nowhere else to go
nowhere else to go
kyungsoo/luhan; pg13; prompt; angst;a[spoiler alert]character death; ~890
because i love sweatybaek (luiza) and i need to write. unbeta'd, and i'm so sorry for my inability to comprehend things this morning. the rest is coming up soon ok! shoots a loving glare to tlist
kyungsoo is not your normal dreamer.
he dreams of a bleak surrounding against his own solid form, the people inside the scene blending in, dull colors mixed in perfectly with the hollow feeling of the background. it always varies, from a normal street he remembers visiting in hongdae to a swimming pool in italy.
the people inside his dreams are strange. they are bleak, of course, but their eyes are unfocused - blank, and their arms swing lifelessly on their side. they shuffle quietly, lips unmoving, but they always retrace their paths, like how the gears of a clock turn. the uniformity makes kyungsoo’s shoulders shudder.
kyungsoo doesn’t bother to try to gauge out answers from them. they don’t answer, and if he purposefully bumps against them or if he makes them trip, they will only resume their position, and move on.
he always knows that he is dreaming.
(he also knows that he can change his dream, that he owns and controls his own mind, but kyungsoo is afraid. for what, he doesn’t know, but kyungsoo trusts his instinct.)
but today, it is different.
today’s setting is an amusement park he used to visit when he was a teenager. there are both happy memories and bad memories stored in this place, so he pulls the hood of his jacket down his eyes, looking at the ground.
after a few minutes, the sky begins to cry.
kyungsoo starts to walk and he pulls the hood even further down, but the rain is still drenching his hair and face, feeling like minuscule bruises when it hits his skin - it was a complete waste of effort to even try getting the hoodie to protect him, it seems.
the salty raindrops always leave something like a heavy burn on his skin - but there are no marks, no signs, only the phantom feeling of an inflamed cigarette end pressed hard against kyungsoo’s skin.
(he has a feeling that those raindrops aren’t raindrops - those raindrops are tears.)
kyungsoo closes his eyes, and opens them - but his breath is stuck on his throat when he does, his lips are pulled taut, and he freezes in motion when he sees a familiar mop of caramel brown hair, but it is dulled like anything else except himself.
luhan is walking - his usual smile not there, the usual twinkle of his eyes not there, his usual warmth not there - a perfect carbon copy of anyone else surrounding kyungsoo.
“you - ?” he chokes, and to his horror, luhan stops to look at him.
“yes?” he replies softly with his sweet, sweet voice, and kyungsoo feels lightheaded. they broke up - several years ago, when kyungsoo decided to come back to korea, but he has never heard from luhan these past months. kyungsoo doesn’t normally think about him, but when he does, needles go through his skin as regret.
luhan smiles, but it’s so artificial, so fake, so not luhan. “d-do - do you remember me?” kyungsoo asks, feeling his heart crumble down again, because he is luhan - but at the same time, he isn’t.
kyungsoo is expecting an of course, kyungsoo, i was just playing with you, or a you’re my ex-boyfriend, how can i forget about that? with a typical luhan snicker, but his heart definitely crumbles when he receives the answer.
luhan tilts his head.
“do i know you?”
kyungsoo feels the rain hitting him harsher, the burn lasting longer and the weight of the droplets threatening to make him kneel down, threatening to makes him lay on the ground and scream yes, you know me, are you fucking with me, we were in love, why are you playing with me?
he laughs uncomfortably. “of course you know me,” kyungsoo scratches the back of his neck, making the skin sting. “we were in a relationship, don’t you remember?”
luhan scrunches his nose like he’s thinking about something - but it’s so animated, so calculated, it makes kyungsoo almost squirm in discomfort. “actually, i don’t,” he smiles again (fake, kyungsoo’s mind is screaming), “actually, now that you mentioned it, i don’t remember anything at all.”
the screams inside his head fade out and kyungsoo’s mind blanks.
“can you repeat that again?” kyungsoo pales as he repeats luhan’s voice in his mind - i don’t remember anything at all, i don’t remember anything at all, i don’t remember anything at all - and luhan giggles.
“i don’t remember anything at all,” he singsongs.
before kyungsoo can ask what do you mean, before he can break down from luhan’s indifference - before he can scream at luhan’s giggling self, he is yanked out of his sleep.
luhan is still smiling.
---
“STOP IT - “ kyungsoo is screaming in his sleep, but baekhyun shakes him roughly out of his nightmare, biting his lips, and kyungsoo jolts awake from his bed, sweat on his neck and eyes frantically looking across the room.
baekhyun gulps. “kyungsoo, luhan - “
“i dreamed about him,” kyungsoo cuts him off, whispering. “baekhyun, i dreamed about him for the first time in years - baekhyun, what’s happening? he didn’t remember anything - you know about my dreams, right? luhan was there, the first person that i knew to appear there, the first to respond to me, but he didn’t remember anything. how did you know that luhan - ?”
baekhyun’s throat goes dry. the coincidence is too clear - it’s too much of a coincidence to be one.
“kyungsoo - kyungsoo, he died."
[bonus: first draft that was too morbid and strayed off the prompt]
---
kyungsoo is not your normal dreamer.
he dreams, of course. he dreams of things, visions things, but he’s not a vanilla-tinged dreamer. kyungsoo’s thoughts are morbid and dark - like venom slithering inside his bone marrows - and it turns his mind to the wrong direction, to the wrong side of the world, to the taboos his parents had warned to him to go against.
he dreams of malice, of cold and cruel laughter, of bones piled with each other, bones of his loved ones and him eating their flesh, blood-covered hands devouring his older brother’s arm hungrily.
kyungsoo really tries hard to turn his thoughts to the right direction, to something like first and shy kisses or a future filled with hope, but it’s no use.
so he doesn’t sleep, and he doesn’t dream.
instead, he stays up all night to draw and let out his fears, practiced hands smearing red and black against the paper. the crimson paint looks like blood splattered along his cheeks, and he shakes his head to dissipate that thought.
kyungsoo/luhan; pg13; prompt; angst;a[spoiler alert]character death; ~890
because i love sweatybaek (luiza) and i need to write. unbeta'd, and i'm so sorry for my inability to comprehend things this morning. the rest is coming up soon ok! shoots a loving glare to tlist
kyungsoo is not your normal dreamer.
he dreams of a bleak surrounding against his own solid form, the people inside the scene blending in, dull colors mixed in perfectly with the hollow feeling of the background. it always varies, from a normal street he remembers visiting in hongdae to a swimming pool in italy.
the people inside his dreams are strange. they are bleak, of course, but their eyes are unfocused - blank, and their arms swing lifelessly on their side. they shuffle quietly, lips unmoving, but they always retrace their paths, like how the gears of a clock turn. the uniformity makes kyungsoo’s shoulders shudder.
kyungsoo doesn’t bother to try to gauge out answers from them. they don’t answer, and if he purposefully bumps against them or if he makes them trip, they will only resume their position, and move on.
he always knows that he is dreaming.
(he also knows that he can change his dream, that he owns and controls his own mind, but kyungsoo is afraid. for what, he doesn’t know, but kyungsoo trusts his instinct.)
but today, it is different.
today’s setting is an amusement park he used to visit when he was a teenager. there are both happy memories and bad memories stored in this place, so he pulls the hood of his jacket down his eyes, looking at the ground.
after a few minutes, the sky begins to cry.
kyungsoo starts to walk and he pulls the hood even further down, but the rain is still drenching his hair and face, feeling like minuscule bruises when it hits his skin - it was a complete waste of effort to even try getting the hoodie to protect him, it seems.
the salty raindrops always leave something like a heavy burn on his skin - but there are no marks, no signs, only the phantom feeling of an inflamed cigarette end pressed hard against kyungsoo’s skin.
(he has a feeling that those raindrops aren’t raindrops - those raindrops are tears.)
kyungsoo closes his eyes, and opens them - but his breath is stuck on his throat when he does, his lips are pulled taut, and he freezes in motion when he sees a familiar mop of caramel brown hair, but it is dulled like anything else except himself.
luhan is walking - his usual smile not there, the usual twinkle of his eyes not there, his usual warmth not there - a perfect carbon copy of anyone else surrounding kyungsoo.
“you - ?” he chokes, and to his horror, luhan stops to look at him.
“yes?” he replies softly with his sweet, sweet voice, and kyungsoo feels lightheaded. they broke up - several years ago, when kyungsoo decided to come back to korea, but he has never heard from luhan these past months. kyungsoo doesn’t normally think about him, but when he does, needles go through his skin as regret.
luhan smiles, but it’s so artificial, so fake, so not luhan. “d-do - do you remember me?” kyungsoo asks, feeling his heart crumble down again, because he is luhan - but at the same time, he isn’t.
kyungsoo is expecting an of course, kyungsoo, i was just playing with you, or a you’re my ex-boyfriend, how can i forget about that? with a typical luhan snicker, but his heart definitely crumbles when he receives the answer.
luhan tilts his head.
“do i know you?”
kyungsoo feels the rain hitting him harsher, the burn lasting longer and the weight of the droplets threatening to make him kneel down, threatening to makes him lay on the ground and scream yes, you know me, are you fucking with me, we were in love, why are you playing with me?
he laughs uncomfortably. “of course you know me,” kyungsoo scratches the back of his neck, making the skin sting. “we were in a relationship, don’t you remember?”
luhan scrunches his nose like he’s thinking about something - but it’s so animated, so calculated, it makes kyungsoo almost squirm in discomfort. “actually, i don’t,” he smiles again (fake, kyungsoo’s mind is screaming), “actually, now that you mentioned it, i don’t remember anything at all.”
the screams inside his head fade out and kyungsoo’s mind blanks.
“can you repeat that again?” kyungsoo pales as he repeats luhan’s voice in his mind - i don’t remember anything at all, i don’t remember anything at all, i don’t remember anything at all - and luhan giggles.
“i don’t remember anything at all,” he singsongs.
before kyungsoo can ask what do you mean, before he can break down from luhan’s indifference - before he can scream at luhan’s giggling self, he is yanked out of his sleep.
luhan is still smiling.
---
“STOP IT - “ kyungsoo is screaming in his sleep, but baekhyun shakes him roughly out of his nightmare, biting his lips, and kyungsoo jolts awake from his bed, sweat on his neck and eyes frantically looking across the room.
baekhyun gulps. “kyungsoo, luhan - “
“i dreamed about him,” kyungsoo cuts him off, whispering. “baekhyun, i dreamed about him for the first time in years - baekhyun, what’s happening? he didn’t remember anything - you know about my dreams, right? luhan was there, the first person that i knew to appear there, the first to respond to me, but he didn’t remember anything. how did you know that luhan - ?”
baekhyun’s throat goes dry. the coincidence is too clear - it’s too much of a coincidence to be one.
“kyungsoo - kyungsoo, he died."
[bonus: first draft that was too morbid and strayed off the prompt]
---
kyungsoo is not your normal dreamer.
he dreams, of course. he dreams of things, visions things, but he’s not a vanilla-tinged dreamer. kyungsoo’s thoughts are morbid and dark - like venom slithering inside his bone marrows - and it turns his mind to the wrong direction, to the wrong side of the world, to the taboos his parents had warned to him to go against.
he dreams of malice, of cold and cruel laughter, of bones piled with each other, bones of his loved ones and him eating their flesh, blood-covered hands devouring his older brother’s arm hungrily.
kyungsoo really tries hard to turn his thoughts to the right direction, to something like first and shy kisses or a future filled with hope, but it’s no use.
so he doesn’t sleep, and he doesn’t dream.
instead, he stays up all night to draw and let out his fears, practiced hands smearing red and black against the paper. the crimson paint looks like blood splattered along his cheeks, and he shakes his head to dissipate that thought.