In any other world (2 fics)
Title: island in the Nile
Rating: K+
Wordcount: 1,554
Prompt: river x doctor, 1920s expedition to Philae
Well, whatever he'd been expecting, it certainly hadn't been this.
xx
"She's dangerous." The warden warned as they walked down the dank prison hall. "Don't know what you need her for."
"She's cheap. And I need a good gun hand, though it pains me to say it."
"Well she'd rob you blind as soon as look at you. And that's only if she doesn't shoot you first. But hey, your funeral."
Well, now he felt even better about the whole expedition.
xx
"What, a girl's not allowed a good night's rest before her execution?"
"Execution might be stayed. If he pays enough for you that is." The warden sneered and she flew out of bed, toward the bars of her cell.
"I am not for sale you filthy pig, and I would rather die than let you enslave me like chattel-" She spat the words out and the Doctor watched her carefully. He knew she was a woman. He knew she was dangerous. He hadn't quite known she would be this gorgeous.
"You don't get much say in it now do you? If you value your life at all, you'll shut your mouth and listen." The warden spat at her and she flinched.
"That's - quite enough, I mean I can handle it from here, thank you." It pained him to even thank the odious little man, but the warden smirked and slide away, backing up to give them privacy.
She looked at him for the first time since he'd arrived and her eyes widened with surprise and then amusement. "You think you can handle me, Professor?" She smiled and his breath caught in his throat.
"What? No. Yes. I mean no! I mean I don't want to handle you. Not like that!"
"Sure about that, sweetie?" She leaned against the bars with a smirk and he flushed.
"I need someone handy with a weapon. And cheap. You're it." Her flirtatious demeanour dropped and she looked at him seriously.
"What for?"
"Excavation work - Philae. Temple of Isis. What do you say?"
"I say how much?" She smiled and he waved a hand at the warden who unlocked her cell after the Doctor handed him a wad of notes. The Doctor smiled and nodded at the money he'd just handed over.
"Just about that much."
xx
"Philae is submerged in the Nile isn't it?" She spoke over the hum of the boat's engine and he nodded.
"Only during the rainy season. It'll disappear eventually if something isn't done about it."
"So what's there?"
"How do you mean?"
"What are we looking for?" She spoke slowly, staring at him as if he were slow-witted. Which he was not. Most definitely was not - he spoke seven languages, could decipher hieroglyphics, was the foremost leading expert in the- "Pretty boy. Are you deaf?"
"No! And don't call me pretty boy. I am not a boy." Her smile turned indulgent and he sighed in frustration. He couldn't have been saddled with a dull-witted prisoner?
xx
It was gorgeous. Dust under his boots and ancient buildings towering above him in the relentless sunshine. He could see Trajen's kiosk off beyond the courtyard and he bounced up the rough hewn steps in excitement. Standing in the central courtyard, he turned around, his eyes on the columns that lined it, all leading up to the doors of Isis' temple. He never got tired of this place and the stillness about it.
"You know, as happy as I am that you seem to think dust and rocks are the best thing since Christmas, would you mind taking my handcuffs off now?" She held out her hands, standing there in the uniform the prison had provided her with.
"I don't know, are you going to shoot me or try to take off?" He asked loftily and she rolled her eyes.
"We just got dropped off on an island in the middle of the Nile. That boat's not coming back for a week, and if you don't take my cuffs off soon, sweetie - well, I'm just going to get all sorts of kinky ideas." She grinned as he stared at her open-mouthed. He muttered to himself before tripping over to her and unlocking her handcuffs with haste. She rubbed her wrists before shrugging off the heavy coat and stripping off her uniform top until she was back in her white tank top. "Hmm, pity. I was almost getting excited there for a moment."
xx
"So you're really just here for rocks?" She knelt before the small fire she'd made, in front of the tent he'd helped her pitch. She was boiling water over it and glancing around the sky that was fast fading into a deep purple.
"Not just rocks. History. Preservation. I'm cataloguing damage done by the Nile's water levels."
"Why?" She asked, as she poured the water into a teapot, and he was surprised to see only frank curiosity in her gaze.
"I want to - to save it all. It'll be a huge project."
"Then why do you need me?"
"It's an unguarded temple and there are thieves who still pillage these types of places, you know. I don't like guns, and I-"
"Clearly couldn't win in a fist fight against a child." She smirked and he rolled his eyes. "You didn't even ask my name."
"I know your name. River Song - the warden told me." He paused, before glancing over at her, her face warmed by the firelight and her hair free once more. "It's a lovely name. You didn't ask my name either."
"You're an archaeologist. Professor or Doctor something or other. Which one?"
"Doctor. Smith, but everyone just calls me Doctor." Her laughter was warm and it seemed to echo round the island itself.
xx
"So come on then. You're dying to give a lecture, I can tell." She was drawing a detailed map - quite good actually - as they walked around the island and he made notes on the damage done since his last visit during last year's dry season.
"I am not."
"Yes you are. Come on then, educate me, Doctor." She teased in a breathy little voice that seemed to shoot right through his chest. She was irritating, he told himself. Not exciting.
Not at all.
xx
"Why were you in prison anyway?" They were exploring the inner temple today, and the shade was a welcome relief.
"Woman travelling alone in Egypt? I received an offer I had to refuse with my fists. Only that wasn't clear enough so I may have shot him."
"You murdered someone?" He stared at her and she laughed.
"Oh please. No! I simply shot him in the leg. Well, near enough to the leg. The important part is he didn't die. And probably won't be forcing himself on other women any time soon, if ever again at all." She smirked over at him and he stared, not sure which was worse. Murder or that.
"Remind me never to piss you off." He muttered and she leaned into his space, her mouth close to his ear.
"Oh I wouldn't shoot at yours, sweetie. Just so you know." She winked and pulled back, leaving him speechless.
xx
"Doctor, what's this?"
"What's what?"
"It looks like a crack in the - no a seam in the wall. Is there a door here?"
"No, of course not! Nothing on my diagrams and besides, where would a door-" She wasn't listening, instead running her hands along the walls and peering down at the dusty floor, sweeping dirt aside with her foot. He wanted to say something about her touching the walls - any contact was detrimental after all and he'd told her that, but just then there was a click and the door sprang back. He stopped and stared in shock. She grinned - bright and eager, her whole face lit up.
"Never could resist a lock."
xx
A chamber.
An underground chamber buried in the heart of the island and he felt a thrill go through him as he turned to look at her. Her eyes were lit up and she grinned back with enthusiasm.
"This is amazing." He whispered, looking around in awe before looking back at her. "You're amazing. I never would have found this. No one would have."
She moved closer to him, until her chest brushed against his arm and he swallowed heavily, glancing down at her. "I guess we'll need to be staying longer then yeah?"
"I thought you hated all of this." His throat felt dry and her face glowed in the light from his torch.
"Not all of it," her voice was husky and she reached up, adjusting his bowtie gently, her eyes meeting his. "Maybe I'm developing an affection for history."
"For history?" He raised a brow and his blood sang through his veins as she leaned in closer to him. Just them, alone in a chamber no one had stepped foot in for centuries, the thrill of discovery and her -
"Something like that, yeah." She whispered before her hand slid round his neck, pulling his head down to her hers. Her mouth was soft and he made a sound of surprise in the back of his throat.
xx
Screw what he'd been expecting. The unexpected was far more rewarding.
Title: down the rabbit hole
Rating: K
Wordcount: 1,919
Prompt: river x eleven, Alice in Wonderland
He woke up with a start. His head ached and he sat up carefully. "Legs - yes. Bowtie? Cool." He ran his hand over his neck and then further up. "And the hat survived! Oh excellent." He grinned to himself and clapped before glancing around and spotting his cane on the ground beside him. He clambered to his feet slowly, picking up his cane and checking around.
"I must have hit my head harder than I thought." He looked round the woods - dark and grey and mysteriously misty - if woods could be called such things. "I think they can." He responded to himself and glanced up and down the path.
"Talking to yourself. Never a good sign." A voice spoke from above him but when the Doctor glanced up, nothing was there. He frowned and glanced around once more, twirling on his heel with the assistance of his cane.
"Who's there?" He asked quickly, but echoing laughter was his only response. "Well. That's rude. I mean what's the point in talking to people if they can't see you? Unless of course, you're invisible, in which case, my bad - terribly rude of me."
A row of even teeth appeared, hovering in the air over a near-by low-hanging tree branch. Slowly two glowing green eyes materialized after and then several long strips of teal blue fur. The Doctor sighed and pulled his fob watch out of his pocket, making a show of checking it. "Is this going to take all day?"
A cat appeared with a soft pop and hiss of smoke, looking incredibly put out. "Well, if I'm keeping you from wandering about, completely lost - by all means, don't let me stop you." He huffed, crossing his paws in front of him as he glared balefully down at the Doctor.
"Oh a cat - excellent. I speak cat you know. Though, I suppose you speak english, so what's the point eh? Ah well, onwards I suppose. Where am I?"
"Right here, of course." The cat lolled onto its back, grinning at him with glee.
"Yes, quite right. Should have been more specific. Where is here exactly? I fell you see-"
"Down the rabbit hole, of course." The cat spoke over him, rolling over once more and placing his face on his paws.
"Yes! Bigger on the inside rabbit holes. Who'd have thought - honestly? So again - where is here?" The Doctor asked politely, and the cat laughed, the sound echoing through the trees.
"Nowhere. Middle of."
"Right. And how do I get back?"
"Can't go back - only forward. Silly man." The cat hummed as he spoke and looked him up and down. "She'll like you."
"Who will?"
"Can't ruin the surprise. Where's the fun in that?" He grinned again, and the tip of his tail started to fade from view.
"Wait - but how do I leave?" The cat's mocking laughter as he disappeared from view whispered around the Doctor. Soon enough, just his mouth was suspended above the branch again.
"You can check out whenever you like, Doctor. But you don't ever leave."
"How did you know my name?"
"How did you know mine?" He grinned and the Doctor frowned.
"But I didn't - I just said you were a cat."
"And so I am. I am a cat. A Cheshire Cat to be precise. And how did you know that?" The cat demanded in a huffy voice and the Doctor frowned.
"Because it's what you are."
"Precisely. I am a cat. And you are the Doctor. Should we not call things by their proper names? Well except for her - nobody calls her by her proper name, not in a million forevers."
"Her who?"
"Go forward, Doctor. She'll be right behind you." And then with a puff of smoke, all trace of his mocking laughter was gone.
"Well. The locals are immensely helpful." The Doctor muttered to himself before picking up his cane with a grin. "Ah well, nice evening for a stroll anyhow."
xx
Music. He could hear melancholy music coming from over the hill, and he climbed on in search of it. When he reached the top he saw a dilapidated windmill, and in its courtyard, a series of tables, covered in white table cloth with tea set out, willy-nilly. A rabbit - no not a rabbit, a hare - sat on the left side of the table and a small mouse sat across from him. At the head of the table was a woman, and the Doctor stumbled down the hill toward them, tripping along lightly. She was in a black dress - formal, and her hair was absolutely mad. Big and curly and rather more and more impressive the closer he drew. She looked incredibly bored. Or incredibly sad. Or maybe both at the same time.
"Hello!" He spoke as he reached the table and the hare stared at him in shock while the mouse screeched and hid in a teapot. The Doctor glanced over in concern. "Hopefully that's empty."
"Of course it is you ninny." The hare snapped. "Why would she hide in a hot pot of tea? That would be ridiculous."
"Right, of course it would be. My mistake. Hello. I'm the Doctor." He nodded to the two animals - the mouse had lifted the cover a bit to peek out - and glanced to the head of the table. She was standing now, staring at him in shock before she recovered.
"Well hello, sweetie." She practically purred, her expression darkening a bit and she licked her lips. The Doctor swallowed heavily, suddenly nervous.
"Ah. Well. That's... friendly." He managed to squeak out. "And you lot are...?"
"Well I'm March Hare, and this here is Dormouse. Oh bless, she's asleep again, Hatter." The hare addressed the woman and she adjusted her dress before leaning forward and hitting the table with her fist. The teapots all rattled and Dormouse stretched and yawned before curling into the pot, fast asleep.
"Well, so she is." The woman observed and shrugged before seating herself once more. "I'm Hatter."
"But that's just what they call you right? It's not your name, can't be your name - who would name their little girl Hatter?"
"Presuming one had parents." She spoke pleasantly and he raised his brows.
"Everyone's got parents."
"Well if I had, I've forgotten. They've always called me Hatter-"
"Because she's mad as the day is long. Also - hates hats." The hare whispered. “I'd watch out if I were you."
"Why am I always ignored?" A voice demanded from the end of the table and the Doctor looked back in shock.
"Well perhaps if you weren't invisible, we'd chat with you more, love." Hatter spoke indulgently and the Cheshire Cat materialized with a grin.
"Oh, quite right. Forget myself sometimes." The cat admitted and the Hatter laughed - a full rich sound that tickled the Doctor somewhere in between his lungs.
"Don't we all, dear?" Just then the mouse leapt out of the pot, clutching the remains of a bonnet and wailing.
"Mad Hatter. We should have called her hat murderer!" The Doctor looked at her in surprise and pointed at the woman with his cane.
"What, her?" Hatter smiled at him, a gleam in her eyes that made him feel as though he needed to sit down.
"Look at my bonnet - I am so upset I could just-" she yawned and promptly went back to sleep.
"Daft old thing. That bonnet was atrocious. I don't hate all hats. Just the horrid ones. Or sometimes even decent ones I suppose if they're the wrong size. Too large for a too small head or too small for an overly large head-" The hare snickered at this and the Doctor blinked.
"Yes, well."
"Is it because you can't wear any yourself, perhaps?" The Doctor moved to the head of the table, pulling out a chair and seating himself to her right. She stared at him for a moment, surprise on her face.
"Well the hair is a bit mad, but that's just because everything is here." She said with a grin and the Doctor found himself grinning back, despite the oddity of the entire situation. "Do you want to know what I call me, Doctor?"
"Absolutely." He nodded, leaning forward eagerly as she poured him a cup of tea, ignoring the others at the end of the table.
"Above all else?" She teased him, and he found himself studying the curves of her face - it was a lovely face, honestly. "What if I said I would answer three questions, if you can answer one of mine?"
"That sounds like a fair enough trade." The Doctor spoke thoughtfully. "More than fair actually." She smiled and sipped her tea, and he watched her mouth press against the fine china, leaving a faint smear of lipstick behind.
"All right, my question first. Why is a raven like a writing desk?" She grinned wickedly and the hare moaned in protest.
"Not this again!"
"Well if you lot were intelligent enough to come up with an answer, perhaps I'd have stopped asking. No one in this infernal wretched place can answer me, and I need to know." She snapped down the table and the hare rolled his eyes, turning to the cat and ignoring her. She looked back at the Doctor, leaning forward eagerly. Her hand brushed against his wrist on top of the table and the Doctor felt a strange tingling sensation, his skin growing hot and then cold again.
"Why is a raven like a writing desk?" The Doctor mused, before looking up at her with a grin. "Flat notes. Every note that each produces is flat." She stared at him, before breaking out into a wide grin.
"You're smart."
"I am."
"Finally." She breathed the words out, and moved suddenly, out of her chair to kneel on the ground beside his, her hands grasping his as she tugged him closer. "I fell too Doctor - a million forevers ago and time never passes here. It is always tea time, and this place drives you mad. If you are intelligent - can you find a way out of here, do you think? Can you escape?" She whispered the last words, leaning in so close that he could feel the brush of her lips against his hair.
"Of course I can. I always do." He promised her solemnly and she looked up at him, her eyes wide and suddenly she didn't look so dark or imposing, she looked like a young girl, even though she wasn't. "Now my three questions?" She nodded quickly and he leaned toward her. "Where are we?"
"I do not know. A land of madness and upside-down downside-ups. Ruled by the red Queen, and she is a vicious woman. It is vast and unending and I have walked all across it, and never discovered a path home." She swallowed and he brushed a knuckle against her cheek. It was petal soft and she smiled at the sensation.
"What is your name?"
"A long, long time ago - they called me River. River Song." She whispered the answer into his ear and he pulled back to stare down at her.
"Beautiful." He murmured and she blushed. "And my last question is this - will you come with me?"
"Oh yes. To where?" She asked in after-thought and he stood, lacing his fingers through hers and pulling her up beside him.
"Everywhere."
Rating: K+
Wordcount: 1,554
Prompt: river x doctor, 1920s expedition to Philae
Well, whatever he'd been expecting, it certainly hadn't been this.
xx
"She's dangerous." The warden warned as they walked down the dank prison hall. "Don't know what you need her for."
"She's cheap. And I need a good gun hand, though it pains me to say it."
"Well she'd rob you blind as soon as look at you. And that's only if she doesn't shoot you first. But hey, your funeral."
Well, now he felt even better about the whole expedition.
xx
"What, a girl's not allowed a good night's rest before her execution?"
"Execution might be stayed. If he pays enough for you that is." The warden sneered and she flew out of bed, toward the bars of her cell.
"I am not for sale you filthy pig, and I would rather die than let you enslave me like chattel-" She spat the words out and the Doctor watched her carefully. He knew she was a woman. He knew she was dangerous. He hadn't quite known she would be this gorgeous.
"You don't get much say in it now do you? If you value your life at all, you'll shut your mouth and listen." The warden spat at her and she flinched.
"That's - quite enough, I mean I can handle it from here, thank you." It pained him to even thank the odious little man, but the warden smirked and slide away, backing up to give them privacy.
She looked at him for the first time since he'd arrived and her eyes widened with surprise and then amusement. "You think you can handle me, Professor?" She smiled and his breath caught in his throat.
"What? No. Yes. I mean no! I mean I don't want to handle you. Not like that!"
"Sure about that, sweetie?" She leaned against the bars with a smirk and he flushed.
"I need someone handy with a weapon. And cheap. You're it." Her flirtatious demeanour dropped and she looked at him seriously.
"What for?"
"Excavation work - Philae. Temple of Isis. What do you say?"
"I say how much?" She smiled and he waved a hand at the warden who unlocked her cell after the Doctor handed him a wad of notes. The Doctor smiled and nodded at the money he'd just handed over.
"Just about that much."
xx
"Philae is submerged in the Nile isn't it?" She spoke over the hum of the boat's engine and he nodded.
"Only during the rainy season. It'll disappear eventually if something isn't done about it."
"So what's there?"
"How do you mean?"
"What are we looking for?" She spoke slowly, staring at him as if he were slow-witted. Which he was not. Most definitely was not - he spoke seven languages, could decipher hieroglyphics, was the foremost leading expert in the- "Pretty boy. Are you deaf?"
"No! And don't call me pretty boy. I am not a boy." Her smile turned indulgent and he sighed in frustration. He couldn't have been saddled with a dull-witted prisoner?
xx
It was gorgeous. Dust under his boots and ancient buildings towering above him in the relentless sunshine. He could see Trajen's kiosk off beyond the courtyard and he bounced up the rough hewn steps in excitement. Standing in the central courtyard, he turned around, his eyes on the columns that lined it, all leading up to the doors of Isis' temple. He never got tired of this place and the stillness about it.
"You know, as happy as I am that you seem to think dust and rocks are the best thing since Christmas, would you mind taking my handcuffs off now?" She held out her hands, standing there in the uniform the prison had provided her with.
"I don't know, are you going to shoot me or try to take off?" He asked loftily and she rolled her eyes.
"We just got dropped off on an island in the middle of the Nile. That boat's not coming back for a week, and if you don't take my cuffs off soon, sweetie - well, I'm just going to get all sorts of kinky ideas." She grinned as he stared at her open-mouthed. He muttered to himself before tripping over to her and unlocking her handcuffs with haste. She rubbed her wrists before shrugging off the heavy coat and stripping off her uniform top until she was back in her white tank top. "Hmm, pity. I was almost getting excited there for a moment."
xx
"So you're really just here for rocks?" She knelt before the small fire she'd made, in front of the tent he'd helped her pitch. She was boiling water over it and glancing around the sky that was fast fading into a deep purple.
"Not just rocks. History. Preservation. I'm cataloguing damage done by the Nile's water levels."
"Why?" She asked, as she poured the water into a teapot, and he was surprised to see only frank curiosity in her gaze.
"I want to - to save it all. It'll be a huge project."
"Then why do you need me?"
"It's an unguarded temple and there are thieves who still pillage these types of places, you know. I don't like guns, and I-"
"Clearly couldn't win in a fist fight against a child." She smirked and he rolled his eyes. "You didn't even ask my name."
"I know your name. River Song - the warden told me." He paused, before glancing over at her, her face warmed by the firelight and her hair free once more. "It's a lovely name. You didn't ask my name either."
"You're an archaeologist. Professor or Doctor something or other. Which one?"
"Doctor. Smith, but everyone just calls me Doctor." Her laughter was warm and it seemed to echo round the island itself.
xx
"So come on then. You're dying to give a lecture, I can tell." She was drawing a detailed map - quite good actually - as they walked around the island and he made notes on the damage done since his last visit during last year's dry season.
"I am not."
"Yes you are. Come on then, educate me, Doctor." She teased in a breathy little voice that seemed to shoot right through his chest. She was irritating, he told himself. Not exciting.
Not at all.
xx
"Why were you in prison anyway?" They were exploring the inner temple today, and the shade was a welcome relief.
"Woman travelling alone in Egypt? I received an offer I had to refuse with my fists. Only that wasn't clear enough so I may have shot him."
"You murdered someone?" He stared at her and she laughed.
"Oh please. No! I simply shot him in the leg. Well, near enough to the leg. The important part is he didn't die. And probably won't be forcing himself on other women any time soon, if ever again at all." She smirked over at him and he stared, not sure which was worse. Murder or that.
"Remind me never to piss you off." He muttered and she leaned into his space, her mouth close to his ear.
"Oh I wouldn't shoot at yours, sweetie. Just so you know." She winked and pulled back, leaving him speechless.
xx
"Doctor, what's this?"
"What's what?"
"It looks like a crack in the - no a seam in the wall. Is there a door here?"
"No, of course not! Nothing on my diagrams and besides, where would a door-" She wasn't listening, instead running her hands along the walls and peering down at the dusty floor, sweeping dirt aside with her foot. He wanted to say something about her touching the walls - any contact was detrimental after all and he'd told her that, but just then there was a click and the door sprang back. He stopped and stared in shock. She grinned - bright and eager, her whole face lit up.
"Never could resist a lock."
xx
A chamber.
An underground chamber buried in the heart of the island and he felt a thrill go through him as he turned to look at her. Her eyes were lit up and she grinned back with enthusiasm.
"This is amazing." He whispered, looking around in awe before looking back at her. "You're amazing. I never would have found this. No one would have."
She moved closer to him, until her chest brushed against his arm and he swallowed heavily, glancing down at her. "I guess we'll need to be staying longer then yeah?"
"I thought you hated all of this." His throat felt dry and her face glowed in the light from his torch.
"Not all of it," her voice was husky and she reached up, adjusting his bowtie gently, her eyes meeting his. "Maybe I'm developing an affection for history."
"For history?" He raised a brow and his blood sang through his veins as she leaned in closer to him. Just them, alone in a chamber no one had stepped foot in for centuries, the thrill of discovery and her -
"Something like that, yeah." She whispered before her hand slid round his neck, pulling his head down to her hers. Her mouth was soft and he made a sound of surprise in the back of his throat.
xx
Screw what he'd been expecting. The unexpected was far more rewarding.
Title: down the rabbit hole
Rating: K
Wordcount: 1,919
Prompt: river x eleven, Alice in Wonderland
He woke up with a start. His head ached and he sat up carefully. "Legs - yes. Bowtie? Cool." He ran his hand over his neck and then further up. "And the hat survived! Oh excellent." He grinned to himself and clapped before glancing around and spotting his cane on the ground beside him. He clambered to his feet slowly, picking up his cane and checking around.
"I must have hit my head harder than I thought." He looked round the woods - dark and grey and mysteriously misty - if woods could be called such things. "I think they can." He responded to himself and glanced up and down the path.
"Talking to yourself. Never a good sign." A voice spoke from above him but when the Doctor glanced up, nothing was there. He frowned and glanced around once more, twirling on his heel with the assistance of his cane.
"Who's there?" He asked quickly, but echoing laughter was his only response. "Well. That's rude. I mean what's the point in talking to people if they can't see you? Unless of course, you're invisible, in which case, my bad - terribly rude of me."
A row of even teeth appeared, hovering in the air over a near-by low-hanging tree branch. Slowly two glowing green eyes materialized after and then several long strips of teal blue fur. The Doctor sighed and pulled his fob watch out of his pocket, making a show of checking it. "Is this going to take all day?"
A cat appeared with a soft pop and hiss of smoke, looking incredibly put out. "Well, if I'm keeping you from wandering about, completely lost - by all means, don't let me stop you." He huffed, crossing his paws in front of him as he glared balefully down at the Doctor.
"Oh a cat - excellent. I speak cat you know. Though, I suppose you speak english, so what's the point eh? Ah well, onwards I suppose. Where am I?"
"Right here, of course." The cat lolled onto its back, grinning at him with glee.
"Yes, quite right. Should have been more specific. Where is here exactly? I fell you see-"
"Down the rabbit hole, of course." The cat spoke over him, rolling over once more and placing his face on his paws.
"Yes! Bigger on the inside rabbit holes. Who'd have thought - honestly? So again - where is here?" The Doctor asked politely, and the cat laughed, the sound echoing through the trees.
"Nowhere. Middle of."
"Right. And how do I get back?"
"Can't go back - only forward. Silly man." The cat hummed as he spoke and looked him up and down. "She'll like you."
"Who will?"
"Can't ruin the surprise. Where's the fun in that?" He grinned again, and the tip of his tail started to fade from view.
"Wait - but how do I leave?" The cat's mocking laughter as he disappeared from view whispered around the Doctor. Soon enough, just his mouth was suspended above the branch again.
"You can check out whenever you like, Doctor. But you don't ever leave."
"How did you know my name?"
"How did you know mine?" He grinned and the Doctor frowned.
"But I didn't - I just said you were a cat."
"And so I am. I am a cat. A Cheshire Cat to be precise. And how did you know that?" The cat demanded in a huffy voice and the Doctor frowned.
"Because it's what you are."
"Precisely. I am a cat. And you are the Doctor. Should we not call things by their proper names? Well except for her - nobody calls her by her proper name, not in a million forevers."
"Her who?"
"Go forward, Doctor. She'll be right behind you." And then with a puff of smoke, all trace of his mocking laughter was gone.
"Well. The locals are immensely helpful." The Doctor muttered to himself before picking up his cane with a grin. "Ah well, nice evening for a stroll anyhow."
xx
Music. He could hear melancholy music coming from over the hill, and he climbed on in search of it. When he reached the top he saw a dilapidated windmill, and in its courtyard, a series of tables, covered in white table cloth with tea set out, willy-nilly. A rabbit - no not a rabbit, a hare - sat on the left side of the table and a small mouse sat across from him. At the head of the table was a woman, and the Doctor stumbled down the hill toward them, tripping along lightly. She was in a black dress - formal, and her hair was absolutely mad. Big and curly and rather more and more impressive the closer he drew. She looked incredibly bored. Or incredibly sad. Or maybe both at the same time.
"Hello!" He spoke as he reached the table and the hare stared at him in shock while the mouse screeched and hid in a teapot. The Doctor glanced over in concern. "Hopefully that's empty."
"Of course it is you ninny." The hare snapped. "Why would she hide in a hot pot of tea? That would be ridiculous."
"Right, of course it would be. My mistake. Hello. I'm the Doctor." He nodded to the two animals - the mouse had lifted the cover a bit to peek out - and glanced to the head of the table. She was standing now, staring at him in shock before she recovered.
"Well hello, sweetie." She practically purred, her expression darkening a bit and she licked her lips. The Doctor swallowed heavily, suddenly nervous.
"Ah. Well. That's... friendly." He managed to squeak out. "And you lot are...?"
"Well I'm March Hare, and this here is Dormouse. Oh bless, she's asleep again, Hatter." The hare addressed the woman and she adjusted her dress before leaning forward and hitting the table with her fist. The teapots all rattled and Dormouse stretched and yawned before curling into the pot, fast asleep.
"Well, so she is." The woman observed and shrugged before seating herself once more. "I'm Hatter."
"But that's just what they call you right? It's not your name, can't be your name - who would name their little girl Hatter?"
"Presuming one had parents." She spoke pleasantly and he raised his brows.
"Everyone's got parents."
"Well if I had, I've forgotten. They've always called me Hatter-"
"Because she's mad as the day is long. Also - hates hats." The hare whispered. “I'd watch out if I were you."
"Why am I always ignored?" A voice demanded from the end of the table and the Doctor looked back in shock.
"Well perhaps if you weren't invisible, we'd chat with you more, love." Hatter spoke indulgently and the Cheshire Cat materialized with a grin.
"Oh, quite right. Forget myself sometimes." The cat admitted and the Hatter laughed - a full rich sound that tickled the Doctor somewhere in between his lungs.
"Don't we all, dear?" Just then the mouse leapt out of the pot, clutching the remains of a bonnet and wailing.
"Mad Hatter. We should have called her hat murderer!" The Doctor looked at her in surprise and pointed at the woman with his cane.
"What, her?" Hatter smiled at him, a gleam in her eyes that made him feel as though he needed to sit down.
"Look at my bonnet - I am so upset I could just-" she yawned and promptly went back to sleep.
"Daft old thing. That bonnet was atrocious. I don't hate all hats. Just the horrid ones. Or sometimes even decent ones I suppose if they're the wrong size. Too large for a too small head or too small for an overly large head-" The hare snickered at this and the Doctor blinked.
"Yes, well."
"Is it because you can't wear any yourself, perhaps?" The Doctor moved to the head of the table, pulling out a chair and seating himself to her right. She stared at him for a moment, surprise on her face.
"Well the hair is a bit mad, but that's just because everything is here." She said with a grin and the Doctor found himself grinning back, despite the oddity of the entire situation. "Do you want to know what I call me, Doctor?"
"Absolutely." He nodded, leaning forward eagerly as she poured him a cup of tea, ignoring the others at the end of the table.
"Above all else?" She teased him, and he found himself studying the curves of her face - it was a lovely face, honestly. "What if I said I would answer three questions, if you can answer one of mine?"
"That sounds like a fair enough trade." The Doctor spoke thoughtfully. "More than fair actually." She smiled and sipped her tea, and he watched her mouth press against the fine china, leaving a faint smear of lipstick behind.
"All right, my question first. Why is a raven like a writing desk?" She grinned wickedly and the hare moaned in protest.
"Not this again!"
"Well if you lot were intelligent enough to come up with an answer, perhaps I'd have stopped asking. No one in this infernal wretched place can answer me, and I need to know." She snapped down the table and the hare rolled his eyes, turning to the cat and ignoring her. She looked back at the Doctor, leaning forward eagerly. Her hand brushed against his wrist on top of the table and the Doctor felt a strange tingling sensation, his skin growing hot and then cold again.
"Why is a raven like a writing desk?" The Doctor mused, before looking up at her with a grin. "Flat notes. Every note that each produces is flat." She stared at him, before breaking out into a wide grin.
"You're smart."
"I am."
"Finally." She breathed the words out, and moved suddenly, out of her chair to kneel on the ground beside his, her hands grasping his as she tugged him closer. "I fell too Doctor - a million forevers ago and time never passes here. It is always tea time, and this place drives you mad. If you are intelligent - can you find a way out of here, do you think? Can you escape?" She whispered the last words, leaning in so close that he could feel the brush of her lips against his hair.
"Of course I can. I always do." He promised her solemnly and she looked up at him, her eyes wide and suddenly she didn't look so dark or imposing, she looked like a young girl, even though she wasn't. "Now my three questions?" She nodded quickly and he leaned toward her. "Where are we?"
"I do not know. A land of madness and upside-down downside-ups. Ruled by the red Queen, and she is a vicious woman. It is vast and unending and I have walked all across it, and never discovered a path home." She swallowed and he brushed a knuckle against her cheek. It was petal soft and she smiled at the sensation.
"What is your name?"
"A long, long time ago - they called me River. River Song." She whispered the answer into his ear and he pulled back to stare down at her.
"Beautiful." He murmured and she blushed. "And my last question is this - will you come with me?"
"Oh yes. To where?" She asked in after-thought and he stood, lacing his fingers through hers and pulling her up beside him.
"Everywhere."