thisssssssssss issssssssssss the way i liiiiiiiiiiiive.
why is it that i do everything in the world for everyone.. & i feel like.. ; if i ever needed something - theres only like 1 or 2 people who would be there for me..
nothing i do for my family {alex, mom, dad} is ever good enough. they're all ALWAYS yelling at meeee. and its not because i DO anything or DONT do anything.. its because they arent happy with their lives & they take it out on me CONSTANTLY because im the only one who is there. i mean, its always been like that with my mom.
but im SO not used to it with my dad. its been like this with him for like a month. he doesnt really ever get out of bed, except to eat, feed the dog, & use the bathroom. and he never listens to me anymore. i used to be able to talk to him about things ; even if it was about absolutly nothing. but now, its like he interupts everything i say. i dont remember the last time he let me finish a damn sentence. :/ everytime im on the freakin phone with him, all i hear is "bye, bye,... bye - ok.. ok BYE!!!" .. i mean -- HELLLLO? what if i wanted to say something else?
and my brother. i love him. he's one of my best friends. but when he has his motherfucking friends over all weekend long every weekend, he totally changes personalities. hes such an asshole to me. last night - perfect example. house full of ppl when i got home from work. he treated me like shit the whole night. then everyone left at once, and he made a complete turn-around within like, 45 seconds. "hey wanna go to mcdonalds on the way home? ill buy you food.." etc. etc. then im on the phone in the car talkin to david [the dj from new york south] & i told him i was in the car with my brother, & alex goes, out of NOwhere.. "i love you kayla."
i mean what the fuck.
i just.
ugh.
i cant even talk about it anymore.
why cant they just be nice all the time?
Write 20 things about 20 separate people, but don't name them. They canbe things you were too shy to tell people, things you wish you couldtell them, or things you hate about them. Anything.
1. if you dont miss me, dont make contact with me. it confuses me & it hurts my feelings remembering how things used to be.
2. the reason that you no longer talk to me, or the reason you gave me at least, is bullshit.
3. you're amazing.. and i miss you so much. i wish there was more i could do to make you see.
4. i wish i could drive so i could see you more often. because im NOT okay with how it is now.
5. i cant change the past, but im glad its not as bad as it could get.
6. you're pretty much the best friend i could ever ask for. thank you for everything you do for me.
7. i miss our nights and our craziness from last summer.. and road trips and insane amounts of food that wed get from wendys. ha.
8. im tired of trying to convince you to move home.. its so much better for you here. fuck it there.
9. quit treating me like someone you can step all over. i dont know who the fuck you think i am.
10. you drive me crazy when you get all fucked up and expect me to have all the answers. i dont. and then i feel like complete shit because i dont.
11. youve hurt me my whole life.
12. im glad i met you, you're so much fun!
13. im sad you moved.
14. come home please.
15. quit being such a tease and a fucking slut. for a second, i couldve liked you & we couldve had something good.
16. i havent talked to you in.. 2 weeks? and you havent called. we talked about things. i told you things i didnt tell many people. and you told me things you told me that you didnt like to tell many people. we opened up to each other, and all of the sudden, we havent talked? i dont like it. i miss you & i think about you SO much more than i think i should because im so scared of getting hurt - again - like always, because i let myself, because im fucking stupid.
17. i cried today. i heard 'there goes my life'. i always think of you when i hear it. i love you.
18. FUCK OFF.
19. you're fun to hang out with.. but im sorry, i cant see us together, and i feel bad. but i dont feel that connection with you - at all. how do i tell you before i hurt you? :/
20. you're an ass. you're still a little boy. just a little boy who wants to be a player. yeah i said it - WANNABE. i dont think you're that hot. maybe bc ive seen you try to get with so many of my friends, behind all of each others backs.. then youve turned to ME and told me that youve got "mad love" for me? what the hell does that mean? youre so dumb. if you hurt her, i swear to god ill kill you.
nothing i do for my family {alex, mom, dad} is ever good enough. they're all ALWAYS yelling at meeee. and its not because i DO anything or DONT do anything.. its because they arent happy with their lives & they take it out on me CONSTANTLY because im the only one who is there. i mean, its always been like that with my mom.
but im SO not used to it with my dad. its been like this with him for like a month. he doesnt really ever get out of bed, except to eat, feed the dog, & use the bathroom. and he never listens to me anymore. i used to be able to talk to him about things ; even if it was about absolutly nothing. but now, its like he interupts everything i say. i dont remember the last time he let me finish a damn sentence. :/ everytime im on the freakin phone with him, all i hear is "bye, bye,... bye - ok.. ok BYE!!!" .. i mean -- HELLLLO? what if i wanted to say something else?
and my brother. i love him. he's one of my best friends. but when he has his motherfucking friends over all weekend long every weekend, he totally changes personalities. hes such an asshole to me. last night - perfect example. house full of ppl when i got home from work. he treated me like shit the whole night. then everyone left at once, and he made a complete turn-around within like, 45 seconds. "hey wanna go to mcdonalds on the way home? ill buy you food.." etc. etc. then im on the phone in the car talkin to david [the dj from new york south] & i told him i was in the car with my brother, & alex goes, out of NOwhere.. "i love you kayla."
i mean what the fuck.
i just.
ugh.
i cant even talk about it anymore.
why cant they just be nice all the time?
Write 20 things about 20 separate people, but don't name them. They canbe things you were too shy to tell people, things you wish you couldtell them, or things you hate about them. Anything.
1. if you dont miss me, dont make contact with me. it confuses me & it hurts my feelings remembering how things used to be.
2. the reason that you no longer talk to me, or the reason you gave me at least, is bullshit.
3. you're amazing.. and i miss you so much. i wish there was more i could do to make you see.
4. i wish i could drive so i could see you more often. because im NOT okay with how it is now.
5. i cant change the past, but im glad its not as bad as it could get.
6. you're pretty much the best friend i could ever ask for. thank you for everything you do for me.
7. i miss our nights and our craziness from last summer.. and road trips and insane amounts of food that wed get from wendys. ha.
8. im tired of trying to convince you to move home.. its so much better for you here. fuck it there.
9. quit treating me like someone you can step all over. i dont know who the fuck you think i am.
10. you drive me crazy when you get all fucked up and expect me to have all the answers. i dont. and then i feel like complete shit because i dont.
11. youve hurt me my whole life.
12. im glad i met you, you're so much fun!
13. im sad you moved.
14. come home please.
15. quit being such a tease and a fucking slut. for a second, i couldve liked you & we couldve had something good.
16. i havent talked to you in.. 2 weeks? and you havent called. we talked about things. i told you things i didnt tell many people. and you told me things you told me that you didnt like to tell many people. we opened up to each other, and all of the sudden, we havent talked? i dont like it. i miss you & i think about you SO much more than i think i should because im so scared of getting hurt - again - like always, because i let myself, because im fucking stupid.
17. i cried today. i heard 'there goes my life'. i always think of you when i hear it. i love you.
18. FUCK OFF.
19. you're fun to hang out with.. but im sorry, i cant see us together, and i feel bad. but i dont feel that connection with you - at all. how do i tell you before i hurt you? :/
20. you're an ass. you're still a little boy. just a little boy who wants to be a player. yeah i said it - WANNABE. i dont think you're that hot. maybe bc ive seen you try to get with so many of my friends, behind all of each others backs.. then youve turned to ME and told me that youve got "mad love" for me? what the hell does that mean? youre so dumb. if you hurt her, i swear to god ill kill you.