you can always find me...

[famousjamous]

Here i am... Fairbanks Alaska. in some random Dormroom. Hmmm, this trip isint anything like i thought it would be. its taken some seriously odd turns that have lead me here. in this room... thinking weird thoughts about weird things that i DEFFINATLY should not be thinking about. Its so strange, while i sit here i know im supposed to be thinking about my future, but instead im thinking only about my past. I must look like a zombie to all these new people who are SO eager to recruit someone, ANYONE. i just stare at them blankly while they talk at me about the benifits of this school... but im not thinking about what they are saying. nope. im thinking about this past year. wow, so much has happened, yet nothing has happened, and yes, i realize that makes no sense. Countless people have floated in, and then quickly out of my life. Im not asking for sympathy, because honestly... i probably dont desirve it. I made bad decisions, pushed too much, or didnt push enough. i ran out of energy in defending what i really wanted and let all the old habbits rise again, because it was just easier that way. Its so frusterating to look back and know that i could have easily changed things by doing something small, and i would probably be a happier person. but its not even that... i did big things, stupid things where i should have known better. Im not sure what im going to do with my life, and honestly, right now i dont care. I should be concentrating on putting my energy towards making things right where i have done wrong. for the things i cant fix, well... ill always regret that. But i hope that i have the energy to eventually say "i was wrong, and im sorry" and hope its not too late.

I have so much i want to say to you... but its never going to be the right time, is it?