just for fun
I just read through all the shit ive been through the past couple years and i just realized how young i was, am.
I'm turning 18 in a few weeks
I'm starting college. COLLEGE.
i dont feel ready yet.
as far as friends I will always have the classics. Alex. Nadia. Reene.
and then i have Sam&Lauren. my little sisters that arent quite ready to mature yet but i love them to death.
ive just been working a lot. Mimi's. I'm hoping i'll start serving soon but i dont know. i dont want to expect too much
just reading through all these old journals just gave me a flood of memories. good and bad. but i miss those moments. look at me. three years later i still wish bryan and i could be friends again. and reading about garrett just made me laugh. in a good way. its so crazy to think how much those boys broke my heart and made me who i am today. bryan taught me confidence. garrett taught me courage. and they will always be a part of who i am.
on that note im happy to say ive been with Justin for almost a year now. My birthday a year ago was our first kiss. I thought it was just another hook up and look at us now. he's amazing. he knows the meaning of the word sorry. and yes, he will always make those dumb boy mistakes that all boys make. but he is willing to change the small things or making some sacrifices if it means making me happy. I realized throwing the word love around in the past so much hurt me. a lot. justin and i have yet to say it, which will make it all that special when it does happen. i care about him so much, and it just works. we hardly fight and i can be a dork around him. ive learned to not sweat the small stuff or cause unnecessary drama like i did with garrett. but ive also learned to not be afraid to stand up for myself and say what has to be said without worrying that he will leave me for it, and that was a huge issue with bryan.
Im becoming a woman. I dont have ppl to make my schedule everyday and tell me when to be in class or where to sleep at night. I'm an adult and from now on all the decision I make are completely mine.
I feel like ive been getting closer to my mom lately. but much further from my sisters. im sorry to say that there is nothing but disappointment there. and its so frustrating to watch them throw so much opportunity away for the most ridiculous reasons. im the youngest and i feel like im the only one with some common sense. but i guess thats what drives me. i want to prove to myself and my parents that i wont end up like them.
I am determined to be sucessful. smart. and happy.
I guess we will see how things go :)