(no subject)
I think the hardest things to hear are the things we don't want to believe. My dad and mom made that very clear to me yesterday. They made some very good points and as i sit here alone on a saturday night because my friends dont answer their phones, or would rather be with other people than me, it makes me realize that i really have been an open door. My dad brought such a great point to my attention yesterday, he asked me when the last time someone went out of their way to make me happy and i honestly could not even remember the last time someone did something special for me. I could name about 10 things in the past month i did for my friends and family. Its time to stop letting people treat me like shit, i need to stop being so passive and when people do things that hurt my feelings or make me upset i need to be honest with myself and not just shrug it off. If i keep shrugging things off, no one is ever going to give me respect i deserve. I was fighting in tears with my sister because i said i dont like to hurt other peoples feelings and i like to be there when they need me, and she yelled back saying what about your feelings, does anyone ever consider how you feel, or what about when you need someone, are they there for you? And i realized, that people drop me like a fly. I'm completely done feeling bad for myself, and im not going to let people walk in and out of my life so easily. I am a good person and i will bend over backwards for people that i care about, but ya know what, im only going to do it for the people that do it for me. I am not going to let myself be hurt anymore. I am not going to be kicked around or pushed to the side for more important interesting people/friends. I have so much faith in people and time and time again people have just left me and not considered me important in their lives. And obviously its something about me, its something that i am doing wrong. I am just an open door. All i keep thinking of is the scene in the Last Kiss, where Zack Braff is sitting at the door waiting for her to open it. I dont think anyone would wait at the door for me like that...