[He's silent again at that. The apology means something, certainly--it might very well be the first time either of the Winchesters had ever truly apologized to him for something--but the issue is that he had never thought Sam had just chosen to attack him because he felt like it. He knows Sam didn't intend for it to happen. That's the very problem, because it means it could easily occur again.]
I'm aware, Sam.
[It's an acceptance of the apology, but that doesn't at all mean things are okay.]
[No, things are pretty far from okay, Sam knows this. He pauses awkwardly trying to decipher Castiel's reply.]
Okay..
[The thing is, he can be as sorry as he wants, but it won't change anything. If this were an act of conscience then maybe, but it wasn't. A simple, terrible truth. And maybe Castiel can sense how scared Sam is. Maybe he can hear it in his tone of voice, or figure it out by reason, but it's there. He's terrified. Absolutely terrified. Something shifted inside of him and it's not for the better. And he doesn't know what to do.]
[What the fuck is he supposed to say to that. Sam stays quiet for a moment, knowing he has to reply but not really wanting to.]
Yeah..
[And of course there were effects. Angel blood was...a profound experience; stronger and more powerful than anything he had dealt with before. It was intoxicating, and he knew it held an incredible potential...though what that meant exactly was still unclear.]
Do you think it's - [A pause. He remembers conversations on this topic.] - changed me? Like, forever?
[He assumes Sam is talking about the angel blood by that, as they all knew the amount of demon blood would cause the changes in question.]
I don't know. It may take far greater quantities or more than one incident to cause it.
[He's looking at this objectively, all business now, because it's necessary; this is simply another problem to be dealt with.]
How long did the effects last, and was there any sort of withdrawal as there is from demon blood?
[He needs as much info as he can not just to try to fix the problem, but to know how to be around Sam without risking being attacked again. Sam had shown symptoms before it happened, but simply trusting that to happen again and acting a warning signal was foolish.]
[He meant drinking blood in general. He knew about the changes, and he'd been trying his best to ignore them, but there really was no denying it. Sam just...really isn't ready to deal with the reality of what he's become. there's a long pause, followed by a sigh.]
Uhm, I don't remember exactly. I don't think this was just about- I wouldn't just attack someone, I- I think there's more to it than that.
Look, a ton of other people were acting weird that week, right? Maybe something else was going on, and I was just affected by it.
Also hey, this might have been nice to know earlier than now, anyone.]
Nothing similar has occurred again, then?
[Again, he's being vague, but he means the ridiculously intense blood craving. Though the new information is indeed good, it doesn't mean that simply because the initial incident was affected by an outside influence; if Sam is still feeling the need for supernatural blood, subsequent attacks wouldn't need to be. However, he indeed has never known Sam to do something like that without something else causing it, like Famine.]
[Of course there has been the need, but he's made a deal with Crowley to control himself, and he intends on doing that. There's no way he can white knuckle through another detox. He's lucky he didn't die the first time much less now? He'd be begging to kick the bucket. The reason he'd strayed into drugs here in the first place. He came with too much blood in his system, and he could deal with it for a while, but the extreme power it game him, the energy, the high, it was like nothing he'd ever experienced before. And it was pushing a boundary he didn't trust.]
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...
Hey.
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[It's a bit snappish but he doesn't sound actively angry, just edgy and maybe a little defensive.]
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[This is Sam being incredibly submissive.]
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It's passed?
[He doesn't bother being clear what he's talking about, but it's not hard to guess he means the need for a blood drinking fit.]
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[What else would he mean.]
Castiel, I- I never meant for that to happen.
[A pregnant pause.]
I'm sorry.
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I'm aware, Sam.
[It's an acceptance of the apology, but that doesn't at all mean things are okay.]
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Okay..
[The thing is, he can be as sorry as he wants, but it won't change anything. If this were an act of conscience then maybe, but it wasn't. A simple, terrible truth. And maybe Castiel can sense how scared Sam is. Maybe he can hear it in his tone of voice, or figure it out by reason, but it's there. He's terrified. Absolutely terrified. Something shifted inside of him and it's not for the better. And he doesn't know what to do.]
What's happening to me?
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I don't know.
[If he did, he would've done something already. But he knows what Chuck told him.]
It's possible it has to do with the amount of demon blood you consumed in preparation to host Lucifer.
[And he's quiet again before continuing, voice steadily neutral; it usually is, but this time it's affected that way on purpose.]
In addition to that issue, it's uncertain what effect angel blood might have had, if any.
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Yeah..
[And of course there were effects. Angel blood was...a profound experience; stronger and more powerful than anything he had dealt with before. It was intoxicating, and he knew it held an incredible potential...though what that meant exactly was still unclear.]
Do you think it's - [A pause. He remembers conversations on this topic.] - changed me? Like, forever?
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I don't know. It may take far greater quantities or more than one incident to cause it.
[He's looking at this objectively, all business now, because it's necessary; this is simply another problem to be dealt with.]
How long did the effects last, and was there any sort of withdrawal as there is from demon blood?
[He needs as much info as he can not just to try to fix the problem, but to know how to be around Sam without risking being attacked again. Sam had shown symptoms before it happened, but simply trusting that to happen again and acting a warning signal was foolish.]
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Uhm, I don't remember exactly. I don't think this was just about- I wouldn't just attack someone, I- I think there's more to it than that.
Look, a ton of other people were acting weird that week, right? Maybe something else was going on, and I was just affected by it.
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I hadn't been paying attention to the network, Sam.
[For very obvious reasons. But he's interested, because if this is true? That might change things a bit.]
What occurred with others?
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Chuck said that lots of people were acting strange. Doing things they normally wouldn't. Like they couldn't control themselves.
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Also hey, this might have been nice to know earlier than now, anyone.]
Nothing similar has occurred again, then?
[Again, he's being vague, but he means the ridiculously intense blood craving. Though the new information is indeed good, it doesn't mean that simply because the initial incident was affected by an outside influence; if Sam is still feeling the need for supernatural blood, subsequent attacks wouldn't need to be. However, he indeed has never known Sam to do something like that without something else causing it, like Famine.]
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[Of course there has been the need, but he's made a deal with Crowley to control himself, and he intends on doing that. There's no way he can white knuckle through another detox. He's lucky he didn't die the first time much less now? He'd be begging to kick the bucket. The reason he'd strayed into drugs here in the first place. He came with too much blood in his system, and he could deal with it for a while, but the extreme power it game him, the energy, the high, it was like nothing he'd ever experienced before. And it was pushing a boundary he didn't trust.]
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