Give up the thing you love...
Im not sure what to say. for the first time in my life im truly at a loss for words that make sense. This week i have experienced every type of greif there is to experience over Mikes death. i've seen the blank stare of a friend whos thoughts towards everything are so dark that he cant speak. i've seen ragefull greif of punching walls as if the wall was death itself. i've seen the sobbing until she cant breathe of a mother who lost her only son. and of course i have experienced the many questions of "are you okay?". how do you respond to that? and throughout this entire thing, i think about the words of a friend who told me i talk about my problems too much. hes right, i do talk about my problems too much. the meaningless "whos my prom date going to be?!?!" problems that plague teenage girls' everyday life. but the "every day life" of Jaime Ames changed tuesday morning when i got that call. so what did i do this week? i took everything mike ever said to me, any feeling i ever had when i was around him and put all that feeling towards making simple decisions about what i wanted out of senior year, and out of my life. yes, things are changing. im learning to let certain things that are out of my control go. taking the excess out of my life. Im happy sober and can appreciate a new group of faces who tell me daily that they love me. The funny thing is, i remember a certain conversation with mike about the things i dont need in my life... and it wasnt until he was gone that i took his advice to do whats best for me in the long run. i saw this bumper sticker one time that said "today is the first day of the rest of your life". Thats So true. If i have learned anything from this horriable week, its that its never too late to start over and want to better yourself from the inside out.