I'll be your friend in hell, till then I despise you
Gosh, it's been so long since I've posted something with content on this thing. I guess my time has been consumed with other things such as school, of course a girlfriend and now recently working full time. I feel like writing tonight, and this will be my release and chance to update those who read this and have wondered where the frequent postings in my journal has gone.
I'll start off talking about this past semester. It didn't go as planned, not a very good semester at all. My focus was diverted, priorities were not followed and my grades reflected that. They were not failing grades, just not what I should be getting. Hopefully I will take care of distractions, fix problems that need fixed and get myself back on track school wise. I need to get my act together.
Recently I started working at this place in Charleston called Columbia Natural Resources (I think). It's a good summer job, it's full time and I make $10.50 an hour. I'll work there for a few months to save then get ready to kick full force with school and this idea a friend of mine and I have had for a while now ... we're going to start up a band.
Tonight ... my mind has just been on overdrive. I'm fighting to keep my eyes open and can't sleep for the life of me. I analize things until they dissolve into nothing. It's a fault of mine, and an obvious one at that. No one is perfect, and no one ever will be ... and that's always the defining factor of a relationship ... if both people involved can accept the other person's errors and most importantly accept and realize their own faults. I think if you are going to build strong relationships, both friends and romantic, you have to know almost exactly what you are expecting and wanting out of that relationship and the type of person that will meet those expectations and wants. This can be a complicated and dangerous episode if you're not careful. Then when you become too careful (like myself) you end up creating other issues. Then you have to ask yourself if the person or people you're spending your time with friendship or romantic wise, are creating a positive influence on your life in general. Do they bring out the best or worst in you? Are you a better person having them in your life or are you doing things you regret? Sometimes it's hard to pull yourself away from negative relationships because you form a bond and closeness to individuals regardless of their influence on you. Friendships are hard to end and romantic relationships are hard to break, sometimes harder than friendships.
I know myself, become weak regarding relationships. That scares me because a weakness leaves you vulnerable. I am a stubborn person, a lot of you know that ... and generally I have expectations of people that I would consider a friend or girlfriend. Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing the right thing, if I cause problems, if I'm fair ... if I'm wrong more times than not. Then I sit back and say to myself, "what is so wrong with knowing what you want and expect?". I like to think I'm a good person. I make mistakes but in general I believe I'm good. I believe I deserve a person that meets my needs, someone that doesn't have to be talked into loving me, or respecting me ... someone who will do certain things (or not do things) not because they feel like they have to please me, but because they want to. I think when people settle for someone who doesn't meet their emotional needs, it creates problems because they then start trying to force the other person to change into what they expected from the very start. All this does is cause tension and frustration when the other doesn't meet those expectations you're trying to force. Lets face it, relationships have a bad track record. People cheat more often than not (and I consider cheating anything that you wouldn't want the other to hear, see or know), and look at the divorce rate ... you have the same odds of having a successful marriage as you do guessing heads or tails on a coin flip. Yet everyone is a relationship expect. We go to our friends for advice who are currently cheating on their significant other while telling you what you should or should not do. We ask our parents who (in general) can't hold a successful relationship themselves, much less give you consistent good advice on yours. We rely on outside sources so often that we get lost from our own desires needs and wants ... and get so adapted to other people telling us what we should or should not do that we haven't the slightest clue how to contribute to a good relationship. We marry the wrong person, bring children into the world, only to put them through the aftermath of your bad decisions and they learn your mistakes and continue the process. It all comes down to being honest and genuine ... to yourself and the other person. If you love someone, you put that work into action. Love is not an emotion it is an action. Love means sacrificing for the sake of a better relationship. It means putting the other first. It means being that solid rock that the other knows will not break or fall away. When you do this ... it allows the other person to be able to trust, respect and ultimately love you in return. You hear that rare story, where a couple met each other and couldn't be away from each other from that point on. The situations where neither person wants or will do anything if the other isn't with them. They are so consumed by one another that it's almost like they think with one mind, and society (espicially young adults) consider that weird. Sadly, the majority of adults (both young and old) are not mature enough to handle that sort of work. It's weird because most people aren't mature enough to ever experience the joy that kind of relationship would bring. The sad part is ... it seems to only be getting worse.
I'll start off talking about this past semester. It didn't go as planned, not a very good semester at all. My focus was diverted, priorities were not followed and my grades reflected that. They were not failing grades, just not what I should be getting. Hopefully I will take care of distractions, fix problems that need fixed and get myself back on track school wise. I need to get my act together.
Recently I started working at this place in Charleston called Columbia Natural Resources (I think). It's a good summer job, it's full time and I make $10.50 an hour. I'll work there for a few months to save then get ready to kick full force with school and this idea a friend of mine and I have had for a while now ... we're going to start up a band.
Tonight ... my mind has just been on overdrive. I'm fighting to keep my eyes open and can't sleep for the life of me. I analize things until they dissolve into nothing. It's a fault of mine, and an obvious one at that. No one is perfect, and no one ever will be ... and that's always the defining factor of a relationship ... if both people involved can accept the other person's errors and most importantly accept and realize their own faults. I think if you are going to build strong relationships, both friends and romantic, you have to know almost exactly what you are expecting and wanting out of that relationship and the type of person that will meet those expectations and wants. This can be a complicated and dangerous episode if you're not careful. Then when you become too careful (like myself) you end up creating other issues. Then you have to ask yourself if the person or people you're spending your time with friendship or romantic wise, are creating a positive influence on your life in general. Do they bring out the best or worst in you? Are you a better person having them in your life or are you doing things you regret? Sometimes it's hard to pull yourself away from negative relationships because you form a bond and closeness to individuals regardless of their influence on you. Friendships are hard to end and romantic relationships are hard to break, sometimes harder than friendships.
I know myself, become weak regarding relationships. That scares me because a weakness leaves you vulnerable. I am a stubborn person, a lot of you know that ... and generally I have expectations of people that I would consider a friend or girlfriend. Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing the right thing, if I cause problems, if I'm fair ... if I'm wrong more times than not. Then I sit back and say to myself, "what is so wrong with knowing what you want and expect?". I like to think I'm a good person. I make mistakes but in general I believe I'm good. I believe I deserve a person that meets my needs, someone that doesn't have to be talked into loving me, or respecting me ... someone who will do certain things (or not do things) not because they feel like they have to please me, but because they want to. I think when people settle for someone who doesn't meet their emotional needs, it creates problems because they then start trying to force the other person to change into what they expected from the very start. All this does is cause tension and frustration when the other doesn't meet those expectations you're trying to force. Lets face it, relationships have a bad track record. People cheat more often than not (and I consider cheating anything that you wouldn't want the other to hear, see or know), and look at the divorce rate ... you have the same odds of having a successful marriage as you do guessing heads or tails on a coin flip. Yet everyone is a relationship expect. We go to our friends for advice who are currently cheating on their significant other while telling you what you should or should not do. We ask our parents who (in general) can't hold a successful relationship themselves, much less give you consistent good advice on yours. We rely on outside sources so often that we get lost from our own desires needs and wants ... and get so adapted to other people telling us what we should or should not do that we haven't the slightest clue how to contribute to a good relationship. We marry the wrong person, bring children into the world, only to put them through the aftermath of your bad decisions and they learn your mistakes and continue the process. It all comes down to being honest and genuine ... to yourself and the other person. If you love someone, you put that work into action. Love is not an emotion it is an action. Love means sacrificing for the sake of a better relationship. It means putting the other first. It means being that solid rock that the other knows will not break or fall away. When you do this ... it allows the other person to be able to trust, respect and ultimately love you in return. You hear that rare story, where a couple met each other and couldn't be away from each other from that point on. The situations where neither person wants or will do anything if the other isn't with them. They are so consumed by one another that it's almost like they think with one mind, and society (espicially young adults) consider that weird. Sadly, the majority of adults (both young and old) are not mature enough to handle that sort of work. It's weird because most people aren't mature enough to ever experience the joy that kind of relationship would bring. The sad part is ... it seems to only be getting worse.