(no subject)
I am pretty sure I'm the only one on my f'list reading the Buffy comics, yes? That is okay, but I'm feeling the need to talk about Spike so I'm gonna talk to myself here for a little bit. Because, I am actually really excited about his upcoming mini-series and what's going on with him in general right now. And now I will cut to spare you all both from my babbling and spoilers and whatnot
The thing is that it appears at long last that Spike has actually developed self-esteem. And I am, like, so thrilled about this. For pretty much as long as he's been around Spike has invested the power to determine his self worth in other people to the point of being really unhealthy for both him and whatever person, primarily Dru and Buffy and to a more complicated extent Angel, he drops that responsibility bomb on.
And the way it manifests is in these unfair childish tantrums where he lashes out in violent and hurtful ways at them for not giving him what he wants/needs, like they owe it to him. If your entire concept of self-worth is wrapped up in external validation then that leaves nothing if the other person won't/can't provide it, and it's easy to blame them. Oh, Spike, pumpkin...no. And when it's not tantrums it's sulky self-pity. Or a willingness to cling to whatever crumbs in the hopes that if he just hangs on long enough he'll get what he needs because hanging on proves he deserves it or something, which leads to resentment and then back to tantrums.
Spike, I feel you buddy. This is one of the reasons I tend to overidentify with you while also wanting to smack you upside the head and shake some sense into you. I get it. I really, really, really get it.
So I really liked it when they very minimally started to address this on the last season of Buffy (where it was more acknowledging...'you need to address this' but not getting to the point of really doing so yet...understandable, given both the initial soul adjustment and everything else going on). And then on Angel where he did actually begin to grapple with what it meant to be himself for himself.
And now. Now we have him recognizing that what he wants/needs is not something Buffy is in a place to provide. And he doesn't blame her, or throw a tantrum, or sink into sulky despair. No. He USES HIS WORDS to talk about how he feels like a grown up. He recognizes that sitting around in the shadows waiting for scraps is bad for him and, again, that this is not Buffy's fault. That the only person who can take responsibility for creating his life to make him happy is him and that he's worth doing that. And he leaves. And I was so fucking proud of him. No, seriously. SO PROUD.
I will admit, my shipper heart wanted him to hang in there because there is most definitely something there on her side beyond the BFF thing they have going on (which I love all by itself). And I am still holding out hope for those crazy kids. But god, this is so huge for him. And I really want to know how he deals with having walked away for himself like that. Hence, me being EXCITE for his mini-series.
It only took him a hundred years and change to get here. :)
This entry was originally posted at http://fan-eunice.dreamwidth.org/315182.html. (
comments) Comment wherever you want.
The thing is that it appears at long last that Spike has actually developed self-esteem. And I am, like, so thrilled about this. For pretty much as long as he's been around Spike has invested the power to determine his self worth in other people to the point of being really unhealthy for both him and whatever person, primarily Dru and Buffy and to a more complicated extent Angel, he drops that responsibility bomb on.
And the way it manifests is in these unfair childish tantrums where he lashes out in violent and hurtful ways at them for not giving him what he wants/needs, like they owe it to him. If your entire concept of self-worth is wrapped up in external validation then that leaves nothing if the other person won't/can't provide it, and it's easy to blame them. Oh, Spike, pumpkin...no. And when it's not tantrums it's sulky self-pity. Or a willingness to cling to whatever crumbs in the hopes that if he just hangs on long enough he'll get what he needs because hanging on proves he deserves it or something, which leads to resentment and then back to tantrums.
Spike, I feel you buddy. This is one of the reasons I tend to overidentify with you while also wanting to smack you upside the head and shake some sense into you. I get it. I really, really, really get it.
So I really liked it when they very minimally started to address this on the last season of Buffy (where it was more acknowledging...'you need to address this' but not getting to the point of really doing so yet...understandable, given both the initial soul adjustment and everything else going on). And then on Angel where he did actually begin to grapple with what it meant to be himself for himself.
And now. Now we have him recognizing that what he wants/needs is not something Buffy is in a place to provide. And he doesn't blame her, or throw a tantrum, or sink into sulky despair. No. He USES HIS WORDS to talk about how he feels like a grown up. He recognizes that sitting around in the shadows waiting for scraps is bad for him and, again, that this is not Buffy's fault. That the only person who can take responsibility for creating his life to make him happy is him and that he's worth doing that. And he leaves. And I was so fucking proud of him. No, seriously. SO PROUD.
I will admit, my shipper heart wanted him to hang in there because there is most definitely something there on her side beyond the BFF thing they have going on (which I love all by itself). And I am still holding out hope for those crazy kids. But god, this is so huge for him. And I really want to know how he deals with having walked away for himself like that. Hence, me being EXCITE for his mini-series.
It only took him a hundred years and change to get here. :)
This entry was originally posted at http://fan-eunice.dreamwidth.org/315182.html. (
comments) Comment wherever you want.