I sent this to most of you this morning, but whatever...
The following is an actual conversation I overheard on the train this morning. I wanted to rip my ears off.
Lady The First: You know what I love? Sitcoms.
My brain: Oh Christ.
Lady The First: There's hardly any good sitcoms on the air anymore!
Lady The Second: I know what you mean, it seems like all the really funny ones are canceled now.
Lady The First: There's still some good ones though. You know the one with Charlie Sheen?
Lady The Second: Yeah, Three and a Half Men or whatever?
My brain: TWO and a Half Men...
Lady The First: Yeah! That show is really funny, I love it.
Lady The Second: Yeah, I've seen that one, it's pretty cute. Who plays his brother on that?
Lady The First: Oh, I have no idea.
My brain: Jon Cryer!
Lady The First: OH, but you know what the funniest show on television right now is? That thing with the girl from Seinfeld.
My brain: The New Adventures Of Old Christine...
Lady The First: The new...
My brain: Adventures of Old Christine!
Lady The First: old... something...
My brain: Oh, come on!
Lady The Second: The New Adventures of Old Christine! Oh, that show is HILARIOUS!
Lady The First: I know! And it's so nice to see her doing well for herself. Looks like she broke that Seinfeld Hex, huh?
My brain: Seinfeld CURSE, not HEX.
Lady The Second: What's that?
Lady The First: Oh you know, that thing they say, about how none of those actors succeeded after that show. But now she is! And the show is soooooo funny.
Lady The Second: You know what I like? According To Jim.
My brain: My ears MUST be bleeding by now...
Lady The First: Oh, me too! But you know, I never know when the new ones are on! They don't do a very good job of advertising that show, this is why all the good ones get canceled.
Lady The Second: Have you ever seen that one with Freddie Prinze Jr. and Doogie Howser?
My brain: ...what?
Lady The First: Oh, is that the one about the black family?
My brain: ...Seriously, WHAT?!
Lady The Second: Umm, no.
Lady The First: You sure? The one about the Paynes, or whatever?
My brain: House of Payne? You think Freddie Prinze Jr. is in House of Payne?!
Lady The Second: No.
Lady The First: Oh, so it's not a black show?
My brain: *explodes*
Lady The Second: Nono, you know who Freddie Prinze Jr. is, right?
My brain: DO YOU?!?
Lady The Second: You know, Chico and the Man?
Lady The First: Oh! I thought that guy was dead?
Lady The Second: He is. This is his son! And he's married to that chick Sarah Mellers, Sellers, whatever.
My brain: OH, NO YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT.
Lady The Second: And Doogie Howser was the guy who was the genius 16 year old doctor in the 80s or whatever.
Lady The First: OH! You mean How I Became Your Father, or The Day I Saw Your Mother, or whatever!
My brain: *weeping* I'm dying inside...
Lady The Second: Yeah, that one!
My brain: Freddie. Prinze. Jr.?!?!?!
Lady The First: I've seen a couple episodes... It's alright. But I REALLY love The New Adventures Of Old Christine! She's so relatable!
My brain: LONGEST. TRAIN. RIDE. EVER.
Lady The First: You know what one I keep catching every now and again? The one with Robert from Raymond?
My brain: It hurts me that I know what she's talking about...
Lady The Second: Who?
Lady The First: The brother, from Everybody Loves Raymond? It's got something about "Black" or "Death" in the title.
Lady The Second: Not Black Donaghues, right?
My brain: 'TIL DEATH! THE BLACK DONNELLYS! YOU'RE KILLING ME HERE!
Lady The First: Nono, he's married to that chick...
Lady The Second: OH! Yeah, I know what you mean.
My brain: You do?!
Lady The Second: I keep meaning to watch that.
Lady The First: Yeah, I know what you mean, I keep wanting to watch that one with the guy who freaked out at his daughter on the phone?
My brain: She can't mean Alec Baldwin, everyone knows Alec Baldwin...
Lady The Second: The guy who was married to Kim Bassinger?
Lady The First: YES! That guy!
My brain: Oh, for fuck's sake...
Lady The First: I keep wanting to watch it, but I can never remember the name. I know it has like, a one word title though.
My brain: Or, you know, TWO words... "30" and "Rock".
Lady The Second: Yeah, apparently he's won like, awards for it? But I've never even seen this show!
Lady The First: Well, I have no idea when it's on and what channel! I try to look it up in the TV Guide, but can never find it.
My brain: Maybe because you have NO IDEA WHAT IT'S CALLED OR WHO IS IN IT.
Lady The Second: I bet it's stupid like that office one... Office Space, or whatever. It's such a weird show, I don't see why it's so popular.
My brain: LET ME OFF THIS TRAIN. NOWNOWNOW!
Lady The First: Yeah, I know. It's shows like that that replace the REAL comedy, like The King of Queens. So sad...
My brain: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lady The First: You know what I love? Sitcoms.
My brain: Oh Christ.
Lady The First: There's hardly any good sitcoms on the air anymore!
Lady The Second: I know what you mean, it seems like all the really funny ones are canceled now.
Lady The First: There's still some good ones though. You know the one with Charlie Sheen?
Lady The Second: Yeah, Three and a Half Men or whatever?
My brain: TWO and a Half Men...
Lady The First: Yeah! That show is really funny, I love it.
Lady The Second: Yeah, I've seen that one, it's pretty cute. Who plays his brother on that?
Lady The First: Oh, I have no idea.
My brain: Jon Cryer!
Lady The First: OH, but you know what the funniest show on television right now is? That thing with the girl from Seinfeld.
My brain: The New Adventures Of Old Christine...
Lady The First: The new...
My brain: Adventures of Old Christine!
Lady The First: old... something...
My brain: Oh, come on!
Lady The Second: The New Adventures of Old Christine! Oh, that show is HILARIOUS!
Lady The First: I know! And it's so nice to see her doing well for herself. Looks like she broke that Seinfeld Hex, huh?
My brain: Seinfeld CURSE, not HEX.
Lady The Second: What's that?
Lady The First: Oh you know, that thing they say, about how none of those actors succeeded after that show. But now she is! And the show is soooooo funny.
Lady The Second: You know what I like? According To Jim.
My brain: My ears MUST be bleeding by now...
Lady The First: Oh, me too! But you know, I never know when the new ones are on! They don't do a very good job of advertising that show, this is why all the good ones get canceled.
Lady The Second: Have you ever seen that one with Freddie Prinze Jr. and Doogie Howser?
My brain: ...what?
Lady The First: Oh, is that the one about the black family?
My brain: ...Seriously, WHAT?!
Lady The Second: Umm, no.
Lady The First: You sure? The one about the Paynes, or whatever?
My brain: House of Payne? You think Freddie Prinze Jr. is in House of Payne?!
Lady The Second: No.
Lady The First: Oh, so it's not a black show?
My brain: *explodes*
Lady The Second: Nono, you know who Freddie Prinze Jr. is, right?
My brain: DO YOU?!?
Lady The Second: You know, Chico and the Man?
Lady The First: Oh! I thought that guy was dead?
Lady The Second: He is. This is his son! And he's married to that chick Sarah Mellers, Sellers, whatever.
My brain: OH, NO YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT.
Lady The Second: And Doogie Howser was the guy who was the genius 16 year old doctor in the 80s or whatever.
Lady The First: OH! You mean How I Became Your Father, or The Day I Saw Your Mother, or whatever!
My brain: *weeping* I'm dying inside...
Lady The Second: Yeah, that one!
My brain: Freddie. Prinze. Jr.?!?!?!
Lady The First: I've seen a couple episodes... It's alright. But I REALLY love The New Adventures Of Old Christine! She's so relatable!
My brain: LONGEST. TRAIN. RIDE. EVER.
Lady The First: You know what one I keep catching every now and again? The one with Robert from Raymond?
My brain: It hurts me that I know what she's talking about...
Lady The Second: Who?
Lady The First: The brother, from Everybody Loves Raymond? It's got something about "Black" or "Death" in the title.
Lady The Second: Not Black Donaghues, right?
My brain: 'TIL DEATH! THE BLACK DONNELLYS! YOU'RE KILLING ME HERE!
Lady The First: Nono, he's married to that chick...
Lady The Second: OH! Yeah, I know what you mean.
My brain: You do?!
Lady The Second: I keep meaning to watch that.
Lady The First: Yeah, I know what you mean, I keep wanting to watch that one with the guy who freaked out at his daughter on the phone?
My brain: She can't mean Alec Baldwin, everyone knows Alec Baldwin...
Lady The Second: The guy who was married to Kim Bassinger?
Lady The First: YES! That guy!
My brain: Oh, for fuck's sake...
Lady The First: I keep wanting to watch it, but I can never remember the name. I know it has like, a one word title though.
My brain: Or, you know, TWO words... "30" and "Rock".
Lady The Second: Yeah, apparently he's won like, awards for it? But I've never even seen this show!
Lady The First: Well, I have no idea when it's on and what channel! I try to look it up in the TV Guide, but can never find it.
My brain: Maybe because you have NO IDEA WHAT IT'S CALLED OR WHO IS IN IT.
Lady The Second: I bet it's stupid like that office one... Office Space, or whatever. It's such a weird show, I don't see why it's so popular.
My brain: LET ME OFF THIS TRAIN. NOWNOWNOW!
Lady The First: Yeah, I know. It's shows like that that replace the REAL comedy, like The King of Queens. So sad...
My brain: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!