(no subject)
Okay so I'm a dork. I'm posting twice in one day...hey I'm just making up for lost time!
So my daily routine came crashing down right in front of me as I looked up my daily Starbucks drink on Calorieking.com...I've always pushed the thought of how many calories just might be lurking in the brown depths of my deliciously caffeinated drink to the back of my mind, figuring 300 tops...and justifying it by the fact that it was the only thing I had to 'eat' during the day, and maybe about half of what was for dinner. Welllllll...300 tops? Um...try FUCKIN SIX HUNDERED AND FIFTEEN CALORIES! That's so ridiculous, I can't believe I got this fuckin monster drink every day without checking it up on calorieking...hell fuckin no am I buying that anymore. No wonder I'm not really losing weight. My new drink? Venti iced caffe mocha with nonfat milk and no whip. Arghhh. I just realized sunday is the first of August, we're leaving for New Jersey the thirteenth, my goal was to be 103 pounds by then. Yeah, so much for that dumbass. God I am so angry with myself. God, in truth I had actually planned for 100 even just because I know that my grandparents will want to see me eat, and that would give me a little leeway just in case I gain weight...that way when I got back from NJ I'd be no more than 105...just in time for school on the 23rd. God I'm such a fuckin failure. And it makes me sad when my sister refers to my weight last summer as "when I got all skinny," I didn't think anyone could tell that I had gained like 5 pounds, but apparently I have a lot to compete with (my prior weight). And what bugs me even more is the fact that everyone is now losing weight, and using the strategies that I had used (you know, replacing meals with starbucks, etc, etc) and they are losing weight and I'm fuckin stuck at the same weight. I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT. It's all I care about.I'm only happy when I lose weight. I dont care how dumb all of this sounds.
So my daily routine came crashing down right in front of me as I looked up my daily Starbucks drink on Calorieking.com...I've always pushed the thought of how many calories just might be lurking in the brown depths of my deliciously caffeinated drink to the back of my mind, figuring 300 tops...and justifying it by the fact that it was the only thing I had to 'eat' during the day, and maybe about half of what was for dinner. Welllllll...300 tops? Um...try FUCKIN SIX HUNDERED AND FIFTEEN CALORIES! That's so ridiculous, I can't believe I got this fuckin monster drink every day without checking it up on calorieking...hell fuckin no am I buying that anymore. No wonder I'm not really losing weight. My new drink? Venti iced caffe mocha with nonfat milk and no whip. Arghhh. I just realized sunday is the first of August, we're leaving for New Jersey the thirteenth, my goal was to be 103 pounds by then. Yeah, so much for that dumbass. God I am so angry with myself. God, in truth I had actually planned for 100 even just because I know that my grandparents will want to see me eat, and that would give me a little leeway just in case I gain weight...that way when I got back from NJ I'd be no more than 105...just in time for school on the 23rd. God I'm such a fuckin failure. And it makes me sad when my sister refers to my weight last summer as "when I got all skinny," I didn't think anyone could tell that I had gained like 5 pounds, but apparently I have a lot to compete with (my prior weight). And what bugs me even more is the fact that everyone is now losing weight, and using the strategies that I had used (you know, replacing meals with starbucks, etc, etc) and they are losing weight and I'm fuckin stuck at the same weight. I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT. It's all I care about.I'm only happy when I lose weight. I dont care how dumb all of this sounds.