the breakup post
I don't know why I've already named this "The Breakup Post," when I haven't even started writing. I know there will be plenty more breakups and therefore plenty more breakup posts, and I'll probably have to start titling them with roman numerals in order for it all to make sense.
Let's say there's a 10-step process in order to completely remove yourself from a relationship, with the end product being a healthy, smarter you.
1.) Break up, or be broken up with.
2.) Fully accept terms and remove all mental fantasy files of the traits of future children, the way your first name sounds with his last, the location of the destination wedding, etc.
3.) The exchange of the stuff: do a thorough doucheing of your place and remove any borrowed clothes, flip flops, DVDs, etc. and happily take your second toothbrush, Guitar Hero, and rogue headbands back to put them in their rightful place at your own apartment.
4.) Make the abrupt transition easier as selfishly as you see fit, for over one day but no longer than three. This may include bedroom isolation, only eating food that is delivered to you, bar nights with the girlfriends, shutting off the cell phone, watching all of your romantic comedies, etc. Will almost definitely result in an unpleasant weight gain or loss.
5.) See his side. Or try. Do not move on to step 6 until you have come to some kind of acceptance related to your problem. If it's a head-butting situation, realize that you are above him and that whining, name-calling, or nastiness is so beneath you anyway.
6.) Do something else selfish, but this time make it positive. Take a trip with your girlfriends, promise to cook all of your own meals for a week, even steal future plans from your ex-relationship and do them with people you'd have more fun doing it with. Take advantage of your unanchored new time, and start something new to focus your time and energy on that used to go to a relationship.
7.) Eat at one of "your" restaurants, do an activity that you used to enjoy together, and see how much of your enjoyment related to him vs. how much of it related to what you were actually doing. As for the activities or places that are too much, toss 'em. But as for the things you still want to do, bring a friend and create a whole new memory for that store, or that restaurant, or that town, or that sport.
8.) Set up a goal with a clear finish line for yourself that has to do with your job, a vacation, your friends, your weight loss or gain that you were dealt in step 4. Don't move on until it's finished, and realize that you can do something positive that is completely within your control.
9.) Get a crush! The crushy newlywed phase of a relationship is the most exciting, and it's beneficial to remember what you've learned over the last one. Do that phase once, do it twice, do it as many times as you want and re-learn your priorities in a relationship. Things that are important to you in a relationship shouldn't be sacrificed, and when you have the single freedom to be choosy again, you can remember to double check for impoliteness, attention-span, whatever had previously shown up as a small trait and ended up being something you couldn't ignore. Let your past experiences (but not the specific people) be advantageous clues to your next dude.
10.) Catch yourself thinking, "Who?" when somebody brings up his name.
What is mostly wrong with calling this "The" breakup post is because it implies that it is the only breakup, or the most significant to happen or that ever will happen. And since I know neither of those are remotely true, I think I've gotten over breakup hurdles #1-5.
Let's say there's a 10-step process in order to completely remove yourself from a relationship, with the end product being a healthy, smarter you.
1.) Break up, or be broken up with.
2.) Fully accept terms and remove all mental fantasy files of the traits of future children, the way your first name sounds with his last, the location of the destination wedding, etc.
3.) The exchange of the stuff: do a thorough doucheing of your place and remove any borrowed clothes, flip flops, DVDs, etc. and happily take your second toothbrush, Guitar Hero, and rogue headbands back to put them in their rightful place at your own apartment.
4.) Make the abrupt transition easier as selfishly as you see fit, for over one day but no longer than three. This may include bedroom isolation, only eating food that is delivered to you, bar nights with the girlfriends, shutting off the cell phone, watching all of your romantic comedies, etc. Will almost definitely result in an unpleasant weight gain or loss.
5.) See his side. Or try. Do not move on to step 6 until you have come to some kind of acceptance related to your problem. If it's a head-butting situation, realize that you are above him and that whining, name-calling, or nastiness is so beneath you anyway.
6.) Do something else selfish, but this time make it positive. Take a trip with your girlfriends, promise to cook all of your own meals for a week, even steal future plans from your ex-relationship and do them with people you'd have more fun doing it with. Take advantage of your unanchored new time, and start something new to focus your time and energy on that used to go to a relationship.
7.) Eat at one of "your" restaurants, do an activity that you used to enjoy together, and see how much of your enjoyment related to him vs. how much of it related to what you were actually doing. As for the activities or places that are too much, toss 'em. But as for the things you still want to do, bring a friend and create a whole new memory for that store, or that restaurant, or that town, or that sport.
8.) Set up a goal with a clear finish line for yourself that has to do with your job, a vacation, your friends, your weight loss or gain that you were dealt in step 4. Don't move on until it's finished, and realize that you can do something positive that is completely within your control.
9.) Get a crush! The crushy newlywed phase of a relationship is the most exciting, and it's beneficial to remember what you've learned over the last one. Do that phase once, do it twice, do it as many times as you want and re-learn your priorities in a relationship. Things that are important to you in a relationship shouldn't be sacrificed, and when you have the single freedom to be choosy again, you can remember to double check for impoliteness, attention-span, whatever had previously shown up as a small trait and ended up being something you couldn't ignore. Let your past experiences (but not the specific people) be advantageous clues to your next dude.
10.) Catch yourself thinking, "Who?" when somebody brings up his name.
What is mostly wrong with calling this "The" breakup post is because it implies that it is the only breakup, or the most significant to happen or that ever will happen. And since I know neither of those are remotely true, I think I've gotten over breakup hurdles #1-5.