South Florida Barbie
GABLES BARBIE: This Barbie is sold only at
Bloomingdales or Merrick Park. She comes with an
assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV and a long-haired foreign dog named Honey. Available with or without tummy tuck and face-lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with augmented version.
DORAL BARBIE: This modern-day homemaker Barbie is
available with Chrysler mini-van, cookie-cutter
house, country club membership and matching gym
outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time
occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming
cell phone sold separately.
HOMESTEAD BARBIE: This recently paroled former "Porn
Actress" Barbie comes with a 9mm hand gun, a Ray
Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a
meth-lab kit. This model is available only after
dark and can be paid for only in cash, preferably in
small, untraceable bills (unless you are a cop, then
we don't know what you are talking about). Also
available with a mobile home.
BRICKELL BARBIE: This yuppie Barbie comes with your
choice of BMW convertible or Volvo wagon. Included
are a Starbucks travel cup, credit cards, French
pedicure and exclusive gym membership. Also
available for this set are Real Estate Magnate Ken
and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to
afford any of them.
BROWARD BARBIE: This pale model comes dressed in her
own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR
shirt, and Tweety-Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She
has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams
Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick
Mullet-Haired Ken's ass when she's drunk. Purchase
her pickup truck separately and get a Confederate
flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
BOCA BARBIE: This collagen-injected, rhinoplastic
Barbie wears a leopard-print bikini, Jimmy Choo
slides and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining
friends at her custom, 12,000 sq. ft. house. Shallow
Ken can be found in the cabana making out with Jail
Bait Skipper. Percocet prescription included.
KENDALL BARBIE: This brassy-haired Barbie has a pair
of high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the
time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Hialeah Barbie's
house. Her ensemble includes low-rise jeans, fake
fingernails, and a see-through halter top.
COCONUT GROVE BARBIE: This doll is made of actual
tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less
feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks
with white socks. She prefers that you call her
"Willow." he does not want or need a Ken doll, but
if you purchase two Coconut Grove Barbies and the
optional Subaru wagon, you get a free rainbow flag
sticker.
HIALEAH BARBIE: This Barbie now comes with a
stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories
include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79
Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to
find since the addition of the infant. Hialeah
Barbie speaks no English, has a lifetime membership
to Sedanos Supermarket and has the raft on which she
arrived bronzed and on display in her front yard
alongside the Saint Lazaro statue.
KEY BISCAYNE BARBIE: With frosted blonde hair and a
French manicure, she's perfect in every way. We
don't know who Ken is because he's always away
hunting or golfing.
SOUTH BEACH BARBIE/KEN: This versatile doll can be
easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding
or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts.
Bloomingdales or Merrick Park. She comes with an
assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV and a long-haired foreign dog named Honey. Available with or without tummy tuck and face-lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with augmented version.
DORAL BARBIE: This modern-day homemaker Barbie is
available with Chrysler mini-van, cookie-cutter
house, country club membership and matching gym
outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time
occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming
cell phone sold separately.
HOMESTEAD BARBIE: This recently paroled former "Porn
Actress" Barbie comes with a 9mm hand gun, a Ray
Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a
meth-lab kit. This model is available only after
dark and can be paid for only in cash, preferably in
small, untraceable bills (unless you are a cop, then
we don't know what you are talking about). Also
available with a mobile home.
BRICKELL BARBIE: This yuppie Barbie comes with your
choice of BMW convertible or Volvo wagon. Included
are a Starbucks travel cup, credit cards, French
pedicure and exclusive gym membership. Also
available for this set are Real Estate Magnate Ken
and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to
afford any of them.
BROWARD BARBIE: This pale model comes dressed in her
own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR
shirt, and Tweety-Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She
has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams
Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick
Mullet-Haired Ken's ass when she's drunk. Purchase
her pickup truck separately and get a Confederate
flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
BOCA BARBIE: This collagen-injected, rhinoplastic
Barbie wears a leopard-print bikini, Jimmy Choo
slides and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining
friends at her custom, 12,000 sq. ft. house. Shallow
Ken can be found in the cabana making out with Jail
Bait Skipper. Percocet prescription included.
KENDALL BARBIE: This brassy-haired Barbie has a pair
of high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the
time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Hialeah Barbie's
house. Her ensemble includes low-rise jeans, fake
fingernails, and a see-through halter top.
COCONUT GROVE BARBIE: This doll is made of actual
tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less
feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks
with white socks. She prefers that you call her
"Willow." he does not want or need a Ken doll, but
if you purchase two Coconut Grove Barbies and the
optional Subaru wagon, you get a free rainbow flag
sticker.
HIALEAH BARBIE: This Barbie now comes with a
stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories
include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79
Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to
find since the addition of the infant. Hialeah
Barbie speaks no English, has a lifetime membership
to Sedanos Supermarket and has the raft on which she
arrived bronzed and on display in her front yard
alongside the Saint Lazaro statue.
KEY BISCAYNE BARBIE: With frosted blonde hair and a
French manicure, she's perfect in every way. We
don't know who Ken is because he's always away
hunting or golfing.
SOUTH BEACH BARBIE/KEN: This versatile doll can be
easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding
or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts.