What to do?
I don't understand how someone can just throw everything away. Relationship wise I mean. You invest time and trust and love, and that person becomes a part of yourself. So what do you do when they leave? What do you do when suddenly your best friend decides to dump you simply because... What do you do everytime you see her and start to cry? How do you forget?
It's been over a year since we've stopped being friends. And it still hurts just as much as it always has. I continue to torture myself by reading her lj, and it sucks to know that she's doing perfectly fine without me and I'm crying everyday. The emotional pain brings me to my knees. She saved my life nearly two years ago when I wanted to kill myself, and now she's taking it away, second by second.
After her dad died this summer, she called me and said that she was sorry and that she shouldn't have held onto the grudge for so long. After learning the "sanctity of life" she knew she had to let it go. She said it would be cool to hang out again. Of course, my initial reaction was excitement because I'd missed her so much. But then I realized if she hurt me once she could do it again, and I couldn't survive it if that did indeed happen.
So I don't know what's worse...sitting here crying now for what's been lost or getting back together as friends and waiting to be hurt. Either way I'm screwed. And I don't know what to do.
It's been over a year since we've stopped being friends. And it still hurts just as much as it always has. I continue to torture myself by reading her lj, and it sucks to know that she's doing perfectly fine without me and I'm crying everyday. The emotional pain brings me to my knees. She saved my life nearly two years ago when I wanted to kill myself, and now she's taking it away, second by second.
After her dad died this summer, she called me and said that she was sorry and that she shouldn't have held onto the grudge for so long. After learning the "sanctity of life" she knew she had to let it go. She said it would be cool to hang out again. Of course, my initial reaction was excitement because I'd missed her so much. But then I realized if she hurt me once she could do it again, and I couldn't survive it if that did indeed happen.
So I don't know what's worse...sitting here crying now for what's been lost or getting back together as friends and waiting to be hurt. Either way I'm screwed. And I don't know what to do.