back with a vengeance

[false_pretenses]

here i am. i figured, why not. it is very early in the AM.. almost 2. i am awake and pondering where my life has gone. it's here. in a bed. in need of a haircut. abundantly underweight. i got my window fixed. who cares. i'm going to start drinking a lot of water again. i did it today. but i want to do it in a healthy way. water with no food can never be good. except for the part where people tell you that you used to look good way back when. and you know that's the reason why. then you don't care about being unhealthy. really.. all the food i eat is shit anyway. .. maybe it's healther to just eat less. cuz it's eating less shit. my mother said she wants to get rid of my bird. it made me very upset. no one cares about my bird. she's too loud... only cuz she doesn't get enough attention. but no one cares about that either. i wish i was drunk. i wish i was brave. i wish i wasn't so nosy. it gets my mind in trouble.
someone told me i play the victim a lot.. now i am self conscious... i guess i do. i guess i am mostly whining when i write in here. i haven't written in so long. my feelings are never literal enough. makes me seem less interested.

i remember eating at that holiday inn. blizzard of '0forever. you were nervous and wanting to love me.