an Endless in their midst and tossed me out."
Methos laughed at Jack's asking how he hadn't known he was human, "I thought we might be something like 'fully formed from the sand.' Every Endless I've ever met was raised as a foundling with no memory of their real parents. I thought we might be something like golems, more magical constructs than people. Learning we're born to human parents answers one question, but raises others. What happens to our families? Why are we alone so young?"
He smiled broadly as it occurred to the other man how many years of sex it all was, "I've mentioned Endless don't get sick, so far as I know we're sterile too. Perfect partners for anyone who happens to be looking for safe sex with no chance of a child. I've tried a lot of things at least once. Course that's just here on Earth. I haven't been an intergalactic traveler like some people have. I can do Yoda. Will you forgive me if I hope you'll look just as good at nine hundred?"
Some of Methos good humor evaporated with Jack's asking about if there were geriatric immortals, "I've never met someone who died of old age. I've seen people who died too young, but not too old. There's some speculation that if we get to a certain age without having already been killed we become suicidal. Most of my life though it hasn't require that much effort to be dead before you were geriatric. I certainly didn't die of old age. Natural disaster victim me."
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Huh... that was one form of suicide Jack hadn't tried. His luck it wouldn't kill him. He'd just end up a disembodied head. A disembodied head able to just look and not touch. He shivered. Nope, NOT something to even contemplate. He'd likely just snap back. Like he did when he lost any other limb during or prior to death.
Jack did chuckle at the mention of looking as good at nine hundred years. But he didn't interrupt.
"How do you know how you died the first time? You said it was a blur, or was that just traumatic enough to stick with you no matter what?"
The mention of immortals who died too young made him think of a novel he once read by Anne Rice. It was a long, long time ago, it was interesting and sexy... but there was this kid, a little girl, stuck forever as a child. It had chilled him, and stuck with him. The thought of that sort of thing being real...
"Sterile as far as you know." Jack smirked. He'd heard that line before. He'd used it, as he'd had the standard infertility shots for all Time-Agents. Then again, half Earth's population could be related to you by some dozen kids throughout time. Hey, the Doc thought he was sterile and look at his little surprise."
Jack was used to teasing about such things. He'd done so with his buddies when he was still young and naive.
"Not that I care. I am never getting pregnant again. So You're older that the Doctor. Wonder how he feels not being the superior ancient one. Does he know you're older, or just that you're immortal... or Endless? I kinda like that term."
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Methos was pleased with how Jack seemed to listen to everything, taking it in without asking fresh questions until he had answers to the questions he'd already asked. When Methos mentioned how it would be fatal if he lost his head something passed through the other man's eyes, but Methos wasn't quite sure what it was. Concern at the thought of him losing his head? Some thought about what had happened, or might happen if Jack lost his head? Methos wasn't about to offer to help the other man see what happened if he lost his head. Most likely it would be safe, but it was safer not trying it at all.
He was pleased he'd either remembered Yoda's line about his age, or misremembered it, closely enough to amuse Jack. Methos made a face at the first question the other man asked when he'd finished, leaning back to put his knife away before giving Jack an answer. Once he sat back up, and returned a hand to one of the other man's legs he admitted, "Just traumatic enough to stick. Imagine drowning, being buried alive, and getting flayed with a cat-o-nine by someone who knows what they're doing, roll it all into one, then replace the water, earth, and whip with sand. It took a while to recover from."
Methos saw something chill Jack. He wasn't sure what thought was making the other man cold until he chose a topic. Once Jack brought up the idea of Methos' having children he could guess what had been bothering him. Methos spoke to that first, "I've known a few Endless stuck as children. It's hard to survive that way. The magic that makes us immortal is released when we're killed, and if we're killed by another Endless it passes to them. Some of us kill for that power. I don't carry a sword out of nostalgia. It's mostly for protection, but there are times when I have to be more... proactive."
Once he'd spoken of Endless children he chuckled at Jack's pointing out there were things he didn't know, "As far as I know. I didn't know we have parents. I've been married sixty-eight times without to my knowledge ever fathering any children. Was divorced once for not providing children. She was one Hell of a woman. Had a dozen kids with her third husband. But, I've never been married to another Endless. That'd be too much of a commitment for me to make. I do know a couple of Endless who've been married over 300 years. They don't have any children. If we have a fertility rate it's low."
Methos raised his eyebrows at Jack's insistence he was never getting pregnant again, "Not sure I want to ask how there was a first time, or how it worked out. I've thought about what being a father might be like, but not a mother."
He shook his head in quick denial of the Doctor knowing who was older, but stopped as he thought about it, "I don't actually know if he knows I'm older. I haven't told the Doctor how old I am, but I don't know how much he can sense about me. The Doctor certainly knows I'm older than I look. He remembers 1816. I don't know if he thinks I'm centuries old, or knows I'm millennia. Not sure I want to tip him off to my being older if he doesn't know it. If he doesn't know it, it might be easier on both of us if it stays that way. I'm comfortable playing a mild mannered supporting role. I'm practiced at it."
Methos grinned as Jack said Endless was a term he kinda liked, "We call ourselves Immortals like some people have called themselves the People. The sidhe probably call us Endless because they call themselves Immortals. I think Endless is more poetic. You might want to talk to Molly about the sidhe. I've had some experience with them, but I can't tell you about them the way she can. Then again, given that when the sidhe go to war it tends to be with more magic than most Endless are capable of, you might want to steer clear. Of course having volunteered to fight a demon I'm not one to talk about steering clear."
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(OOC: Sorry for brevity. We're having server problems (or my brother in law is being an asshole again. Either way I had no access until around 10 pm. I don't know if I'll have access tomorrow. ::sigh::))
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Methos smiled ruefully at Jack's pointing out he'd given him a lot to think about, not interrupting him with an apology for having let so much come out of himself. He'd needed to share it all with someone, and it seemed like the other man would be able to get his mind around it all with time. Methos raised his eyebrows at Jack's mention of there being something he'd like to do before heading to the TARDIS. He held still as the other man leaned in. Methos returned the kiss once Jack was letting him know exactly what he wanted to do. He had to agree it seemed like a fine thing to do.
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