Five stories...
1) So, you guys remember me talking about losing my cell phone like, 2 months ago? And I had to go buy a pretty new one? And everytime I tried to call the old one it went straight to voicemail? Guess what I found in three pieces in a near empty Polident box under our bathroom sink! YEAH. Numerous theories abound as to how it got there, the most popular being my brother (who has a penchant for breaking cellphones), my mother (because she's the least likely suspect) and gremlins. Seriously, a Polident box under the sink?! Who hides something there!? My dad has some weird "freak accident" theory about it falling off the sink, bouncing on the floor and landing UNDER the sink, in the box, smashing on impact. His theory has led to my mom's theory that he managed to do it in the 24 hours he was home during his vacation.
The best part? Bloody thing still works. Put it back together and PRESTO! Those gremlins haven't bested me yet!
2) My brother is currently living in MY Ottawa apartment, with MY roommate and sleeping in MY bed. It's only for the month of August, but still! Oh, and he's working at Michael's full-time. I feel like I'm being Single White Female'd here people! STOP TRYING TO BE ME, BABY BYLES! If I catch him saying "Sharsharsharsharshar!" I'll snap his neck.
3) Through a series of events that occurred because my father tends to forget his age, my dad has frigged up his leg. Again. When you're a postman, this is never a good thing. He did it on Friday and when I saw him limping around on Saturday I told him to go to the doctor. Naturally, he tried to "walk it off" until Monday when he realized that he wouldn't make it around one block on his route. By the time he went to the doctor though, he'd aggravated... whatever the hell it is, and his calf was weird and swollen. The doctor looked at it and went "Uhhhhhh... yeah, you should probably go to emerg so they can run some tests. I got nothing." THANKS DOC. Instead of going right away though, like a normal person, my father decides to wait until after dinner. By the time he gets there, they tell him he should just make an appointment to come back the next day for an ultrasound because they're not sure if it's "a pulled muscle, torn ligament, or a blood clot." Keeps getting better and better, right? He goes back Tuesday, gets ultrasounded, and they say it's not a blood clot BUT, he has to come back AGAIN the next day for tests. Every night at dinner I get to go home and hear his hospital adventures. Tonight will be the tale of the CAT Scan!
In conclusion, my dad is dumb and needs to stop doing things his body's too old to pull off. If I find out he tried to move our busted fridge to the curb by himself today, I'll break his other leg. (Oh yeah, PS, our fridge totally died and we had to buy a new one. My ice cream became ice goo. I was pretty devastated.)
4) For the long weekend at the beginning of August, I was up at my cottage soaking up the sun and reading The Stand nonstop because holy hell, addictive! Damn you, King! Anyhoo, as I lay on my hammock in the sun reading, with my sunglasses perched on my head, I hear this *SNAP!* and feel my sunglasses slip off my head. The frames have snapped almost in half! Oh God, whyyyyyyy? My Winners glasses! Jennie and I bought those as a cheer up after Film 2000 one day! I was very upset and now lacked any way to shield my eyes when the sun shifted. I pout to my mother who lends me hers for the remainder of the afternoon. Content, I head back outside and relax in the hammock once more with new glasses perched on my face. Less than 45 minutes later.... *SNAP!* ARE YOU FRIGGING KIDDING ME?! TWO PAIRS OF GLASSES IN ONE DAY?! WHAT THE HELL!!!
The moral of the story is... I have a huge head. Sunglasses commit suicide to flee my head. I'm lucky my hat didn't split down the middle. My mom says this all happened because I don't eat green vegetables. Pffffffft! That's her reasoning for everything...
5) This is a recent addition to this list: My dress is currently trying to escape. It's ripping, slowly and surely, down the back near the strap. For now, the straps seem to be holding (with the help of some safety pins) but I feel really fat right now! Which is weird for me to say, but come on! My dress is busting at the seams! This is what summer does to me, I start eating "regularly" and getting "three square meals" and my body isn't used to it!
/list
Summer's almost over. WHOA. You should probably expect a photo dump in the near future.
The best part? Bloody thing still works. Put it back together and PRESTO! Those gremlins haven't bested me yet!
2) My brother is currently living in MY Ottawa apartment, with MY roommate and sleeping in MY bed. It's only for the month of August, but still! Oh, and he's working at Michael's full-time. I feel like I'm being Single White Female'd here people! STOP TRYING TO BE ME, BABY BYLES! If I catch him saying "Sharsharsharsharshar!" I'll snap his neck.
3) Through a series of events that occurred because my father tends to forget his age, my dad has frigged up his leg. Again. When you're a postman, this is never a good thing. He did it on Friday and when I saw him limping around on Saturday I told him to go to the doctor. Naturally, he tried to "walk it off" until Monday when he realized that he wouldn't make it around one block on his route. By the time he went to the doctor though, he'd aggravated... whatever the hell it is, and his calf was weird and swollen. The doctor looked at it and went "Uhhhhhh... yeah, you should probably go to emerg so they can run some tests. I got nothing." THANKS DOC. Instead of going right away though, like a normal person, my father decides to wait until after dinner. By the time he gets there, they tell him he should just make an appointment to come back the next day for an ultrasound because they're not sure if it's "a pulled muscle, torn ligament, or a blood clot." Keeps getting better and better, right? He goes back Tuesday, gets ultrasounded, and they say it's not a blood clot BUT, he has to come back AGAIN the next day for tests. Every night at dinner I get to go home and hear his hospital adventures. Tonight will be the tale of the CAT Scan!
In conclusion, my dad is dumb and needs to stop doing things his body's too old to pull off. If I find out he tried to move our busted fridge to the curb by himself today, I'll break his other leg. (Oh yeah, PS, our fridge totally died and we had to buy a new one. My ice cream became ice goo. I was pretty devastated.)
4) For the long weekend at the beginning of August, I was up at my cottage soaking up the sun and reading The Stand nonstop because holy hell, addictive! Damn you, King! Anyhoo, as I lay on my hammock in the sun reading, with my sunglasses perched on my head, I hear this *SNAP!* and feel my sunglasses slip off my head. The frames have snapped almost in half! Oh God, whyyyyyyy? My Winners glasses! Jennie and I bought those as a cheer up after Film 2000 one day! I was very upset and now lacked any way to shield my eyes when the sun shifted. I pout to my mother who lends me hers for the remainder of the afternoon. Content, I head back outside and relax in the hammock once more with new glasses perched on my face. Less than 45 minutes later.... *SNAP!* ARE YOU FRIGGING KIDDING ME?! TWO PAIRS OF GLASSES IN ONE DAY?! WHAT THE HELL!!!
The moral of the story is... I have a huge head. Sunglasses commit suicide to flee my head. I'm lucky my hat didn't split down the middle. My mom says this all happened because I don't eat green vegetables. Pffffffft! That's her reasoning for everything...
5) This is a recent addition to this list: My dress is currently trying to escape. It's ripping, slowly and surely, down the back near the strap. For now, the straps seem to be holding (with the help of some safety pins) but I feel really fat right now! Which is weird for me to say, but come on! My dress is busting at the seams! This is what summer does to me, I start eating "regularly" and getting "three square meals" and my body isn't used to it!
/list
Summer's almost over. WHOA. You should probably expect a photo dump in the near future.